[Jun.20.2005 // 03:33pm] Im done using this journal. If you have livejournal or greatest journal.. add me there. http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/wakingdr3ams/ http://www.livejournal.com/users/wakingdr3amz/ How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.17.2005 // 08:44pm] The day I was born (9-14-84) This song was #1 -- Whats love got to do with it - Tina Turner The funny thing is that song is in my head a lot for no particular reason. Whats yours? http://www.thisdayinmusic.com/member/birthdayno1.php $2 .00 =) How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.16.2005 // 06:07pm] I was bored, so I took pictures... ( i see you ) $2 .00 =) How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.10.2005 // 08:45pm] Credit : _unbroken @greatestjournal $4 .00 =) How much am I worth to you?

Dear Dad!! [Mar.08.2005 // 04:02pm] So Dad I know you've been reading my journal for awhile now, but theres just some things I need to say. I was talking to Dana today, and I asked her if Dan Schneider's parents had said anything about how you were reading my journal. I figured you were, because theres been a lot of times when you've been weird to me, or things you've know that I didnt think I had mentioned to you, but I knew I had wrote about them in my journal. Its nice to hear from Dana that Dan Schneider's parents not only know my web address and every little intimate detail but that my Dad actually went to them and told them how much of a fuckup he thinks I am without even coming to me first. Dan's Dad said that he read a paragraph of my journal and that he was disgusted. Well now Im disgusted. Why would you want to 'show off' bad things about me? Just think about Dan, theres these people out there that he doesnt even know, but they know all about him and his relationship with me and every little arguement we have. Dont you think this is alittle awkward now? How would you feel if I read everything about you? You know every kid goes through things that their parents dont know about. Im sure you went through it too. You all act like youre so perfect. This whole time I thought that maybe our relationship has been rocky because of the things that have happened in the past. But the truth is the only relationship we have is based on how you view me through what you've read. THATS NOT FAIR! You dont even call me to talk, but you sit at your computer and read my journal every night? Dana told me about how when you see her, you give her hugs, or that you even called her just to see how she was doing, when she stopped up by grandma and grandpas house. When she tells me these things.. it doesnt even sound like shes talking about you. If I want a hug from you, Im the one who has to force one out of you. Or how Id come over and I thought we were all getting along, but everyone knows my private life, and how I would say to Mary "I miss my Dad" and she would tell me, that its just because I dont call you. How is this fair to me? Do you know how much it hurts me to hear that you talk about me and Dan to Dan's parents? Who are you to judge me? You know nothing about what I feel, all you know is what you've read, and yes, Im sure that looks pretty bad. But you have no idea. You werent even there for me. You knew all along what was going on and instead of coming to me, you just talked about me behind my back. This was supposed to be my journal Dad. A place for me to go, to write about my life, and what Im going through, and to have people who I CHOSE to read it respond. Do you think you were supposed to read this? Why would you want to? Dana said that you told Dans parents about how upset you were. I can only imagine. But now what? Now Im always going to be that person in your mind. No wonder we dont have a good relationship. I always blamed myself. I mean think about it. Do you think youre perfect? Do you think Amy and Jesse and Peter are perfect? Do you read their journals? Do you know about their personal lives? How do you think they would feel if you did. Im sure you all have a great old time talking about me and Dan, putting us down, when you should take a step back and realize NO BODY is perfect. And NO BODY should have to sit here and think about all the things I said, second guessing my life, and my relationship, by trying to look at it all through your eyes. I have a wonderful relationship and a wonderful life. I shouldnt have to sit here and try to prove that to you. What kind of Dad read's their daughters journal? Their 20 year old daughters ONLINE journal. I dont even live with you! How would you feel if you were me? What am I supposed to do now? How am I ever supposed to make you proud when you know all this shit about me? HOW IS THAT FAIR? Dont you care that Im your daughter? Dont you want the best for me? THIS JOURNAL IS CLOSED TO YOUR EYES! PLEASE SHOW ME A LITTLE RESPECT AND JUST STOP COMING HERE. $1 .00 =) How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.03.2005 // 04:09pm] Dans super tired today. Im not sure why. We woke up around 11, but he stayed in bed, and finally came downstairs around 1, than we both went back upstairs like 15 minutes later and we laid in bed for another half an hour/45min. I was hungry, so we took our free "grill burger" coupons to the DQ down the road. That place sucks. Their hamburgers are disgusting. Soggy bread, the cheese was weird looking, old looking lettuce, tomato tasted rotten, meat was dry and had no flavor. How many times can you screw up one hamburger? Its not even worth being free. Its just a Dairy Queen added to a gas station, about 3 minutes down the road.. Not worth it though, never going there again. Got back home, and Dan passed out on the couch. Im about to join him out of boredom. My dad must have brought my car back this morning, he never called last night, or today. Thats really odd of him. I tried calling him but nobody answered? He seems different these days. Like hes mad at me for something. I dont have a clue what it could possibly could be. I thought hed be happy that Im driving finally, turning in applications. But its like its lost its affect or something. He doesnt seem proud, just frustrated. Its never enough. I dont know what more I can do? Nobody's called me for interviews. And honestly I dont know why. I even asked on of the managers at Jewel if they got my application, and wrote my name and number down again for them on a piece of paper. I really want a job too. The days are so boring, and I finally got on somewhat of a normal sleeping schedule, waking up early isnt so bad anymore, except theres nothing to do! How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.02.2005 // 03:00pm] ( picture survey ) How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.02.2005 // 11:38am] ( close your eyes, use your mind ) How much am I worth to you?

[Mar.02.2005 // 11:37am] [ music | Aaron Simpson <3 ] Today was the first time Dan drove with me. My Dad came early today (8:45) because we had to drop Dan off at his parents house. An electrician is there and he needs some help, & his parents are working. It was fun, I drove really good, or so Dan says. Turned in another app. for Menards, I dont really want to work there, but they pay good, an extra $2 on the weekends, not that I want to work weekends, but I cant be that picky. parallel parked today for my first time. Screwed up a bunch of times, but I got a couple right. I dont know what to do with myself. Its 11:00, drank 4 cups of coffee, bouncing off the walls, and have nothing to do. ( look what Dans drawing for me ) How much am I worth to you?

[Feb.28.2005 // 08:35pm] Im feeling much better today, except I forgot to take my birthcontrol Saturday night, so I had to double the dose yesterday, and I was throwing up all this morning. I called my Dad at 8 in the morning and said I wouldnt be able to go driving today. I felt horrible, and didnt even have much of a voice left. When I woke up around noon though I felt pretty good. The only time I feel sick is when I cough, which hurts really bad, but I barely cough, so Im okay. My mom felt better yesterday, but today shes sick again. So I dont know what the deal is. Hopefully this isnt a one day thing of feeling good, only to be 10x sicker tomorrow. There was a lot I was going to write about, but now its gone. Maybe later. $1 .00 =) How much am I worth to you?