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Blurty for Deirdre.
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| Monday, September 8th, 2003 |
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| i'm too far gone ... no one ... nothing can save me now ... | ||
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| with each day that goes by ... i realize how much i don't mean anything to anyone | ||
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| Sunday, September 7th, 2003 |
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I haven't cut or gotten high in over half a year. More than that. A year since I've cut. I miss it terribly. It's hard to contain myself with what's going on. I have not talked to Glenn in a long while. I guess that friendship ended?I try to talk to others. But I just feel numb towards them. Nobody knows about this journal just me, and you if you've randomly stumbled upon it ... so hi to you ... I need to find my iron pills. I've gotten two new bruises from nowhere. I am tired of being alone, of being hurt, and of hurting others. It's as if my life is a downward spiral ... Obsolete is the best album ever o_O If you read the lyric booklet then listen to the cd ... it's as if you're watching the movie and anytime you hear a song by itself you've just fast-forwarded to that part ... it is amazing ... I can not explicate how amazing it is. Descent - Fear Factory Falling victim from neglect Designed thoughts and intellect Forgotten and displaced The crux of my dismay I feel nothing I am nothing I feel nothing Nothing How deep I descend? Until I reach my end? How deep I descend? Deeper into this abyss Weighted down and sinking fast Life did not offer me More than false destiny I feel nothing I am nothing I feel nothing Nothing How deep I descend? Until I reach my end? How deep I descend? I am nothing I feel nothing I am nothing I feel nothing Nothing Nothing . . . How deep I descend? Until I reach my end? How deep I descend? ........................................ I've been online for what seems to be an hour. No one has talked to me .Trying to suffice my loneliness with internet isn't even working these days. I know I have trust issues. But why shouldn't I? Everytime I let someone in. I get hurt. I have no one. >_< I just remembered I haven't finished reading my sandman comic. Something to look forward to. Simple things bring me great pleasure. I have decided I will no longer take pictures if I ever smile. Only simple pictures of my face. That is all. That is all there will ever be from now on. I really don't understand Russell. My panic attacks are more frequent. I can't even leave my room sometimes. |
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003 |
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A right is a power or privilege that a person has a just claim to, that belongs to a person by law, nature, or tradition. A right is supported by law, nature, or tradition and can therefore be enforced against others. Individuals can claim rights based on their own sense of fairness, but without the support of law, nature, or tradition, other people and the government may not recognize or enforce those rights. "Wherever the real power in a government lies, there is the danger of oppression. In our government, the real power lies in the majory of the community, and the invasion of private rights is chiefly to be feared, not from acts of government contrary to the sense of its constituents, but from acts in which the government is the mere instrument of the major number of constituents." - James Madison Enlightenment shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohobiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. i chose the name enlightenment as our countries name ... i felt that it helped ... we have a democracy ... but it isn't based upon religion ... lots of our laws are religious based ... homosexuals can not get married ... i would change that ... no one has the right not to let them get married ... 'life, libery, and the pursuit of happiness' ... is marriage not the pursuit of happiness for some? ... i chose enlightenment as the name because it is ambiguous ...i have to do the bill of rights for my group's government in my government class ... i will finish that later ... my schedule as of now ... medical terminology statistics ap anatomy/ physiology english 12 honors calculus 12 ap government 12 ap drama production ... i'm also on the constitution team ... which is my whole government class ... melissa was jumping on my trampoline with me and we collided ... -_- ... i have a few bruises ... it did not hurt then ... it was just fun then Lorraine is going to go to rehab for a year because she fucking messed up ... i miss her ... i enjoy the arguments in my classrooms... i enjoy some of the people in my classes ... half of them are idiots ... the others are tolerable ... i hate ruben ... he's 'christian' ... he's so fucking arrogant it's not even funny ... i am reading The Anti-Christ by Friedrich Nietzsche ... he sits in back of me in english ... and asks what i am reading and i tell him ... he tries to argue with me about it ... and force his beliefs upon me ... even though he says he isn't ... he irritates the hell out of me ... his arguments are the same thing over and over again ... i am not a combative person ... i can be when i need to be though ... or just when there's people like him -_- ... i respect his belief ... he should respect mine and leave me the hell alone ... he said i haven't read the bible and i don't know what i am talking about ... i grew up on the bible for fucks sake ... which is why i feel the way i do and think the way i do ... i am proud of myself for being able to step away from that ... i do not agree with the bible ... nobody every answered my questions ... he said how anybody who is against the bible is fucked up in some way ... seriously how close-minded is that? ... after i told him how close-minded he was i left because i had to go to class ... he hasn't talked to me since about it ... i really hope he doesn't try to again ... he'll just look like more of an idiot ... my father has been completely wretched all of last week and this week as well ... he seriously has some problems and he should stop taking out his frustrations on me ... i have too much going on right now ... i can't handle his shit as well ... i've never felt so alone ... 
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Blurty for Deirdre.
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numb.