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I am really not that cool

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Changing Times. [17 Jun 2003|05:31pm]
new journal .... www.livejournal.com/users/istealunderwear/
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its been a while, I don't think anyone reads this anymore... [17 Jun 2003|01:28am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I'm tired. went to the coolest kids house EVER. I am so sore from that work out today and jet skiing yesterday, I need a massage.... I might go to the beach tomorrow, that would be cool. I want to go to 80's night, really bad.

countdown till Sam is back in America.....21 days

I think that 80's night tomorrow is a must. I wanted Nick's video things, they made me laugh. Sometimes.....I dunno, I am feeling a little awkward about everything, I don't know maybe its things getting back to normal, "home" life, its getting to me. Its making me feel weird with myself, somewhat of a lost identity. Weird.

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correction** [03 Jun 2003|12:22pm]
I did not write the last post that was Erica. and her middle name is not Claire.
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aww [02 Jun 2003|04:12pm]
I love my sister, Erica Marie Claire Benes

so so much

shes so cool
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all work and no play makes me money [31 May 2003|05:20pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I worked at 8 am this morning. Crazy. So I haven't been doing much lately, I don't really like going clubbing, so I don't. I'm not on a typing mood. Sam wrote me the best e-mail ever.im going out to eat tonight. six flags Monday???

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the sun is out.... [29 May 2003|11:01am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Sam is here right now, we went to Boston yesterday and went to the fine arts museum it was awesome, then we went to the Garment District and didn't get anything. Then we took the T back and I drove to Providence we went to Thayer St and we ate at Au Bon Pain, then we went to Tealux to get some tea, It was a very nice day.

My car broke down last night, but luckily it happened when I was in my driveway, so I have to go get it fixed. But all in all things are looking up, the weather is getting better, I'm not mad at anything anymore. Good times.

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why isn't a Happy day? [26 May 2003|10:08pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Ulgy Cassanova ]

I thought birthdays were suppose to be nice. why does this one suck so much? How come all I want to do is cry for the past 2 days, I don't get it. Sam or my sister didn't even say happy birthday, they both said it when it was too late and it got me sad. Some people drink alcohol, some don't. Not everyone can be around all the time. No one knows what I do when I'm not with them. This weather isn't helping me feel better either. This sucks.

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pens banging, Marie reading, and IMs ringing [25 May 2003|09:27pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | marie's soothing reading voice ]

Lindsay keeps dropping her pen while doing a crossword puzzle sitting on my floor, now she is humming some song. Marie is reading out loud. She is "practicing" for something. I am very annoying today, about everything, but Marie and Lindsay aren't annoying me at all right now, something funny happens once in a couple minutes.

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why can't people just put things away. [21 May 2003|10:25pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | television .... not the band the actual thing ]

I saw the matrix, it was good, not like the first one though. Went to the gym for the past 3 mornings, all before 10 AM, I am doing good and I know I have to keep going because I tried on bathing suits which made me depressed, I am hungry right now, but I know I shouldn't eat anything so I am trying really hard not to.

I worked for the first time tonight, it was all right, I got 3 charge applications! WHAT WHAT! that is never going to happen again. I cam home and my CDs were all on my table and I didn't put them there. If you are going to use my stuff don't leave it lying around, I don't use your stuff and throw it around like it's mine. When I got out of work I called my friends to see what they were doing, and they were watching TV somewhere all together, and not me. and they didn't invite me, I hate that and I know one or all of them are going to read this...so I'm just saying...I don't have any other plans, so I wouldn't mind being invited. I know I only talked to one of them, but just for reference.

I got my work schedule for next week, and it's good. Sam is going to come up on Tuesday. It will be fun, although I have to work on my birthday, it doesn't matter, it's only 4 hours and it's time and a half. I don't know where to take him..any suggestions?

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I'm feeling better already [19 May 2003|11:16pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | shhh everyone is sleeping... ]

today I went outside and tanned for like 2 minutes. that is so boring, and the sun was too bright to let me look at the pages of my crossword book. the library is only open on Tues. wed. and Fri. now, and I didn't know that so I didn't get a book. I had a doctor's appointment this morning but I didn't go, I didn't need to. I called though to be polite.

7th Heaven was on tonight, that show gets the worst actors ever. Then I saw the ed of Mr. Personality. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY. That show must have sucked I am so glad I didn't waste my time watching it ever before, although I don't know why I did tonight.

I went to the gym, I am going to go tomorrow, and the next day and the next day, at the class tonight my sister was so funny, she didn't know how to do any of the step stuff, funny shit right there. Sam is possibly going to visit me next week, I hope so. It will be so much fun! I'm putting my car on the road tomorrow I think then I can go to NJ and go in the hot tub. I'm so excited.

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I'm writing this for my health [18 May 2003|12:51pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | atreyu ]

woah, I've been home for 5 days now and its been pretty good. last night I went to jess's house and it was cool, we just sat around and watched David Blaine, Lindsay thinks he is the devil.

I think I am going to take my mom's car and go to Barnes and Noble and get a book, although I don't know which book I want yet. maybe I will look up some on the Internet. I kind of want to go to the gym, but their aren't any classes today because it is Sunday. what to do, what to do?

I went to church, man I really liked not going, and I don't want to go at all anymore. I was going to say something else but I forgot...Sam called me, I like it when he calls it makes me happy. I don't know why. My mom is planting flower but she says she doesn't have any digging tools....I painted some stuff in my room, and its not drying, its been 3 days so far. I'm wearing my new shorts.

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I'm home and its all right [16 May 2003|12:53pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

So I've been home for 2 days now, I did my room over like I said I would and it's awesome. I went out with my friends last night and that was awesome also, we are going to have fun this summer. we inducted a new member into the ASC, we felt like it was time to let Erin (queen-B) join the ASC. We all don't know why she wasn't part of it sooner. I talked to Sam yesterday that was nice, he better call me sometime. I slept on Erin's couch last night with stupid cats that gave me a headache and made my nose stuffy and I hurt my wrist I can't move it that well. Well I might go to the gym today. and that is about it. I think I just want to stay in my room all day and just admire the good job I've done.

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it's done [13 May 2003|11:26pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | ulgy cassanova - barnacles ]

so I am done with everything that has to do with school work, it feels weird not having anything to do at all.

the film showing went very well tonight. all the final films and videos were shown and then in the middle of it, right after my film was over, the professor. stops and says "who's film was that?" and the kid in my group was like "mine" then he correct himself and said "me Pam and mike" and the teacher was like that was awesome, you guys have so much talent and you are my best students, oh wait he didn't say that. but he really asked who's it was and he said that it was really good (he didn't do that to anyone else) so that was pretty cool.

I am going to miss it here. but I'll be back soon enough.

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I am allergic to something [13 May 2003|12:00am]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | i don't want to listen to anyhting my head hurts too much ]

my stomach is killing me and my head is pounding. I can't take it anymore, I just need to lie down and get cozy. but fist I'll write a little about my day, I had my final final, it was pretty easy, not that bad. then I hung out for pretty much the rest of the day, until I went to Adam's suite to give back a chair..that is all I am going to say about that situation... so then it rained. I finished packing almost everything, just leaving some stuff out for the next 2 days, then home sweet home. I'm going to miss being at school kinda, minus the work. I have to lye down I feel sick.

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it's true - the older you get the faster time goes [11 May 2003|02:07pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | the stupid shower wistling, i hate it ]

this year went by super fast, I have already finished one year of college. it's craziness. it's weird to think of all the time that has past, you know what I mean, like just 3 years ago I was thinking about my permit, 2 years ago I was thinking about college, 1 year ago I was thinking about prom/grad/getting ready for college, all of which are milestones in life, and now, I really don't know what I am supposed to be looking forward to. There is nothing big and exciting that is going to be happening in the near future, all I can really think about is graduating, but I don't really want to think about that because I have no idea what is going to happen between now and then, what if I decide to change my major, what if I change schools, what if I buy a scratch ticket and win 20 million dollars. Get it, I have nothing to look forward to and get excited about yet. I guess I can take this time to relax.

Last night we played taboo, it was cool, me Cait and Kevin won, Sam Kristen and candace lost. Yup, I knew my team would not be defeated, I knew we would come out victorious. I have started packing some stuff to go home, I think I am going to do a little bit more of that today. Today is also a day of studying, I have my final tomorrow, which should not be that hard. I guess I should start getting on top of that stuff.

Why was SNL so funny last night? It was one of the best ones.

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okay this is going to be quick [10 May 2003|02:00am]
newburyport/plum island = FUN. me and Sam had fun today it was great.

I am talking to Marie about budgets. okay

enough of this, I can't type.
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relaxin' [08 May 2003|07:44pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Frank Sinatra - The September of My Years ]

today has been a mellow day, finished editing my film, went to library, watched Sam's films, now I'm back. I am going to start writing out some flashcards for my final Monday, and watch some TV and relax.

my dad might come see my film that I made, which would be pretty cool. I drink a lot of water, I never have enough. I'm thinking about packing up some stuff to go home tonight that way I am not going crazy 2 hours before I need everything packed.

I might go to Newburyport tomorrow, if the weather allows it, to fly kites and just hang around somewhere that isn't Fitchburg. oh yea post a comment if you are actually reading my journal. I want to get dressed up to go somewhere really really bad. When I get home I am getting new glasses and painting the walls in my room.

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when will this end? [07 May 2003|10:21pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I spent 7 hours straight editing that stupid film. ugh. I ate ice cream for dinner because I missed the real dinner. today sucks a lot.

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I think I have writers block [07 May 2003|10:47am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | have to be quite people are still sleeping ]

I'm glad I'm not a writer, I would just sit and stare at a black paper forever. it took me like 5 minutes just to get this started never mind a novel.

So yesterday was spree day, it was nothing like I expected. I thought there was going to be people stumbling everywhere and kids drinking in the street, but not at all. It was kind of boring, there have been way better days around here.

I have to edit my film today, wish me luck. I have to spend a couple of hours with fuckheads who probably won't know what they are doing, but try to take charge anyway. I don't have anything to do after today till Monday. Its going to be a long couple of days. Yup.

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my tongue is swollen [05 May 2003|10:21pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | filmmaker - the luckiest boy ]

Something is wrong with my tongue. It's swollen. Weird. It kind of hurts, sometimes. I played racquetball today with Mike, it was awesome. I won every game, oh wait, no I didn't, not at all. It's okay though because I need to get in shape, I need to start feeling good about myself and getting myself fit, because I fell like such crap knowing that I have the potential to be in much better shape. As soon as I get home next Wednesday, I am going to go to the gym 5 days a week and do physical activities. I passed in my essay for writing class today, which means 2 classes down, 2 to go.

There is a final tomorrow in film and video class, Sam is going to help me study because he knows the stuff way better then me. He's lucky, he is in a good film group, he understands everything, and he is more creative then me. He's going to make it. My film group sucks, me and one other kid (there are 4 in my group counting me) are the one ones each of us likes, one of the kids just sucks, and the other one has to be in charge of everything...loser.

Tomorrow is spree day here at Fitchburg State College. That means kids start drinking at 7 in the morning (a little crazy). One person told me that the national guard is going to be here watching over people. Personally, I think that is a little um...far-fetched.

Maybe tomorrow will be fun, maybe it will be a waste, hopefully not. All my friends are going to be home before me, but Erin will still be in school (ha ha Erin). I can't wait to see them. It's going to be great, beaches, hanging out, robbing convenience stores, you know, normal stuff.

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