oOo Miss Jaded Kittie oOo's Journal

Monday, September 22, 2003

4:14AM - FIN

also, this journal has now been set to Friends Only. I'm tired of this stupid thing upsetting people. Sorry. If you want to read my journal, just leave a comment for me in this section & I'll add you on my friends list.
You have to have a BLURTY account to be on my friends list. So dont be fucking takes 2 minutes to make an account & you dont even have to use it if you dont want. Whatever. it. Assholes.


Current mood: amused
Current music: Simon & Garfunkle - Bright Eyes
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3:35AM - Humilier public de me...

Mike, I'm sorry if the things I said about you were upsetting in any way. I didn't mean any of it in a bad way. I guess you have to understand the things I've gone through & the way I am.
What you didn't see was a private post I wrote about you, maybe I'll show you later. I dont even know if you're reading this or not but I'm doing it anyways.
Mike, the last few weeks you dont know what a boon you've been to me. Even though I had the image in my mind that we were nothing more than "friends" were, ARE, still part of my solace. Crap I'm getting all weepy. AN-y-ways. Over the last few weeks...shit has been really difficult for me. Really difficult. Things have changed in such a huge way that I found myself wondering exactly how much I wanted to live. But see, going over & spending time with you was my escape. My peace from everything are like a little Vacation with a very nice ass. Heh.
You made me smile all the time & feel pretty damned good about myself when nothing else made me happy, especially me.
The reason WHY I said it wasn't going to progress past being your cuddle slut is because well...for some reason, for me, once it passes that stage it turns into a huge horrible mess where everyone feels like shit all the time & I didn't want you to be a part of that. I didn't want you to be included in my mess. I wanted you to be included in what I feel is very special to me.
Plus...really, I'm not used to guys treating me the way you do...I'm not. Maybe it freaked me out? Yeah it did kind of freak me out. Because well, you're awesome. Really, you are everything Mia said you are. You are a GOOD GUY! Good guys are fucking impossible to find these days & that's why I told myself, if it's just sex & no feelings...maybe you would stick around for a while. It just seem slike every time I put feelings on the line...I get fucked over & I'm hurt...all the time.
I know this sounds silly but I NEED you, I need means alot to me. You're so much different than anyone else I've come across & it really makes me feel horrible that I said what I said about you in this stupid goddamn journal & you didn't like it. I'm forever sorry that I typed the words that shocked yout he most. I am. I really truly deep down am. I wouldn't be crying right now if I wasn't. You're very special to me. Even if I made it sound like you weren't, you are. You've been my sanity & my saviour since the first time we kissed...and I'm a dumbass for making it look otherwise.
I know you told me not to worry about I am, hours after we stopped talking...worrying about it. It's what I do. Over-analyze & worry. But I'm saying it anyways because it needs to be said & I'm saying SOME of it here because I've given people the wrong idea. Maybe if you would have read back a bunch of entries & seen how I was before you came around, you might understand. You might not. I dont know.
I'm just a kid, like you said. I do dumb stuff. I say dumb things. I'm unclear, I hold things back. I kept myself from saying all these things earlier because well...London read this....I didn't want to upset him either. I quite honestly didn't expect this reaction from you but I really am happy that you dont hate my guts out with a spoon or anything. That's my one solace right now. That maybe I can fix what I've fucked up.
I should get going I dont sleep all day, Kelly will be mad if I dont help her with laundry in the morning.
Just...please, remember that every time anything went wrong, I wished I was over at your place...being a dipshit on your couch, watching you sing, laughing....just having a good time. An honest to god good time with someone. I dont have that very often & I usually want to go home 15 minutes after I get to whoever's house I'm going to. But you're different & I revel in it. It amazes me sometimes how...unlike anyone you are.
So I'm sorry...I'll buy you flowers & make you dinner maybe? Something to make up for me being stupid...I'm going to hope that I can come see you tomorrow sometime, when I get done with what I have to do here, so that we can talk. Sorry....

Current mood: guilty
Current music: *sigh* Type O Negative - Hey Bacchus
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Sunday, September 21, 2003

4:49PM - Caffiene Migranes are a bitch.

So yeah, last night was fun. Erika stayed here until like 7am & I didn't get to bed until at least 8. I never really looked at the clock. I woke up to Chuck's backwater brother going, nigger this, nigger that, nigger nigger nigger. He's such a dipshit. No offense to anyone who reads this. He said it, not me.
Kelly said he was talking about throwing ice on me while I was sleeping. I would have ripped his fucking face off & then beat him mercilessly with one of Chuck's kendo sticks.
Kelly is out doing hair & I'm here by my lonesome with Chuck & Gavin.
Tony stopped in to pick up a webcam. I'm making fun of him. He never gets laid. Poor thing.
MmMmMm coffee. I live right by a 24 hour coffee shop. It fucking rocks. If I want to get up at say...3:56am for a latte...I CAN GO GET ONE! Plus some pretty choice guys down there sometimes. Hahahaha 24 hour access to a fresh supply of bitches.
Mexican food for dinner tonight. MmMmMm
It's nice outside, I may go pick flowers later. Maybe. I dunno.

Current mood: bored
Current music: something Chuck is listening to...& geek talk
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3:05AM - I stole this from Teala!

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. playing with my lip ring
2. being a flake & a hermit
3. being overly fucking profane shit damn ass fuckbitch
4. fucking crap.

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. Money.
2. Bitches
3. Bitches
4. Money ( not nescassarily in that order )

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. Freshly Baked Sourdough Bread ( OoO yeasty! )
2. After-sex smells
3. Amber
4. Hyacyinth

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1. Fluffy Dresses
2. Those stupid ass Jester hats
3. Booty shorts.
4. Saran Wrap

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. How goddamn messy this place is.
2. Mike.
3. EMO! OH GOD WHERE IS MY EMO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!.
4. Fuck.

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Ate Chinese Food.
2. Bitched at Travis.
3. ALL my laundry

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. weed
2. weed
3. beer
4. weed

Name Four Bands/Groups Most People Don't Know You Like:
1. Queen
2. Blondie
3. The Toadies
4. Men At Work.

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Coffee
2. Beer
3. Apple Juice
4. Coffee

Last Song You Sang?
I made a song up. It's called O Dark Lord Abraxus Why Hast Thou Forsaken My Butt""here's how it goes.
The End.

Last Person You Hugged?

Last Thing You Laughed At?

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
I hate those words. They should be stabbed.

Time You Cried?
Last night.

What's In Your CD Player?
Type O Negative & Black Sabbath Mix

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
Black. Because I'm goth. SEE MY SOCKS ARE BLACK! SO I'M GOTH!

What's Under Your Bed?
um...I'd rather not say. Let's call it my "toy away from my Toy" Heavy Metal Mags, Ciggy Butts, Weed Baggies...ect.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?

Current Hair?
greasy. and now...thanks to erika...full of soap bubbles.

Current Clothes?
Hoodie, Jeans & soap Bubbles.

Current Annoyance?
Erika got soap in my eyeballs *sob*.

Current Desktop Picture?
butterfly thingie...

Current Worry?
There's still more soap...AUGH.

Current Hate?

Last CD You Bought?
People still buy cd's?

Favorite Place To Be?

Least Favorite Place?

If You Could Play An Instrument?
The Harmonica. Then people wouldnm't call me a poser anymore.

Favorite Color?

Do You Believe In An Afterlife?
Lordy, I hope so. I was promised 99 Virgins.

How Tall Are You?

Favorite Season?

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
Angela. I'd tell her to shut her cumtrap. Oh wait...I did. Nevermind.

Favorite Day?
The ones that dont happen

Current mood: silly
Current music: Sublime - Lovin is What I Got
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Saturday, September 20, 2003

1:53PM - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Yay! I'm *so* out of this pisshole of shitheads & misery! *dance*
Now no one can find me. I'll be holed up somewhere safe. Finally. No more phones ringing, with people I really don't want to talk to. I'm gone. I'm done with this stupid place. No more having to clean this house, put up with my Brother's more having to put up with Dad's condesending remarks. No more limits, no more Nazi rule to live under. Just me, myself, Kelly, my sunshine, my light, my nephew & oh yeah...Chuck. *cough*
I'm thinking, look for an Evening Shift somewhere & get on food stamps. Then save up for a car or something. I dunno. Works in progress. At least things are finally out of the mud.
I'm sure Dad thinks that this is only going to be temporary & that I'll be back in a few Months. HA! Angela's thing was only a temporary agreement. This however, should be for longer. Specially since Gavin is just a little wee thing & Allisande was 4. I have a few years of Kid Watching ahead of me. Still, it's gonna ROX!
I'm doing all my laundry now. Then I think I'm going to spend the next couple of days going through my clothes & stuff. Hee hee hee hee heeeeeeeeeeee
Now I can do the whole ultra-avoidance of everything & I wont have my Dad beating down my door asking me if I'm ok. Pleh. Of COURSE I'm ok *rolls her eyes*
OoOo I'm gonna be closer to Mike too. He should be happy about that. No more 30 minute drives. More sex for me! Yay!
My Oracle Cards told me to "Learn From My Past" & I think...that this whole hris thing is a stupid idea & I'm not going to deal with it. He's already got a new line-up of girls going on & he just ignores me. So fuck him. Fuck his harem. Fuck his stupid friends. Just plain fuck it. Yeah you Chris, fuck YOU. Fuck your bullshit. Fuck your drama. Just a big fat "FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" in general. You stupid ASS.
My friend Jordan just dyed his hair. I think it looks good...but he's bitching about it. Hehe Jordan-y goodness.
Oh & Emo, if you still read this, which I doubt you do...but just in case. I'm going to be online again late nights, so you better hide! I'm comin for ya! Mwahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways teh Laundry Machine is buzzing. Gotta go fold stuff.

Current mood: busy
Current music: Ozzy Osbourne - Zombie Stomp
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I'm MOVING! Moving where shitty people can't find me. HA! Fux you all I'm out!

Current mood: excited
Current music: Type O Negative - Anesthesia
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Friday, September 19, 2003

11:40PM - I miei lamentations di voi

**I Miei Lamentations Di Voi -- Il Settimo Livello Del Hell**

I'm going to the Devil's Wood
Where the Harpies do find thier prey
& from the Suicide Trees
with rotting leaves
Is where my body shall sway.
& in that grove of Death & Decay
I shall sing my song of regrets...
It only costs me an Eternity
To pay off Satan's debt.
& While I'm there, I'll sing of you
as the Demons feast of my flesh.
They may have my skin & they may have my bones
but nothing else is left.
You've taken it all...
My hopes & my dreams
& danced with them under your feet.
The tears do fall from my hollowed eyes
& all of them are for me.
My selfish cries shall rise to the skies,
though never to your ears do they meet.

**I Miei Lamentations Di Voi -- Le Mie Pillole Di Pace**

Your "competition" makes me tired,
for a bottle of pills I seek
& I pray that when my grave is filled
bitter tears will you weep.
Nothing was given & nothing is meant,
in the end it is only Black.
If I could turn back the clock
& erase one thing
it is YOU,
I would gladly give back.
But I shall save you a branch
on my Tree of Lament
so that you may forever hear...
my Sonnet of Hate & Love & Death
ringing between your ears.
I'm done with you,
You foolish thing
& I'm done with everything else.
I do not mean to cause you all pain...
I just play with the cards I am dealt.

Read more... )

Current mood: lonely
Current music: Type O Negative - Red Water
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6:32PM - *sigh*

Last night was fun. Mike came & got me. Saved me from the World. I love how he can be my hero sometimes. We got beer, we got tipsy, we had sex. It was good sex, as usual. MmMm...
We sat around for a really long time just bullshitting. This time it was different though, we actually got to the kissin BEFORE we even bothered getting to the sex part. Hrm...
He got all insulted when I suggested I'd just come over, have sex, & go home. He like...get pretty upset & suggested we reschedule when I had more time to just "hang out" which isn't something fuck buddies do. At least in my experience anyways.
*lol* he's so cute when he calls me beautiful. Makes me blush & then he gets the giggles. Heeheehee
So it was a good night. I needed a good night. :) Something to make me a little less aggro about everything. Man, last night I was in a fucking fury for NO reason what-so-ever. I thought I didn't want to see him anymore, but I guess I was wrong because when I got in the car & he kissed me everything turned upside down & I wasn't upset anymore...I was happy & I like him. He's awesome.
So I stayed at his place while he worked. He brought me home lunch *blush* & a shake. We sat around & fucked off, just being silly. He kept stalling to take me home. Sure it pissed me off a bit, but it was cute. I kept going to get up from the couch & he kept pulling me back down.
*grin* he makes me happy. Even though he's not a pothead, punk, & he's so much older than me, we manage to have a pretty damned good time.
When I get in his car he stuck his nose in my hair & said..."OoOoOo you smell so GoOoOoOoOoD!" Teehee
Yeah. Much better than all the SHIT I get from the rest of the boys. He doesn't jump on top of me & "fuck" me. We have nice sloooow sex.
I should shut up now, I'm making myself horny. La!
oh P.S. I am reccommending "A Fever In Salem" it's a book. I forgot who it's by, but it's really informative & very interesting. Read it BITCHES!

Current mood: naughty
Current music: The Cars - Why Can't I Have You
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Thursday, September 18, 2003

7:01PM - FUCK

I'm fucking SEETHING right now. I dont fucking know why. But I am. I'm fucking PISSED! People better stay the fuck out of my way tonight lest they get thier goddamn noses ripped off thier faces. Fuck you all. FUck it all.
On the goddamned lighter side...

I did that. Took me forever in fucking shitpile M-paint. Dont ask me what possessed me to do some janky arse 70's style art shit. I'll look you in your eyes & scream, "How the FUCK should I know?!"
Jesus I'm mad as hell.
Y'know, I think it's because I'm tired of people telling me ONE thing & acting another way. I'm fucking SICK of this SHIT! Do NOT give me the runaround. I'm mad at you enough as it is, don't make it worse.
I wonder what the front bumper of a semi going 70mph feels like...

Current mood: frustrated
Current music: Type O Negative - I Dont Wanna Be Me
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12:36PM - why yes I *am* on a Type O Negative kick...

I stayed up until 4:30 reading "The X-Rated Bible" giggling like a moron, especially when I got to the part where Yaweh cursed a whole bunch of people with Hemmrhoids. HAHAHAH! And then...oh shit...HAHAHAHA to lift the curse of the 'rhoids...THEY MADE GOLD EFFAGIES....HAHAHAHA...AND PUT THEM NEXT TO THE ARK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Voltaire called them "the golden anuses". BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! OoOoOo funny shit. The chapter titles are pretty fucking funny as well. I'd go grab the book & list them off, but I dont want to go Downstairs. The creepy Lawn Maintenance guys are here & they watch me while I walk around the house. Freaks.
I can't let the dogs out while they are here either, so Bailey is shoving her nose INTO my leg & whining pitifully. She wants to go out & get attention from them all. Whore.
*yawn* I'm fucking tired. I gotta see Mike & hang out. Yay!
I keep telling myself, now that Aaron is in school...I can get up in the morning & do an hour on the Nordic Track & then some stupid workout video...mleh but I never do. I should though. I really should. I COULD do it, but I'm fucking lazy.
I guess I dont really *want* to be all hot & thin. No wait, yes I do. Wait no, shit. AUGH! I can't quite figure out what I need to inspire me. I know what I want to look like. Jacob's roomy Flea. She's got such a cute body & it's not fucking fair. I wish I had it. I want to walk around in bras & shorts & look good damnit! I wonder why I even got my damned navel pierced if I never show it to anyone. I should just take it out.
I want to take out my fucking lip ring too. It's all owchie right now due to making out & whatnot. It's like, what the hell is the point of having a metal hoop through your lip if you can't tease boiz with it?! It's swells up in the morning & itches like hell all day. I pick at it constantly which really does NOT help in the slightest & it's driving me crazy. But it looks so cooooool *sob* I dont want to get rid of it...I loves it. My preciouss.............
So Chris is online. He's not talking to me though. I'm being ignored. It upsets me greatly.
*shrug* fuck it.
I should get on doing my laundry. I'm out of socks. Heh.

Current mood: annoyed
Current music: Type O Negative - Day Tripper
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Wednesday, September 17, 2003


Ok so, I went to Erika's last I will say one fucking thing. The Whatever she has in her house is just plain creepy. Fecking creepy. Like, I didn't feel anything watching me, but I knew it was there all the same. Like, it hid from me. When Kelly open the closet door, I immediatly got this flash of a dead body. I didn't WANT her to open the door. No fecking way. She did it anyways. She said the first time she opened the door, she saw a hanging body. Dennis saw the same thing. I just sensed...death. It was gross. There were only 2 cold spots this time. They weren't even that cold, which means it WAS there, but it left. Residual temperature flux. Kelly wants to draw it out, I dont know if that's a good idea anymore since Erika told me that it gets bolder & more brazen as time goes by. I dont want to bring anything out that is getting steadily more agressive. That's not the best idea in the World y'know? Especially since I've no clue how to cast a circle. Not a good idea at all.
But ti was interesting. Kelly is all gung ho about starting up her Spiritual group. So we all went down to the Library & checked out an assload of books to research. I got one called "The X-rated Bible" it's fucking awesome so far! It goes into how the Bible gets pretty vulgar. Lots of rape, incest, gay lust...ect. Rachel pretty much has me hooked on going deeper into the whole Christianity thing. MmMmMm questing for knowledge.

I'm reading my Oracle cards more often & it's fucking crazy because the readings I am getting could really go either way. Since they are non-definitive...every reading I get say if I move in a certain direction...something good will come of it, maybe through pain, maybe not. Who knows? It makes me aggro because I want to know what direction to take really ( I'm speaking about Chris ) I get the card of gut feelings & the card of random events & not to mention the card of taking risks. It's frustrating...not knowing what would be smart & what isn't smart at all. I'd really like to know. Either way, I told him I would give him another chance, & I'm goddamn going to. I haven't broken my word to him yet & I dont plan on doing so. Something about him...makes me WANT to. It's mind boggling since I do NOT give second chances. I just...never had. I have that whole "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" mentality. So this is a whole new thing for me & quite frankly it scares the everloving piss out of me. Mleh.

I'm cold & my tattoo itches. Someone come hold me & scratch my back!

Current mood: blank
Current music: Type O Negative - Christian Woman
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Tuesday, September 16, 2003

5:45PM - I dunno. I JUST...DONT...FUCKING...KNOW!!!!!!

Well I did it. I went to Chris's. We talked. I got drunk. Yeah. OH new Type O Negative swag. MmMmMmMm Oh the overwhelming secksiness of it all. Nothing like Peter Steele crooning in my ears about death, pain, agony, heartbreak & whatnot. He makes it sound so hot.
Yeah. I already wrote a whole bunch of shit in my "not so private private" journal. I did finish up a most nonsensical picture though. It makes no sense to me. I think I'll call it OH SWEET JESUS THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE IN MY HEAD! Or something to that effect. Here goes.
Read more... )
ok so it's not done, done...but you get the point. I just dont feel like coloring in the rest yet. Piss awff.

Current mood: amused
Current music: Type O Negative - Bloody Kisses
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Sunday, September 14, 2003


Um...I just got called weird. I wont say who by, but normally my response to being called weird is to jump up & scream "WOO PUNKRAWK!" & do a dance or something. But um, now I find it unsettling...I dont know. Now my brain is really working itself. I always thought I was a little on the odd side but I never dubbed myself *WEIRD*
"Weird" is a term I apply to those kids in the Lunchroom who spend thier breaks playing Magic the Gathering & arguing about which chick on Star Trek is hotter. Y'know? Fuck. My head is swimming. Am I really weird? Like...*really* weird?! How weird am I? Jesus...HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?!
Weird. I'm...weird. Shit. This is GAY! I dont want to be weird!!!!! I want to be unusual...but I dont want to be WEIRD!
This is most disturbing. Now I dont wanna go anywhere. Because I'll be the "weird" one. *sigh* Another Hermit month is creeping up on me. I can feeeeel it coming now. I'm going to be all self concious because I'm weird.
I guess...I dunno...I'm gonna have to ask people. One guy's opinion...but STILL FUCK HE SAID I WAS WEIRD! AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT!!! AND I DIDN'T HAVE A SMARTASS COMMENT!!!!!! What the HELL is going on?!
First off...why the HELL should I fucking care about what he thinks of me?! We hardly know each other first off...
PLENTY of people have called me weird & I never cared about it when THEY said it. So what makes this guy the exception?! WHY?! NYYAAAAAGGGHHHH
*ahem* Dos...I can just IGNORE him if I wanted to, it's not like we're married or anything. I can stop talking to him whenever I wanted & it wouldn't make a damned difference to either one of us, but I dont WANT to. Now I want to like change his mind & shit. Show him how un-weird I am. But I can't because I *am* unusual...I'm "unconventional", I am not "your typical ho". But WEIRD?! I dont even like the way it sounds in my head. Makes me wrinkle my nose up in disgust just THINKING about the fact that someone out there thinks I am weird & I care about it. How fucking unsettling. I'm not going to be able to sleep well tonight I know that. I'll be up all night thinking about how "weird" I am & drive myself insane before dawn.! DAMNIT! NO!
First I get called GOTH, then I get called WEIRD! What the HELL is going on here?! You people PISS ME OFF!
I'm gonna GO now.

Current mood: confused
Current music: MXPX - Sometimes You Have To Ask Yourself
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6:11PM - NICE!

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
You will die by:You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.
Death Date:February 6, 2053
Number attending your funeral?47
How much will you leave to friends and family?$10,169
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Current mood: amused
Current music: Ozzy Osbourne - No More Tears
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AUGH! I hate M-Paint. I was a decent drawing program. One that requires one of those really cool ass pens. Oh the carnage I could cause with one of those.
HEY speaking of stuff. Here's another snippet of my Not So Private Private Collection!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
Read more... )
So anyways, had a good ol fuckin time at Jacob's. We stayed up all feckin night & whatnot.
His EX Girlfriend is talking alot of shit about me now. It's funny. I only have a few things to say about that.
I was Jacob's friend LONG before she even came into the picture & whether she likes it or not...I'll be there for a long time after she's gone. I mean really...fuck I've known him for more than 3 years & she decides she wants to be cunty about it NOW?! Riiiiiiggghhttttt
I dont fucking associate myself with those skin slicing, poetry crooning, angst mongers. Please...I can't write poetry for shit & Cloves make me uncomfortable with myself.
Now I *do* post on goth sites though. Not because I *am* goth, but because A.Goth Boys are fine & B. Sometimes I get the urge to dress all in black & coat my face with eyeliner. So fucking what?!
Me being "goth" has been a huge joke since goddamn Middle School. So she can just shut the fuck up about it.
I'm going to hang out with Jacob regardless of her insecurities. Jacob is my NIGGA! We've been down for forever & I'm not going to get up & ignore him just because she has a teeny lil problem with it. I'm not like that. If she wants to beat me, whatever. What purpose is that going to serve eh? Is it going to make Jacob love her more? Yes, sock your ex's friend in the face so he'll want you more. It makes a fat lot of sense. He's sure going to be happy with you now that you've beaten me up! Oh yeaaaaah *cough*
Yeah, it's fucking retarded. Whatever. I'll take a fist in the stomach for Jacob any day.
Chris wants me to come over. I dunno about that...I'm not sure if my claws are retractible or not today. I'll probably want to go to bed after dinner anyways. I can feel the sleepy coming at me already.

Current mood: aggravated
Current music: Type O Negative - October Rust
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Friday, September 12, 2003

11:17PM - wiggidy whaaaaaaaaat?!

I'm at Jacob's. Audra is mad that I'm here. Flea & I are getting stoned. Just for people who were wandering what I was up to right at this very second.
Rach...Dad decided that company is a bad idea...but maybe we can get together some other time *sniffle*
Yeah...Jacob's cousin is kinda a corruptable nerd sort of way. Jacob...I'd hump yer cousin. Mwahaha
Yeah so anyways. I'm good n stoned now. I look like a dead hooker. I'm gonna make Jacob take pictures of me. I"M WEARING A SKIRT!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy fuckin SHIT! I am wearing *A* SKIRT!!!!!!!! DOOD! The world is going to implode.
I'm just bored. Yakup went to the store, so I thought I'd come here. Yeah
I didn't wanna lace my boots up y'know? It sucks.
lol this is funny
cowboymanbitch: I just loved a little smoked delph....mmm
secks. I could sure use me some of that.
I wonder if Mike would come get me from Beaverton & take me out for dinner.
I'm gonna type random words until Yakup gets back with whatever. THong, Pulitzer, AMbedextrious, Flagellant, Fellatio, unknown THERE HE IS!

Current mood: high
Current music: BoOoOoOoOong
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1:48PM - HAHA!

definite boyfriend

There is MOST DEFINITELY a boyfriend in your future.

Never one to miss a chance to meet a guy, you're always "on" and it pays off.
At the grocery store, the video store, wherever…you're constantly on the
lookout for the next victim.

Not that you treat men like shit. Far from it! It's just that you love 'em so
much, it's hard to limit yourself to just one.

Like M&M's, except your men usually melt in your mouth. AND your hands. Mmmm!

Is There A Boyfriend In Your Future?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

retro sexy

You Are Retro Sexy!

You have a classic sex appeal that passes the test of time.

You're feminine, subtle with your seductions, and perfectly tuned into men.

A woman with your attention to detail is rare find and a true prize.

You're an incredible catch for any guy, especially rich older ones.

What Kind of Sexy Are *You*?

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slowly undressing

You Are Slowly Undressing Someone

Your foreplay is slow, seductive, and totally transparent.

When you want some, you take action!

And you turn your lover completely on in the process.

You've been known to undress with your teeth -

And kiss all over. If it involves talent and time...

Well, let's just say you have plenty of both.

What Kind of Foreplay Are *You*?

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blow job tutor

You Should Tutor Blow Jobs!

You're so smart, even your mouth has a mind of its own!

You know what you're good at and not afraid to admit it.

People come to you all the time for your advice about giving some good head.

Maybe you should start your own business!

And guys know where to go when they're in need of a good dick sucking.

What Should *You* Tutor?

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( aint that the truth HAHAHA! )

You Should Do The Pope!

Like a Catholic, you prefer orders and directives from your lover.

Whether it be in a slave/master setting or merely a dominant mate, being powerless in your relationship sexually satisfies you.

Older authorities figures make you melt at the thought of being pleasured in as many ways as they can manage, as quickly and as illicitly as possible.

This way by the time he’s finished, you can be in the confessional finishing off those last Hail Mary’s.

This makes the Pope your perfect lover even if he may die trying to please you :-)

What Religious Guru Should You Do?

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( Disgusting...but hands down THE best picture of the Pope that I Have EVER seen. E-VER )
sex goddess

You Are A Sex Goddess!

You are just as kinky as a sex kitten but you differ in your approach.

Instead of exuding sex appeal from every orifice of your body, you should instead to bring it to the select few that you choose to manipulate in times of desire.

Whether it be in an S&M relationship or merely making use of those furry handcuffs in your drawer, you truly bring new meaning to the word goddess.

Your lovers end up worshipping you and your fleshy temple.

You rarely ever turn them the other cheek because they're having way too much fun worshipping what's between them.

Reveling in your every word and erotic pleasure you bring to them, adoration such as this is a rare thing indeed.

And you do your believers as they do unto you.

Keep spreading the gospel (and those legs)!

What Sexy Woman Are You?

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Current mood: high
Current music: Linkin Park - Enth E ND remix
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12:52PM - I dunno...I'm stoned. I'm entertaining myself.

DUDE!!!!! I feel better...I guess. I dunno...I'm high, so that's probably the only reason I feel slightly better. Although Manda kept me out of a depression pit pretty well last night. I was pretty fuckin baked then too dude. HEY!!!...........right on.
I'm going to see Jacob & Faith tonight. YAY! Cool people ROCK man. \m/HardcorePunkRawk\m/. I haven't seen Jacob innnnn a loooooooooooooooong time. ( I'm having a hard time typing HAHAHA ) I'm belting out Sarah McLoughlin & I'm probably scaring the shit out of my neighbors. Liz cant sing!
I'm so sad...Johnny Cash man. That's some shit. Fuck...
Jacob is gonna have his mohawk up tonight. Yayyyy!!!!!
My fucking tatt itches. It sucks. I can't scratch it. *sigh* OH well I have weed.
Yeah I called my old dealer, from Angela's ( stupid WHORE! ) & he brought me a dime bag AwWwWwWwWw most dealers dont do that shit. He like, stopped in the middle of moving his stuff & brought me a bag cos I told him I was having a pissy day. That's so badass. Cool people rock.
I wanna go to Mike's SO bad. I just want to curl up in a ball with him & cry...then have really hot sex. Hehe.
He says Girls fall in love with him really easily & I can see how. He's a really fucking awesome guy. ( Type O Negative just made my stomach sink to my toes...augh bitterness & pain ) ANYWAYS...yeah. He's a total fuckin goofball, he's really smart, he's a caring guy totally...I dunno. He rocks. BUT we are not going any further with no no not now. *sigh*
Yeah anyways I'm spacing so I think I'm done writing.

Current mood: drained
Current music: Sarah McLoughlin - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
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Thursday, September 11, 2003


London came & went. Took a bit of my heart with him. I'll miss him so much. He doesn't want to see me anymore. I dont blame him. I just cant be with anyone right now I've shut myself off. It cuts me deep to think that I hurt him. I hate me right much.
I hate me for fucking with his emotions, his head...making him think I could have been something I can't be.
Shit. SHIT
Fuck. I cant stand myself right now.
Stupid me. Stupid! FUCKING STUPID! Jesus.
There is Something. Always Something. Remember that.

Current mood: crushed
Current music: Deftones - Change in the House of Flies
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11:01AM - Je me donne des conseils très bons, mais je les suis très rarement

So, went to Mike's again last night. We watched Identity. That movie is fuckin CRAZY! I did *not* expect what happened. I wont say anything cos some people might not have seen it. But for those who have...SHIT! What a fuckin mind fuck plot twist no? I was in awe of it for like half an hour. Sheer unadulterated shock. Ya'll need to see that movie. Dayum!
Anyways, at the movie store, I ran into my old friend Sarah from Middle School! We bullshat for a few minutes & turns out she still talks to my old bestest friend Christina, who I haven't seen in years because her bible thumping holy roller psycho Mom thinks I'm the spawn of Satan. So, Sarah is going to give Miss Christina my number when I call her...O I cant WAIT to talk to Christina again! I miss her so so much!!!!!!!
Good times we had...oh the good times. I wonder if she's still the goth of the world & how good she is at drawing now. *sigh* Makes me all bleary eyed just thinking about it. I hope she's a pothead badass...I'd love to see that girl stoned.
Anyways, London is coming to get me at noon, so I should hop in the shower. I smell good though :)
He didn't sound all that happy to hear rom me when I called though. He had a weird tone to his voice...that worries me. I wonder if he's like...getting sick of me or something. I dunno. I guess I'll see when he gets here right?
I miss my Emooooooooooo!!! Goddamnit boy! Would you fuckin CALL me?!
Aaron is home. He says he's sick. Yeah right *rolls her eyes* he just wants to sit on his fat ass all day & play his gay video games & kill more brain cells with the TV machine.
Whatever though.
My Oracle Cards have been most informing this morning. I got an interesting message from a few of the Faeries...
Laiste told me, "There is nothing wrong with what you do."
Pook said, "Things look muddled Dearhart..."
Tobaira practically pinched me & said, "There is Something. Always Something. Remember that."
Fuck they right aint they?! I need to stop being such a effin drama queen & pay attention to what they tell me instead of reading my cards & then doing what the fuck I want. I know they give me good advice. It's like what Alice said in Alice in Wonderland. "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it..."
So true. SHIT! Gotta run!!!

Current mood: cheerful
Current music: The Cars - Tonight She Comes
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