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*~*~*SuRvEy *~*~* [26 May 2003|12:56pm] -- BODY ILLS AND SKILLS -- Nervous Habits: biting my nails Are you double jointed?: no Can you roll your tongue?: yes Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: yes Can you blow spit bubbles?: no...nor do i want to Can you cross your eyes?: yes Tattoos?: none yet Piercings and where?: ears Do you make your bed daily?: yes -- CLOTHES -- Which shoe goes on first?: right Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: hehe yes On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet?: usually at least $40 What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: my silver heart necklace. . .im never without it Favorite Piece of Clothing: jeans Pajamas: sweatpants that say "princess university" they're comfy -- FOOD -- Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: twirl it Have you ever eaten Spam?: no How many cereals in your cabinet?: i have no idea What's your favorite beverage?: diet sprite or coke, or pink lemonade What's your favorite restaurant?: none Do you cook?: um...i attempt to sometimes...my specialty is microwave foods =) -- GROOMING -- How often do you brush your teeth?: every day How often do you shower/bathe?: every day How long does your shower last?: i dont know, 15 minutes or longer if im washing my hair Hair drying method: air dry until its damp, then blow dry it staight Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair?: yes Do you paint your nails?: yes -- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE -- Animal: rabbits and dogs and horses Food: pizza Month: december Day: friday Cartoon: animated batman Shoe Brand: any, i dont really care Color: dark blue and black and silver Sport: none Tv show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Ally McBeal Best Looking Male Celebs: David Boreanaz, James Marsters, Josh Hartnett, and more Vacationing Spot: Boston Thing to do in Spring: be outside Thing To Do In The Summer: beach Thing To Do In Autumn: whatever, anything Thing To Do In The Winter: anything Game: Monopoly -- IN AND AROUND -- The CD Player: Lifehouse Person you talk most on the phone with: nobody, i hate talkin on the phone Ever taken a cab?: yea Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors?: actually yea What color is your bedroom?: blue and purple Do you use an alarm clock?: no Window seat or aisle?: window seat -- LA LA LAND -- What's your sleeping position? on my stomach Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: no Do you snore?: not to my knowledge Do you sleepwalk?: no Do you talk in your sleep?: i dont think so but people have said i do Do you sleep with a stuffed animals?: no i kick them out of the bed How about with the light on?: no way...i love the dark Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?: tv sometimes -- WHICH IS BETTER -- Coke or Pepsi?: coke Oranges or apples?: both One pillow or two?: two Deaf or blind?: blind Pools or hot tubs?: hot tubs Blondes or brunettes?: either Tall or short?: tall TV or radio?: tv Beach or pool?: beach Tic-Tacs or Certs?: tic tacs Snooze button or jump out of bed?: snooze Sunrise or Sunset?: sunrise cause i live in the east and watch it come up over the water Hamburger or Cheeseburger?: Cheeseburger Morning or night?: night Sports or news?: news Indoors or outdoors?: depends Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?: christmas eve Cake or ice cream?: ice cream Spearmint or Peppermint?: spearmint Bath or shower?: shower normally but once in a while baths Book or Movie?: book and movie Green or Red apples?: green Rain or Snow?: rain Nike or Adidas?: Adidas -- THE FUTURE -- Where do you see yourself in ten years? somewhere away from florida, hopefully sucessful Who are you going to be married to?: david boreanaz lol How many kids?: 2 Your profession: writer Car of Your Dreams?: silver bmw z3 post comment

Slammin' Good Time [25 May 2003|09:03pm] For yet another edit on my journal, my entries will start being strictly friends only when I get back to Florida on May 30, because on this computer I can't stay logged in and can't even read my own entries when they are protected. So my journal is still open until May 30. June 1 is the last day that it will be public. Obviously, I'm still in Boston. Today was cool. Meaghan, her mom, her sister and I went on a sort of sightseeing drive. We went to the mental hospital where Girl Interrupted was filmed (which happens to be one of my favorite movies ever) and we saw the actual ward where the movie took place and was filmed and everything. That was extremely cool. Meaghan's mom works at the hospital, which is how we got to go there. We also saw Harvard University and Lexington and everything like that. There's so much to do here, I really don't want to go back to Florida. Ft. Pierce has pretty much nothing. I'd be completely happy staying here, or moving to New York, or someplace like that. At least I know one thing for sure. As soon as I finish my degree, I'm out of there. Really. There's just this whole big world out here. I've been to Tallahassee, Savanahh, Philadelphia, Ft. Lauderdale, Philadelphia, New York City, Boston, and New Hamsphire. Some people in Ft. Pierce will never be a part of that. Not me, though. Pretty much as soon as I can, I am leaving. I don't want to be in Ft. Pierce anymore. I mean, I'm 20 years old. I need to find my own way. Far away. Unfortunately, on Friday I'll be home. Yes, heavy on the unfortunately. When I talk to her on the phone, my mom keeps saying "Don't forget to come home!" I wish I could. Being here is cool for me, I think. I mean, I think I've laughed more this week than I have so far all this year. Just very cool. Oh well. That's pretty much it for now. I'll write again later. Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly post comment

Friends Only [20 May 2003|09:16am] I have decided to make this journal friends only. Mostly because what started as a survey/quiz journal is getting more personal and I am uncomfortable exposing myself so deeply without knowing who is reading this. THE RULES 1. You have to add me as a friend and comment to tell me you are doing so so that I can add you in return. 2. I will only add members who update their journals regularly. You don't update, you don't stay on the list. Simple, no? Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly post comment

Useless [18 May 2003|02:05am] Write about anything that comes to mind? Hmm. Not sure I can fill that order. Not today. See, the thing is, I'm tired of words. Words are useless. They're never precise enough to describe real thoughts and emotions. Take love for instance. That word is thrown around all the time. We "love" our parents, our dog, chocolate chip ice cream, our country, and our boyfriend. But what exactly does it mean? How can one monosyllabic term accurately convey the whirlpool of chemical activity going on in our brains? It just doesn't cut it. That's why I don't buy into that whole paperback romance version of love. You know the ones I'm talking about. The covers always show big-haired, busty women with their bodices half undone swooning in the arms of some shirtless Neanderthal. In my view, those stories do more to undermine relationships than romanticize them. Because of them, girls expect to find chivalrous Fabio look-alikes who will rescue them from their dull existances wearing nothing but leather breeches. Nothing is ever that perfect or easy. In real life, people get zits and say dumb things and have names like Tim and Becky instead of Chase and Sharna. Real relationships take patience and sacrifice and lots of communication---if you actually communicate, that is. See, that's the catch. If you need to communicate to make things work, then you need words. And words, like I said, are useless. Therefore, it cannot be done. 1 comment|post comment

Quote [17 May 2003|11:03pm] *** Kathryn: To my triumph, of course. Sebastian: Not my choice of toasts, but your call. To your triumph over Annette. Kathryn laughs. Sebastian: What's so funny? Kathryn: My triumph isn't over her. It's over you. Sebastian: Come again? Kathryn: You were very much in love with her. You' re still in love with her, but it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Cheers. Cruel Intentions. **** post comment

End of Days [17 May 2003|09:04pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | "Quasimodo" ---Lifehouse ] So little time. Yesterday I saw Jody and he gave me a teddy bear to take to Boston with me. That's like the sweetest thing. He's so nice. I'm kinda nervous. Kinda? I'm wound up tighter than a spring, is more like it. I'm about to go boing, boing, boing. Everything is just, like, too much pressure, I guess. I mean, all this stuff at my house, and my packing, and I'm nervous about the flight, and sort of homesick even before I'm leaving, and I'm unresolved, and I can't help being scared that this might be it. What if something happens to me? I know it's unlikely but I can't help being scared. Flying is one of the things that scares me. I can't help but feel, like, if I die, I'll have so many regrets. One huge one in particular. But I can't talk about that. Bleh. I'm such a loser. I need to take a drive. Like, seriously. A long one. To the ocean. Never to return. Just kidding. But I do need to drive. I need to relax. Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly You can be right And I'll be real Oh, and it still won't be a pain That you will have to feel Cause I don't need your approval To find my worth I'm trapped inside of my own mind Afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find And I don't wanna live like this anymore There goes my pain There goes my chains Did you see them falling? There goes this feeling That has no meaning There goes the world Off of my shoulders There goes the world Off of my back There it goes Does it scare you that I can Be something different than you? Would it make you feel More comfortable if I wasn't? Well you can't control me And you can't take away from me who I am There goes my pain There goes my chains Did you see them falling? There goes this feeling That has no meaning There goes the world Off of my shoulders There goes the world Off of my back You can't change me You can't break me There goes the world Off of my shoulders There goes the world Off of my back Have you ever felt Like your only comfort was your cage? You're not alone I've felt the same as you Have you ever felt like your secrets give you away? You're not alone I've been there too Cause everyone is looking Everyone is laughing But I think everyone feels the same Everybody wants to feel okay Everybody wants to Everybody wants to feel There goes my pain There goes my chains Did you see them falling? There goes this feeling That has no meaning There goes the world Off of my shoulders There goes the world Off of my back Cause I don't want it I don't want it *~*~*~*~* Find me here and speak to me I want to feel you I need to hear you You are the light That is leading me To the place where I find peace again You are the strength That keeps me walking You are the hope That keeps me trusting You are the life to my soul You are my purpose You are everything And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be Any better than this? You calm the storms, and you give me rest You hold me in your hands You won't let me fall You still my heart And you take my breath away Would you take me in? Take me deeper now And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be Any better than this? Cause you're all I want You're all I need You're everything Everything You're all I want You're all I need You're everything Everything You're all I want You're all I need You're everything Everything You're all I want You're all I need Everything Everything And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be Any better than this? And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be Any better Any better than this? Would you tell me how could it be Any better than this? "Everything" ---Lifehouse *~*~*~*~*~* "Love is an illusion and when you're in love, every reality that you know fades away as easily as if it were a mirage, and nothing is real except fantasy, nothing exists except what you can't see. The facts fall away, crumbling like outer layers, and love is nestled deep in the core, in a place so locked away that maybe only one person can ever reach it, ever. You think with your heart and not your head. In my heart, there was and is only him and me, only the fate that brought us together and the earthquake that ripped us apart. He never should have been gone. We should have been forever." post comment

When It Rains... [16 May 2003|09:09am] [ mood | aggravated ] You know that saying about how everything that can go wrong will go wrong? Yeah. So I leave Monday, right. I was intending to spend this weekend packing and organizing and everything. Well, my dad decides that he wants to fix the air-conditioner in our house this weekend and we have to start re-doing the closets in me and my brother's bedroom. So yesterday I spent like ten hours cleaning out my closet and my bedroom completely. See, I'm this neat freak but I confess I just let my closet go, considering it's got a door and I never had to look at the mess. I mean, opening the closet door was just asking for a concussion. [There's my confession: I'm a closet slob. Hehe. Excuse the pun.] Anyway, so not only is all my stuff out in the living room, but the garage had to be cleaned out too. So my house is pretty destroyed right now. And at this very moment there's like five strange men crawling around in the garage. At. 9. In. The. Morning. And I have no idea where most of my clothes, etc. are so I can't even start packing. And I'm starting to panic. I'm so disorganized that it's not even funny, and I am going to kill my dad for deciding to do all of this NOW. Yeah, you couldn't wait till I was out of town? Arrgg. I just know I'm going to forget something totally crucial, like enough underwear. Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly post comment

Dumb Brunette [15 May 2003|04:05pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | "Hanging by a Moment" --Lifehouse ] So today I went to the store, picking up the last minute things I would need for my trip, like a case to hold my CD's and stuff. And I'm looking through the CD's, trying to decide which ones I can afford to buy. And I come across Lifehouse's first album. Now, Lifehouse is like the greatest band ever. And their first album is their best. I used to have it burned, but I lost it. So I'm like, sweet. And I buy the CD for $15 dollars. Then I come home and am looking through my CD's and I find the exact same CD. And I remember that my frined gave it to me ages ago and I had completey forgotten. Duh. So now I not only completely threw away $15 but I have two of the same CD. Arrgg. And I can't take it back, I don't think, because it's been opened. I am the stupidest girl in the world. On the bright side, though, I'm still waiting for my tax return check to come in. I'm supposed to get like $300 back. So hopefully I'll get that tomorrow or Saturday. Then it won't really matter. Oh well. Whatever. Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly post comment

Songs and Surveys [12 May 2003|12:16am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | "What Dreams Are Made Of" --Hilary Duff ] Hey now, hey now Hey now, hey now Have you ever seen such a beautiful night? I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright When i see you smile and I go Oh oh oh I would never want to miss this Cause in my heart I know what this is Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of I've got somewhere I belong I've got somebody to love This is what dreams are made of Have you ever wondered what life is about? You could search the world and never figure it out You don't have to sail all the oceans No no no Happiness is no mystery and Here now it's you and me Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of I've got somewhere I belong I've got somebody to love This is what dreams are made of Open your eyes Shout to the sky Then I see u smile and I go Oh oh oh Yesterday my life was duller Now everything's technicolor Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of Hey now, hey now This is what dreams are made of I've got somewhere I belong I've got somebody to love This is what dreams are made of *~*~*~*~* I'll be everything that I wanna be I am confidence in insecurity I am a voice yet waiting to be heard I'll shoot the shot heard round the world I'm a one-girl revolution Some people see the revolution But most only see the girl I can lose my hard-earned freedom If my fear defines my world I declare my independence From the critics and their stones I can fight my revolution I can learn to stand alone And I'll be everything that I wanna be I am confidence in insecurity I am a voice yet waiting to be heard I'll shoot the shot heard round the world I'm a one-girl revolution *~*~*~*~*~* This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world And while she looks so sad in photographs I absolutely love her When she smiles How many days in a year She woke up with hope But only found tears And I can be so insincere Making her promises, never for real As long she stands there waiting Wearing the holes In the soles of her shoes How many days disappear You look in the mirror So how do you choose? Your clothes never wear as well the next day And your hair never falls in quite the same way But you never seem to run out of things to say This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world And while she looks so sad in photographs I absolutely love her When she smiles And how many lovers would stay Just to put up with this shit day after day How did we wind up this way Watching our mouths for the words that we say As long as we stand there waiting Wearing the clothes of the souls that we choose How do we get there today? When we're walking too far For the price of our shoes Your clothes never wear as well the next day And your hair never falls in quite the same way But you never seem to run out of things to say This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world And while she looks so sad in photographs I absolutely love her When she smiles *~*~*~*~*~*~* Toilet Paper: ------------------ 1. Fold, Scrunch, or Wrap?: Scrunch. 2. Scented or Inked?: Scented 3. Have you ever stolen a roll or box of toilet paper from a public toilet?: No. 7. Does the "100% recycled paper" on toilet paper packets disturb you, or do you find it spiritual and environmentally friendly?: I actually never really thought about it. . .. 8. Do you, or would you buy toilet paper to match the rest of the toilet/bathroom?: I probably would 9. Ever had to use a substitute for toilet paper?: No Toast: --------- 1. Do you use margarine or butter?: neither 2. Is toast a half-arsed breakfast snack?: No 3. Raisin toast?: Yum 4. Cold toast?: No thanks 5. How do you cook your toast?: In a toaster. 6. What do you think of people who eat cheese and pickles on toast?: um....ew? 7. Who is the best toast maker besides yourself?: My mommy 8. What kind of bread do you prefer to make toast with?: White 9. Jam or Jelly?: Neither. Men: -------- 1. Blatant masculine looking boys in make-up?: No thanks 2. Six packs and bulging muscles?: Athletic is nice, but too many muscles is icky 3. David Boreanaz?: Yes please! 4. Brad Pitt: He's sexy.. but eh, whatever. I'm not really into him. 5. Clothes?: *sigh* if you must have them... 6. Sexiest image of a male that first comes to mind?: Jody baby =) 8. Older men?: Definitely prefer older men 9. If you ever have children, what would you name a boy?: Christian, Bruce, Xander, Wesley, or something. Short. Simple. And very pleasant, eh? =) <3me * * * * Okay, okay, since you know you want another one, here ya go =) + power rangers/ninja turtles: ninja turtles + boxers/briefs: boxers + elmo/grover: elmo + Rosie O'Donnel/Caroline Rhea: Caroline + Who Wants To Be A Millionare/The Weakest Link: Millionaire + Men/Women: personal gender, female. Sexual preference, male + Sunglasses/Hats: sunglasses + punk/emo: either + 2%/Skim: neither + Spanish/French: french + White meat/Red meat: white + AIM/MSN: AIM + Kazaa/Imesh: kazaa + 50 Cent/Eminem: Eminem + BMX/Skateboarding: skateboarding + South Park/Simpsons: Simpsons + chap stick/lip balm: Chap Stick + Past/Present: past + Bugs Bunny/Mickey Mouse: Both + DVD/VHS: DVD How many times a day do you... * masturbate: I don't * play that song: um what song? * eat: 3 maybe * get online(& How long): my life is online. (not really, but i'm on a lot) * Write: too much * Talk to someone: not much * Shower: once a day * Jump around in circles: 0 * Lose something(and what): constantly lol i don't know but i'm always losing or missing something * Use the phone: depends * Lie: actually, not often *Shave(and what part): I shave my legs everyday...gotta keep em smooth baby * want to kill yourself: i don't * want to beat up a rent a cop: haha Favorites... & Film Genre(s): comedy, romance, period pieces & Item on your keychain: Hello Kitty keychain & Computer/Video Game: none & Painter: ...? & Person (People): people suck.. haha & Way to eat coconut: don't & Font: Barbara Hand or Courier New Bold & Method of torture: hehehe & Electronics Brand? dont care & STD: .......what? & Color for sheets: any . & Away message: any & Reason to miss school: because i'm to sick or tired to get up & Phrase/Quote: too many to name & Way to relax: music or driving e... ^ What superpower would you have: superstrength and telekinesis ^ What historical figure would you fight: huh I never thought about that . . . ^ What mythological being would you be: a faery or a greek goddess =) ^ What animal would you marry?: um none? ^ What weapon would you use on Godzilla: Scythe ^ What commercial would you get rid of: those damned Truth smoking ones ^ What new holiday would you create: um.. music day... everyone must listening to music!!! that day for the whole day!! lmao i know it's sounds stupid but hey... heh If you had _____ you would... % Ten Million Dollars: pay off my parents' bills, travel, set up a scholarship foundation, put myself through school, and put the rest in the bank to live off of the interest % A hammer: um hammer stuff ? % Two toothpicks: poke my eyes out % A celebrity slave: it'd be David Boreanaz and he could be my sex slave lol %A pet monkey: i'd teach it to dance.. lol % An airplane: give it to someone else...i hate airplanes % A movie theater: gee...i think i would watch movies. what a concept. % Four dancing clowns: pay them to go away % A Mafia: ....(who came up with these questions anyway?) % A magical stick: be all magicky % To write a book: that's my life goal there % A jungle: preserve it % A time machine: go back in time % One Dollar: go to the dollar store % Lost the internet: AAAHHHH!!! % Killed someone: i'd never kill someone % No life: i already don't have one % To live with someone you hate: make their life a living hell...play pranks constantly. i'm a mean little bitch % Thirteen ghosts: control them % An obsession with cleaning your ears: umm.. % Amnesia: i would forget duh.. Have you ever wished... ! That you were someone else (who): yea, well lots of people... i wished i was.. ! To be stuck on an island by yourself: yes ! For penguins to invade your city: uh no that's quite okay ! That the animals in the zoo would be free: nah ! For that wedgie to go away: heh.. ! That you were in Austrailia: yea.. ! That you invented something no one needed: no ! To speak every language: yeah then i could talk to everyone including my rabbit ! For that one person to shut their trap: hell yeah ! To get rid of pop-ups forever: HELL YES!! finally blocking pop-ups is now made but they still come up sometimes.. argh.. go away ! That you didn't know anything: yes that would help sometimes in some situations ! To star in a sitcom: yes ! For Batman or Superman to save your life: yes, i fantasize about Batman ! That you could do the polka: no... ! To beat an orange to a pulp: nope.. ! That you could play an instrument(which one): i wanna play the guitar and the flute Random Questions. Or the Final stretch... $ Do you watch Animal Planet regularly: no $ When was the last time you smelled your socks: a few days ago to check if they were clean $ What day do you wish it was: friday $ Which Jackie Chan movie would you be in: none $ If there was a man standing on your toilet, what would you say: i would ask why the fuck are you standing on that toilet.. $ When will you grow up: never $ How much would it cost for a new haircut: eh i dunno $ When was your last haircut:ages ago...i'm growing my hair out $ Are you always this bored: yeah $ What are your thoughts on crying: that i hate to let people see me cry $ The perfect vacation would be: cross country across the USA $ Did you know Ms. Cleo was a fraud: *gasp* no, really? $ How about those Jamaican accents: coolness!! LMAO $ Why didn't you show up last night: because i was asleep! $ Which decade was the best in America: definitely the 1940's. post comment

Song Set [08 May 2003|11:03pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Iris ] So I made a "song set" of Buffy pictures to go with my current favorite song, Iris. Probably way dorky. Now ask me if I care. =) Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't wanna go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your l i f e And sooner or later it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies And you b l e e d just to know you're alive. And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am* post comment

[06 May 2003|08:18pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Buffy ] I'm so sick of people who make fucking assumptions. So tonight I go to choir practice, as usual, mind my own business, etc. At the end, my cousin Greg comes in as we're all about to leave. And he's like, "Hey, you came out of your bedroom." Proceeds to make fun of me. So I just left. But it pissed me fucking off. He sees it as he was just joking, but I'm so tired of people who don't know me judging me. He doesn't know if I come out of my room or not. I see the kid like every other month. Bareley ever. So who is he to say something to me? And just for the record, I do a lot of things, so he's completely wrong, too. It's not just him, though, it's everyone. People see that I'm quiet and I'm a bit of a loner, proceed to judge me as a loser, and then move on. They don't get to know me. They'll judge me and talk shit about me and tell lies about me, but they don't know me. So I really wanna know who gives them the right to treat me like I don't matter? So you know what? To everyone who thinks they know me and thinks they can judge me: FUCK YOU. post comment

Sheer Random Thoughts [06 May 2003|01:23pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | "Iris" ---Goo Goo Dolls ] Have been busy. I leave for Boston in less than two weeks! I am SO EXCITED. I can't wait to just have some real fun for once. =) I have to make a list of stuff to bring and make sure I don't forget anything. I'm the kind of person, of course, who will make lists and go over them three or four times. I won't actually start packing until the weekend before I leave, though. Oh! And I have to buy a couple of more CD's to listen to on the plane so I don't get bored with the music. It'll be a three hour flight. I'm actually pretty nervous about the flight, which is why I'm intending on curling into a little ball in my window seat and playing my music as loud as I can get away with without making people around me complain. I made sure that I got a window seat in the back of the plane. I like being in the back because that way I can watch everyone else and pick out the potential terrorists. Then I either stay away from them or be super-nice so that they don't kill me first. Okay, did that last thought sound as fucked up as I think it did? Hehe. You know, I really wish I had a CD burner. I have a ton of songs that I love, but the problem is that they're in Kazaa so I have to sit at the computer to listen to them. And I'd get the CD's, but that's way expensive and anyway, some of the stuff I find on Kazaa you just can't get on CD. Like music from Buffy and stuff. But oh well. Maybe I'll ask for one for my birthday. [Gonna be 20 in 3 months!! Woo hoo.] Anyway, I'll definitely have to get the Goo Goo Dolls CD for "Iris." This is such a gorgeous song. Dedicated to Jody, of course. IF [when?!?] we officially get together, that'd be cool if it was "our" song. Either that or "Here Without You" which he gave to me. Speaking of Jody, I'm gonna miss him when I go away! It'd be way too expensive to call, but hopefully I'll get online up there to IM a couple of times, or at least email. Well, anyway, not too much else to say. I've been working on a three-part sequel to one of my Fan-fiction stories. ( Shameless self-promotion: you can read my latest story here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1283774 ) I've been getting very into Batman lately. Not the dorky kids stuff, but the actual comics. Because Batman wasn't really intended to be something for kids, it just happened that way I guess. Anyway, you have this guy whose parents were gunned down in front of him when he was eight years old. And he trains himself into this super-human though he has no supernatural abilities. He's one of the most intelligent men on the planet and one of the strongest--3rd degree black belt and expert at martial arts and jujitsu, etc. And he does all of this to become the Batman, in order to protect his city, making sure nobody else goes through what he did. Okay, so the plot line is way out there and they could have thought of a cooler name, but so what? The psychologist in me considers it extremely interesting just because of the brain this guy has. And from a writer's standpoint, he's one hell of an intriguing character, both to write and to read. So yeah, it probably makes me dorky, but what the hell, right? I'm a big dork anyway. Might as well embrace it. =) Huh, talk about a wandering mind. I started this entry about Boston and ended up talking about Batman. Only me. Well, actually, I was intending to write about my stories that I'm working on. I finished that Batman story and am now working on sequels, but I won't divulge the plots, as it would give the story away. But it's gonna be so good =) I have to at least get the first part written and posted on the site before I leave, though. So I'm off to write. More later. Love*n*Lipgloss, Me post comment

Some Quizzes and a Song for Jody [04 May 2003|11:11pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | "This is Me" ---dReaM ] you're a pink rose. what color rose are you? brought to you by Quizilla You Are A Novice in Bed No offense, but you still have a lot to learn. That doesn’t mean you’re not good at what you know. It doesn’t even mean that men don’t enjoy your moves. It’s just saying your repertoire is a bit limited – and a bit tame – in comparison to your sisters. So you gotta get busy, girl. Read every Cosmo article you can get your hands on, then start getting laid. Because if you want to get to the next level, you gotta practice, practice, practice. Are *You* Good In Bed? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva You Are Brunette! Seductive and coy, you know how to get what you want. Bat those pretty little eyes and men melt at your every wish. Toss back a lock of that dark mystique and the guys come runnin'. They say blondes have more fun, but as a brunette - you catch them hook, line AND sinker baby! What's *Your* Inner Hair Color? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva You Attract Normal Guys! Not that "normal" is a bad thing... you just prefer not to get your heart broken. You've probably dated enough losers in your life, learned from it, and become an ultra cool chick. And it's this togetherness that attracts the right kind of guy. Healthy guys aren't afraid of intimacy or commitment. They'll call you after a first date, but they won't want to move in after one week. Normal guys can solve their own problems - and will help you solve yours. To keep things blissful with your normal guy (or to get the right one), it's easy. Continue to be the super incredible chick that you are, no emotional baggage or issues. Normal, incredible guys love girls like you. What Kind of Guy Do *You* Attract? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva You Are A Romantic Kisser! About Your Kissing Style: You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love. Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars! One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever. What Your Kissing Style Says About You: You're no prude, but if you're going to get sexual, it needs to mean something. You prefer to take things slow, because it only makes them better in the long run. You're much more likely to find yourself engaged than in some stranger's bed. Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches: You and another Romantic Kisser is just pure bliss. You both enjoy the finer aspects of seduction and have the preference of taking things slow. It's practially love at first site. You'll also find yourself attracted to Juicy Kissers. The way a Juicy Kisser locks eyes with you and draws you in is almost cosmic... Manic Kissers are to be avoided at all costs. These kissers love to kiss everyone and can never commit to one person. Next! Carnal Kissers aren't your style either. They'll push you for sex way too soon... and get very upset when they don't get their way. How Do *You* Kiss? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva *~*~*~*~*~* Talking to Jody. He's so sweet. Like today he had to run some errands and he said he'd be back soon, only he wasn't. When I talked to him again, he was so worried about breaking his word about being back soon. I wasn't mad or anything, obviously, but I just kinda melted at how concerned he was about it. No other guy would care so much. It's little things like that that I look for in guys, sweet things that show character. I think I have really found a gem in this one. I just hope I don't mess it all up. He means too much to me. So here is a song dedicated to him =) (`'·.¸(`'·.¸ ¸.·'´) ¸.·'´) «´¨`·.¸¸ ..·´¸¸¨`» (¸.·'´(¸.·'´ `'·.¸)`'·.¸) ¸.-···-.··* *··.- · ··-.¸ *.¸¸.·´¨`*"·. .·"*´¨`·.¸¸.* iRiS ---Goo Goo Dolls And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies And you bleed just to know you're alive And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am. Love*n*Lipgloss, Kelly post comment

Evanescence Lyrics [03 May 2003|03:43pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Evanescence ] I bought the Evanescence CD today and have been listening to it for a couple of hours. Such amazing, beautiful songs. I'm going to post some lyrics here. "My Immortal" My immortal I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all of my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Because your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light But now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone And though you're still with me I've been alone all along *·._..·´ ¨) -:¦:- (¨`v´¨) -:¦:- (¨`·.._.·* ¸.·´ .·´¨)*(¨`v´¨) `v´ (¨`v´¨)*(¨`·. `·.¸ (¸.·´ .·´ `v´ `v´ `· "Tourniquet" I tried to kill the pain But only brought more I lay dying And i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? My God, my tourniquet Return to me salvation My God, my tourniquet Return to me salvation Do you remember me? Lost for so long Will you be on the other side Or will you forget me I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? My God, my tourniquet Return to me salvation My God, my tourniquet Return to me salvation My wounds cry for the grave My soul cries for deliverance Will I be denied Christ? Tourniquet My suicide *** post comment

If Looks Could Kill [01 May 2003|05:20pm] [ mood | confused ] Today I developed some recent pictures of myself. There were only a few, since I hate having my picture taken, and of course, I hated how I looked in these. I hated that I looked fat. And that thought scared me. I've been doing so well lately. Eating when I'm supposed to, and what I'm supposed to. Having dinners with my family. Not having people watch me, wondering whether I'm going to eat or not. I'm, you know, normal. And I was better, really I was. And then I look at these pictures. And I hate them. I don't know what I weight. Maybe around 100 or so. And for 5'3" I know it's not fat. But I can't help but feel that I look fat. And it makes me nervous to think that. I don't want to fall into anorexia again, I really, really don't. Anorexia is ridiculous and stupid and it doesn't last anyway. Unless you wanna die, you have to gain the weight back anyway. But on the other hand, my looks are important to me and I can't be pretty if I'm not thin. I don't give a damn what anyone else looks like, but call me vain, I like to look nice for myself. I'm no model or anything, not even beautiful, but that doesn't mean I'm not nice looking. And I like to look the best that I can. For myself, not anyone else. And I can't be happy with myself if I'm not thin. That mentality is dangerous. I know it is. I try and push it away but it won't go away. Like all I wanna do now is exercise a lot and skip dinner. And at the same time, I don't. I am so confused. I wish I were blind. Then I wouldn't have to look at myself and I wouldn't care. I'd probably be a lot more sane, that's for sure. Love*n*Lipgloss, Me post comment

Night Creature [01 May 2003|01:48am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | "Mirror Mirror" --M2M ] Well, I can't sleep. One the bright side, no nightmares. On the dark side, I have to work tomorrow. Bleh. I slept fort about an hour and then, I don't know what woke me up, but there I was, suddenly wide awake. Watched American Pie 2 to try and get back to sleep, but to no avail. Note to self: Don't try to fall asleep by watching a comedy. If I had even a chance of getting to sleep, I laughed it away. And now I'm paying for it. Here I am, sitting in my room, listening to music. Writing. Voluntarily. At. 2. In. The. Morning. Oh well. I'll just look like a zombie tomorrow. I'll be Kelly the Un-Dead. Lots of eye makeup. Why do I bother writing in this thing? It doesn't help my insomnia! Default. I have nothing better to do. Insomnia wouldn't really bother me if I didn't have to work tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder whatever possessed me to take the 8am shift. I am not a morning person. I never have been. I'm a night person, at best. And I will be working all summer, too, which means no sleeping in for, like, ever. If I didn't need the money, I'd just say fuck it and call in tomorrow. But not only can I not afford it, but also by default, I have to be there because if I don't, there's no one to cover the desk. Not on short notice like that. Although I don't really know why any of us bothers to show up at all. We're hitting the summer slump two months early---the campus is dead. Think. Lovely. Thoughts. Jody. =) I wonder if he's asleep already. 2am is not as bad as calling at 4am, but either way, I don't want to risk waking him up. It's so ironic--I left early tonight from talking to him online cause I wanted to go to sleep. I got about an hour of sleep. Now he's gone and I'm wide awake. Very funny. You know, I am glad I'm writing in this again. I've missed writing in my journals. I mean, I kept a personal one in my own word file in my computer, but it wasn't really the same. Let's face it: online diaries are appealing, or else they wouldn't be so popular. I like them because I get to design my own, put up pictures, designs, etc. Like I created the color layout for this journal myself. Diaries are fun. Besides, there's always the option of private entries. =) Okay. I am going to attempt to sleep now. If I get to sleep within the next fifteen minutes [here's hoping] I can still salvage about 5 hours of sleep, which is better than no hours. So, till tomorrow, that's all folks. [ps: If you visit my diary, I'd like to know--please leave a comment =) I see my hit count growing but I have no idea who's reading this. Let me know!] Love*n*Lipgloss, Me post comment

In My Dreams [29 Apr 2003|01:57pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | "Here Without You" ---3 Doors Down ] From "Dreams: Unlock the Secrets of Your Subconscious." "A dream in which you are being murdered suggests that someone is suffocating your ideas and you feel unable to express yourself properly. There may also be some kind of threat arising, or you could feel an intangible fear developing. Being stabbed in a dream indicates that you are upset or uncertain." Huh. post comment

Very Creeped Out [29 Apr 2003|11:08am] [ mood | scared ] I have been having these dreams, really horrible dreams, for a few days now. I have to write about the one I had last night because it was the most awful one so far. I also remember all the details, which I rarely ever do. I walked into my bedroom after having just come from somewhere in the house, I don't know where I was. And all of a sudden, my mom slammed my door open and told me to stay inside. And I, of course, didn't know what she was talking about. And she said something, a reason, I don't remember. But then she looked at me and one side of her face was disfigured. I remember that scared me. And then, I don't know, I was somehow back in the living room outside of my bedroom. And this person came running in through the sliding glass doors. It was very dark, I remember, despite the kitchen light being on. This man ran into the house and grabbed me. And I tried screaming for my brother, who was there too, but he couldn't hear me, or I couldn't make a sound. You know how in nightmares you open your mouth to scream and no sound comes out. But anyway, this man grabbed me and snapped out this sharp razorblade knife. And he started slitting my wrist. Over and over again he sliced my left wrist, his movements so full of hate---he really wanted to kill me. It was so real that I could feel it. And that's when I woke myself up, and when I woke up I was in my bedroom. The first thing I did was check my wrist, and of course there were no marks, but I swear it was tingling. And then I got paranoid that it was a premonition dream and someone was waiting outside of my bedroom to kill me. So I got my knife and walked through the house, checking everything. By the time I returned to my bedroom, I was beyond creeped out. The dream was just so real--I have never felt more terrified by something. I was so scared that I considered either waking up my parents or calling Jody, just to talk to someone. Unfortunately, it was almost 4 in the morning by that time and I knew they'd be mad at me if I woke them up over a nightmare. So I just sat up in bed, holding that knife, watching late night TV until I finally fell back asleep. I don't know why I'm writing this here, just to get it out cause even now, in broad daylight, home from work on my lunch break early, I'm still creeped out by it. Last night as I sat in bed, I kept thinking all of these horrible scenarios about why I would be having these dreams. The nighr before last's dream wasn't me, but I was watching this man murder a woman. He was going to cut her up, and she kept saying that he could get her but he'd never get her daughter. It's just SO CREEPY. It's really freaking me out, especially after last night. I can't help being paranoid that they're premonitions, like something horrible is going to happen to me. I tried to think of who might actually want to kill me. Ugh. This is creeping me out even more, just writing about it. So with that, I'm going to end this horrible journal entry. Love*n*Lipgloss, Me post comment

[29 Apr 2003|12:32am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "Goodbye to You" ---Michelle Branch ] I can't believe I never put in the lyrics for my favorite song ever. Here they are: Of all the things I believed in I just wanna get it over with Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing Are starting to get old Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything that I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold onto I still get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live A day without you Closing my eyes And you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything that I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold onto And it hurts to want everything And nothing at the same time I want what's yours And I want what's mine I want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything that I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold onto And when the stars fall I will lay awake You're my shooting star. (`'·.¸(`'·.¸ ¸.·'´) ¸.·'´) «´¨`·.¸¸ ..·´¸¸¨`» (¸.·'´(¸.·'´ `'·.¸)`'·.¸) ¸.-···-.··* *··.- · ··-.¸ *.¸¸.·´¨`*"·. .·"*´¨`·.¸¸.* Feeling a lot better today. I guess last week was just one of those bad weeks. But today was Monday and it went okay. So, who knows, maybe this'll be a good week. =) Right now I'm talking to Jody, so I gotta write about him again. Just gotta say that I really, really like him. And I really hope that things work out between us because that would be very nice. =) That's all for now. Love*n*Lipgloss, Me post comment

When You Bleed Just to Know You're Alive [27 Apr 2003|08:15pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | "The Gift" ---Christophe Walken ] Tonight I went for a walk with my mother and my little brother. And as usual, my brother and I were trading insults back and forth. Mostly in good fun, but it occured to me that a couple of the things I said were genuinely mean. And I stopped to think, when did that happen? I'm not a mean person. I never have been. I say mean things sometimes, but I always used to feel remorse. Lately, it hasn't been like that. Like I can shoot off these bitchy things and not even care. It worried me. I'm afraid I'm forgetting how to feel. And the thing is, I find myself scared to really feel. I detatch myself from things so that it doesn't hurt me. I wrap myself up in things that don't exist. I guess I feel like I'm just watching my life, not really participating. Like I go through the motions. I don't like that. I don't like it at all. I had qualms about even posting this here---I've been trying to keep my personal stuff to myself. But then I thought, you know, I don't really care anymore. I don't care who reads this. I don't care what anyone thinks. This is me. This is how I express myself. If you don't like it, you can go to hell. I guess it's just that I'm sick of the way everything is always so messed up, mostly at home. I'm not going to really go into it--I'm not that stupid---but I'm just gonna suffice it to say that my home life sucks right now. I don't even know what's gonna happen from day to day. And the thing is, I'm turning into someone I don't even recognize anymore. Like I listen to myself talking to people and I don't know who it is that's doing the talking. I hurt people I care about just because I can. I escape from my house whenever I can, I don't care where I go, just so I'm not there. To the point where the only times I'm actually home is at night or when I have to baby-sit. And I look in the mirror and the person I see---the way she stands, the way she dresses, the way she talks, the way she wears her hair---it's a stranger. Only that stranger is me. So what's happening to me? post comment

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