3 Lord, help me control my tongue;
help me be careful about what I say.

A psalm of David.
1 Lord, I call to you. Come quickly.
Listen to me when I call to you.
2 Let my prayer be like incense placed before you,
and my praise like the evening sacrifice.
3 Lord, help me control my tongue;
help me be careful about what I say.
4 Take away my desire to do evil
or to join others in doing wrong.
Don't let me eat tasty food
with those who do evil.

Being afraid of people can get you into trouble, but if you trust the Lord, you will be safe. Proverbs 29:25

Saturday was relaxing. Not much went on. Kelsey had a cold and coughing her head off. She laid around the house not doing much. Morgan stayed over his grandmother's and aunts house. Marty and I just fiddled around the house.
Sunday we didn't go to church. Marty is starting to get the mess Kelsey has. I stayed home to take care of them. Marty cleaned his office so when we have company on Friday it will be cleaned. I worked on some photos and stuff. I am looking for a program to download that will burn my photos onto a dvd. the program I have burns them to a cd with music and all but I want to burn them to a dvd
Over all the weekend was relaxing!

Friday night we were invited for dinner with the Pastor and his wife. We got there around 530. The food smelled wonderful. After we all got comfortable we began to eat. My step son, Morgan was so embrassing. It started with the way his left arm was holding his plate like someone was going to take it away. I have told him many times not to do that. Then his head was down at his plate and he was shoveling it in. I have told him many times not to do that also. we were talking as we ate. Morgan was finished before anyone. He asked for seconds on the chicken cassrole. I was embrassed once again. I understand kids want second but we were at someone else's house. the rest of us finally finished and was still talking. He looked at Sue and he asked for a third helping. Yes a third helping. I was mortified. Sue said it was ok. It just shows he is comfortable. But still it mortified me. then a few minutes later dessert was served. Morgan had his ate before anyone. Sue was still serving the other bowls and morgan was finished. I nudged Marty to tell him to stop. slow down. He looked at Marty but then continued to do what he was doing. We sat there and talked some more. We finally made it to the living room and talked some more. The ladies went to Sue's craft room while the men went some where else. We all gathered back in the living room close to the kitchen talking some more. Morgan was walking around in the kitchen eating things out of the bowls, like pickels and peppers and looking at stuff he had never seen before. I was so embrassed. I nudged Marty to get him to tell Morgan to stop. Finally we said our goodbyes and headed home. Marty told Morgan that was he was doing was wrong. it was rude. It was like he had no manners. I told him when I try to teach him manners at home this is the reason I teach him. That way he will know what to do when he goes to someone's house. The sad thing about it is I can teach him one thing here BUT he does things different at his aunt's and grandmothers house. At Stacie's house he tells her what he wants. She fixes it then takes it to him then he puts his trash in the floor and wait till stacie picks it up. At his grandmother's house everything is waited on him hand and foot also. No manners at all. It is like teaching someone that doesn't really care. At least my daughter had manners. she kept one hand in her lap. She ate slowly. She said thank you, and pass the whatever bowl, and waited on everyone else to finish eating. she didn't eat like her food was going to be taken away. Now you might ask has morgan ever went hungry the reason he eats like that? NO!! He weighs 180lbs. He NEVER goes hungry. Now Kelsey has went hungry before. she has had to eat very little because we didn't have anything in the house to eat. BUT MOrgan always had food. All he would have to do is go over his aunt's house and grandmother's house. Kelsey is never invited to go over there. the evening turned out ok overall.

It seems like when we stop our devotions at night together or reading the 40 Love Dare that something hits our relationship. Satan loves to work on people! I guess he never gives up on taking souls just as God never gives up. But when two people want it to work out Satan won't win. After talking it thru last night God won. We didn't go to bed angry or hurt at each other. Then this morning my husband said he was sorry. I said I was sorry also for not keeping up with the devotions. We both know who we have to call on in order for our marriage to work. We don't need to call on him just when we need Him. we need to call on Him everyday!!!
Thank You God for everything you have done, about to do, and will do in my marriage!

Proverbs 29:17 (New International Version)
17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
he will bring delight to your soul.

Psalm 138:5 (New International Version)
5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.
(I love songs of praise and worship. Christian songs of all kinds. Sometimes the song itself gets to me and I start crying. I have a lot of Christian CDs. When I was moving back in the house my husband seen all the CDs I had. He asked where did all of them come from. I told him I bought them over the years. They all are Christian. Since then one by one we have been listening to them. My daughter went to a church with a friend one time and that church said they don't sing because they don't believe in praising God in song. The church was within the Christian religion. I wonder why they don't believe in songs when the verse above says to sing. There are other verses in the Bible that says sing also. I guess they just don't want to put any attention on songs. Who knows. I love songs! So I guess that is all that matters.)

1 John 3:18 (New International Version)
18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
(this is so true. I believe you have to show action and in truth. you cant say I love you but then turn around and say I hate you or have anger against someone. Words come and go. Actions stay forever!)

1 John 2:15-17 (New International Version)
Do Not Love the World
15Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For everything in the world?the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does?comes not from the Father but from the world. 17The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:7-11 (New International Version)
7Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. 8Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
9Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[a] to make him stumble. 11But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
(this is why I can never hate anyone. no matter if my sister, Courtney is gay. I still can not hate her. I still love her. doesn't mean I will say she is right. just saying I still love her. If she ever needs anything I will be here for her. I can't hate my sister, Elizabeth or brother Cody for doing drugs and messing up their lives. I will love them no matter what. I can't hate my birth family for giving me up. I can't hate my adoptive mother for speaking harshly of my birth family or other things she has said. I can't hate my in laws for their ways of action towards me. I used to say that I can't hate them because I am not that kind of person. But really it is because God wants us to love them. Not hate them. So I do. I kill the negative stuff in my life with the love and kindness that God has instilled in me.)

1 John 2:4-6 (New International Version)
4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love[a] is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
(this is so true!! I have had a hard time believing all the words my mother has spoken over the years just because of this verse. she says one thing such as "go to church. get closer to God and your marriage and life will be on the right track." But yet as she says these words she doesn't step a foot in church. and each time a verse or a situation that came my way comes up and I tell her of it she changes the subject. I guess because she is not living what she speaks. Just like the verse says. But you know I have come to understand that I don't live by her words or what she tells me to do. I live the way I want to live. the way God wants me to live. No one can take the credit of my life being turned around for the good except for me!)

Psalm 139:7-12 (New International Version)
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Let's Pray
Father, today I celebrate the reality of Your presence in my life. I celebrate Your birth, Your life, Your death and Your resurrection. And as I celebrate, Lord, help me to be "God with skin on" to those in need around me. Open my eyes and let me see them as You see them! I love You! Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Date:	2009-12-08 13:08
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

Last night Marty wanted to know how I felt about adoption. Wow! He has never asked before. I guess he is trying to know everything about me. Adoption in some ways was hard for me. You see growing up I tried my best to keep my family together. I remember so many times riding in the back seat of the DHR car riding away from my mother. I was the one trying to keep my sister and brother quiet so no one would find us or we wouldn't make anyone mad. I was the one that when my birth mother went out and told us to be in bed when she got back home that I made sure we were. Once we weren't. When she came home she chased my brother all over that room trying to spank him. Once when she came home we weren't asleep yet. She crawled in bed with us. All three of us shared one full size bed. This is the time she scared the mess out of me about the dark. I have been scared ever since. Some people laugh but it is just something that is hard for me to get over. I was around the age of 6 or so. I was the one giving my siblings a bath. I was giving them a bath when my birth mother's boyfriend pulled the curtain to and asked me to get out of the tub. We were all three in the tub together. I was bathing my brother at that time. that is when he molested me. I remember being in court watching my mother beg for us. Once we were in the judge's office. She was promising to keep us safe. The judge told her this was he last time. In the court room I remember twiddling my fingers waiting and listening. I wanted no matter what for all of us to be together. Then she died. I was in a foster home at the time. that December I went to spend time with my siblings that were in another foster home. I didn't understand why they could be together but I couldn't be with them. so I asked. the foster home I was in was going to adopt me. They had a nervous breakdown. they wanted me so they thought by keeping all my stuff including my Bible that this would keep me from going. It was hard leaving some things behind but I did. I have been with my adoptive family since the age of 8 yr and 9 months old. Now how do I feel about being adopted? sometimes it hurts. I do wish with all my heart I could have kept us together. But I do know in my heart what kind of life I would have had. My life after being adopted was much better physically. I had a roof over my head. Food on the table, clothes on my back. I always knew that would be my home. No more not knowing where my next home would be. Being as old as I was I can still remember my birth family. I have always wanted to ask someone in that family why? Why couldn't they take care of me? I finally got an answer from my birth father. He seen me when I was a baby. He didn't want the responsibility of a child at that young age. Plus he was dating someone at the time. He ended up marring that lady. They later divorced. It was around the time DHR came to him to ask him to sign his rights away. He didn't want to but knew it was best. My mother in jail told my adoptive parents that they can have my brother but not the girls. She would not sign her rights away on her girls. She wanted us back. When she got out of jail she died shortly after. She was drunk and walking. Two church vans ran over her. I once went to a reunion on my birth side of the family. I asked once what can they tell me about how I was. Why didn't any of them want me? they couldn't answer really. They could tell a lot about my siblings because they caused so much trouble. It hurts knowing people didn't want you. No matter what I still loved them. I still wanted to be a part of their family. so when my adoptive mother spoke harshly of any of those people I would hold so much anger inside. I didn't have guts to speak up. I don't like fussing, or trouble of any kind. I know what happens when fussing happens or disagreements happen. I was always taken away. It always came back on me instead of the people hurting me. My adoptive family was a good family. they did the best they knew how. they did hold my genes against me. They thought by keeping any kinds of feelings or talking or thoughts about my birth family at bay then my genes will not ruin my life. One thing they knew understood as I was growing up was that I was ME. Yes my genes make up some of me. But that doesn't mean I am them. I am only ME. As small as I can remember I have always wanted a family. My family. A family to call all my own. My adoptive mother would speak harshly of my birth mother. Iknew I couldn't have my birth family but they were still my family. When I was molested for the finally time at age 15 yr and 8 months old my adoptive family didn't do much about it. Later I was blamed for it. That is when I began to make my own family. I tried for my daughter. I will never say I didn't. I wanted to have her. I wanted to show people that I can have a family and no one take it away from me. No one can hurt my family. Then I married at age 19. He hurt my daughter. I had a nervous breakdown because I didn't understand how someone could hurt her. How can someone hurt my family. She was my family. She was all mine. Finally as yrs have passed by and I have dealt with my life I have come to realize one thing. My family is right in front of me. Yes we have had our ups and downs but it is still my family. Today we are a family. The family I have always dreamed of. A family I have always wanted. This is why I have always wanted to a be house wife, a mother, a wife. I have never seen myself as anything else. A family will have its ups and downs. It just helps everyone become closer and stronger.
Adoption is hard on some people. Easy on others. It has been hard on me.
Marty said last night that it wasn't my fault that my family wasn't together. I can only do so much. this is true. BUT I don't blame myself any more. I don't try to keep together people who don't want to be kept together any more. I just think about the four people I have in my family right now. My daughter, husband, myself and my step son. I have always told my daughter that no matter what life throws your way your family will always be there. I will always be there. that is what a family is always about.
God allowed me experience both lives for a reason. He allowed everything in my life to happen for a reason. At age 32 almost 33 I am finally understanding the reason. I am finally coming to an understanding of what He wants me to do in my life. I don't want to change anything about my past. It happened. It is something I can't change so I accept it. I don't blame myself. I did the best I could do.
I asked Marty last night if he ever felt like he didn't belong in his family? or if his family was going to be taken away? Or where his next meal was? Or next roof over his head was? these type of questions. He said no. He never went thru things like I have. That is why he can't understand why I still thought of James. Why I wanted to find my birth dad. Why I had to visit my birth mother's grave. Why I am allowing Kelsey to be a part of James' family if she wants to be.
At the end of our talking he said he is beginning to understand and see how I feel towards family, towards why I think the way I do. He was glad we talked.

Jury duty was boring in some ways. I wanted to sit on the jury stand and watch a trial. I guess in some ways I was being selfish. I didn't think of the other person and how stressed they are. anyway..After sitting there for an hour waiting for everyone to get signed in we then listened to the judge talked about what a jury is for and how many cases they had on Friday. 60+ cases plead guilty Friday after knowing that the jury would be there on MOnday and the courts were ready to try the case. Goodness that was a large number. We took a break. After the break we watched one case come in. At the last moment the person plead guilty. Then we sat for a few more minutes. Then it was announced the last 2 cases he had for that day would not need the jury. so we were dismissed. So I spent a half day there. A lady said we can wait on our checks or they can be mailed to us. I just waited. While waiting I was talking to the lady beside me. she was telling me about her family. Turns out her family is the family of a couple I worked for. Great couple to know and be around! Small world!! After waiting 30 minutes the lady came out and said something was wrong with the printer. So I was on my way back home by 1115. I stopped by the couple's home I worked for about 6 months ago. We talked for about an hour. It was good to see them and talk with them!

Friend To Friend
Winston Churchill said, "We make a living through what we get, but we make a life through what we give." The world would like us to believe that the success of Christmas depends upon how much we spend, how many presents we give or receive. While Christmas is about giving, budgets do not determine the success of our Christmas giving.

Giving is not dependent on the condition of your checkbook. Giving is dependent on the condition of the heart. Let me share some creative ways to give gifts that are straight from the heart.

1. A homemade gift

Giving something you make represents time and effort invested on the recipient's behalf. Each year, we make hot chocolate for our neighbors, scoop it into decorated mason jars and deliver it to their doorstep. The best part is ringing the doorbell and the running like crazy! Our neighbors love it and it has become a fun family tradition.

2. Possession gift

Give something you already have, something that is of special value to you. Not your junk, but your treasure. Don't ask the question, "What can I buy for Sally?" Ask the question, "What do I have that would mean a lot to Sally?" My pastor husband once mentioned in a sermon that he collects old Bibles. The next Christmas, one of our church members gave him an old and cherished family Bible. It is still one of Dan's most prized possessions.

3. Gift of time

Time is a valuable gift because when we give thirty minutes of time, we are giving thirty minutes of life. When Dan was in seminary, we were always short on time and money. When Christmas came, one of our friends handed us a Christmas card with his gift inside, a coupon good for one afternoon of babysitting each week for the whole year. To this day, I still remember how thrilled I was when Scott handed us that card and showed up every week. That gift kept on giving all year long. Give a gift of time spent in prayer for a friend or an afternoon of errands run for an older friend. Time is a precious gift.

4. Gift of encouragement.

Tell someone what they mean to you. Write it down so they can read your encouraging words several times. Writing it down can help you say it better and requires more time and thought. You can also make a cassette tape of encouraging words and thoughts for those who can't see well or for that hurried mom who spends much of her life in a car. In my bible, I have several notes tucked as bookmarks for special verses; notes of encouragement that have keep me on my feet during difficult times.

5. A blind gift

Give a gift to someone you don't even know; a gift that is given in Jesus' name, just because you love Him. I recently read an article about a millionaire who sets aside large sums of money at Christmas. Dressed in a disguise, he then walks the streets, pressing $100 bills into the hands of the needy. "It makes my whole year," he says.

6. Secret gift

Give a gift to someone you know without them knowing who gave it. Give with no hidden motive and with no possible benefit to yourself. Like most newlyweds, Dan and I were on an extremely tight budget during the first years of marriage. At one point, we had no money for groceries, a fact we shared with no one but God. We wanted to see what He would do. Returning from church one Sunday night, we started up the steps to our mobile home. There, on the sidewalk, was a brown package. We hurriedly ripped off the paper to find a brick with two $100 bills taped to each side. We still don't know who gave us that gift, but every time I think of them, I ask God to bless them for their secret gift.

This year, make this Christmas your best Christmas by receiving His gift of Love, by giving yourself to Him and by sharing His love with others. Search for Him in every face. Watch for Him throughout each day and may this be a joy-filled Christmas and the beginning of a joy-filled year

Let's Pray
May "God grant the light in Christmas which is faith; the warmth of Christmas, which is love; the radiance of Christmas, which is purity; the righteousness of Christmas, which is justice; the belief in Christmas, which is truth; the all of Christmas, which is Christ."

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

The Touch of the Master's Hand

It was battered and scarred,
And the auctioneer thought it
Hardly worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bid, good people," he cried,
"Who starts the bidding for me?"
"One dollar, one dollar, Do I hear two?"
"Two dollars, who makes it three?"
"Three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three."
But, No,
From the room far back a grey haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow.
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet,
As sweet as the angel sings.
The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet low,
Said, "What now am I bid for this old violin?"
As he held it aloft with its' bow.
"One thousand, one thousand, Do I hear two?"
"Two thousand, who makes it three?"
"Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
Going and gone," said he.
The audience cheered,
But some of them cried,
"We just don't understand."
"What changed its' worth?
Swift came the reply
"The Touch of the Master's Hand."
And many a man with life out of tune,
All battered with bourbon and gin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin.
A mess of pottage, a glass of wine
A game and he travels on.
He is gong once, he is going twice,
He is going and almost gone.
But the Master comes,
And the foolish crowd never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the Touch of the Master's Hand
-Myra Brooks Welch

Let's Pray
Lord, You are mighty and powerful. No matter what I face, I want to walk in Your might instead of my weakness. Help me to remember that Your Word says: "Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.