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heather's Journal
hey hey..its monday..=-/ i want spring break to finally get here {starts thursday} i have the worst headache in the world right now. it sux. i took sum pills to make it and me to feel better..lolz..hasnt worked yet. i wanan go to sleep but i know ill sleep F O R E V E R...im realy irratated about everything right now. i was supposed to go to my friends but no... i have to babysit my lil sister while my parents are out getting drunk. same ol routine every day..its getting REALLY OLD. they always wind up stumbling in the door around 10:00 screamin at eachother and my dad usually ends up hittin my mom. theyre such dumbasses. i cant TAKE IT ANYMORE!! im like the only sane person in my house. everyone asks how i can be so different. i DONT EVER WANAN BE LIKE THEM. last night was a really bad night too..like i cant have my own life anymore, like im always having to watch out for my mom and little sister. my moms usually to drunk and online talking to the guy she has affairs with. i cant wait to get out of here...i just dont understand why everything has to be put on me..? i mean school is the only thing i have to get away from here anymore. my friends are awesome..dont know where i'd b without em. just beautiful :-)
i just cant stand when everyone thinks im so P E R F E C T..if they only knew ya know? i mean i luv myslf so much...lol just things at home get me so depressed it really sux. having no one but your friends makes you realize things. my familys not any good for me. always bringing me down, i DONT NEED THAT. everything used to be so perfect for me. i was never upset. now i have panic attacks..and having to take pills to make me happy. while the whole while im covering everything up around everyone so they think im the same ol me..lil ms perfect.. i wish i just had some one to talk to..like that can understand me. i think thats why im so into my boyfriend. hes so truthful about his feelings . like he gets depressed too. and i dont ver tell him about e but i just listen to his problems and can relate to everything. im just not used to people seeing me as something else. everything about me usually is happy, exciting. not depressed, dying situations...idk..but im gonna outside. its gorgeous out. hopefully ill feel better. :-/
Current mood: aggravated.
Current music: trapt-made of glass.
hey sorry ihavent wrote in here in a lil bits..but um yeh this weekend ive lept so much..lol omg..friday i came home from scool and thought id lay dow nfor a lil bit and wait for my mom to get offline to call britt and i just fell asleep till 2 am! i was like what the fuck! that was a total waste of my friday! but saturday i just went to sum stores and went to brents later that night. wasnt there that long. it was nice to just see him at least tho...aww hes such a sweetie i luv him!..today has been a pretty good day. feels like summer..ah thats nice :) i was taken sum pictures. my hairs crimpy , looks pretty good! lol my moms drunk and keeps tellin me i look pretty im like uh yeah i get the point..lol. shes retarded when shes drunk. i didntget to see brent today but its cool. i wanted him to come over here but i dun think he wants too lol. prolly out ridin. HmMm well im going to go, im sure ill write on here more laterz..
love ya
Current mood: amused.
Current music: taking back sunday-cut from the team.
hey hey im back....today has been such a fuqqin long day OMG..! im llike all awake and i gotta get up for school in 4 and a hAlf hours..lol owell...my mom was up all night on here and on the phone. she gets me so mad, like she has affairs all the time. and like my dad doesnt even know. not that i care but shes always on the phone..and it drives me nuts..lol..sounds kinda messed up huh. i just dont get along with my dad..if you know me well you'd know that..but yea.. tomorrows friday im so glad..school has been driving me crazy..just all the people are so IGNORANT!! tomorrow we have a abstinence assembly[oh buddie!!] lolz..it should be better than bein in class tho. my last period is so fuqqin long. im thinkin about not going tomorrow juss bc im havin such a bad night tonight.. lol i always do that. if im not at school, its usually bc my night was pretty bad the day before. it sux....i get like panic attacks every once in awhile. but, i havent had one in a while..things have gotten better..but im startin to get the feeling things are juss gettin worse again. like when i start to think too much..and get real emotional and shit. thats not good for me! ...like everyone at school thinks im so PERFECT, like o heather i wish i was you! im like you have no idea what goes on with me out of school. pretty crazy stuff...but it like runs in my family, depression and everything..HmM im talkin to my babies brent..aww i luv him! its just awsum..i never thought i could actually love someone back..hes just gorgeous to me, he makes himself gorgeous, cuz like hes so R E A L..i love it...yea he makes me real happy. no ones ever dun that before. im just scared of what im getting myself into so fast...i dont wanna get hurt! i've hurt alot of guys before but i've never been the one gettin hurt. lol my ex boyfriend calls me a HeArTbReAkEr! but i dont wanna hurt brent..i couldnt handle that. hes too like sweet and sensitive..im juss like aww..MmM...i cant stop thinkin about him. :-)
well im going to find summin to do..BUH BYE!!
Current mood: blank.
Current music: TRAPT-HEADSTRONG.
OKAYZ im startin a new journal..fresh start..yep. so..im juss gonna see what theese colors look like..ill be back!
Current mood: awake.