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Friday, February 13th, 2004
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3:47p
a gnawing stomach
some days are worse than others
queezy mindfullness
at least the day's cloudy and gloomy. it suits my mood extraordinarily- I'm tired, very tired and I am apathetic and pathetic.
reminds me of high school- once I was walking home since I had no other way to go. A lot of the people I knew were driving and it began to rain. I also noticed that most of the people in the cars had their girlfriend or boyfriend with them and there I was, walking home alone in the rain- miserable.
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4:34p
it's the time of year...it's valentine's day- it preys on all my insecurities and weaknesses. and I'm tired- didn't get enough rest last night. it all comes together to fuck with me. There's so little more to go and I'm almost there...but now it feels even more difficult than before.
Self-deprecation is something that hits me all the time...
Nothing's been going on at work, or at least not much. Lots of payments, loans- phone calls. i went outside for a moment and took a breath it felt good. I just need movement and motion. at work I just sit in front of the computer and rot. music doesn't work, not tea, not frop, nothing for the moment. this ennui hits me around 3 or 4- about a couple hours before I knock off.
yesterday was interesting- I went around recording with the minidisc and it was astonishing. i can't wait to record music with it since it will be astonishing. there are so many things I'll be able to do with this.
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