me others dread speak

May 18th 2003


Good Merlin, I can't believe the mourning
my brother's shown for a death without warning
as I stand here in my solemn stare
I cannot bring myself to care --
Her father is now blissfully dead
took his own life, died by his hand
released the trigger, shot himself in the head
I'm failing DADA because I can't understand.


It seems that as life drags on those least likely to succumb find their time ebbing quicker than the high tide should.

I'm just wondering if this means anything for my own sorrowful world. Am I finally free?

I can only hope.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: 'dead boy's poem' -- nightwish

April 18th 2003


Of all the rocks amongst the stone
my grave is but a silent throne
the darkness of my life doth scream
the wretched pain in my eyes does scream


Crawlin is still crying over her and her Assinacan situation. If he wasn't so gay I'd beg our parents to make him marry her, since he's the one who loves her so. I'm not sure wot our parents were thinking when they did this to me.

I saw her today, by chance. She wos in Hogsmeade with her sister and her parents, and they were going into the Three Broomsticks while I wos coming out (it wos rather late, and I wonder wot they had been doing for most of the day). Pervati looked like a maiden in entropy, her black hair pulled tight away from the sides of her angelic face, her large eyes encircled in the usual smearing of black ash liner, her dress -- Gods, her black dress with the corseted front and satin train looked morbidly enticing. She looked at me and I her, and in our stare we acknowledged the many trysts we've had in the darkened tunnels near the Slytherin dormitories. If I'd stared any longer I would've cried.

I found some solace at Death Guild and stayed there until the dawn broke. It seems the only place I can feel safe in my sorrow.


Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: hurt - nine inch nails

April 12th 2003


I had a dream of blackened flowers
while I slept through all morn hours
I was lying atop of Anne Wittshare
we might have been having sex, I'm not sure

I dreamt about her. I never dream about her.

There was blood. A large, lake-like ocean of blood surrounding us and engulfing her body as it rose like high tide against her china white skin.

Leviathan screamed after she was engulfed, and I woke. That's all I remember.

I don't wont to dream of her again. I would rather death take me, or that I meet up with a vampire sometime soon. I would have asked Professor Ravenclaw specific details about the Blood Wizards, but he did not come back. Pehraps he is dead.

How lucky.


Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: lorelei - cocteau twins

As quickly as the flower doth grow and die
she was taken away twice before mine eyes.

Anne was returned to the Castle the other day.

She was taken to Assinacan yesterday afternoon.

Forlorn am I if only for naught
my predetermined life lay to rot
and as I walk the sullen halls of this Wizard School
I have come to believe that Gucci is no longer cool.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: scorched blood - xorcist

April 11th 2003


I'm so...depressed.