Inevitable reality...'s journal

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
9:03 pm - "Yeah, well, you deserved it fart-ass!"
hahaha I LOVE that movie...ya know the one I'm talkin about....yeah Now & Then....greatness right there....I watched like part or half....whatever this morning cuz I got up at the ridiculous hour of 4am... I'll try not to make that a habit man.

OMG I can't wait till's been awhile since I've been to a show I swear I'm starting to have withdrawals all kidding and what's even better Liz might come with me... I hope she does I mean I'm REALLY REALLY hoping she does cuz she's a good mosh buddy and cuz no matter what kind of music is playing she can just get into it and start dancing and having a good time...and I don't have to worry about if she's not having a good time or does she think this music is ok. She goes purely for the music and fun. Unlike some people who would rather socialize and flirt more than see a whole set of a band which makes me kinda mad and just screams GROUPIE to me....*ugh!*......I'm not gonna get all worked up again. And it's Stillborn Nursery's 2nd year anniversary *yay!* w/ Jacknife, The Destro, Derision and Kringe (don't know them) but it sounds like some good ol' local metal fun ahaha I am soo dumb....oh well.....

But I am REALLY tired so I'm gonna go now. I will take my leave and depart until tomorrow.....

current mood: sleepy
current music: This Is Now - Hatebreed

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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
8:44 pm - Chimaira = YES YES AWESOME!!!
*sigh* to my ears.....I'm just in a Chimaira mood right now....maybe because I've just about had it with my computer. The stupid piece of shit keeps kicking me off like every 10 min. and this stupid pop up ALWAYS comes up and messes up my comp, then I shut it down and it's just a continuous, viscous stupid-ass cycle!!! AHHHHH!!! I will seriously end up stabbing my computer and then electrocuting myself in the process....yep...that's right! I'm seriously in desperate need of a good new computer....if only I was rich lol man I feel like going into a circle pit and just releasing my anger, sadness.....just the negativity in me right now...ugh! If only I had a car I wouldn't have to depend on people for rides that give very little shit about my music and I would just go to every concert I could afford to go to and would want to go to. But it's just not the same without a friend..........
hahaha I want to lash out irrationally....and just go have some good ol' crazy, wild, loud fun! With NO disruptions!!
I really don't know what's wrong with me right now I'm just in a weird mood....not bitchy and not angry it's weird....meh!
You know what really makes me angry and disgusted......girls who flirt with guys JUST for their attention it's sickening and DUMB.....and when a girl meets a guy and ends up fuckin MAKING OUT with him in the SAME NIGHT!!! That just shows how much self-control you have, it shows that you're only using him for one thing and using someone is horrible and how easy you are it's UUGH!! And you see some guy who you know for a fact is an asshole but you would still make out with him just for the sole fact that he's good-looking. I don't know.....I think it's skanky and degrading, needy if you will. But hey these are just my thoughts nothing more....later

current mood: venting
current music: The Impossibility Of Reason - Chimaira CD

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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
well for the Spanish illiterate that means HAPPY NEW YEAR ha! I hope everybody had a good new year celebration thing.....yeah...hopefully you get what I'm trying to say cuz it's not coming out the way I want....I'm finally back from the valley! I had a pretty good Christmas seeing my family and everything was cool. Played Monopoly with my uncle and cousin like we always do when I go down there...good times until I go broke. meh! Although I didn't get to see my other cousin much I only saw him one day :( oh well....I had a lot of GiOOOooOOOd Mexican food man...whoo! they know how to cook and get people fatter at the same time ha! But yeah tamales, quesadillas, this crispy tortilla with sugar and cinnamon....I don't know how to spell the nameof it, good ass food man. hahaha good ass...yeah anyways I'm retarded.

Wow.......we're (me and my friends) gonna graduate this year....and college...holy shit man that's *sigh* whoa.... I'm not ready. Well hopefully I'll graduate and get into college. My grades suck butt. No joke.....*sigh* I seriously need to get my act together cuz senior-itis is kicking my ass.....My goal is to get my grade up in English cuz that's what I'm failing and I NEED to pass it.

OMG!! Michigan lost to USC how dumb is that!! I mean I watched the whole game and it was DUMB!! I never watch football only sometimes when it's Michigan (University of Michigan not Michigan State) but yeah I don't know what was up with them but they were playing like sissys man and USC tore them up it was just sad. Oh well better luck next least Michigan wooped Ohio State awhile back.

Spent New Years Eve w/ Mon, Liz, Jenny and Casey...that was fun....good times with Cranium lol and we saw like 2 movies although we rented 2 and Liz brought like 4 or 5....we don't think ahead obviously. Oh oh and I love Casey's footy-pajamas hahaha greatness. But I'm gonna go work on my site I love ya'll. Later

current mood: okay
current music: Revelation Machine - Devildriver

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
1:39 pm - 2 mo days foo!
hey everybody......I didn't wake up at noon yay! I woke up at 11:30 *big smile* close enough eh?

Yep so.....I'm like really bored and I don't feel like packing yet...nope and I don't think we have food in this house...I mean apartment. hmmm I guess.....umm I guess...ohh I guess hahaha good times R2K is one funny guy. If you don't know who that is you need to be kicked in the shin... ooooooooo.....I think we do have something....we have..wait drum roll please? *drum roll* CHICKEN NUGGETS IN THE FREEZER!!! lol how appetizing...nah I'm just kidding they are actually good. So I think I'm going to have nuggets for lunch woo hoo! So that's what I'm gonna do......then probably watch a movie AND THEN pack. I'm such a procrastinator....meh! later

current mood: hungry
current music: Just Another Pretty Face - Bleeding Through

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12:22 am - A piercing for every roadtrip....
Guess what I'm doing right now? YEP!! ya guessed right.....I'm watching Conan O' Brien...meh! ya get the point you're psychic. HA! wow.....I think I'm either tired or hyper AND tired at the same time.

So yep tomorrow when I wake up around noon or *creature of NOT the morning*<~~ did that make sense? I hope it did....oh well I have to pack...always my favorite thing to do. Why you ask? well cuz it's obvious. I'm gonna see my good ol' Mexican family. With palm trees, hot weather, nothing to do but eat good food therefore causing myself to get even FATTER!!! haha yeah well I guess that's what happens during the holidays anywayz. Today was pretty dope yo! Fo shizzle straight up foo! hahahaha

I am soo not right but yeah me and the crew minus Monica went down to College Station (Aggieland) and shopped and drove around like ALL day. Well when I say shop it was more like Jess and Annie shopped but still it was fun. Afterwards we drove back towards home and stopped by the Hillsboro Outlet Mall and walked around and shopped some more. Went to the but that's not the exciting part nooo the exciting part is that Jess and Liz got spur of the moment PIERCINGS!!! woohoo no thanks to the nifty ol' peer pressure and a lil phone call haha Jess...but yeah it was pretty awesome. Ok I guess it wouldn't be so exciting to someone who wasn't there meh! So now Jess has two brand spankin' new holes in her ears and Liz has three. We got Aggie-fied and piercings in just ONE NIGHT!! WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR?!?! hahahaha and yes I just made up the word and I think it's crunk yo! lol hmmm.....sleep sounds good right now. Later

current mood: silly
current music: Bloody Cape - Deftones

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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
11:56 pm - Surveys, the best way to waste time!! *big smile*
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.

01. I laugh really loud
02. I am completely, head over heels in love with my music
03. I like to make random noises
04. I'm obsessed with the color black
05. I like moshing
06. I like to makeup my own words or phrases and use them in everyday sentences
07. I don't like a lot of people
08. I hate people who TypE LyKe D1s
09. I am easily amused most of the time
10. I can't stand ignorance
11. I am honest and say things I probably shouldn't
12. I like driving around and singing in the car loudly
13. I wish I had a better self esteem
14. I think snow is beautiful
15. I hate Texas weather
16. I love orange juice
17. I am lazy sometimes

18. I have a short temper
19. I think farts are funny
20. I always daydream
21. I wish I had a car
22. I like food with flavor

23. I love going to concerts and local shows
24. I pop my knuckles a lot
25. I'm up for anything
26. I'm a senior at L.D. Bell High
27. I like being weird
28. Good hair is sexy
29. I like attention

30. I'm often late to everything except school
31. I'm wild and crazy when I want to be
32. I am flexible

33. I love yelling at random people or scaring them
34. I feel warm and fuzzy during Christmas time
35. I want a new car
36. I try to be a better person
37. I wish I had the gift of flight
38. I love trying new things
39. I hold grudges
40. I would appreciate a tattoo
41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing
42. I need humor
43. I believe that everyone comes into your life for a specific reason
44. I am so sick of high school
45. I am extremely loyal to my (real) friends
46. I can curl my tongue

47. I want more piercings
48. I wish on stars
49. I love the internet
50. I wish wishes would come true more often
51. I like silence at times
52. I wish sleep lasted longer

53. I would like to meet Mr. Right
54. I'm a very random person
55. I love sleeping on my side with a pillow between my legs
56. I like meeting new and interesting people
57. I love clean, soapy smells
58. I think candles are just plain awesome
59. I'm obsessed with watching the stars
60. I dont know how to drive a five speed
61. I love loud music
62. I have a problem with keeping eye contact sometimes
63. I like swimming late at night under the stars
64. I adore going to the movies
65. I want to be asked on dates to lookout point
66. I am in love with the concept of love
67. I like looking good
68. I hate when my nose is runny

69. I think horror movies kick ass
70. The snow intrigues me
71. My friends are the best
72. I can make people laugh

73. I wish I liked a guy who liked me back
74. I think not all changes are for the better
75. I need to take more pictures
76. I would like to win a scholarship
77. I am still contemplating my major
78. I wish I never needed to worry about money again

79. I'm scared about what I'm gonna do after high school
80. I hate when Jenny can't breathe through her right nostril
81. I like listening to good new music
82. I want to go to a spa
83. I love christmas music

84. I love my mom
85. I would die for the people I love most
86. I want a kick ass boyfriend
87. I have a big heart
88. I like finding a bargain
89. I want to be financially secure when I graduate
90. I have almost mastered the art of makeup

91. I have a huge bladder
92. I need a new computer
93. I hate being a girl sometimes
94. I get carsick
95. I love nature
96. I like to be needed
97. I need to pee right now
98. I want to go on a crazy roadtrip
99. I like fun socks
100. I can't believe I filled out this whole thing

current mood: accomplished
current music: Nobody Takes Pictures Of The Drummer - Nora

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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
5:46 pm - Who loves a good, time-wasting survey?! I know I do!
dumb................................I don't know how to bold on this damn thing....cuz if I did I would put the fun survey... but NOOOOO I'm uninformed on the way of bolding things on

current mood: annoyed
current music: Letter To The Unborn - Lamb Of God

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4:59 pm - how can I help you? what can i do for you?
hahaha hey peeps yo! I woke up like at close to one. It feels so good to sleep in and not worry about a damn thing. Tonight I gotta go spend the night with my homie Jess. Straight shizzle...nizzle....shizzy. lol I'm slowly but SURELY losing my mind

Cuz tomorrow really early in the mohnin we're taking a lil road trip down to College Station. Aggie land.......woo.............hoo.......haha but yeah so that should be fun cuz road trips are always cool. And plus I've never been down there so this will call for good times man. So Monica informed me last night that As I Lay Dying was coming here in April with Every Time I Die...*hyper squeaky noises* omg.....kick ass man.... I need to investigate more on this I am going without a doubt....yeah you hurrrd me WITHOUT A FUCKING DOUBT son! hahaha too much sugar in the brain. Well I gotta bizzounce and work on my site which all nice individuals should go and see....yes cuz I work bedy hard on it. So when you're bored go to I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Later

current mood: crazy
current music: Swinging The Dead - Devildriver

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2:50 am - MEH NEH MOO!!
HELLO EBRIBODY!!! It's been too damn long since I've written in this thing. A lot of shit has gone down but I'm not going to depress you or vent to you right now....there will be more of that soon enough. Seeing as how I get irritated very easily. But anywayz on a lighter note...

It's finally.....*dun dun dun duuuun* CHRISTMAS BREAK! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Finally away from school and people I hate and ugh! EVERYTHING!!! cept for my friends. And I'm gonna go visit my family this week. Eat good ol' fashioned, homeade Mexican food *salivates*<~~~ that sounds kinda dirty*lol meh! I haven't been to any concerts recently (recently being like 2 weeks or so)seeing as how I only go when Samm can go or Liz. I don't even try to ask anybody else cuz they just don't like my music and that's fine I mean, people have different tastes in music which is perfectly normal. But since I don't have the balls to go by myself to concerts I have to depend on the very few people that actually like my music on when they can or can't go. And it's really........frustrating or irritating I guess is the word. I mean I don't know....I sound like an ass just even talking about this cuz some people just can't go for certain reasons. But what I don't understand is that if you don't have the money to go to a concert right? Ya followin me here? Ok. Yet you have the money to go and buy coffee and a fast food meal, when you could have used that to go see some awesome bands instead. And it only cost 8 to get in. I just don't understand. But *sigh* whatever..... See I told you my venting would come soon enough.
ONWARD!!! FOR GONDOR!!! hahaha Jenny you're a funny kid. <~~ sorry random thought.
Well tomorrow I have to do the laundry (yay!) and pack (yay!) and I'm sure some other thing that I'll sarcastically say yay! for but I can't think of right now. I'll probably watch The Santa Claus until I go to sleep. So I'll see you folks when I get online tomorrow unless the lazy elves come visit me and I get too lazy to get on. wow.............I'm retarded. HA! Later

current mood: tired
current music: Edgecrusher - Fear Factory

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Sunday, September 14th, 2003
oh well...this used to be the entry about the Norma Jean of THE best concerts but uh's too damn long and I'm sure I'll put everyone to sleep or get on their nerves so I'm not gonna post it. I mean if you genuinely want to know all about how the concert was and what happened then feel free to ask me but other then that

Anywayz sorry about the stupidly long amount of time I've spent not updating this thing.....shit's happened but it's all good now. So school has been fine I guess.....well as well as expected. But unfortunately I'm not trying out for stupid All-State I didn't have enough time to learn my music and since I didn't go to the camp during the summer so I was at a disadvantage but oh well no biggie. You know I should really take my pic off of FTJ like delete my account cuz I haven't talked to anybody that's come across my profileon there......I probably will but later though...
I'm gonna be 17 in 3 days.......for some odd reason I'm not excited.....I don't know why though. I for sure know I'm not going to have a party cuz we're kinda tight for money right now but isn't everybody?....yeah our economy is turning to shit along with the world but news everybody already knows right? lol sorry for the depressing note right there......none more of that but on a random note Pink Lemonade is GiOOD!
I am soo definitely going w/ Jess and Jenny and everybody else that's going to the Senses Fail show! You know why?!? For a VERY good band that goes by the name of EVERY TIME I DIE!!!! WOOOO-HOOO!!! Hell yeah baby! That's gonna rock and plus it's Jess's birthday. I mean we all are at a show we wanna be at together, rockin together on her birthday how kick ass is that?! Oh and you know what other show that's gonna be just REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKIN AWESOME?!? FREAKERS BALL BABY!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! On Halloween.....All Hallows Eve do you have any idea how happy that makes me....yeah ok I'm gonna stop freakin out now...
Well I'm gonna go now. Smooches!
~*Blessed be*~

current mood: nostalgic
current music: Face Face - Norma Jean

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Saturday, August 16th, 2003
3:51 am - Everyone needs a kissie or two once in awhile...
hahaha.......*in sing-song voice* Samantha has a lisp! Samantha has a lisp! lol I don't know why I find that sooo fuckin amusing but I do....meh!

So yep got back from a show about ummm....3 hours ago...yep well her clock says four but oh well ya get the picture. The show was good not great but good.....I might go to the one tomorrow depending if my mom says yes and if I feel like it cuz it's basically the same people but just a few different bands ya know? I mean I didn't have that great of a time tonight except when the bands were onstage cuz I'm not a social butterfly like Samm is and I can't just like go up to someone and start talking to them unless I'm hyper or under the influence....but yeah I'm a social loser...majorly. I wish I wasn't though.....I'd probably have more friends :( meh! oh well... ok HEB = the grocery store and H-E-B = the school district got that?!?! lol hmm....that was random....yep

Last night was hella fun though @ Jenny's let's just say my H-E-B friends are INSANE!!! and random....and those two things combined makes for good times dude! lol awww....random memory but Kalee told me "bye beautiful!" hahaha I thought it was sweet..that girl is soo kick ass....everybody should go see D'Sivy and see what an awesome bass player she is and the rest of the oh my Alison knows what I'm talking about ....ohh hahaha when Mikie was telling me bye my wrist was like in my boobular area and he grabbed my wrist and lol in the process he kinda ran his fingers across my boob not on purpose though and I didn't mind of don't even think ~oh my gosh what a skank~ cuz I'm sure you wouldn't mind if a REALLY hott guitarist did that to you! or if Buddy did that to Jess I don't think she would mind lol and anywayz he just held my wrist cuz someone was talking to him and he smiled at me and I smiled at him and waved and said bye! and he kinda laughed and said I love you and I was like I love you too!.....he's a goofy kid....but ohhhh so HOTT. Oh oh oh and me and Samm were rocking out HARD like the circle pit was right behind us and we were jumping up and down screaming to Life and Release (SBN) and I was like screaming......major screaming....ya'll haven't heard me yet except for Samm and Al and Liz yep.....anywayz this girl sitting on stage looks straight at me and I can't really see her cuz the strobe light was in my face so she waved her hand in my face to get my attention and said "dude that was good!" and I'm like *big smile* thanx! And we did that kinda yo-what's-up hand thingy so.......

My brain is going ADDish now...probably because it's like 4:20 AM... Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: amused
current music: Life - Stillborn Nursery

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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
1:50 am - chubby lil satan head
hahaha Donovan is a funny man.....he was referring to my icon on AOL not AIM which is the head of a doll for a band Murderdolls. They have a lil doll with horns....yeah nevermind I guess you had to be there. I'm just sittin here being bored....nothing to do tonight as usual. I wish I could like go to Dallas...yep well I won't be waiting too much longer for that, good times will be had then *wink* Just a random thought: why can't they have a site like FTJ ( but for like metal, goth and hardcore kids? lol *lil voice in head answers* maybe because that's discrimination?! yeah probably....but still it would be nice....find people that I like and I'm lookin for instead of stayin up to all hours of the morning searching through pages and pages of.......people that I have no common interests with.....meh! I'm not insane btw. I'm sure everyone of ya'll have a lil voice inside your heads also.

Aww Brand New just came on my WinAmp I LOVE this song (referring to The Quiet Things That No One Knows) very good song......probably be the only song I like by them....but it's still good....who knows I might surprise people and like more songs by them.....meh neh! Well FINALLY a short entry for me. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: bored
current music: Home Is Where You Hang Yourself- Every Time I Die

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Monday, August 11th, 2003
2:54 am - it's like 3 am....I'm the only one on...I'm such a loser lol
Yep ever since I've been in Wyoming I've been thinking about having a boyfriend a lot more's depressing dude. ok this entry might seem a little dramatic...or a lot but I mean every word I say..... but maybe my expectations are little high or what I want in a guy is too much to ask. That's probably it.....meh!

I mean ok I'm chubby not fat but thicker than average lol and I know this...and I'm workin on's not like I'm sitting on my fat ass stuffing my face with pork chops and greasy chicken crispers (GRROSS....those made me extremely sick) all fuckin day *shudders* but yeah ok I got that....but I know I'm not ugly....I mean I may joke around and be like oh I'm as ugly as a dog but I'm just joking cuz that's the way I am. But in all actuality I'm not ugly at all and I've been starting to realize this....but the question is why don't have a boyfriend? *sigh*.......maybe I'm too quiet which I fully admit....people have to come up to me instead of vice versa cuz I'm too freakin's really retarded goth/metal exterior tends to scare guys off.....and the freaky contacts and loads of eyeliner don't help either......but it just didn't help watching that exquisite star-lit sky in Wyoming all alone and cold.....I kept thinking "wow....I wish I had a guy to share this beauty with" well I didn't think beauty but you get the picture.....that's like something I would always wanna do when I get someone special is watch the stars with them.....

And I wanna make new friends too....the wording on that was ALL wrong I mean I want more friends....but to achieve that I need to be more social....which is gonna be EXTREMELY hard for me...because I appear to be anti-social but I'm not really I'm just shy and I'm a social loser as you can see so....I'm just gonna have to work on that this year...senior last this entry was kinda fucked up cuz I'm just like venting and spilling some of my thoughts out there...and being all DRAMA entries are always too damn long....and I talk too fuckin much. Later. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: contemplative
current music: The Quiet Things That No One Knows - Brand New

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Friday, August 8th, 2003
3:13 am - *sigh*
so yeah yesterday I had to register for the LAST time @ Bell.....I'm gonna miss it...*snifflez* NOT!!! well.....yeah actually I am going to but that's ok cuz I don't have to worry about the waterworks till the end of the school year. But yeah schools starts in about a week and 3 days I think.....last week of summer....I am so NOT ready to go back yet cuz the summer has gone by WAY too fuckin fast......oh least I had fun

Wednesday afternoon well afternoon AND evening I spent it with someone you would totally least expect well if you knew me you would think so....none other than my ex. Yeah I know I're probably WHAT?!?! all dramatic and eyes poppin out of the head not really but yeah I know weird eh? This is how it went down eh hem:
He called me sayin that he wanted to hang out with me or do something tonight (well Wednesday) and I gave him a hard time and I started making excuses up ya know like trying to get my way out of it. And of course he caught on and started sayin stuff like "well it's ok if you don't want to I mean I don't want to torture you by makin you hang out w/ me" and so of course I feel real bad so after like 30 min. to an hour I finally say ok.
We end up goin to Ridgmar Mall and I had never been there before (nice mall though). Got some shit and then afterwards lol we sat there in the parking lot for like 10 min. arguing cuz I wouldn't tell him where else I wanted to go because I DIDN'T CARE!! lol but yeah then we ended up back in the H-E-B area (woot woot!) and went to Braum's ohh yeah the most happenin place! HA! And then sittin in Braum's we started having an in-depth convo about how it's convenient that I put out a hard exterior and facad when in actuality I'm not that at all because of all the shit that has happened in my life. And how I'm not fat and he's always found me attractive. Pretty in-depth I told you!
Then we went to the park OUR park (you guys know) cuz he's a pussy and he got cold lol. And then we just played on the playground and talked on the picnic table and he was like "If I was you I would think I'm a jerk" and I'm like WHAT?!! random you have now officially gotten the random award for today! And then started apologizing for everything he's done to me and for being flaky in the past. And I was like " noticed?" Not out loud of course but in my head. In 6th grade when me and him were "going out" (yes we go that far back) I remember sitting across the room from him and he mouthed I love you and I just hid behind my book and giggled cuz I was only like....10 or 11...but yeah he remembered that and he said "I wasn't bullshitting then and I'm not bullshitting now I still love you and always will cuz you'll always have a place in my heart as a friend" Let's just say I was blown away. That kid is very random by the way. haha that rhymed. Anywayz and yeah we just talked a buttload more on how doesn't want me to move away next year and he's gonna miss me after high-school and I don't know what to think at all...... I mean he's still my friend and I really don't plan on going out with. I mean if he had asked me then I would have said no QUICK! Cuz I'm just sick and tired of those fuckin circles we would make. But I don't know......meh! I guess time will tell.....

On to different things....NORMA JEAN NORMA JEAN NORMA FUCKIN JEAN!!!!! today is the 8th and they're comin on the 22nd so we still have 14 more days. omg Norma Jean just makes me wanna piss myself in excitement....NOT really cuz that would be pretty gross.....but you get the jist. And next Friday @ Ridglea yeah.....those are gonna be some good times.

But it's late and I need to go to bed before my mom wakes up or she'll have my ass. I'm supposed to be getting back into NORMAL sleeping schedule for school (ugh!) oh I have something else to talk about but I guess it can wait till tomorrow or I mean today when I wake up...cuz I know this entry is gettin to damn long now........................................ I talk too much. Later. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: indescribable
current music: Eyes Sewn Shut - The Agony Scene

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Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
12:12 am - ugh!
I just ate a few brownie bites.......bad idea I shouldn't have done that. oh well.......but yeah obviously people actually do read these or see my interests and crap and that makes me extremely happy.....don't know why though lol I guess it proves I'm not as big of a loser that I thought I was HA! but yeah some chic IMed me and crap she was cool and has good taste cuz she likes ELEMENT EIGHTY, STILLBORN NURSERY, SHADOWED BENEATH!! Ya'll should check them out if you live around the Dallas/Fort Worth area cuz you will NOT be sorry. And also D'SIVY, JACKNIFE, SWEETOOTH, DERISION, GRAIN jup jup.

Oh Liz and Jess stopped by and looked at pics and I gave them a pic of me.....well my senior pic.....Liz made me blush so freakin bad she was you look like a freakin model I hate your guts and I guess I'm not a horrid tubbo beast after all HAHAHAHAHA! JUST.......KIDDING!
But yeah I'm gonna go. Later. Smooches and flames.
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: calm
current music: Prom Song - Every Time I Die

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Monday, August 4th, 2003
5:47 pm - good to be home!
haha hello everyone who reads my journal which is probably not a lot....meh! I'm finally back from Jackson, Wyoming that was just an assload of fun! Well besides the irritability it was fun yeah.......I've gotten closer to my friends and gotten to know some people better which is always fun....and Wyoming shows me just how much I despise Texas lol.......well at least like weather and scenery wise.

I am so fuckin excited cuz SOO many good shows are comin up and one in particular NORMA JEAN!! ahhhhhh! I can't wait I mean people just don't understand......I'm so fuckin passionate about my music it's not even funny. Like when I go to local shows and my fave band is on stage I just zone out and move and crap and yeah. I probably look like I'm going insane or something. It's just really hard to explain. I'm not one of those people that just stand there and bob their heads or headbang a lil ya know? Unless it's a band I never heard or they're an ok band. I have to move and crap. But uhh yeah....back to my trip.....on the road it wasn't that fun I mean on the way back it was but the TOO MANY pit stops wasn't fun but being there it was beautiful I mean mountains on end and trees. ACTUAL TREES not like the shrubs we call trees here lol. And we went horseback riding and white water rafting. And rode through Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone by the way did you know teton is French for like boob I find that very amusing.

Ok lemme just say that I think I killed my horse because of my fat ass lol not really but my horse kept panting for dear life not to mention that we went up and down a mountain. He farted like 7 times in a row in Liz's face cuz she was RIGHT behind me and he kept stopping to eat and holding up the line. Jenny's horse did that at the beginning and that's why she fell WAY behind...poor Jenny :( I felt really bad for my horse. Even Bobby heard him and he was like "Why is your horse panting?" I was like "CUZ I'M ON HIM!!" lol good times. And my ass was sore after that. I mean I didn't even notice the soreness until I sat on this wood thing on the bed and I jumped up really quick cuz it hurt like shit lol. The white-water rafting kicked ass cuz our guide was a well educated individual not to mention hott w/ his metallic blue toenails and all lol. But he was really talkative and the water was like 55 degrees so it was cold and funny whenever a big wave hit us but yeah it was just good times all around.
And the condo was great I mean the mountains and the Snake River and the private property line was like RIGHT in the backyard of the condo so we saw and heard like random animals. I went running w/ Bobby one night good lord I thought I was gonna die and it was probably like 1 lap around a track maybe not even that. I am so freakin out of shape but I hope to change that soon. And the sky ohhh don't even get me started about the enormous and fuckin gorgeous sky up there.....just words just wow lol I really hope I get to go back it's something everyone needs to see.
Wow school starts in like 2 weeks.... I am soo not ready for school yet. Not at all.....and registration is Aug. 7 which is this Thursday. ugh! I'm excited and scared cuz it's my LAST year of high school and's scary for me cuz I'm gonna be on my own soon and that's like a HUGE step for me seeing as how I've been with my mom only for the last 13 years so yeah major adjustment there. But I'm excited cuz I hope I make new friends and new experiences...meh! I'm weird I know. And I need to work out A LOT more cuz yeah this whole chubby thing isn't workin for me at all...hahaha like it was before? no. But I'm just sick of having a low self-esteem and feeling sorry for myself and shit so I'm gonna lose weight before Halloween but Samm's b-day at the latest which is November 20. I think I can do it. Cuz up in Wyoming I would just sit there lookin at the sky in like 40-50 degree weather and think good it would be to spend the night under the stars with a guy you really like and who likes you back.....very depressing I know. But yeah I'm SO ready for a change. All I need is for my mom and friends to help me make that change ya know? No diets for me cuz I think diets can bite my ass but I just wanna watch what I eat and exercise everyday.

But yeah I guess I'm gonna go and think about all the wonderful shows comin up YAY! And yeah I'll babble on some more later. Smooches!
~*Blessed be*~

current mood: hyper
current music: The Past - Grain

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Friday, July 4th, 2003
hahaha....those are the sounds the infected made in the new movie 28 Days Later...if you ever have the pleasure seeing (sarcasm) you'll know what I mean lol I'm not too fond of my red contacts at the moment either....meh

So yeah I'm in the good ol' Rio Grande Valley surrounded by heat, humidity, palm trees and MY PEOPLEZ (that one was for Jess lol) and it's always good to have the conspicuous stares from the Mexicans...they probably literally think I'm a demon or possessed by one HAHAHA that makes me wanna go see The Exorcist....I think I just might...ok enough horror thingies for today...

Wow so ...I miss my friends incredibly much....I mean I love them to the point where I would die for them in a heartbeat but ....yeah I just get frustrated sometimes and need to take a break but for a DAY!! I just I dunno....that wasn't a bad thing cuz I know my friends probably feel the same way too at various times....but the whole missing them thing is hitting me hard since I have nothing to do around here AT ALL.....I think they should make a road trip and come see me HA!! Big Ol' FAT CHANCE!! meh! but it's good to dream.....speaking of road trip I'm starting to get excited about the whole Wyoming thing I mean it's been a LONG ass time since I've been out of the state and I just wanna see something new for a change and it's gonna be hella fun w/ my friends w/ me....dun dee dun dun....I can't think of anything else to talk I guess I'm gonna go...hopefully I'm crossing my fingers I'll be able to come back and update again but yeah I don't know......yeah but I guess I'm gonna go. Later! Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: bored
current music: Swamped - Lacuna Coil

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Monday, June 30th, 2003
2:07 am - hmmmm......ok that's it! I need a thinker monkey!
Hewwo!!! so it's been like a couple of days or so from my last entry I've lol been busy lately. Alison came in town on Friday YAY!!!! We totally rocked out on Friday and Saturday. It was great! Not the best but it was great! I really hope she had a good time cuz then I would feel bad ya know? OH MY GOD!!! JACKNIFE GOT PLAYED ON THE EAGLE 97.1 LOCAL SHOW TODAY!!! At exactly 9:20 pm I don't know if that was the first time or I'm just an extreme dork and I'm late but I was screamin and was great although Robert Miguel needs to get this right what they played was I'll Never Bow but he said "And that was Silenced No More by jacknife" omg WRONG WRONG WRONG lol hopefully he'll get it right next time :) I'm a retard I know...

But on Friday we went to Dreamworld to see D'Sivy fuckin KICK ASS band!! And!!! The first band was awesome too but ohhh I'm feeling incredible amounts of lust for the lead singer!! I mean the way he was moving and feeling the music and his singing just like took my breath away, literally.....ok yeah that sounds so melodramatic but I am SERIOUS!! lol oh wow....I hope I get the pleasure of seeing that band again...oh oh and not to mention he's fuckin HOTT!!! ahhhh....that just makes me pine for a boyfriend even more!!! I mean I a big, fat ugly monster or something?!? I don't think so and none of my close friends do either but yet...I can't seem to get a's just VERY frustrating that's all. But anywayz back to Dreamworld, D'Sivy of course rocked the house I mean Al loved it and stuff. And then Samm and Al came back to my house and then the next day we went to Dreamworld AGAIN...(can't get enough) and saw Kwik Buddha, Silivis (which I don't like hardly at all btw), Shovul Face and BIOCIDAL!! It's been a long time since I've seen the whole Biocidal gang...I missed them and I got hugz from Ray and Josh and Matt awww and Claudia and Lacy too!! I had a better time on Saturday then I did on Friday...and when Biocidal came on stage I was DEAD center in the front row...and every so often Matt would stare at me and yeah good times oh and he scared me like I had my back to the pit or should I say crowd of people cuz NOBODY was moving and Matt came from behind and grabbed my sides....ok I'm gonna stop talking about him....he's man whore who's hott....yep...and NOT NOT NOT Matt H. ok that's like

After that Samm, Al and me went back to Samm's house and swam for like 20 min. cuz they got cold really quick I didn't (what a bunch of flamers huh?) lol and then we went to the RV where we smoked the have NEVER gotten so high in my life. I mean I tripped out bad..I mean it wasn't bad cuz it was pretty fun for me but not for the people watching...probably thought I was seriously losing my mind lol. I couldn't seem to remember a damn thing after like 10 sec. no matter how hard I tried to remember what I was saying it wouldn't stay in brain it was funny....and it was like I was slipping in and out of a dream....I would like zone out and it seemed soooo real and then come back out of it back to's really hard to explain oh and I started seeing things....but yeah....the next morning I had REALLY bad heart burn to the point tears were coming out of my eyes it hurt soo bad....but I'm cool now :)

*sigh* have no fucking clue where I'm gonna go I mean I wanna go to University of Michigan like I always wanted to since I was little but now that path doesn't seem so reachable anymore...I would have had to have been like an A honor roll student or A-B in high school to get in....and I'm like an A-B-C-D-F lol....unless I get a choir scholarship which I'm hoping and I'm also thinking about going to University of Texas of San Marcos where Alison and Liz want to go and the music scene down in Austin and San Antonio...yeah but I don't know yet....because I'm not sure if I wanna stay in Texas or not. And Massachusetts has always been somewhere I wanted to live. Because of it's past and it's resources on Wicca. I could become a full-fledged Wiccan or witch...which ever you wanna call it. But that's always a I really don't know what to do....or I could just stay here and go to TCC....but just watch me stay in Texas or something....meh!

But I have to go and pack cuz I'm going down the ol' Rio Grande Valley for vacation tomorrow to spend time w/ my family. Although they're weird I miss them! I'll be back on the July 10th but I don't have computer access down there so I won't update until I get back. If my cousin has a laptop at my abuela's then I'll talk to ya'lland maybe update but don't count on it. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! And I'll miss ya'll!! Later. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: thoughtful
current music: I'll Never Bow - jacknife

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Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
2:40 am - so.......yeah I need to get in touch w/
yeah sorry I haven't updated in like a while but I've been busy fighting w/ my mom since that's always on the top of my priorty list these days....but it's all cool now.... *sigh* so a lot of shit not important shit but just a lot has happened so this just might be a long entry.....if you don't care for that then STOP READING if you do read on

So all week me and my mom have had huge-ass drama fights over stupid shit and I think it was Tuesday she came in my room and started yelling at me and told me to get offline but I didn't see why I had to other than the fact she told me to and it's summer and yeah.......she went to her room (which the fusebox is in there) and turned off the power upstairs and yeah it was bad. Everything is fine now I guess we both PMS and shit. haha I've said shit a lot...don't ask why that's funny to me.
And on Thursday I met Kevin, the guy I've been talking to online from Irving. Yeah we went and met each other at the Irving Mall and I brought along 2 of my friends Samm and Vickie. And it was fun he didn't talk much which was ok cuz I understand that he was nervous but hopefully he'll open up and we'll see where this goes :) I mean he's the nicest guy I ever met seriously...I hope he's not the last either.......
And on the subject of guys.......I feel like I'm cheating or something but I'm not going out w/ anybody to cheat and if you know me I would NEVER EVER cheat cuz that's just horrible. But I am talking to Kevin and maybe interested...I don't know yet and then there's this other guy....I don't know his name and we've never met online or off because I can't get a hold of him. Now you're probably asking yourself what do you mean you can't get a hold of him? well.....he's on FTJ also...but he lives...get EULESS I mean right next door well not literally but you know what I mean......and he's really attractive and goth and pretty much likes the same type of girl as me....and I REALLY REALLY wanna talk to him but nooooo he hasn't signed on to FTJ in like 2 days(I'M NOT A STALKER it's just they have this thingy where it tells you when the last time the person logged on) so hopefully relatively soon I'll get to talk to him......hope something happens w/ either.....but NOT both....
FINALLY I got to hang out w/ my chics today I missed them cuz they were all on vacation this week so I was left all alone here *snifflez* j/k but yeah it was fun, ya know same old same old. And of course we swung by Starbucks because an outing isn't an outing with out I just made that up now.....haha you can tell can't you...damn I'm tired but meh I'll just sleep all tomorrow and not come out till night cuz that's what the vampire in me likes to do :-D
Oh and I talked to Alison on the phone on Friday to wish her a Happy Birthday to find out only me and her grandpa were the only ones that called her but the group e-mailed and IMer her so that was sweet.....and we just talked and talked till like 3 or 4 in the morning....and she's coming up around the 28th which is next week I really really really hope she gets to come w/ me to the shows (27th @ Dreamworld D'Sivy OMG FUCK YEAH!!! and 28th @ Dreamworld again lol Biocidal, Shovul Face, Kwik Buddha and Silivis) although I'm not sure if I like Silivis or not yet.....meh! But I really want her to come w/ me it could be like her b-day present from spend some quality time fuckin rockin man! haha but I'll keep my fingers crossed and send like good energy to her mom so that she'll leave early and crap....
Ohhh and my cousin didn't come :( because her mom didn't want to pay 90 fuckin bucks for the ticket to come see me. I mean her father (my uncle) was willing to pay 60 which isn't a lot to you but when you pay 500 a month for child support that's all he could afford.....but I mean her mom got her hopes up and this was her idea for my cousin to come up from the valley and see me....UGH! She's a bitch and karma is gonna bite her in the ass for the shit she puts my cousin through.....

But yeah I guess I'm gonna go and get some beauty sleep cuz everyone knows I need it haha j/k!!! but yeah I'm getting tired I'll write tomorrow...well I mean today actually. wow.....I really want to talk to that's gonna drive me insane I swear.....sorry bout the randomness lol Hopefully by some miracle he'll stumble onto my lil site about me and read this and like e-mail or IM me....pssh keep dreamin Mardi!! wow I'm tired, need sleep. Later. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: okay
current music: Options - Chimaira

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Sunday, June 15th, 2003
5:44 am - yay!
well I tried and tried to log in here last night but NOOOO it wouldn't let me in and also it didn't help that my computer decided that it wanted to crash a lot so yeah.....I wasn't able to update it but here I am :)

Yesterday something good happen ok see sometimes when I'm bored I go and look at pics on FTJ ( and I found this guy that I thought was really cute and he lived in Irving which is really close :) yeah and I put him on buddylist so that I could talk to him and shit. Well for all you people out there that don't know me I am a SOCIAL LOSER!!! lol I am too incredibly shy when it comes to talking to new people. So he's been on my buddylist for like.....3 weeks or so almost a month *rolls eyes* HOW SAD IS THAT?!? lol yeah well anywayz I finally got the courage to talk to him last night and we totally clicked he is funny and thinks that I am too.... and yeah *big smile* he said that we should talk a couple more times before we meet so I wouldn't think he was a complete psycho dude and I was like yeah that makes sense ya know? that would be soooo freakin awesome if he found me attractive and likewise and major clickage......jup jup but what's sad is that....I don't even know his name....I mean I asked for it but he gave me his FTJ sn...i was like riiiight lol

wow I said like too much....meh oh well but last night was good cuz I got to spend time w/ my H-E-B and cruise and listen to POISON THE WELL, Finch, The Used, Avenged Sevenfold, etc. Warped Tour 2003 bands so yeah it was cool....we drove by Judah's house and screamed lol sounds a bit gay I know but at the time and plus I was really hyper it was REALLY fun.......

dude I really need to get Warped tickets soon cuz I really really wanna see Poison The Well I LOVE them....but I'm sad about the Ozzfest that I WON'T be attending this year again...another mainstream concert that I really really REALLY wanna go to flies by.....all because I don't have friends that want to go or can afford to go and I know it's not there fault about the price of the ticket and I understand and don't blame them....but for once I wanna go to a concert I really wanna go to, get good seats and enjoy mom keeps telling me I should wait till I can go on my own and pay for my own ticket but Ozzy probably won't be doing this for very much longer so that's why I wanna go.....:( but I WILL be going next year or I will definitely kick some j/k
Warped Tour will make up for it :) ...well I'm gonna go. Smooches!
~*Blessed Be*~

current mood: happy
current music: From This Day - Machine Head

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