2:16PM - and now, angry ticks fly out of my nipples
I feel like SHIT! Gah, not only do I have a raging case of cramps...but shit hit the fan last night.
I suppose I should fill everyone in on what's going on really, otherwise it wont make any sense.
For the last week, I've pretty much been over at Chris's, who has been nothing but wonderful to me. So, when little girls come traipsing in the door looking to start drama, I flip out.
I should have said no no no, dont have her come over. No one who's attached to you & vice-versa is coming over, because I'm a drunk PMS'y bitch right now, but OH I agreed, trying to be nice, trying to be supportive.
The second Chris walked out the door to go pick up whatshername & the other one, I KNEW it was a bad bad thing, because I was really fucking pissed off.
I understand the whole emotional co-dependancy issues between them. I mulled this over in my head until 5am...but, still...she shouldn't have been there. Now I'm wondering, after my big show last night, if...he even wants me anymore. I tried calling, but there was no answer. I so want to apologize for my horrid behavior. I was catty, selfish, & very rude in a situation that required me to act otherwise.
So, when he brought me back to Kelly's place...I just sat down on the sidewalk & bawled for what felt like half an hour. I would have stayed there much longer, but I woke some people up & had to run like hell before I was spotted. *cough*
Sometimes I wonder why I behave the way I do. I feel a fool. I'd go back over there, if I could remember how to get to the apartment. Plus I'm quite paranoid as to what I might find.
If I walked in the door & she was still there, maybe doing something...bad, I'd fucking snap. So I'm going to sit here & wait. I need my things. My duffel bag, amongst other random items are sitting in his room right now, where *I* should be. Or at least I think I should be there, but thats me being selfish again.
I didn't want to leave, but it was the only way to keep the peace & sanity, for some people anyway.
Me, I overdosed on chocolate & whimpered myself to sleep. Naturally, worrying myself into a stupor.
I should go back to bed, because when I'm awake, I come to lots of fun conclusions...that make NO sense, because of course, I have no faith in anyone.
I'm going to go sit outside & furiously chain smoke until my lungs fall out.
bitchy