kiss me and die's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] kiss me and die [ website | pictures ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[16 Sep 2003|06:59pm] ok so yeah... little background for ya... i started talking to lee in march online... we talked everyday up until recently... she said she loved me, and i concured... we never did end up meeting at all, because she has this trust isuue... one of her ex bf's stabbed her and tried to kill her... so it's understandable... well, we haven't talked in a little over 2 weeks, she didn't return my calls or anything, and deleted her sns... i was in a chat room the other day when i was bored out of my mind and she was in there... so it's obvious she was just avoiding me... and she was blocking me so i couldn't even IM her... so she e-mailed me today: look, i know this has been shitty for you, but i told you i needed space, and now you're hunting down other screennames and coming into chat rooms and stuff, and its starting to freak me out a little bit. i'm in a tough spot right now and it sucks, but this is where i am, and i need to be alone. i'm sorry if i'm hurting you, but i need to do what i need to do for me. so yeah, she finally unblocked me and we talked: CHunKy MiLk06 [9:25 AM]: ok, i'm really sorry if i wasn't giving you your space, i mean, i've barely been talking to you lately VooDooGlowSticks [9:26 AM]: stop appologizing VooDooGlowSticks [9:26 AM]: jeez, i'm not mad at you CHunKy MiLk06 [9:26 AM]: and i wasn't stalking you, i just happened to see you in the room VooDooGlowSticks [9:26 AM]: ok. CHunKy MiLk06 [9:26 AM]: so you don't want to talk to me anymore? VooDooGlowSticks [9:27 AM]: look, this isn't fair to you at all VooDooGlowSticks [9:27 AM]: i just think you deserve and need more VooDooGlowSticks [9:27 AM]: and i can't give it to you CHunKy MiLk06 [9:27 AM]: well, have your feelings changed? do you not love me anymore? VooDooGlowSticks [9:27 AM]: i didn't say that CHunKy MiLk06 [9:27 AM]: i know, i'm just asking VooDooGlowSticks [9:28 AM]: i just think its best for us to go our separate ways right now CHunKy MiLk06 [9:28 AM]: but if you love me, and i love you, how is that best? VooDooGlowSticks [9:28 AM]: because i'm not there, and i'm not gonna be there for a while VooDooGlowSticks [9:28 AM]: and i can't handle this right now CHunKy MiLk06 [9:28 AM]: and i'm fine with that, i'm not going anywhere VooDooGlowSticks [9:28 AM]: well i'm not fine with it VooDooGlowSticks [9:29 AM]: how can you sit here and take it? CHunKy MiLk06 [9:29 AM]: because i love you? VooDooGlowSticks [9:29 AM]: well its not right CHunKy MiLk06 [9:29 AM]: so then just not talk to each other anymore? and avoid our feelings? VooDooGlowSticks [9:30 AM]: look kenny i'm sorry, i just can't do this like this anymore CHunKy MiLk06 [9:30 AM]: so what do you want? us to be just friends? us not to talk anymore? what? VooDooGlowSticks [9:31 AM]: i just want to be alonnnnnnnne CHunKy MiLk06 [9:32 AM]: so why do thigs have to change for you to be alone? VooDooGlowSticks [9:33 AM]: kenny jesus christ, i can't deal with this VooDooGlowSticks [9:33 AM]: my mom is dying and i just can't deal with THIS CHunKy MiLk06 [9:34 AM]: well, can we at least still talk? CHunKy MiLk06 [9:34 AM]: and keep in touch VooDooGlowSticks [9:34 AM]: well i'm not going to never speak to you again VooDooGlowSticks [9:35 AM]: i just talk to you and i feel all this pressure and shit and i just can't anymore VooDooGlowSticks [9:35 AM]: i can barely deal with my own head CHunKy MiLk06 [9:35 AM]: i'm sorry you feel that way, i'm not putting any pressure VooDooGlowSticks [9:36 AM]: you're not understanding me at all CHunKy MiLk06 [9:37 AM]: ok, so you and me = big break VooDooGlowSticks [9:38 AM]: no, i'm not talking about that VooDooGlowSticks [9:38 AM]: omg CHunKy MiLk06 [9:38 AM]: you said you wanted to be alone right now VooDooGlowSticks [9:38 AM]: i do want to be alone right now CHunKy MiLk06 [9:39 AM]: so then you don't want a me and you right now VooDooGlowSticks [9:39 AM]: because every time i talk to you i feel like i'm a shitty person, i feel like you are way too attached and i feel like crying all the time. its not anything you're doing, i just want to be alone and deal with my mom and that be the only thing i have to worry about, but every time i talk to you, then all i do is worry about you and whether or not you're getting hurt. now i'm hurting you anyway. i just can't be in the in between anymore kenny, i can't CHunKy MiLk06 [9:40 AM]: you're not hurting me CHunKy MiLk06 [9:40 AM]: i completely understand your situation CHunKy MiLk06 [9:41 AM]: and it sux that you feel that way whenever you talk to me.. cause i like talking to you, you're an aweosome person VooDooGlowSticks [9:42 AM]: so what the fuck do you want me to do here CHunKy MiLk06 [9:42 AM]: ok, i really care about you, and i just want you to be happy CHunKy MiLk06 [9:43 AM]: so i guess i want you to do whatever you ahve to do CHunKy MiLk06 [9:43 AM]: but i'd like if we still talked from time to time, you know, tell me what you've been up to, how you're doing and stuff VooDooGlowSticks [9:43 AM]: fair enough CHunKy MiLk06 [9:44 AM]: that's enough for now, who knows what will happen in the future VooDooGlowSticks [9:44 AM]: ok we shot the shit so to speak for a little while, but she was being very short with me, and obviously was just humoring me... blah.. i'm so upset, i feel like she tore my heart out and jumped up and down on it, then laughed in my face... how do you do this to someone you "love"? 1 comment|post comment

[29 Aug 2003|01:17am] didn't do much this morning/afternoon... my dad called woke me up at 9:00 cause he forgot his glasses, so i had to go bring the, to his work...and i couldn't get back to sleep when i got home, blah work at 3, it sucked... after that i hung out by andy's for a bit, then when by michelle's house and watched old school, and some tv... michelle is really cool, i'm glad i decided to randomly IM her the other day = ) oh yeah, me and ady are throwing a going back to school party tomorrow night, should be lots of fun... michelle, you are more than welcome to come if you're not doing anything... it's here in clifton, but i can pick you up and bring you home... okay, off to bed, i'm sleeeepy 1 comment|post comment

[28 Aug 2003|01:59pm] The answer revealed to me. The question I’m asking for such a long time. It was always in front of me, but I couldn’t find it since I was looking in all the wrong places, different faces... the pain was the same: Familiar yet comfortable. The blameless now blames. It’s all coming back to me again. I’ve been given a glimpse of what this could be. A fleeting moment was all I got to see. Holding onto the hope that you’ll come to me. All I will never be. All I’ll never be. The problem was always me; My failure committing to something healthy. This fear that you’ll run from me, but I never stayed long enough to find out. My values they waver, my standards they change. The truth is I’m frightened, closed-minded I stay. The subtle is now screaming. It’s all coming back to me again. Sometimes it ends up this way. And this is my only complaint. Sometimes it ends up this way. This is my only complaint. So I’m forcing the outcome. Making things go my way. The mess I created from living in yesterday. The time I spend dreaming are just moments that pass me by. Complaining is useless. I’ve missed my chance to try. post comment

[28 Aug 2003|10:37am] I'm blacking out at work, Losing minutes of my days to nothingness. It's beginning to hurt to even hold my head up straight. To hold this pen. Call me out, Tell me I'm acting, and I will tell you that we're all acting. Life's a stage. And it's set on fire. And it's burning away one moment at a time. My feet feel warm. When I was young, I thought that there would be only so many mouths that I would ever taste, That teeth had nothing to do with kissing, That it was hard to fall in love and even harder to fall out of love. I never saw the weeds in the cracks of the parking lots and sidewalks. Fuck, fuck, fuck, and run. I want to hold on but am continuously pulling out the weeds. post comment

[26 Aug 2003|08:27pm] my friends are so shady... i seriously need new ones... post comment

[26 Aug 2003|10:45am] umm... so yeah... made a blurty today... go me, whooo! 1 comment|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]