|
|
Saturday, May 1st, 2004
| |
3:48 pm - Sumer is icumen in!
|
Sumer is icumen in,
Lhude sing, cuccu!
Groweth sed and bloweth med
And springth the wude nu.
Sing, cuccu!
Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!
Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!
Awe bleteth after lomb,
Lhouth after calve cu
Bulloc sterteth, bucke ferteth.
Murie sing, cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes thu, cuccu.
Ne swik thu naver nu
|
|
|
| Saturday, February 28th, 2004
| |
10:49 am
|
|
| Friday, February 13th, 2004
| |
4:34 pm
|
it's the time of year...it's valentine's day- it preys on all my insecurities and weaknesses. and I'm tired- didn't get enough rest last night. it all comes together to fuck with me. There's so little more to go and I'm almost there...but now it feels even more difficult than before.
Self-deprecation is something that hits me all the time...
Nothing's been going on at work, or at least not much. Lots of payments, loans- phone calls. i went outside for a moment and took a breath it felt good. I just need movement and motion. at work I just sit in front of the computer and rot. music doesn't work, not tea, not frop, nothing for the moment. this ennui hits me around 3 or 4- about a couple hours before I knock off.
yesterday was interesting- I went around recording with the minidisc and it was astonishing. i can't wait to record music with it since it will be astonishing. there are so many things I'll be able to do with this.
|
|
|
| |
3:47 pm
|
a gnawing stomach
some days are worse than others
queezy mindfullness
at least the day's cloudy and gloomy. it suits my mood extraordinarily- I'm tired, very tired and I am apathetic and pathetic.
reminds me of high school- once I was walking home since I had no other way to go. A lot of the people I knew were driving and it began to rain. I also noticed that most of the people in the cars had their girlfriend or boyfriend with them and there I was, walking home alone in the rain- miserable.
|
|
|
| Sunday, February 8th, 2004
| |
11:27 pm
|
i have a new thing to collect- plastic string ties. gah. everywhere there's dozens and dozens of them around and most of them are small and useless. besides i tie up wire like i learned at the TV station. oh well.
watched a documentary on bruce lee that put together the game of death footage...it was different than on the hong kong legends version- who knows what it is. only bruce does and he's suffering from death or reincarnated.
je ne sais quoi.
hello to lauramars.
nite nite.
|
|
|
| Saturday, February 7th, 2004
| |
11:27 am - soon there'll be nothing left of me...
|
i hung out with andi last night...we talked about our lives and caught up. on a positive note- she gave me two acting gigs- not bad considering it's been so long since i've acted. one will be a mystery dinner the other will be historical reinactment....i'm to be either john gardener or lawrence gilman, the two men who founded gardnerville. either way, i get a frock coat and victorian suit out of it! :D
it snowed last night- it was so beautiful. big, fat snowflakes to tiny spare ones. from the windows of the nose i saw a tiny blue car, covered in snow by itself in a parking lot, lit by the weird orange glow of sodium lamps and the full moon peaking through the snow. it was beautiful and surreal.
right now andi, who is a trained shakespearian actor who has worked with people like diana rigg, derek jacobi, lawrence olivier and peter o'toole (i'm only one step removed from those folks if you want to play kevin bacon, whom i'm only two steps removed from...) works at john robert powers, an acting, talent and modeling assembly line. all night we made fun of the lines she makes her little wanna-be kid actors say..."tastes great" "feels great!" "it's just the right size for someone like me." being the sicko i am...i leapt to the perverse conclusions one can go to with that and a bunch of jonbenet ramsey clones. all night we made those jokes...and i know that made chen uncomfortable.
andi and i were going to go to see brian landrus, but we didn't go- we drove around a bit (as we were driving, chen called- since i was driving i gave the phone to andi and she talked to him...hell he had called me five times on my cell and had just ranted at me how his life fucking sucks. whatever) and then ended up at the nose. only after we drove by and noticed chen was there. we went in and had two pitchers of hefewisen beer...ahh...it was joyous. i had fun, andi had fun and i saw all the great people at the nose. but chen looked like a miserable bastard. at one point when andi was out smoking he said that he hadn't seen me at the garage... (the sun is out and the blue skies are peeking out...beautiful) and then he proceeded to say he wasn't trying to be a little black cloud but he was anyway. and he didn't care if i thought so. well, if he didn't care if i thought that he is a horrible actor, which he is...whatever. he was an asshole and miserable.
the other night when i was with chen...he asked me if i had ever been stabbed. she said that his friend ryan (who has mysteriously never been around for YEARS) was once and he said it was like a dull burn. "it sure feels like that" chen said to me after that....praise bob that he didn't suddenly lunge for me or do anything crazy. i just sat in his car (that night he drove around) and nodded as he took me back to my car.
it feels like most of the people i've thought to be my friends in the recent interval have all finally gone- it's time to move on. if people can't appreciate my worth and what i have to give them...there's no sense in wasting my time, energy, emotion and spirit on them.
this afternoon i'll have sushi in carson...this evening after a trip to the post office to HOPEFULLY get my minidisc i'll stay home and watch kung-fu movies- maybe "Tower of Death" and some shaolin temple flicks.
NP David Bowie- Reality: Bring Me the Disco King
|
|
|
| Sunday, February 1st, 2004
| |
1:34 am - sound and vision
|
the life of david gale- 4/10 the end cheapens and ruins the movie. now i'm going to watch "The Big Boss"- that's a moralistic tale as well- except that you don't feel cheated in the end.
i spent most of the day yesterday without my glasses- i swooned and nearly fell over and when i put them back on. thing was this- i fell asleep watching "My Best Fiend" I was woken by dad, and took my glasses off and put them near my stereo. i was in a hurry to leave yesterday morning to work- so i drove to carson and back and worked all day without my glasses and achieved a wonderful headache. ach. i get home and within twenty minutes i have my glasses. i felt lame. i initially planned to go out last night- to see what i could see. but it was all derailed thanks to my misplacing my glasses.
a person takes their senses for granted- i've had horrible problems with ear wax and for days on end my ears have been clogged. during those times i couldn't hear a thing. as soon as my ears would open...it was beautiful. not being able to see yesterday makes me appreciate sight more. i do need to get a new pair of glasses and sunglasses- hell, i'll use these i have now as a back-up...you never can tell...
tonight i was going to see "the Big Boss" but I got sucked into the lousy movie that is david gale. crap crap crap crap.
sushi will be what i have tomorrow- oh wait, it's super bowl sunday. no sushi. damn. it would be worth seeing for the commercials and the fact it could be a good game. otherwise...feh.
tomorrow is sara's birthday. her 21st. i've thought of her off and on. of my ex-s, she's the one that i miss and wish i could be with. i could talk to her- be with her. as she was when i first knew and loved her. that was the ideal of sara- what i was in love with in april as well- the ideal, the unreality of them. the worst thing a person can do is put another person on a pedestal- no one can stay on one forever...
valentine's day is the worst holiday. i dread february for it- even when i have someone to be my valentine...it never works out.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
| |
1:46 am - gibraltar '47
|
this had them rolling in the aisles in gibraltar, '47. no, really, it did...i wrote this to make fun- to mock and people took this seriously.
A Screed on Weed
let’s come and love
just like above
don’t make no shove
‘cause i’ve got a need
it’s a greed
for some weed
and that speed
i can’t concede
my need for weed
or to screed
about that weed
for indeed
that’s what she’d
do on speed
or demon weed
take my lead
for my seed
to grow the weed
for my sea
a sea of me
and pcp
an acid dream
of mushroom gleam
so let’s all be
in my sea of me
high on pcp
and greed weed
cooked by me
in a tree
a bodhi tree
next to weed
and a bead
or some reeds
socked in mead
like heroin tea
from manatee
sold for free
made of bee
can’t you see
it’s made from me
and my need
oh the need
the greed for speed
and some weed
can’t concede how much i need
that demon seed of weed
bruce lee is a hero to me. i can't stress that enough. time to rest.
NP- David Bowie: Low- Breaking Glass
|
|
|
| Friday, January 23rd, 2004
| |
12:19 pm - you said the union forever...
|
well, it's four days later and i can write down what's happened. school. my last undergraduate semester...i like all my classes so far. i am taking a class on the history of english, on Chaucer where we'll be reading and translating his work, a class on english renaissance plays that weren't written by Shakespeare and a class on religion studies. lots of reading in all these classes...man. and i'm trying to finish spring snow and i finally got a good copy of Villon in english.
i screwed up my classes initially...i signed up for a class on beowulf- when i wanted the chaucer...i left that one quickly and signed up for a writing class- it turned out to be nature writing. that's not my bag really...and i realized instead of writing a whole bunch of things, i need to read and edit a bit more than i have in the recent past.
i am watching movies like mad- SuperFly (love the music by Curtis Mayfield...i remember first hearing it in high school from a friend named danny...i gave him coltrane's interstellar space and he gave me superfly. i got the better deal i think..) was released and i watched it last night...along with Citizen Kane. The White Stripes have a very cool song that is based totally on lines from Kane..hehe. Once I thought that it was an unhuman movie...that Kane was a meglomanic who wanted power for power's sake...that is true but it's a very human story. kane simply wanted to be a real person- something he was denied. great works like that can always give great results when seen again. i have bruce lee's hong kong movies coming and, kurosawa's samurai movies!
lots of music too- bootlegs, more jazz...and i'm waiting for several cds at that...mmm.
for a while i was stalled with writing in the middle of the week- and then i went to the nose to see chen and nate happened to be there. the conjunction of things happening happened there and i was just baffelled. it's not that there's not enough to write about but TOO MUCH! i have a certain title that's in the works. i like and i think it may just be good.
i need to hear miles davis's nefertiti...i love that record. fall is in my head...mmm.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
| |
2:06 am - How Now Mad Cow?
|
http://ingeb.org/songs/toanacre.html
the star spangled banner by another name- is a drinking song written by a frenchman from the 15th century, famous for erotic poetry and drinking songs.
very true to the american form that our national anthem is just a stupid drinking song with silly words...
add to that the third stanza of the poem is left out, that speaks so lovingly of our British allies-
And where is the band
Who so vauntingly swore,
'Mid the havoc of war
And the battles confusion,
A home and a country
They'd leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out
Their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save
The hireling and slave
From the terror of flight
Or the gloom of the grave;
http://ingeb.org/songs/thestars.html
speaking about our British friends, Rule Britannia is an interesting song...talking about how Britons will not be slaves.
http://ingeb.org/songs/rulebrit.html
Ahh...but they are in this time...seems that the UK is the country with the most security cameras in the world... four million cameras in all that are about one camera for every fourteen Brits.
http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/story.jsp?story=480364
don't mention god save the queen...not the Sex Pistols version but the long-hair one...it was written for the French king Louix XIV by an Italian, Jean-Baptiste Lully, who also wrote some kick ass baroque music...
http://ingeb.org/songs/godsaveo.html
and how can we forget Deutschland Uber Alles? http://ingeb.org/Lieder/deutschl.html What a fun tune...just don't mention it if you're in Deutschland...http://ingeb.org/garb/SA2002.html
http://ingeb.org by the way has a lyrics to a ton of lieder...as i'm re-ripping my CDs to AAC, i wish i had more lieder...hmmm...
i'm sick and tired. the world is going to hell and i don't care- i say this without reservation. i'm going to play my fiddle since rome is burning...why not? do you have any better ideas, constant reader? good night.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
| |
11:04 am - djangology
|
i'm sitting here as the macworld keynote address goes on, i'm ripping yet more CDs and i'm wondering what to do next....
odell came into town on sunday and i hung out with him yesterday- it was nice...he and i went to the nose, chilled and talked. i gave him the 20 gig iPod i sold him i got back the wonderful, wonderful vcd of Star Wars and the first part of couch surfing- that's a movie by peter, a friend of odell that has made several movies. couch surfing is a cool movie- the title sequence is great...about the only complaint i'd have about it would be its feeling of time...it just doesn't flow very well.
and i got klaus kinski's paganini in the mail...i watched it last night and was astonished. it is one of the most hyperbolically pornographic, insane and fascinating films i've ever seen. it felt as if it was watching klaus kinski's home movies...man.
a ton of CDs came- the Bataclan concert...john cale, lou reed and nico. that's something I know that tvc-15 will want. i also got a bunch of cds by Django Reinhart- he's just as much a hero for me as is lester young, john coltrane, david bowie and elvis costello. i'll be tracking down more of django this month...if nothing else it's great to have a lot of happy, great music. like odell was saying- some of the most happy and cheerful music came from the depression...and it's great to have happy, happy music.
now steve's talking about the ipods- a flash pod? $249 is TOO Much for it....but i can't complain. i have a 40 gig and i'm more than happy with it. now to get the dvd burner and a G5, since i can.
more later. i'm going to be going out tonight to read poetry i think.
|
|
|
| Sunday, January 4th, 2004
| |
11:50 am
|
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/businesstechnology/2001828701_ptcheapdvd03.html
cheap dvd players are great but they do come with a price...this article talks about the price.
the arts complex is finished, for the moment. at least it's done enough for me to read some of the poems in public tonight.
here is the first poem
Mambo Mambo
(Prelude)
Kill poetry- those words!
it’s useless anyway just
splatter about how you feel
just scatter words on a page or screen and act like it matters to you since you are an artist
verbosity is what you are about, all about
poetry songs lyrics and shanties
about little green panties
or a girl and boy with a vacant blank stare
that puts you high on air
puncture poetry destroy drawing scrap sculpture pierce painting mumble music fuck film never mind novels
whatever
The complex I have against art is bizarre and who needs lyric
or mosaic or strophic or anything
creative
what we really need are business real life skills things we really work for
computer skills and fast fry cooks security guards and meter men and french maids
Digital divide sweatshops need dialers for thankyoufollowupcalls to groaning masses
HELLO!
We NEED money! we need skills we need white and black sameness
Kill art kill creation expression love compassion feeling
throw it in a kiln throw it in a kiln then throw me in the kiln
|
|
|
| Thursday, January 1st, 2004
| |
4:29 pm
|
|
| |
2:39 pm
|
so it's 2004. Shouldn't we be living on the moon, under the ocean, on mars or something?
it's been snowing like mad all day. i had breakfast with the folks and came home to rip some more CDs.
last night the 40 gig iPod arrived and i spent most of it putting mp3s on it and watching "The Godfather" today i might see part two, or finish Solaris. i also had frankovich holiday nog...something that i've wanted to try for a long, long time. it's egg nog with bourbon, rum and a lot of happiness in it. i'll probably have another glass of it tonight. mmm.
i realized last night that i have most of the things that i've wanted in the last period of time- now it's time to round out the rest of me and get to work!
the white stripes poster came as well...i'm going to be replacing a siouxsie one for it, and get a new frame for the sioux poster. it's cool as it has Tesla on the poster.
since it's snowing i won't go see Cold Mountain yet...but i'll read all day and listen to music. currently i'm reading a book by Bruce Chatwin..."The Viceroy of Ouidah" about a Brazilian who goes to Dahomey to find his fortune in the slave trade, but he takes on the culture and traditions of the Dahomeans-even their religion... and marries about a dozen wives. and leads, for the king of Dahomey, an army of amazons that consolidates the power of the King. the point is made in the book that many tribes sold away their people or traded them to the europeans who then sold them as slaves- it wasn't a bunch of evil white men coming into villages and destroying them and enslaving everyone. Another point is that the French, Brazilians and Spanish allowed their slaves to keep their drums, religion (although it was put into a catholic context...i.e. voodoo using saints to cover for yoruban gods) and language. the english and americans alone forces the africans to become white or whatever. anyway, it's vividly written fascinating and great.
the Dilworths were involved in the slave trade...or at least part of my family was. they were based out of Charleston, SC and they were part of the triangle trade back in the pre-revolutionary days. there's even a part of Charleston named Dilworth! I find it all a bit unsettling- first off they made their money off of exploiting people and taking them away from their lives, and then they worked people to death and used their labor for free...forced an alien way of live on them and oppressed them. i find that all repugnant, and wrong. slavery still exists today in arab countries, who if you look into the history of it, introduced europeans to slavery during the crusades.
me- i like all people. blacks and asians are some of the most beautiful people (men and women both...*happy sated grin when thinking about those men and women*) there are. a lot of them have a soul...which is something that a lot of white folks don't have much of.
anyway, happy new year. and cheers.
|
|
|
| Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
| |
2:01 am
|
christina ricci is beautiful...mmm....i would love to meet and greet her one day.
btw, go by my website...http://www.sejdb.com and you'll get to play a choose your own adventure game called Desolate Jamaica...it's fun! it will be up before the new year!
more later. here's a poem or two.
Beautiful hazel eyes
with many stories to tell,
when will she say them?
Life without sunsets
dismally trudging onward,
where is the beauty?
|
|
|
| Friday, December 26th, 2003
| |
4:33 pm
|
today is henry miller's birthday...how appropriate that i'm reading a biography on him. a fascinating read- but in a way, it has made me realize that i'm not the creepy old man, trolling around. i've know lots of characters just like that- and none of them like henry. one must remember that he wasn't even published until he was 40 years old...that makes me think.
today has been uneventful, apart from discovering a bunch of Bjork bootlegs. the ipod is churning out music, i'm typing away and waiting for work to end and then...i'll go out, or something.
i think a drink for henry would be very appropriate.
|
|
|
| Saturday, December 13th, 2003
| |
11:20 am
|
|
what is truly astonishing is how few people are here, as compared to lj or even xanga...i, for one, am happy i have a lj...now that's the stuff.
|
|
|
| Monday, December 8th, 2003
| |
10:06 am
|
|
| Sunday, December 7th, 2003
| |
10:57 pm - a quote to remember
|
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
Dwight Eisenhower
|
|
|
| Friday, December 5th, 2003
| |
12:54 pm - pipedreams on a friday
|
http://www.epinions.com/pr-Targus_DC-3810_Digital_Camera
that's my digital camera...a real bargain and something i'll use to my advantage! i'm also glad i have the nikon as well because i want to be able to use both...
what i want for christmas, or bobmass as subgenii call it is pretty simple-
a selmer mark vi tenor sax and time to enjoy it
an apple powerbook g5
$50,000 to pay off my bills and have a bit to save and splurge
a car that ran on water
a dentist's appointment
i can manage the last one...the others are pipe dreams for the moment but i think they'll happen SOMEHOW! especially the mark vi- i wish i could have one.
:D
i made a couple pictures but the batteries died. oh well...it's almost time for lunch so i can go get some batteries and such- i have to get pirates of the carribean for a secret santa thing at work and a bunch of envelopes and postage for gifts and bootleg trades. szeretlek should look in her mail as she'll be getting something cool soon.
i wish i had nonsuch by xtc on my ipod, that would very much fit my mood now...tonight i'll do that and rip more jazz and classical music.
elvis costello is playing on my ipod right now...tonight when i get home i'll probably put my soprano sax and play some. it'll feel good.
NP- Elvis Costello: Get Happy!- B Movie
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
