|Friday, February 27th, 2004|
5:17 pm - ROAR
I HATE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
just fyi. have a great day.
current mood: angry
current music: the cold mountain soundtrack
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|Thursday, February 26th, 2004|
11:56 pm - when you're strong, you sparkle
omgg i love the snow so much. but i really hope the roads clear up in our neighborhood so i can go to movie night tomorrow..cuz if they didnt that would be sad because ive really been looking forward to it. so today ive been talking to ashley like all day and just sitting here like a lazy bum in my pjs..but hey sometimes u gotta do what u gotta do!|
ok so i really don tknow what to do about this guy u guyz..hes so sweet..but...yeah.
hmm i really wish i knew what to say. we have rehearsals on saturday and sunday for musical which is really good cuz we need them! im so excited that the show is getting closer..yet so sad since it is drawing to an end. ive met so many great people and become closer to them..and its just gonna be really sad.
tomorrow is a WORKING day since i have done absolutely crap today. haha..im so proud.
i would just like to say CONGRATULATIONS to sarah for making the role of the little mermaid..i cant wait to see it!
im so scared about seeing the new passion of christ movie..its gonna scar me for life but i think thats good in a way..but yeah i dunno. ill probably end up seeing it anyway.
i have eaten so much today that im gonna blow up like a hippo! but its so weird because its like no matter how much i eat my hunger wasnt satisfied..hmm! haha..but then christine told me how much she ate so i feel better ;)
im suddenly having the huge urge..to HERBAL! haha jk..im actually just wanting to see a disney movie. maybe ill go watch one in my room and fall asleep. like the princess diaries! yaya i wanna be a snow princess! that would be soo much fun..
so i was petting my kitty, Simba, tonight..(Maymaynino) and i guess im allergic to him. cuz once he was finished licking me and purring in my arms since i was holding him like a baby and he loves getting love so much..i made the mistake of rubbing my eyes. and now my eyes are all watery and itchy and puffy and my nose is running..and i just sneezed really loud so i probably woke up my mom and grandmother. ahh silly me!
speaking of which..the house is so quiet! my sister has been with her friend and work forever..and then of course natalie moved out to be with her irish boyfriend aidan. i actually sort of bonded with him when we went to new york for the wedding..we talked about a lot of things..and hes ok. at least i like him more than i did. but i still dont want natalie to marry him. anyway back to my subject, my dad has been gone for 2 weeks straight on business trips which is the longest he has ever been gone! EVER! so i miss him..but luckily i got to see him last weekend since he met up with us in Albany. hes supposed to come home tomorrow..*or should i say today since its midnight*, but because of all the delays at charlotte douglas because of snow im not so sure he will make it. i miss my daddy. hehe oh well. ill see him soon! anyway im just not used to the house being this quiet..its only me my mom and grandmother and its sorta eerie. usually there is tonz of activity going on here! im not used to it!
i would just like to inform everyone that i am in an incredibly happy mood. im perfectly content..but maybe its because im so tired i dont really know what to feel. haha anyway it feels good ;)
well i guess i better be in bed now since my mom wanted me to be in bed by 11 but being the wonderful daughter i am i didnt listen...i hope you all had a wonderful snow day!
*i will love you, til the end of time*
current mood: high
current music: come clean-hilary duff hehe
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11:00 am - the last unicorn
i absolutely adore this song, as my sister introduced it to me quite a while ago. it is her favorite childhood story and movie, and has greatly influenced her. i just thought i would share the lyrics with you. The last unicorn is a novel about the last unicorn on the earth, who goes on a quest to find what happened to all of the other unicorns. she meets many people along the way, and faces many obstacles as well. i havent read this book, but im sure i will soon. |
When the last eagle flies
Over the last crumbling mountain
And the last lion roars
At the last dusty fountain
In the shadow of the forest
Though she may be old and worn
They will stare unbelieving
At the Last Unicorn
When the first breath of winter
Through the flowers is icing
And you look to the north
And a pale moon is rising
And it seems like all is dying
And would leave the world to mourn
In the distance hear her laughter
It's the Last Unicorn
I'm alive... I'm alive
When the last moon is cast
Over the last star of morning
And the future is past
Without even a last desparate warning
Look into the sky where through
The clouds a path is formed
Look and see her how she sparkles
It's the Last Unicorn
I'm alive... I'm alive... I'm alive
you can listen to the song at http://www.fortunecity.com/roswell/cushing/263/uni/unicorn.html
but its a little slow, and its only orchestral.
today is a SNOW day. i am so happy yet a little irritated since my mommy called and woke me up for no reason. so im exhausted too cuz i stayed up so late last night. hmm we need the rehearsals for musical and chorus so im sorta worried about that..but im sure it will all turn out fine. i hope you are having a wonderful snow day. i was telling ashley how my backyard looks like a winter wonderland. its so beautiful..and its awesome since i was just in snow last weekened in new york. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! i was meant to live in cold weather. i dont really know what else to say. nothing new going on here!
*I will love you, til the end of time.*
"Walk ahead of me and I may not follow. Walk behind me and I may not lead. Walk beside me, like a friend"
current mood: sympathetic
current music: the last unicorn
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12:12 am - blahhh
i cant remember anything about the past few days. only that its been really hectic and stressful. otherwise i would tell u. sry.
current mood: geeky
current music: my immortal~evanescence
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|Thursday, February 19th, 2004|
9:11 pm - what to do!!!
ok so right now im sitting here extremely exhausted awaiting for the arrival of my sister so we can drive to raleigh. and i just realized (because jen informed me) that its like a 3 hour drive. ahh i cant believe this! i really dont want to go to new york! ill be missing 9 hours of rehearsal and thats like really bad cuz ms rogers told us all that she needs us there everyday..of course i had already gotten permission from calvar a long time ago to get to go to the wedding..but now i really dont want to because i feel bad. especially since we are only 1.5 weeks away from opening night! kira and i are so excited cuz we get to walk down the staircase in the harmonia gardens scene! anyway..im really stressed and i still havent decided whether or not i should go. altho my mom did call calvar and asked once again just to be sure that its fine and she said that it was and she was very impressed with my dedication to even consider not going and that it was just an unfortunate time for this to happen adn that she'd leave it up to me. DARN i wish she would have begged me not to go and then i would have a good reason! but the other thing is that recently i have just been terrified of flying..and i really just cant handle plane rides anymore. ever since 2 months ago coming home from california after seeing my grandmother and at the height of the terror alerts..it was all just way too stressful. the slightest movement on a plane freaks me out..and i like start panicking if someone sneezes! there must be something wrong with me! i guess i have to go tho because if i stayed..i dont have any of my homework done that is due tomorrow! anyway..the wedding should be beautiful and it should be fun to see our old family friends..im just really not wanting to follow through with the plane part tho. i have planophobia! haha right ashley? my plane is gonna crash and as soon as i step on the plane i will die from hyperventalation! i dont wanna die :( so, if this is the last journal entry i ever right..i hope u all come to my funeral. and i love u all so much. and without u i truly wouldnt be able to live. eventho i can be really annoying..thanks for putting up with me. I guess i better go now..sweet dreams everyone. xoxo, your elise
current mood: scared
current music: dancing (hello, dolly)
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|Saturday, February 14th, 2004|
10:22 pm - yayyayayyyy hyperness!!
omg ok i like cant stop smiling and i dont know why or when it happened but i am like in the greatest mood ever!! this weekend has been soo fun so far!|
so friday night after rehearsal jenny picked me up and we went to cicis to meet all the musical people..and yes its cicis PIZZA not cicis SALAD *haha sry guyz!!* and so..this mexican guy started hitting on me and wouldnt stop staring at christine and ashley! and he came up to me and was like HOLA! and i was like hi..and i turned my head to the other side of the table and rolled my eyes like in a weird look and put my hand up to my face..and ahsley couldnt stop laughing at me. but omg it wass soo embaressing! i hate it when that happens! so next thing i kno christine asked me to go to the bathroom with her so when we came back the whole table was laughing at me and i was like omg!! all because cough ASHLEY cough cant keep her mouth shut! haha jk. i love u ashwey! so yeah that was interesting..but i felt bad for the guy. should i?? anyway so then i ran outside cuz i was really nervous about him but it ended up that that didnt do any good because there were just more mexicans out there and i was like AHH THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! haha.
so then we all traveled over to beckys for movie night and watched sleepy hollow..which was scary and nasty. and AJ was a meanie and scared me and sarah half to death cuz he like pounced on us so we both screamed..which i think sorta bugged everyone lol. and everyone just hung out and then started gladiator and i kept falling asleep..and i was having like the worst dizzy spell ever i could hardly see..but thats ok because i felt better at like 2 am! and becky and sarah sang me a lullabye since i was so tired so thats always good!
then this mornin everyone left which left me, christine, becky, and sarah..so becky made us yummy chocolate chip pancakes and then we watched alice and wonderland and started a little princess! so that was fun..and then we all drove thru chick fil a before going to rehearsal..which i left early cuz i didnt feel like being there at all..plus the fact i didnt think we had to be there since i wasnt in the dances that calvar told us she was going to work on today.
but ooo goodness u guyz! i am so proud of myself because today during warm ups at rehearsal..carmen jr was there and wanted us to do this funky thing that included like a side split and..i dunno i cant explain it im not a dancer! haha but anyway i was like OMG this hurts so bad and i cant do it! and then carmen jr helped me and ms calvar was like yes elise u can do it! and guess what? I DID! and then everyone started clapping for me so i felt good..altho im sure i must have looked like a total retard hehe. but at least ms calvar was proud of me! ;) and that means everything muhahaha!
so anyway after that chris came home and hung out and stuff..and then we ate dinner and went to see fifty first dates..which was really cute but i personally thought it had way too many sexual jokes..adam sandler always has to have that stuff in his movies doesnt he? sry if u disagree. but after the movie we stopped by wendys and got frostys..and my grandmother was saying really funny things so me and chris couldnt stop laughing..i mean we literally laughed for like 10 minutes straight! and once i was laughing so hard that i spit my frosty all over my clothes! it was hilarious..had to be there i guess!
but yeah..now im exhausted..but this has just been such an awesome weekend. and even better..i think i get to see my dear kelly jean tomorrow! YAY! and i will be in new york on friday for a wedding of our old friends son oliver because i am leaving thursday night which means i will be gone the entire weekend! ill write more later! I LOVE YOU! ahh im so excited! xoxo!!
current mood: ecstatic
current music: all the pretty lil horses--kenny loggins and other singers
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|Monday, February 9th, 2004|
11:09 pm - did u know?
 What's your first name? elise
 Middle name? elizabeth
 Last name? ..d0nt worrie b0ut it
 Nicknames? liserz, eliseybooper, elisey, elee, many others
 Do u like ur nicknames? yeah
 Sekz? girL
 Birthday? 8-9
 Your sign? leo--the best of the best!
 Where do u live? in the milky way galaxy
 Do you have a boy/girlfriend? no
 Do you like ur name? sometimes
 Who is your crush? i dont really have time for crushes..altho some of u may be special enough to know of a special someone ;)
 Do you have any piercing, or want any? no, no
 If so what do you have/want pierced? na
 Do you have a tattoo or want one? no
 If so what kind and where? na
 where do u shop at the most? american eagle, gap, wet seal, hollister..others
 What color is your hair? dark brown
 What color are your eyes? brown
 How tall are you? 5`4
 Do you smoke? nope
 do your friends smoke? one has tried it ;)
 Who is your best friend? no names - they kno who they are
 Who are your best friends online? what kind of question is that
 Do you like Bath & Body Works? ? yes
 Kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? many..suave, pantene, head and shoulders, herbal essences, finesse, dove..all depends on my mood but i feel like im forgettin some
 Is your hair short or long? on the longer side
 Do you like to shop? of course!
 What sports do you play? used to play soccer, swim
 What turns you on? umm im going to take this as a what inspires u question..music
 What turns you off? liars, annoying, atheists
 What place do you go for fun? umm anywhere w/my friends
 What do you do for fun? talk on the phone, aim, read, SING, act, otherz
 How many phones do you have in your house? do i really have to go count? a lot and lets leave it at that
 How many TV's do you have in your house? 6
 What's your favorite foods? seafood, chinese, salads
 Do you like anyone famous? ..what??
 Do you think Ricky Martin is muy guapo (very handsome)? NO
 Who is the most attractive person you know? ...many people..letz just say they are more attractive than me
 Do u wish to be like your parents? umm thats tough..in some ways yes, others no
 What cologne should a hot girl/guy wear? anything - just not too strong or nasty
 What are you listening to right now? nothing im sitting in the dark
 How many hours per day do you spend talking on the phone? at most 1
 Do you have your own phone line? i have a cell..
 Have you ever kissed someone of the opposite sex(NOT family)? uh huh
 What are your favorite shoes? yet another one im not sure on
 What kind of clothes do you sleep in if any? pj bottoms and a t shirt
 What's your favorite soda? dr pepper and sprite
 What things do you say a lot? like, omg, amazing!! (hah right chris)
 Are you the serious, loud, happy, or shy type? serious a lot..but i have a very hyper happy side that most of my choir friends know me for..and anyone who has ever slept over ;)
 Who is the coolest person in the world? god
 Do you think you are weird or funny? definitely both
 Who was the last person you called? chris
 Where do you wanna get married? europe
 Who is the finest guy in your school? not sure and even if i did i wouldnt say
 What are your favorite guy/girl names? well theres a lot but i forgot them at the moment
 What's your worst memory in the past 5 years? the death of my cousin and grandmother
 What's your favorite childhood memory? dancing and singing with my dad and cousin
 What is your favorite fast food restaurant? chick fil a
 Who do you really dislike? the devil ;)
 Do you have any brothers and sisters? yes
 If so, names? melissa, natalie
 do you have a pool? workin on that one
 Do you have a spa? yes
 Are you stupid? no
 What are you addicted to? aim
 Do you like jewelry? only on special occasions, like if its from a close family relative
 Who do you wish you were like? becky and nicole kidman..BROOKERZ
 Who has it easier, boys or girls? boysss
 Would you rather be short or tall? in the middle
 Do you like to dance? no..anyone in the musical should know that
 Do you like playing pranks on people? no they are mean
 What's your least favorite subject in school? MATH
 What's your favorite subject in school? english
 What college do you wanna go to? stanford (which will never happen) , nyu, some california college
 What school do you go to now? phs
 Do you have a Playstation or Nintendo 64? yes..somewhere
 Do you sleep a lot? sometimes yes sometimes no
 Whats your favorite radio stations? dont really listen to the radio..102*9 i suppose and any christian station
 Are you a night person? sometimes
 Are you a morning person? NO
 Whats your favorite cartoon show? not sure
 Do you take baths? when i have time
 How often do you shower? 1-2 times a day
 What room do you spend most time in? all of them equally..especially computer area
 How many rooms does your house have? dumb question
 What do you wanna be when you're out of college? actress or singer..broadway baby!
 Do you curse a lot? no
 Are you ticklish? yEs
 What's your favorite flower?? birds of paradise
 What are you wearing right now? my ccc seattle tour shirt and old navy pj bottoms
 Do you go to church? yes altho i feel really guilty i havent been in like 2 months
 How many kids do you wanna have? 1 or 2
 Do you believe in God? yes
 Do you believe in love at first sight? no
 What color tooth brush do you use? white and yellow
 You like your toothbrush? um yea ?
 Who is your favorite cartoon character? i duNno
 Do you have a job? no
 What's your favorite fruit? bananas and strawberries
 What's your favorite vegetable? cucumbers
 McDonalds or Burger King? mcdonalds
 Coke or Pepsi? coke
 Rather marry the perfect lover or perfect friend? lemme think about that
 Sweet or sour? sweet
 Mr. PiBB or Dr. Pepper? dr pepper
 Tea or coffee? tea
 Sappy/action/comedy/horror? sappy and comedy
 Cats or dog? cat
 Ocean or pool? pool
 Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheese? co0ler ranch
 Mud or Jello wrestling? what in the world?
 With or without ice-cubes? without
 Milk/Dark/White chocolate? miLk
 Shine or rain? rain
 Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? fall
 Vanilla or Chocolate? both
 Skiing or boarding? skiing
 Biking or blading? bike i guess
 Cake or cookies? coOkies
 Cereal or toast? toast
 Car or truck? car
 Night or day? day
 Gloves or mittens? mittens
 Pager or Cell phone? cell phone
 Bunk bed or waterbed? water
 Chewing gum or hard candy? gum
 Motor boat or sailboat? motor
270] What's your favorite color? baby blue
 What's your favorite Drink? strawberry daquiris
 What's your favorite Holiday? christmas
 What's your favorite Quote? have alot
 What's your favorite Sound? music
 What's your favorite Song? MANY
 What's your favorite Book? second star to the right, goodbye paper doll, the china garden
 What's your favorite Place? nOt here
 What's your house gonna look like? mansion with a huge library and garden..with a large pond in the bakyard
 Where are you gonna live? california or new york..and vacation homes in europe
 Move anywhere, where would it be? back to california
 What time is it? 11 33
woow..if u read all of this..u have no life..officially
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9:50 pm - is it just me, or do things seem different around here?
i just realized i havent updated in a while. too much stuff as been going on. mondays are so hectic for me..going from school to musical rehearsal to ccc rehearsal..i scarcely have an instant to breathe. musical rehearsal today was sucky..because i was just in a really low self esteem mood as usual..so what else is new? but luckily my dearest kode was there to have a shoulder to cry on. i love that boy. i swear if more guyz were as sweet as him, this world would be a much better place. then at choir rehearsal my choir director got really mad at me..but thats ms holland for you. well she didnt get angry, just annoyed, so after she gave me this stern look i slapped myself really hard to make it up to her...but that just made her concerned. oh well. i guess i really cant do anything right. listening to music and singing are the only ways i can escape from reality..but earlier this week i realized how i have no talent. i cant sing..and i dunno. my world has just turned upside down. after musical rehearsal today, i ran outside and screamed and was jumping up and down to release all of my pain and confusion, anger, and annoyance out of my system, and freaking everyone out, especially amy. and then at the same moment that i screamed a car honked its horn, so emily p ran outside thinking that i had been hit by a car or something. that made me chuckle. nothing much more to say..hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. wow i just rhymed.|
*i will love you, til the end of time.*
current mood: crushed
current music: memory ~cats
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|Saturday, January 24th, 2004|
9:23 pm - time after time
im going to try my hardest to be happy..which will take A LOT of work. but just know..i AM trying. hopefully..
current mood: scared
current music: raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..u know the rest
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7:24 pm - day 3..but i guess weekends dont count
i grew up in that house.
its just not fair.
she wouldnt have wanted us to sell it.
at least we kept the cabin and all of her other properties..
and the church..
i wish i could move on but i cant..
its only been 3 weeks..
why does death have to be so hard?
i loved that house.
is it wrong to be so upset over something this simple?
sorry..ill just shutup now.
current mood: crushed
current music: salmo 150..(becky loves that song too haha)
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7:22 pm - another eulogy..
this is the eulogy that my uncle wrote and read at her funeral..but i guess it was really his sermon because hes a retired minister and he was the one who conducted the services..|
Julia Ramirez Garcia
(August 18, 1909 – December 30, 2003)
January 3, 2004
It was only days ago that my mother sat in her favourite chair in the living room listening as I said goodbye to my brothers. We had spent four days with mom. We knew mom was dying. Mom knew because mothers know everything. We never thought the day would come that we would see our once beautiful mother look so frail and thin. Very thin. Her voice just above a whisper.
I went to her and sat as close as I could. ‘Mom, I am leaving for the airport’. She nodded her head. We both knew it would be our last goodbye. I asked mama, ‘Mom, please give me your blessing.’ Slowly she lifted her thin hands and placed them on my head, then slowly moved until our foreheads touched and she gave me her blessing. It was a prayer to God for her son - the good-looking one. It was a prayer that the grace of God would follow me all the days of my life.
I knew her blessing came from out of the past, from long ago, from the missionaries that led her, Papa Lino, and Mama Marcos to Christ, who passed their blessing to mom and from mom to us, a blessing from God from who all blessings flow, a blessing that I and my wife have passed to our children and grandchildren.
I tell you on the authority of the word of God, those blessings are eternal. I kissed her and left.
Sitting as we did that day across from each other, now that I reflect on it, was a déjà vue moment. When I was just a little boy and I don’t know why I asked, but I said, ‘Mom, tell me the story of our family’. It seemed that all the ‘busy-ness’ just stopped. Phones did not ring. I sat on the ottoman and listened. As she talked my eyes grew wide in wonder. It would take me hours to tell you what I heard that day and I could not tell you without weeping for the wonder of it all and the grace of it all. When she finished I was not the same boy.
I had a legacy, an inheritance, eternal in the heavens and my mom and grand parents were giants and pioneers of the stuff that make this country great, that build communities, churches, and monuments; who bring visions to people and Brooklyn avenue, Belvedere, East Los Angeles, and who inspire, and who knew how to share with their new country the beautiful country of Mexico, our music, dances, and our language which has no match.
I was living with them. I was their grandson and mom was their daughter.
And I grew up in this church that my grand father built. On Sundays, he would bring me when it was time to ring the bell and he would put my feet on the knot of the rope and I would hold on and he would ring the bell and up and down I went and I would laugh.
I mention this because the blessing brought me to the church and to faith in Jesus Christ. I was told I belong to God, that I was accountable to God. I couldn’t shake it. Through my teenage years I was rebellious and disobedient but my mom had committed me to the Lord at my baptism. It was the deal they struck up and a deal was a deal.
And the blessing brought me faith in the Word of God so that from a child to this day I have never doubted the Word of God. I will tell you how that came about. When I would come in from dates, sometimes at 2:00 am, I would pass by their bedrooms, their lights were on and I would see my grandparents reading the Bible. I thought they were waiting up for me, but they were just reading the Bible and believing every word.
That blessing – belief in Holy Scripture – came from way back in Torreron, Mexico, when a Presbyterian minister gave my grandmother a tract that quoted John 3:16. (His son Reverend Falcon sits here with us today). Grandmother could not believe that God would give up his son to die for a world so cruel. She couldn’t part with her son, Jose. And so from John 3:16 to the Methodist missionaries at the Homer Toberman mission and then on and on and on until the blessing came to me and to my wife who has given her beauty to each of our children who now also know the Lord and believe the Bible.
Tell me the blessing of a parent to a child is only a sentimental Bible custom and I will not believe you. The blessing is not sentimental. It is Power. It is eternal. It is grace, mercy, love, and hope. It brings us to Jesus. It brings us salvation.
Mom, I know you are listening. Papa Lino and Mama Marcos, I know you are listening, and I want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Your grateful son,
current mood: melancholy
current music: it is well with my soul
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7:20 pm - just to depress you..
this is my dad's eulogy that he read at my grandmothers funeral..that i couldnt be at! anyway i think its amazing..and if you have time just read it.|
Julia Ramirez Garcia
A son’s remembrances…
It isn’t easy being the youngest son of a well known and highly admired business woman and the little brother of two older brothers who walked on water, according to Mom and most definitely believed to be true by me.
Mom was a woman with very high standards for the three sons in her life. Standards set by her father, our grandfather, “PapaLino” as well as her older brother, our Uncle Joe. She would constantly remind me of the virtues of both of those men and how much I was either like them or not, depending on the issue for that day.
It wasn’t easy growing up knowing the responsibilities of Mom’s chosen career which demanded long hours of her time, helping families deal with the loss of a loved one or with the community, building monument’s for our local Veterans or making sure a community project was for the best interests of the Brooklyn Avenue residents. This left little time for her to attend my school sports events, plays, teacher conferences or junior high school graduations.
It wasn’t easy when I would be late for the school bus and I would be driven to work in a black limousine or on the back seat of a police escort’s Harley Davidson, depending on who was available from that mornings funeral, the other school kids were sure to notice.
But all in all, Mom taught me three things about life and how to make it in this world…
First, ”know your place, who you are and where you come from and never disgrace the family name.
Second, Never ask how much a job paid, just be glad you’ve got a job and third, Charm and a well written letter can move mountains or if you ask for something at the right time, you will never get a No”
The First lesson, “Knowing your place and not disgracing the family name” has stuck with me for over 50 years, to this day I always make sure the towels and beds are neatly stacked before I leave a hotel room whether I am staying at the Ritz Carlton or the Comfort Inn. Mom, made it quite clear that, Class, came with good manners and up bringing would always put you in high esteem with people you come across.
She also taught me that our family name was so closely linked with knowing Jesus Christ at a very close personal level that doing what is right and treating others as our brothers is the only option to us.
The second lesson was a little harder to swallow….”don’t ask how much the pay is, just be glad you have a job” This lesson came when I got my first job at the mortuary, no it was my second job, washing the cars was my first job, riding shot gun on first calls with Jerry Cavazos was my promotion, believe it or not I asked Mom, how much do I get paid? Shucks, Jerry should have asked for a raise since he was really only baby-sitting me on those rides out to the general hospital or to the county recorders to file a death certificate!
What I didn’t know then that I know now is she was putting me in a training position, I was learning how to behave in a business environment…. I was 12 years old at the time. Today I know what Mom really meant was get the best job you can for the shear love of the job itself and the rewards will follow. When you get up in the morning excited to get to the job and doing the best you can because it is the right thing for you and the company, that is where the true pay off comes back to you…. Mom taught me that!
Third, Charm, and a well written letter can move mountains or if you ask for something at the right time, you will never get a No”
Watching Mom work her Charm was a work of Art, she could walk into a situation knowing the odds were against her and she would turn on the “charm”. Hearts melted, rivers parted and the way was made clear…she did all that with impeccable timing and a well-written letter. The recipient of those letters or phone calls didn’t know what hit them, all they knew is they couldn’t say no to her requests. Why, because of it was the right thing to do and charming helped a whole lot too. I once asked my Mom how she was able to get my grandfather to back her up on so many projects and plans, she told me “because she waited for the right time to approach him. I learned that lesson real fast and made sure I watched Mom closely for those YES moments. I used that advice when I proposed to Kathy my wife, 33 years ago last month.
It wasn’t easy growing up with a Mother bigger than life, but the legacy she left me transcends all the missed school events and normal stuff most parents give to their kids, she gave me a fine appreciation for who I am and what legacy my children have inherited from their grandmother and great grand parents. It also made me keenly aware of the sacrifices that go into being bigger than life as was our mother. Mom, thanks for the memories.
Your loving Son,
current mood: depressed
current music: the anniversery song
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|Friday, January 23rd, 2004|
7:52 pm - day 2
so its day 2..wahoo.|
i dont really know what to say nor do i care. sorry.
maybe ill have more to talk about later.
oo..and its my grandmothers 88th bday today..so happy bday to her
current mood: nauseated
current music: come what may--moulin rouge
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|Thursday, January 22nd, 2004|
6:43 pm - DAY ONE!
well..day one ended up being a sucky one after all. it started out great, and then..it just all sort of blew up in my face. i really dont feel like talking about it. so much for being perfect.|
current mood: rejected
current music: it only hurts when im breathing--shania twain
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|Tuesday, January 20th, 2004|
5:54 pm - totally blank
and so i sit here..waiting. |
this weekend has been fun i guess. spent the night at sarahs and watched the game with her ginelle and megan, had a dinner with mrs stone which i enjoyed more than i expected with my mom. went to see chasing liberty and along came polly. along came polly sucked and chasing liberty was really cute.
meanwhile i think i have a brain tumor *hah* because i have this huge bump on my head and i cant remember how i got it and it hurts really bad..and its like swollen and its freaky because u guyz know how i have been having memory loss lately..kinda freaky.
nothing much more to say.except thank goodness tomorrow is 3rd quarter because then i can have a fresh start and make better grades since i practically flunked all my other classes last quarter :)
until next time
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|Friday, January 16th, 2004|
7:59 pm - life..after death? (friday)
wow..its been a while.|
i think all of you pretty much know of my news..but you really don't know the whole story. i couldn't bear to tell it to you, seeing as i would probably fall apart as i am about to know, expressing my thoughts through writing. 4 those of you who actually care to listen, here it goes...
as you must know from my last entry i was going out to california for a week to visit with my grandmother. little did i know how much that trip would effect me. i thought that it would be the last time i saw her, but in my heart i didn't want to believe it..which is probably why i didnt make use of my time there as i should have.
once i arrived, the sight before my eyes was horrifying. my grandmother literally looked anorexic..her eyes, the ones that used to be full of so much love, were instead now tired and weary from her troubled, long life. her body was failing on her..i mean you could see the outline of her skull, and she was basically skin and bones. it all started when she got dental surgery done, and the dentist totally screwed up her mouth. her gums were in so much pain that it hurt to eat, which is how she lost her appetite and turned into the skeleton that i saw on my last visit to her house in LA. my dad, sister, and mother were all terrified when we first set eyes on her. how was it possible that the lively 94 year old grandmother i had just seen in june, turned into such a fragile soul? and most importantly, how could such a thing happen to such an amazingly strong woman, who always faced her challenges and defeated whatever obstacles should come across her way?
my 2 uncles were there..to be with us that is..but i guess most importantly for us all to be there for each other. i sang her favorite songs,(lyrics are in my profile), and that pleased her. which i guess is what i really should feel good about..but i dont. i could have done more. both of my uncles were mesmerized by what they thought of us an "angelic voice sent from heaven." i also played the piano for her..and just sort of sat in the living room, watching her pathetically, being in so much pain, letting out soft moans once in a while from the back pain she was having, considering she was basically sitting on her own bones without any padding, and you can imagine how uncomfortable that must be. my mom accompanied me whenever i sang, and my grandmother just sat there with her eyes closed, taking all of it in. she must have known..that her time was coming.
my uncle tino, who calls me "angel face," is a retired minister. i love him dearly. the day before he left to come back to georgia, we had a communion. i thought this was just amazing, after all not everyone gets to have communion in their own house. the service was beautiful. mom played the piano, and my dad sang the song that is very meaningful to his side of the family, "it is well with my soul." i wouldn't expect any of you to ever understand why this song was so special, but perhaps if you were to listen to it sometime soon, you would discover the meaning within yourself. i had to hold back tears during the communion, seeing as my father was so overwhelmed with emotion that he started crying when he sang. you have no idea how much it hurt me, to see my father, the one who is always strong in any given situation, break down like a baby in front of his loved ones. the bond he shared with my grandmother was unlike any one his brothers shared with their mom. i can't explain it, but there was more of a connection.
i envy my sister now that i think back to the last 3 weeks. she was the one who my grandmother wanted to speak to most, she was the one who helped my grandmother in her final days of living, and she, was the one who got to go to the funeral. we took my grandmother to the doctor, just to get some medication to help ease the pain she was having. what a stupid doctor. he calls himself a specialist? he told us that she had another good year to live. HE TOLD US that my grandmother was in perfect health except for not eating but some vitamins could fix that. HE TOLD US that she was the most healthy person her age he had ever treated. what a moron. if only he had given us the right information, we would have stayed out there a longer period of time to be able to have a better goodbye. we thought we would have another chance to see her! but he was wrong. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM? a year to live? TRY 5 MORE DAYS. we should have just stayed out there. maybe then i could have told her how much i loved her, maybe then i could have thanked her for everything she had done for me..maybe then..
while my sister and mom were receiving jewelry from my grandmother that she only wanted to give my dad's daughters instead of her other grandchildren, i was sitting in the corner of the room text messaging people. if someone could please give me the answer of why the heck i was so stupid to do that, instead of talking to my grandmother..i would extremely appreciate it. how could i be so stupid? i knew that it would probably be the last time i would see her..that i should spend my time with her wisely. well i have the answer to my question. i was scared. i just couldnt accept the fact that this sickly looking person sitting in front of me was my grandmother. poor mama julia..she had no strength left. and yet, she still was cracking jokes along with my dad.
my sister spent probably every moment with her. she read through magazines with her, looked through old pictures, and all in all, just had a more meaningful experience than i did. don't get me wrong, i was very happy to be the last people to be able to see her. my family was really the only part of the family that saw her once if not twice or three times a year, whereas her other grandchildren only wrote or called her. i sent letters, pictures, cds of my choir singing, (for those of my choir friends reading this, she thought we sounded like angels, and we probably gave her the strength to move on everyday.) her other grandchildren hadn't seen her in over 4 years. in that way i feel..well i dont really know what i feel. i dont even know what im trying to say..or tell you. all i know is that i regret more than anything not spending the time with my grandmother that i should have. there's nothing more terrible with living with that feeling..and ive already had to go through it with my cousin..and trust me, it never goes away.
if only you knew what a fascinating woman my grandmother was. everybody knew her. everybody respected her. and, im proud to say, whenever she wanted something, she got it. lets face it, she was a local celebrity, and i am more proud of her than anything. if i started telling of all her life accomplishments, it would take days to finish. so im just going to tell you this: she knew what she wanted and worked hard to get it, all the while keeping a very strong relationship with god, and staying strong throughout a family feud between her siblings. and i admire her for that.
my dad and sister went to the funeral. i didnt. i couldnt bring myself to. i was too afraid of the terror alert. and, i had a performance with charlotte childrens choir to sing at the biltmore. yet another regret i have. this was, as my uncles called it, a very important family occasion, and i should have been there. im such an idiot, and i am a bad grandchild. if only you knew the whole story. but what tears me apart most is, one of my grandmothers good friends stood up at the funeral and spoke a few words. he said that in all the years between his and my grandmothers friendship, she had always spoke of how much she loved the biltmore estates. not only because of the beauty, but just simplicity of the whole estate. what he said next was, "i find it so ironic, that one of julia's granddaughters is at the biltmore this very weekend singing. i believe that she is representing her family and her grandmother's time on this earth, and julia would be very proud." and so i sit here, crying, remmebering what used to be.
this entry is just a random collection of thoughts..that probably don't mean anything to you, and probably never will. i just wanted to tell you my story. but i will tell u this: the jewelry and gifts my grandmother gave me that final week that i got to see her are probably the most prized possesions i will carry throughout the rest of my life, besides the quilt my cousin made for me before she passed away. but the greatest gift of all, is simply the time. the time, when i got to watch her from across the room, just taking in what a wonderful person she was..and only how i wish i could be just as successful as her when i am older. if only you could have met her. but even then, you just wouldn't understand now would you?
my sister is moving out next month to move into an apartment with her irish boyfriend, and im terrified about that. life without my middle sister just won't be the same. my grades are slipping because of all the past events ..and my self esteem is lower than ever. who knew that life could be so hard? will i ever learn to stand tall and gain the confidence that i need to keep me happy? i highly doubt it. im having breakdowns..and i just cant handle anything i am given anymore. i never knew that losing my grandmother would be so tough on me. i never thought i was that close to her..but of course.."you never know what you have until its gone forever." i hate that freaking quote..why does it always have to be right? and to make matters worse, my grandmother fell today and her arm wouldnt stop bleeding for a while. i think we might have to take her to the hospital tomorrow. ever since mama julia died, shes just really gone downhill. i dont think she ever thought my grandmother would die..she just seemed to be undefeatable..and besides, mama julia was really the only person my grandmother could call and talk to for hours on end without them both getting sick of talking. they were both lonely..and mama still is. they must have talked at least once a week..and something else happened out there that must effect mama as well. but i dont want to get into that right now..its too horrible to think of. their relationship was really really close, and now its almost as if my grandmother doesnt have anyone else besides her two cousins that live here. it must be horrible getting old. i never want to get old. or grow up. ever ever ever ever ever! it just..scares me to death.
**please dont take to heart anything i have said in here that might sound suicidal. im not suicidal, just confused and upset. ill get through it. please dont worry about me, its just a tough time in my life..and i love you all for trying to support me through it, but ill have to just get through it by myself**
until next time,
current mood: gloomy
current music: legacy--nichole nordeman
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|Wednesday, December 10th, 2003|
3:22 pm - wednesday
i cant believe its only wednesday!|
this week has been yet another hectic week..especially last night.
anyway on monday night i was frantically working trying to figure my whole freaking world history project, that is due this quarter but actually goes on the whole year, which took me forever..i mean come on i worked from when i got home to 11 at night and did no other homework and i still didnt finish. therefore i had to stay home from 1st block on tuesday since it was only archery so i could finish it. then the rest of my monday was pretty much a blur..i really dont even remember what happened!
on tuesday ..wow i dont remember that either. basically all i remember is having the extremely busy schedule after school..which was coming home and doing homework..and then getting really mad at my mom because she was practically making me late to natalies house since i am in her carpool with her and kelly, and we had to get to myers park presbyterian for a mandatory charlotte childrens choir rehearsal for our concert this saturday. anyway we ended up not being late, but kelly and i had to leave and we only stayed for like 30 minutes because we had a chorus concert to go to..which absolutely sucked by the way. and plus my dress was like way too long for me and i almost tripped offstage..and crystal was too worried about passing out to catch me..haha.
so yeah that was my really busy day on tuesday...
then today it was same old same old school..but my sister picked me up since there was a staff meeting my mom had to go to and those take forever, and hello dolly rehearsal was cancelled.
yeesh at the rate we are going we are not going to be ready to perform in march. usually the show is in june...but because of all the exams and stuff they decided to make it earlier. we have only had 2 rehearsals so that means that there will be like a LOT of saturday rehearsals.. *crying face* anyway..im sorta worried about that!
on a happy note..only 2 days til seraphine spends the weekend with me!
on a sad note...my grandmother is dying...
on a happy note..because of that i get to go to california in a week and go to disneyland eventho i was just in disneyland 4 months ago, and disneyworld 2 weeks ago! haha arent i such a lucky child?
on a sad note...i forget lol...
on a happy note...saturday night at 8 at myers park presbyterian is my charlotte childrens choir christmas concert..its gonna be awesome since its the top 3 choirs without the little kids! um its $10 and its until 9*30 so i hope all of you come to see yours truly!
last comment...i am freaked out of the flu..and in wh yesterday we were watching this movie on the black plague and how it killed 4 million people and i was like relating it to the flu sinc eits gonna kill 75,000 people and then everyone in class starting coughing and u kno how i am a germ freak so i was like AHH CHLAUSTERPHOBIC! or however u spell it
a HILARIOUS convo between me and emmie...well u might not find it that amusing but i dont really care cuz we do..
SkimboardChic75: haha yes i figured u meant it that way
SkimboardChic75: haha u feel dirty, not dirta
itsalljustanAcT: theres a difference there?
SkimboardChic75: yes u see the y is substitued with an a and also italicized
SkimboardChic75: therefore, the conclusion for dirta=naughty=the song christiana aguliara (w/e) sings=lots o' booty shakin
SkimboardChic75: =disty thoughts of what you meant
itsalljustanAcT: that is sooo funny
SkimboardChic75: haha so you see
SkimboardChic75: there is a big difference
SkimboardChic75: dirty=...stinky, smelling, something like that
SkimboardChic75: but i'm sure ur not stinky or smelly, so i wouldn't worry about it
itsalljustanAcT: thank you for a little lesson there
itsalljustanAcT: i learn my life lessons from you
SkimboardChic75: really its no problem-o
well i love you all..wow this has been a long journal! xOxO!!
current mood: blank
current music: theres gotta be more to life--stacie orrico
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|Saturday, December 6th, 2003|
11:20 pm - saturday
wow today has certainly been a most eventful day full of singing and jet propellered pooping hippos! i actually got to sleep in so i was happy..then mama fixed me about the most fatning breakfast you can imagine..2 eggs, an english muffin, about a full plate of hashbrowns, and like 6 strips of bacon. of course i didnt eat that much of it! yucky!|
then i had to get into my choir uniform for our performance at 2*30 but we had to be there at 1*45. actually we had to be there at 2, in which case kelly was right, but ms holland the night before had said to be there at 1*45 so we were there 15 minutes early, in which case i was right so i win kelly and at least i was listening! haha...
then i came home so i got home around 5*15..and then i had to go over to kellys house for our carpool 4 our performance at 8..and i got there at like 6*20 which was like 20 minutes earlier than we had to leave but oh well what can you do? oh and this is because my dad and mama had decided to go to the performance earlier in the day so my parents swtiched carpool times with mrs johnson..so she drove earlier tonight. so then i had my performance at 8-10..which i was relieved but also extremely sad that its over because the music played was just so beautiful..and during silent night i was practically in tears but i cant say why because someone who might be reading this might get upset.
then we drove to take kelly to her friends party..and me natalie and lauren were having fuzzy thing fights..haha and the old lady glared at us in the car and the car reeked of feet and we were discussing tamagochi's with kelly but hey..besides that it was pretty normal! lol.."kid,that was SO 10 years ago" "um, no it was SIX!" *snap snap* hahaha we are so weird!
oh, and ms holland yelled at us as usual because the ugly fat lady who must not be named told ms holland that our choir was acting up..yeah right. whatever...the adult choir didnt think we were that bad..she was just bitchy.
but after that lecture i did feel really bad because i feel like ms davis and ms holland hate me..everyone hates me lol. well no because my choir friends love me to death, and i am so lucky to have them because they are my best friends in the world. and so now i am home exhausted talking to sunny when the rest of my house is asleep and i think im getting ready to go to bed too..to be filled with another hectic day of homework and a day of fun at the library *yeah, right* with katy for our stupid world history project once again. then its off to another very hectic week...but hey atleast i have something to look forward to..because seraphine is gonna spend the whole weekend with me since her parents are going out of town!
ok so i guess id better go now..luv u all. XoXo
current mood: cold
current music: Silent Night ~Charlotte Symphony with Cello Soloist
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|Friday, December 5th, 2003|
4:53 pm - friday
ahh this has been such a busy week that i havent had time to write at all. as most of you know, i have been performing with my choir all week with the symphony for "the magic of christmas" and it really takes a lot out of you. im exhausted! and the performances are from 8-10 which means I get home at 11 from the blumenthal uptown..and yeah. plus i have all of my musical rehearsals and homework, so ive just been really stressed lately.|
which is why i have now decided to not get on the computer on the weekdays because i just have to so much to do that i dont have time to talk to anyone. plus i need to get my grades up because i was pretty upset about those :(
anyway, nothing much more to say..just the fact that musical rehearsals are going great and i cant wait til my ccc concert next weekend. its actually been sorta nice seeing my choir friends every night. so..bye bye people.
XoXo OH YEAH TODAY IS MY SISTER'S 27TH BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BISSA! hehe
oo..and go me..today in archery we were shooting balloons that were on the bullseye on the target, and i popped both balloons 2 times in a row! oh and in water aerobics we had a sub so we watched pirates of the carribean and thats always fun.
current mood: tired
current music: any christmas song..theyve been in my head all week
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|Monday, December 1st, 2003|
3:54 pm - thanksgiving break
well its monday...and thanksgiving break was awesome. most of u already know i went to florida for a family reunion with my dad's 2 older brothers because apparently we have never had thanksgiving with them. on the drive out there i finished up all the freakin homework all my teachers gave me over break which was good cuz i didnt feel like dealing with it the rest of my wonderful vacation. the other cool thing is i got to meet a bunch|
of relatives that i had no idea even existed and they are all so awesome, i just wish i could see them more often and i luv them so much. i also met my cousin alexis who is 15, and she and i talked a lot and shes really cool. and it "snowed" in florida..haha jk, it was actually a bunch of soap bubbles that these machines blew out into the sky..yeah it was pretty cool except the stupid soap got in my eye and i was almost blinded.
then the day afterwards i went to seaworld..and a couple days after that i went to disneyworld which was just awesome as usual, since i was just in disneyland a couple months ago.
then what should have been an 8 hour drive turned out to be like 10.5 hours and it took forever and i almost collapsed on my bed when i got home..
the first day back from break at school was pretty good, but omg i am so stressed. all these week for charlotte childrens choir i have performances with the symphony for the magic of xmas every night until 10*30, which means i get home at 11 every night. and i have so much work to do for stanley and her stupid project, and all of my other classes, not to mention english..and we are starting the odyssey in that class on wednesday! fun stuff! *sarcastic remark*
then next week i have a bunch of choir stuff to do too because i have my choir christmas concert with the 3 top choirs..so that will be good. please come its gonna be really awesome..its @ 7 at myers park presbyterian church.
so now i gotta go take a shower because i have chlorine all over me from water aerobics which was interesting today cuz like no one brought their clothes so only a few of us swam..including my dearest carly..and her birthday is on thursday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY EARLY CARLY!
XoXo bye bye
oh, and while at the reunion i found out that my grandmother (in LA) is dying..oh and my cat ran away i found out when i got home. soo life sucks at the moment. so bc of my grandmother in the state she is in, we are gonna fly out on the 19th of december to see her for christmas and come back on the 24th since we have to have christmas here. this will be like the last time i see her. its just weird, because i never thought i was really that close to her. but now thats its all happening, its just sort of a slap in the face. theres too much death going on right now, im just not ready for this to happen.
current mood: guilty
current music: Courage ~from charmed when phoebe is crying bc of cole dying
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