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Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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11:27a - soon there'll be nothing left of me...
i hung out with andi last night...we talked about our lives and caught up. on a positive note- she gave me two acting gigs- not bad considering it's been so long since i've acted. one will be a mystery dinner the other will be historical reinactment....i'm to be either john gardener or lawrence gilman, the two men who founded gardnerville. either way, i get a frock coat and victorian suit out of it! :D
it snowed last night- it was so beautiful. big, fat snowflakes to tiny spare ones. from the windows of the nose i saw a tiny blue car, covered in snow by itself in a parking lot, lit by the weird orange glow of sodium lamps and the full moon peaking through the snow. it was beautiful and surreal.
right now andi, who is a trained shakespearian actor who has worked with people like diana rigg, derek jacobi, lawrence olivier and peter o'toole (i'm only one step removed from those folks if you want to play kevin bacon, whom i'm only two steps removed from...) works at john robert powers, an acting, talent and modeling assembly line. all night we made fun of the lines she makes her little wanna-be kid actors say..."tastes great" "feels great!" "it's just the right size for someone like me." being the sicko i am...i leapt to the perverse conclusions one can go to with that and a bunch of jonbenet ramsey clones. all night we made those jokes...and i know that made chen uncomfortable.
andi and i were going to go to see brian landrus, but we didn't go- we drove around a bit (as we were driving, chen called- since i was driving i gave the phone to andi and she talked to him...hell he had called me five times on my cell and had just ranted at me how his life fucking sucks. whatever) and then ended up at the nose. only after we drove by and noticed chen was there. we went in and had two pitchers of hefewisen beer...ahh...it was joyous. i had fun, andi had fun and i saw all the great people at the nose. but chen looked like a miserable bastard. at one point when andi was out smoking he said that he hadn't seen me at the garage... (the sun is out and the blue skies are peeking out...beautiful) and then he proceeded to say he wasn't trying to be a little black cloud but he was anyway. and he didn't care if i thought so. well, if he didn't care if i thought that he is a horrible actor, which he is...whatever. he was an asshole and miserable.
the other night when i was with chen...he asked me if i had ever been stabbed. she said that his friend ryan (who has mysteriously never been around for YEARS) was once and he said it was like a dull burn. "it sure feels like that" chen said to me after that....praise bob that he didn't suddenly lunge for me or do anything crazy. i just sat in his car (that night he drove around) and nodded as he took me back to my car.
it feels like most of the people i've thought to be my friends in the recent interval have all finally gone- it's time to move on. if people can't appreciate my worth and what i have to give them...there's no sense in wasting my time, energy, emotion and spirit on them.
this afternoon i'll have sushi in carson...this evening after a trip to the post office to HOPEFULLY get my minidisc i'll stay home and watch kung-fu movies- maybe "Tower of Death" and some shaolin temple flicks.
NP David Bowie- Reality: Bring Me the Disco King
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