Anyone who is from the metro D.C. area or are for some other reason ( like a brain malfunction) loyal to that locality and its sporting teams, read on, this is for you! That's Right, I am going to gush about the Washington Redskins and why they are so cool! This is a team that proudly displays a racial epitaph as its name and best of all, likes to hear thousands of rabid fans screaming said epitaph at the top of their lungs every Sunday. Sometimes on Monday. All their merchandising has the name on it, or even better, a cheap cigar box depiction of one of them redskins in a circle with feathers hanging off one side. Like thus:
I, for one, am always appreciative of the Washington Redskins (And the Atlanta Braves, and the Cleveland Indians) for standing up for their traditions in this day of over sensitive PC tree hugging crap. If colleges want to pretend they are all culturally sensitive and do away with decades of tradition (racist since 1933; or Racist in Washington DC since 1934!) just because a bunch of minority protest groups whine about stereotypes usurping millennia of their traditions (plus or minus 12,000 years), well fie on them and a pox too. Whimps. Liberal tree hugging metro-hypocritical whimps. I bet these idiots actually believe in that global warming scare, the one that the oil companies have proved is all just natural and has nothing to do with their product. But not our Redskins, no sir, they are brave, steeped in tradition (since 1934!), and proud of their heritage! Well, the borrowed heritage they usurp but I digress. What would they change it to anyway? The Washington Whiteskins? After all, we are talking about the single team that held out the longest on that irritating integration law the feds were pressuring them with. They have a long standing tradition (since 1934!) of being white bread.
This is a fun game I just thought up. I am going to suggest possible brave team logos for cities, and you try to guess what the team name could possibly be!
San Fransisco, California:
Harlem, New York:
Des Moines, Iowa:
Now wasn't that fun? How many did you guess?
So here, in no particular order, is
What I Like about the Redskins
1. They don't bow down to PC crap and choose to uphold their less then 100 year history no matter the thousands of years of history and later European genocidal repression of the people they are ripping off! And that takes guts.
2. Every Sunday we get to hear thousands of drunk Washingtonians make stereotypical Injun noises. Ohhhh ohhh ohhhhhh chop!
3. Our Nation's capitol has a sports team representing the people our nation stomped, kicked around, gave diseases to and shoved into tiny bits of swamp and desert land in order to be a nation in the first place. Everyone needs the history reminder.
4. Their colors are like, wicked cool. Yellow and redskin! Awesome.
5. On their official site, they encourage fans to upload videos of them screaming in pride and being part of the "Redskins community."
If you'd like to drop a line to the Washington Redskins and thank them for being so brave in the face of that boring cultural sensitivity bull shit, you can do so here: firstname.lastname@example.org or snail mail them here since they seem to want to hide their email address (that last is a guess, but probably right) 21300 Redskin Park Drive Ashburn, VA 20147.
While you are at it, be sure to thank the Atlanta Braves: email@example.com And the Cleveland Indians: (216) 420-HITS. Chief Waaaahoooo!
The Made Up word of the day:
slaptackular(adjective): The art of telling everyone that you need to be smacked upside the head, repeatedly, and with a crowbar or other heavy item preferably of iron construction. The slaptackular way whiny Redskins fans (racists) claim it is just tradition when they've only been a team name since 1933 must really infuriate those culturally sensitive liberal scum! WAAAHOOOOOOO