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Blurty for Karen.
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| Sunday, April 18th, 2004 |
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YAY... I was able to order my shoes for once. Im so happy. I cant wait till they get here!! I was also able to go out last night. On Wednesday Tara needed a HUGE favor. She didnt want me to do it, but I did it anyway. I asked my mom for the money so I could get it, and then I walked to Taras to deliver it. Around 7PM my mom calls Taras cell and starts yelling at me "What the fuck is your problem?" She was screaming soo much, and then she hung up the phone after she told me "im at the door" which I didnt understand. Then Tara looks outside and sees her pulling in, and im like "what the fuck?" When I got into the car is was the worst ride home EVER. Its only 5 minutes from Taras house to my house, but that ride lasted a lot longer, and she was even speeing and almost ran a red light. She was screaming at me how im like Taras boyfriend because im always there for her. Even though she KNEW I was getting something for her. Then she was like your not staying at Taras on Saturday. I freaked out that night. I felt that my room was moving, and i couldnt move for shit. It was pretty bad. Then Thursday Tara came over to make peace with my mom. They talked for a while. I stayed upstairs for my safety. Then we went out to eat. That was great. Chinese! Then guess what. I was able to stay at Taras yesterday. THANK GOD. I got drunk like a mother fucker. I was falling down, wanting to throw up badly, and got jealous of a kissing action that took part last night. DAMN IT. Then Tara liked this guy, but he was taken, and so he wasnt hitting on Tara. Poor Tara. Im STILL JEALOUS of her...AHHH...Anyway. Last night was great. I was drunk. My friends were drunk too. I almost passed out a couple of times, and going in the hot tub when drunk is NOT really a good idea. I almost passed out in the tub, so they were like "Karen GET OUT OF THE TUB" so I did every once in a while to take a breath of fresh air. I was sooo sick. Then it was non stop talking blah blah in the car, and apparently i was talking too loud. It was KILLING Rachel, so I tried to stop. There is A LOT more to this story about what happend, but if you were there than you know. Im not writing anymore. Im fucking lazy. If you want to hear the rest you'll have to ask me. Im tired of fucking typing. The point is that i had FUN last night, I was drunk off my ASS after like 5 beers total. 1 Bacardi O and 4 MGD's. I HATE MGD. I hate regular beer..ewww. I had a little hangover this morning and last night. I came home and slept all day. Now im here, and leaving again. We definitly have to do this again, and also for Tara to see him again. Yea. HIM....HAHAHAHA IM OUT......NOT DRUNK OUT as I was before....IM OUTTTTTTT PEACE!!!!!!!! |
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| Sunday, April 11th, 2004 |
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SPRING BREAK is OVER tomorrow. Back to school. DAMN IT. Well its somewhat closer to Graduation! YAY! My spring break was ok. I had my fun, and of course it was killed by my mom always saying that i was lying. I told her the plan and she claims i didnt. DUMB FUCK. I told her i was going to stay at Taras, but apparently i didnt. Stupid BITCH. Oh well. I still went in the HOT TUB! with Tara, Ryan, and Elyse. Only 2 of them are cool...Guess who???? HAHAHAHA....The other one is fucking weird as shit, but its all good. We're all WEIRD... Turns out i left my damn towel over at Ryans. That sux. I may move tomorrow and not get my towel. SHIT. Yesterday was another game with the Boston Red Sox! We WON! I wanted to go to Taras house and see it, but my mom didnt let me because of what i supossedly did on Friday. She thinks my shirt smells like smoke or something when it clearly smells like chlorine from the HOT TUB. Obviously she hasnt been in a pool in a while. Maybe because she CANT swim...HAHAHAHAHA...Oh well. After the game I was going to hang out with Tara at night...yes, sneak out... but by 11:30 I fell asleep. DAMN. It was good i fell asleep anyway, because for some reason my mom went in my room at 4:30 AM....AM....CRAZY ASS...She came to get my dog. WTF? WHY? I dont even know. Now im glad I didnt go last night. That would have sucked ASS if I wasnt there. Though I wouldnt know what time I would have returned anyway, but still. You know. That would have not been good. Then she took my dog out for a walk at 9AM...AM...AHHH and returned at 10:40 and put him back in my room. Then i woke up at 2:20 PM...YAY!!! PM...YAY!!! Then I had some breakfast and walked the dog again. She asked me if I wanted to watch 1 of the 3 movies she rented last night, but i said NO, I dont want to watch a movie with her. She pissed me off by not letting me go to Taras to watch the game. She said I was dreaming when i asked that after what "I did" Its whatever. I dont need the EXTRA bitching from her or my brother who is ALWAYS on her side, because he claims he has matured and that im just ignorant. Whatever. He doesnt know shit. As the great one said. "Tell him to FUCK OFF, im serious"-Tara! Too bad I cant do that. Well atleast not yet. I should though. whatever. Tara is right he is a biget,sexist,ass hole who hates fat people and babies. How the fuck can you hate babies? If you have a little chub, you're fat to him. I guess thats why he always calls me fat and telling me I need to lose weight. Just because hes the military skinny guy. Always fit and shit. WhATEVER. I dont give a fuck. I should stop calling myself fat and ugly. I should just STOP listening to what he says. Hes an ASS. Im done talking about him. It pisses me off just talking about it. AHHH Anyway, I wanted to order my shoes today, but my moms full of shit once again. She said that since we may move we cant order the shoes yet. I asked why not, and she said cuz the address of the credit card must be the same as the shipping. Thats BULLSHIT. How do people get presents for others? Do they ask the parents "hey, can I use your credit card to but your son/daughter a present and ill send you a check later? NO, WTF? I asked her if i could use Taras address and she said NO because of that. Its fucking BULLSHIT. AHHH...WHATEVER... im done for today. DAMN STUPID PEOPLE: I atleast love babies! Love and Peace to all! Yay, I had no ending words to this..... |
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| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004 |
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I fucking suck. Im a bad friend. I dont know how NOT to say things. I feel that I may be losing MANY friendships now, and also in the future because of things I cant really help for some reason. Im now aware of how people really feel about me. It just took my stupid brain a while to understand. NO ONE should be my friend. Its for the best of them,and for the best of me too. I only seem to hurt them and myself. We shouldnt have to hurt each other as friends. Thats not what friends are for. Im just fucking stupid. I wish I didnt say the wrong things everytime. I wish that I could keep my mouth shut, and not to say things out loud when I dont know exactly what they are talking about. Whatever it may be, person or something, may be RIGHT there, and i say it. I dont mean to say things out loud. Once again, its just because im fucking STUPID. DUMB SHIT. I want to change. I dont want to be fucking STUPID anymore. I want people to like me, and to be able to trust me. Some to trust me again. I cant be trusted when im fucking STUPID as SHIT. It tells me I shouldnt have been trusted in the first place. Apparently I seem to be bringing up peoples weight often. I dont think I do. If I do im really sorry. If I dont hate you, then I dont give a SHIT about how much you weigh. I hate myself which is why I say IM FAT. I dont say im FAT to say that your fatter. You could weigh 1,000 lb's. I dont give a shit. I think I have changed my attitude towards overweight people. If you would had asked me who I thought was fat back then, I would have said anybody because I thought anyone bigger than I was as FAT. I only did that because I didnt know any better. The only FAT person here is Karen. Yea, ME. It doesnt matter how you look to me. I still love you guys no matter what. You could have a giant mole on your face that makes people vomit when they see it, but I will NEVER vomit for it. I would live with it. Thats part of you. Im sure you didnt ask for it, but thats how it is. I dont care what you have. It can be cancer, aids, 1 eye, missing body parts. I dont give a FUCK. Im sorry if I bring up the weight thing often. I didnt realize I did. Its not that I want to, but once again IM STUPID. ILL STOP. I WILL try hard to change how I DO and SAY things. I really DONT mean to say the wrong things or to bring things up that shouldnt be brought up, or to say things out loud at the wrong place and the wrong time. Ill try my hardest to change. I want to change. I DONT want to be STUPID anymore. I want to learn. Learn from everyting, and everyone. Learn from my mistakes. Just LEARN. LEARN DAMN IT. Once again. Im SORRY for me being STUPID. I hope you still want to be my friend, and talk to me, and trust me again. I WILL try my hardest to change, and to be normal. To do things RIGHT this time, and NOT FUCK UP again. Im sorry for being such a FUCKING LOSER....... I LOVE YOU! yea! hahahaha.....Really, I do. ALL OF YOU. EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS I LOVE...... :) |
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| Saturday, April 3rd, 2004 |
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Im at Taras house now. Rachel, Tara and Beyeh went for a smoke. I stayed here. I feel like shit. Not in a sick way, but in a weird way. People dont know or understand how i feel when the subject of the end of the world comes up. I hate that sooo much. I just dont want to hear about it. I dont want to hear a date, or anything. I makes me side, and scared. It almost makes me cry. I hate death. Im sooo HIGHLY afraid of it. Anyway...My mom thought i was going out tonight because i brought a back pack to Taras house, so she was freaking out, and she kept telling me NOT to go anywhere, and to keep calling her from the house phone. Shes CRAZY. I called her a little while ago, and she was like "if they are smoking, dont smoke" so i told her i dont smoke.....hahahaha shes CRAZY, once again. Well they are here now. YAY! smelling like them good old cigarettes. I should of had one, but i cant stop thinking about the death shit. It FREAKS me out like a mother fucker. I like how my mom thinks i dont smoke, but i think she is starting to suspect it. Thats kind of funny, but it sure would SUCK ASS if she EVER found out. AHHHH, Tara and Rachel are HITTING ON ME..... Now Rachel is touching Taras BOOBS, and Tara was about to take off her pants. AHHH they are FUCKING crazy, and i think Rachel is HIGH.....maybe, i dont know. OMG, Tara is showing her BOOBS like it and not thing......Almost like that night Rachel and Tara took "E" Their BOOBS were everywhere. Rachel and Taras, they were just out. OUT... This is getting TOO CRAZY....I got to go now....Ill tell the sexual storys and nasty things later when they happen. HAHAHAHA "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" |
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| Friday, April 2nd, 2004 |
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Im in English once again. I stil hate it. Im here with the nasty old lady names Ms.Elliot. She sucks ass. Yesterday was the last day of the quarter, and i turned in work late, and she was mad at me for it when it wasnt my fault. In the end she ended up grading my papers, and she gave me a D for the end of the quarter. I was sooo happy. Any of way... Yesterday when i got home i saw a paper that someone had called Animal Control on my birds saying that they were under fed and some bullshit. I had plans to go with Tara for her eye appointment, but thanks to my mom telling Animal Control some bullshit answer. I have to be home now at 3pm for when they come and inspect my birds. What a BITCH. I asked her why she said all that crap, but she didnt answer so i said "damn, you always have to ruin my life and my weekends" She didnt say anything again. I hope she realizes its TRUE. Oh yea, she connected my phone again, and she even got 2 lines, and 3 way. How weird. We are supossed to move soon. What that fuck??? Anyway. The point is that i got my phone back, so that means i also got the internet back too. YEA! Anyway, i got to go. I tell another story later when i get home... See ya.....really would wanna be ya.... NOT kidding...anybody but me. |
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| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 |
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I hate school. I hate it soo much. Maybe its just Woodson, or the teachers. I dont know. I hate Ms.Elliot. I hate the grading system. I hate the way people do things the wrong way. I hate the fact that i may not graduate. Well that i wont graduate. Fuck this. Im droping out next year, and probaly moving to California with this guy i met. I dont know. Its an option. Why not take it. Its something new. Probably something stupid. I know ill miss my friends dearly. I will cry. I will be hurt inside. In the end it may be good. Ill grow up and realize the good and bad things for me. Right now im stupid, but i may mature later on. Then again maybe not. Im a STUPID Puerto Rican. We may never be smart. I wonder what has happend to the Puerto Ricans over the years. I dont know. I want to DIE. Im serious. I wish to be happy, but i can NEVER be happy. Thats how i see it now. Its like there is NO hope for me at all in the end. My life sucks and i cant fix it. Proably no one can. That makes me sad. I hate this all. I hate English. I know the only thing i dont hate is my friends. I only have a few friends maybe less than everybody else, but atleast i have some that care. Well, at least i think they care. I dont even know about that. Sometimes it seems that they dont, or that im ignored in different ways by them. Sometimes i feel that im ignored by all of them all the time. I wonder if they sometimes even want to hang out with me. I see myself as a boring person. Why do they hang out with me? Sometimes i may be funny, but other times i say the wrong things. I hurt people in things i say, and i dont realize it. I dont mean to do it, but im just STUPID, once again. Im sorry for all the people i have hurt. Im sorry if i hurt you. Any of you. If your lucky, i may not be around much longer. Whatever. Who CARES. NO ONE. Its ok. Ill type later. I cant really do anything at my house anymore because we were supossed to move on Monday, but we didnt, so we got our phone number disconnected and now i cant log on to the internet anymore. NO phone. No internet. FUCK THIS SHIT..AHHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK. MOTHER MOTHER FUCK. MOTHER MOTHER FUCK FUCK. |
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004 |
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Ok, So its been a while. Im sorry. If you have read Taras journal from friends or whatever, then you know about crazy-eyed Sally. The was fucking weird and scary as shit. I even drew a picture of her. She looks like a man. No kidding. Anyway. I dont really remember what has happend since the last time i wrote, but its all good. To my surprise i was allowed to spend the night at Taras yesterday. Once i got to her house, i was tired as shit. EXTREMEMLY tired. We had picked up Colin and went to University Mall to get some groceries. Guess who we fucking. Some lesbian chic with her fiancee or something like that. We also see Weaver and his unmentionable friend. We all know who that is. Anyway. We go home. Im tired. We went for a smoke, and then we took Colin home. Once we came back we went to eat. I was feeling really sick almost vomited. Didnt! I forced my food down and then i was falling asleep in the floor. Not good. Then we went for another smoke, but i didnt have one because i felt sick. Then we well, we got ready for bed even tough i was the only one tired. Tara was wide awake. We lay down and so we decide to talk for a bit. We start talking about a lot of things. Things that make life hard. The good things in life. People who suck, and well pretty much everything. For the first time i felt i was being told something no one else may not know. Maybe someone else knows. I dont know, but at least i feel im the only one, and thats good enough for me. Makes me happy. Anyway. While we were talking, we stopped for a minute. It was all quiet. I said something and Tara said "Karen hold on." I then knew she was praying. I heard her, but i dont know if she was talking out loud. I dont know exactly what she said. When she was done she said "sorry Karen i was praying" i said " i know" She freaked out. "How do you know Karen, how do you know?" "i just know" Then she says "Karen, i think your an Angel" laughed and she said "NO karen, im not kidding" Then we started talking about Angel, and how she believes in them, but now in the biblical sense. Its all good. She started to fall asleep and i was waking up. hahaha. she told me to write down my thoughts and that she will read it in the morning. Its all good. I wrote a page last night, but then there was no more lead. In the morning I found a pencil, so i finished off the next page. It was around 10AM and i was getting ready to start walking, because if I didnt get home early i would never be allowed to spen the night at Taras ever again. She told me to wait until she gets up, but i had to go, and I know Tara doesnt get up early on a Sunday. I went down and told farhad Happy Birthday, and started to leave, but Ginger offered a ride. I left. Tara was still sleeping, and well i went online around 1PM and she told me she just woke up. I would have been in some shit if i got home at the time Tara woke up, but its all good. All i have to say is "DONT KILL YOURSELF" Life goes on, and you are safe, and will live as long as i live. Maybe I am an Angel. Im here to save. Save you. Maybe god does talk to me. Give me messages. Think its Bullshit? I dont think so. Neither does my mom. :) Until the next time. Hopefully soon! I leave you know with 2 questions. Am I an "Angel?" An "Angel to you, or to one person or many? I dont know. You tell me how I effect you. If in any way. I hope I do. I LOVE YOU ALL! |
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004 |
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Yesterday was FUCKING AWESOME! First we had a plan to chill with Amir, but he was stuck in MD. DAMN. Then Jamie (Tara's friend from MD) came down here, and we were like lets go see "Rocky Horror" *wink**wink* We start heading down to Georgetown MD. FUCK YEA! "I feel like a bad ass!" On the way there was a bitch that cut us off on 495. DUMB ASS! We got her back though...hahahah BITCH. Anyway. We arrive at this place where we're supossed to get our drink on. Turns out they are fighting, so we are like, SHIT. What do we do now? We went downstairs and waited for this "mafioso" (gangsta) guy named Sunny to see what we are doing. He shows up with a 30 pack. OHHH SHIIITTTT! AMEN! After a while of gathering up money we decide we are going to a hotel to party. "Drink up me (homees) yo ho!" We get a hotel. Its a NO smoking room. SHIT. What happens? Sunny takes out the fucking smoke alarm. WTF? hahaha, its all good. We got to smoke! Anyway. Im sitting there sober. WHY? Then Sunny is like, you want a beer? "oh yea!" Tara laughs. Then she gets one too! We are chilling there for a while when Tara's parents call. OH SHIT. Tara goes outside to talk. I hear a door knock so i assume its Tara. NOPE. WRONG. It was SECURITY. OH SHIT! Once i saw that hat saying SECURITY on him i dropped the beer so quick. I was like OH SHIT man. He was "calling all units" on us. Then he said he was going to let us go. I ran out sooo quick. I was GONE. We meet up with Jamie and this other guy Broc in the car. We notice NO ONE else is coming down. We got security looking at us. They probably got the tag number. We circle around twice. We get a hard stare and we are gone. We get a little lost from this damn one way street. Its ok, we got out. We go back to the Condos to meet up with them. They come back with all their beer. YEA! I go up, and i choose to have another one. Tara is sober, and she realizes she NEEDS to get home. Im still drunk, so i didnt seem to understand anything but drink some more and shit. Sunny was encouraging it too. Tara was like NO. She went downstairs. Long story short. She calls her parents. Im upstairs still drinking. Having a good time with Broc, Jay, Jamie, and Sunny. Also some other drunk people i dont even know. I go down and Tara is STILL talking with her mom. DAMN. That cant be good. Then her mom heard when Tara said i was being "foolish" NOT GOOD. Whatever. Taras moms tells us to meet her at a McDonalds in MD in 3 hours. We got to the McDonalds at around 5: AM. It was open. We didnt know. We thought it opens at 6 AM. We were cold as shit. We walk around. I text Didi. We talked. Good times. Im also still trying to sober up. That took me a while. Then sleep deprevation took over, and it felt like i was STILL drunk. DAMN. At 6: AM we go in to McDonalds. We start getting real tired. We are watching the sun come up. The hours pass by. Its about 7:30 and we start to wonder. We cant call because a couple hours back, Taras cell phone died. We were pretty much fucked. Stranded in MD on Sunday. At a McDonalds. I thought it was the funniest thing though it really wasnt. Im sorry Tara. Now i CAN laugh at it. Not before. That was BAD. Anyway. We see the car. AMEN! We run to it like it was Jesus or something. Some kind of God. Then we take a nap in it. I loved it! It was around 8: AM. I got home at about 9:30 AM. I see my mom giving me this weird look when she is just sitting in the couch in the living room. She wanted me to come home early. You best believe i came early. Shit. Then she tells me to start cleaning. WTF. ARE YOU CRAZY? I go to BED. mmmmm BED! 10 minutes later she is yelling at me to get up. She keeps doing that. When i finally get up. She was gone. I was soo mad, so i called Didi. I gave her a mini detail of what had happend. Theres more to be told thats just too fucking funny. Like Rodas, Road Ass, and Rohads. ETC... She had to go to church and so we ended our chat. Then my mom came home, and i cleaned for a bit. She is taking a nap now. YEA! Damn, i shoud be too. Oh well. Damn i NEED sleep. I crave it like a cigarette. mmmmmm GOOD! whatever. I just hope Tara is allowed to talk to Jamie who she has known forever, and that she WILL still call her and NOT delete her number of her cell. Ill chat later. Im going to see if i can take a fucking nap. I tried to take a shower to wake myself up, but that DID NOT work. DAMN. PEACE OUT....................Look Who's Talking?.........LOL |
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| Friday, March 5th, 2004 |
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There are so many things that happen in one day. Some are good things. Some are bad things. What can i say, Tara "kicks ass!" About revelations:: I told my mom i may be psychic, but to her that is the "devils" She says that when i see or know things before they happen that its called revalations of the Holy Spirit. Im not sure exactly what that means. I wonder. Whatever....Eugene Levy is funny!.......I dont know why, but im highly interested in peoples problems. Is that a bad thing? Friendship problems, love relationships, hate relationships. Anything that is important to know about your friends so that they know and you know that caring is there. Trusting and caring for your friends is sooo important in a long lasting, forever friendship. Its like one of the key things in life. Just like music is. Without any of those where would we be? where? I really wish i could keep talking about this, but im EXTREMELY tired. You have no idea. its only like 11 PM. I wish i was around someone i care about right now. Maybe then i would be awake. Trying to make that person feel better about the good things that happen and the bad things that happen in one day.....You know who you are........I LOVE U! and I CARE for U! BACARDIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!--------Damn i want that.....NOW! IM OUT!!! |
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Im in school right now. There are many people i hate in this class. People that wont sit the fuck down. That wont do wrok. Then theres people who are feeling bad that i care for, and i cant do anything to make them feel better. Sometimes special drugs are the answers, but when you dont have them you are screwed. You feel down from not having it. Sometimes i wonder if its a good thing i have never done it. That way i never really want it as badly as others do. Even though trying new things is good. Even if they are bad for you. You learn from your experiances. Drugs can make you happy for the moment, or for a while, but never forever. Sometimes i wish it could. I wouldnt know though. Some day i will. hahahaha.. la la la la la. People are talking and i want them to just shut up. shut up, and just never speak when around me again. Also, DONT show me pictures of some guys dick. you DIRTY SLUT. DAMN, WHAT THE FUCK?? DIE! Oh well. I guess ill sit here and try to ignore stupid people. Until later. Love you all! |
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| Thursday, March 4th, 2004 |
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Today was soo sad. Not only for me, but for my friends. First bad thing that happend was that Diana did some weird shit to her tongue. I dont even know what, but she couldnt talk. GGG. OWE. Then it was me. I thought i was fine this morning, but apparently i wasnt. Grant (security guard who kicks ASS!) saw that i wasnt doing too good while my friends were kind of away from me. I didnt realize it, but oh well. I then went to 4th period late, AGAIN. SHIT. It ended up being such a happy period. I was EXTREMELY happy. Dont know why. Angie and I were FULL of LOVE! I even made Tara a little book which she ended up almost leaving in the cafeteria, but thats ok. It was funny. Then i went to lunch, and things seemed pretty OK. I walked Rachel to class, and then i was LATE! I dont FUCKING care anymore because i HATE that class. Well, just the teacher. Can you say...BITCH??? I walk in late. Im HOT as a mother fucker, and so i go to open the windows. I open one.Then i move on to the next window. When i open the next window a plant falls down. Next thing i know, im getting BITCHED at like a MOTHER FUCKER. Burns and Elliot. FUCKING SHIT! They are asking me if i know how much the plant cost, and how long it takes to grow one. I dont give a FLYING FUCK. Who the FUCK cares. Plants are all "fucking around us." I probably helped out the damn plant by getting rid of the dry leaves. Then i started bitching, because i was being bitched at. Im not going to take that SHIT. I then get sent out of class quickly because of my attitude. Fuck that. They had the FUCKING ATTITUDE first. FUCKERS. Whatever man. When i got outside i punched the locker really hard. For some reason it didnt really hurt. I was like WOW? I end up walking in circles down the hallway. I see Tara! Ohmes didnt see me! Anyway. I see Grant and he asked me how much do i trust him. Im like, huh? I said i do trust him. We then went for a walk around the school. I like left and didnt ask. That was awesome! I disappeared! Anyway. Im asked to go to the office once im found. I was sitting for a while outside Ohmes classroom. I start talk, and for the first time EVER, i CRIED. Now my rep is ruined. Years of never crying happend senior year. Im glad it was ONLY Mrs.Radda(Batchelder) who saw me. It would have sucked real bad if anyone else saw me. I tried my hardest to hold it in, but i couldnt. Oh well. Thats done and over with today. Im glad. The day finally ended. We are standing by the buses and people notice that Tara doesnt seem to be doing too well. She than starts to cry. When Tara starts to cry. I worry. I care. I dont like to see anyone cry unless i hate them...hahahaha.... We then got on the bus and talked. Tonight i WILL pray for my Tara and her HAPPYNESS. We both cried today. How SAD is that? WOW. Its ok, sometimes its good to cry! CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER........... |
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| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004 |
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WOW man. simply, WOW. Today was really "infuckingcredible" as Tara would say.... I had therapy today, so the plan was for Greg to take me there, and then take me home. It ended up being Greg taking everybody home. It was around 2 something PM and we went across the street for those good old thing. Yea, you know what it is. CIGARETTES. They make me soo happy! We walked around for a bit before we had to meet Greg at Wendys. Then we went into Bed Bath & Beyond. We sat in this ORGASMIC massage chair. WOW, That was great! Then we proceeded to Wendys where we waited long amounts of time for Greg. He didnt show up. My appointment was at 4PM. I was FREAKIN out! Im a TIME person. Late is BAD... We then started walking, and we saw him. YAY! Turns out we all went to the therapy place. FUN! Well, maybe for them. 5 people in the little blue van. HOW CUTE! so anyway, therapy was then done with in an hour. We came out, and smoked some more, and then got back in the van. Headed back to Woodson. YAY!? Got out back packs and headed "on the road again" Colin was decided to be dropped off first instead of Rachel. Once we dropped off rachel i went ini the front seat, and then watched Rachel as she left and made an obscene gesture to her. WOW, that was funny! No one knows what it was but Rachel, and i KNOW she will tell. Come on now. It was FUNNY SHIT!! After that, well we had an enjoyable ride towards Dianas house. We conversed for a bit. Good times! Until in the end. I was dropped off last. Before we dropped off Tara we ended up seeing her man. I dont know why, but that was just tooo funny. He even turned. NOT the way towards his house...hmmm... Then we got really near Tara's house and they started playing her song. NO, not Andre (OutKast) The other one. Who ever it is that sings "you and i both" I hate that song, yet i sang it. I was in a way forced to listen to it, but not really. Its not fair. They didnt let me listen to Jessica Simpson. DAMN IT. Oh well. I go on! Done we all!!?? lol? so yea, its almost 9PM. I say we should do this again, even though my dog REALLY had to shit. Im a bad person...am i? whatever. im LEAVING. FUCK LAUREN...BITCH..I agree with Tara...."SHUT THE FUCK UP" HAHAHAHA....... BORICUA!!! |
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004 |
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YAY! Today i was able to hang out with my friends. I had fun eventhough my friends may think otherwise. I had a great time. We went around fair city mall for a while. We were at a little inside place where Colin would ask randon people about Jimmy Carter. HE then got himself into a funny arggument with some lady who said JC is NOT Jimmy Carter. JC is Jesus Christ.. That was some funny shit. She also asked Colin if he was high, and what was he on. He said he snorted vicoden, but she said you CANT snort that. hahahaha, sure you can. Anyway, I was sooo embarrassed. We were able to SMOKE! YUMMM!!! That was GREAT! Havent had one in a while. I dont like Malboro Reds that much, but it did the work, and so did that one newport. I HATE NEWPORTS. We even got a little ride from the crazy asian man. It was from one corner to the next. Good times. We then walked some more. For a while we were being follwed by some guy we met while saying Jimmy Carter died on the cross for us..and stuff. He follwed us for a WHILE...It was kind of scary. Especially since the guy was hispanic. Crazy ass. Also, we went into a video store. They had PORNO! Colin is 18, so he got a peak. hahaha. PERV! I had sooo much fun. The only thing i didnt like that much was the Jesus refrences. I guess thats why i didnt talk so much the entire time. Then at the end i was just tired of walking, so i didnt talk much either way. I often find myself annoying. The way i see it is that when people hang out with me its almost like if i wasnt there. Not that they are ignoring me. I HOPE NOT, but because i find myself being aboring person. I say that if people are around me they have fun, but also they would have the SAME amount of fun if i wasnt there. Like if i wasnt really there. I want to be able to make it different. Make it seem that im AM there. I dont know. Thats just they way i feel. I feel that if im not making people laugh constantly, i am a boring person. I also dont talk constantly because i am SHY. Either way i seem to be screwed. DAMN IT. Now i leave.hahaha Peace to my peoples......Tara,Rachel, and God knows who else.....:)hahaha |
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| Sunday, February 29th, 2004 |
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WOW. I was almost beaten yesterday by my momma. Shes a bitch. She grabbed me by the hair and shook me a couple times. I guess she thought it would hurt me or something. I dont know. It hurt me more emocionally than anything else. I couldnt even get online all day because she was screaming at me, and saying the phone line should be available for people to call when they want to veiw the house. They still come anyway whether they call or not. whatever. That point is that she is a BITCH. She kept daming the day i was born, and the day she met my dad. She also said she wishes i had never been born. "where is the love?" She told me not to get her angry moer than she was because she would kill me. For some reason i dont doubt she would. I only have to live with it for a couple more months and then ill leave. Not really sure where im going, but if i have nothing else i guess ill join the ARMY or some stupid shit like that. Whos knows. Maybe i will graduate this year, and just LEAVE her. Later that day she thinks she can appologize as if nothing really happend. She alsmost swung her fist into my face after she pulled my hair. She came later and said "im sorry, im very stressed, and i have problems that you dont even know of." STOP the BULLSHIT. DAMN. We then went to the movies, and when i was in the car i sang a part of a song that said "daddys got a new 45" and she was saying y dont you get an AK-47? WTF? Then i told her it was from a song and she was like you see what bad influences songs have these days? Then i ignored her and she got pissed at me, and said if i think that im going to ruin her movie night im wrong because she would beat me up. Just like she was going to beat me up for being online, and i know she is NOT kidding when she says it. She keeps saying if i do, ill be sorry. Im not even supossed to be online right now, but she is like sleeping, so im leaving soon. Today wasnt that bad. I just painted my room white. Taking off the white spots on blue paint i had. They were horrible. Now they are gone since im moving. I even had to take down my BIG Puerto Rican flag off the wall. Im soo mad. That was my pride. IT WILL COME BACK. When we move. Until then im sad. We painted and cleaned all day. Keyla and I. My mom just sat around, and talked to her friend that came over and then they left together. She didnt do shit. Then she thinks she can tell us we didnt do anything when we did more than she did. Oh Well. Life WILL go on.I THINK?? Ill be back in the later times maybe....if not than tomorrow. BLAH! |
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| Saturday, February 28th, 2004 |
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Its almost 8 am in a couple minutes. Why the hell am i awake? I dont even know. I think it was because my dog was in the crate since last night and really badly wanted to go out and pee. He was in there since like4:30 pm. I got sooo mad at him for eating my shoe laces AGAIN. From the same DAMN shoe. Damn it. After i had fixed them to the point where i could still kind of wear them. I soo fucking mad at him. Oh Well. Ill just put him back in the crate some more instead of making me want to beat him up. Then i think ill go by to sanity and go back to sleep. Its too fucking early man. I got things to dream about. People to dream about. Even asses to remember and then dream about. hahahaha.. Anyway, so i didnt get a hold of my friend yesterday,(TARA) so i went to bed at around 12am. Again, WHY am i awake. ahhh. I dont even know how im writing this early in the morning. Good Lord! Dont worry be happy, said the Black man in his song. I wish i knew his name. He was a cool guy. He was Black too. I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE. Lets remember it is STILL is Black History Month, so honor them and show some damn respect to them. Damn the racism. Damn it ALL. I out to go to bed, because SHIT, im TIRED. :)Off To Bed!!!! BBL!!!! |
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| Friday, February 27th, 2004 |
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I hate the world today. I was happy at some point, and then it was ruined. I dont know by what, but damn, im pissed off. I hate people, and they hate me. Im so sad. I really want to cry. I probably will too. People dont call me or pick up the phone, or im talking on the phone and my moms yells at me to get off the phone. DAMN IT. Theres got to be something wrong with the hispanic moms these days. I just dont understand. We ordered pizza today, and she is all mad at me for phone call my friend Josa made to her cell phone. He decided to leave a message about 9 minutes long. It was just him having a conversation with his friend. What kind of a fucking message is that. DAMN. I was freaking out before because I thought he opened his BIG mouth and told my mom I smoke cigarettes. Thank God he didn't mention ANYTHING about that. If he did I would have to go to Puerto Rico and KILL HIM. Anyways, im bored as shit up in here. Theres nothing to do. I had to clean dog hair all over my house today on my knees with a huge brush. That fucking sucked. DAMN IT. I dont know why, but at this moment I feel like crying. Maybe because I feel that no one loves me. That im hated, or that no one is really my friend. Its probably true. I dont know what really goes on in peoples heads about me. They could think or say anything, and I may never know. I dont know why im soo depressed all of the sudden. DAMN IT. The worst part of all this is that im HUNGRY, and I have nothing to eat. That SUCKS sooo bad. Me, not eating, OH DAMN! Oh yea, today I was pinched by a teachers aid. Her name is Ms.Burns. She is an abusive short black lady who apparently can't bend over. She wanted me to fix her pants. HELL NAW. I don't bend over to fix any pants. Especially teachers. I said NO, and she pulled my shirt and pinched my back where I have a bit of fat. Why the hell did she do that. That freakin hurt. I dont understand why she did that. She is like obsessed with me. I dont even know why. She thinks im soo fucking cool or some shit. She keeps saying how she wants to help me. She even wants to help me financially as if im a bum or something with no money. I hate that. I dont need NO help from anybody. Im a SURVIVOR! hahaha....NOT Beyonce.... I dont even know what made my day bad besides that. Oh yea, and Mr. Reisdorff A.K.A. (ReisDORK) w/e. He got me and Philip sooo mad today. Philip almost got up to punch him in the face, but then he realized what would have happend, so he stoped before he got in trouble, and started to BREATHE slowly to calm down. It was too funny. Then we got split, and I was pissed for the rest of the class refusing to do ANY work. I hate that teacher so bad. Not because he split us. I dont care about that. I hate him because he always wants his class to be soo damn quiet. NO TALKING at all. Me and no talking don't go to well. Oh Well. FUCK HIM. w/e. Im done here. I dont even know why I write all this anyway. Who cares? ~Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!~ |
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| Im in school now. DAMN. 7th period GOV'T SUX. I hate Gov't and them political stuff. Oh well. Ill just go home and chill for a while, and then find something real to do. | ||||
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2004 |
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| I was told i should do this journal thingy. Dont now why, but its cool with me. Its all good in the hood. Anyway, today in my Government class i reached over my desk to the floor to get my pencil that had dropped. When i was reaching over my desk, my teacher asked me if i was makin out with my desk. Oh, Mr.B..... I said yes at first that i was making out with it, but then i changed my mind and said NO!, cuz real girls get down on the FLO!, and then there was an akward silence in the class as they ALL stared at me, including my teacher in an odd yet funny looking way. I then turned RED, really RED, and then all the guys just stared at me and laughed. That was one BAD afternoon. Then i came home, and who knows what happend then... Before i got home, i punched a locker out of pure madness of the fucking SOL's in Virginia, DAMN THEM ALL.... I also saw my friend wearing a short skirt, well skirt in general for the first time. WOW, She was HOT, i wish i was too. DAMN. Oh well. Some day i will be, and everyone will be jelous. ;) Right now im listening to some crazy mexican music. Its insane with the funky trombone in the background. HORRIBLE...Im not even Mexican, but i like spanish music, hahaha. Its all good. Im talking to my friends right now, and one of them told me he was thinking of me in the shower.....NO COMMENT...ahhh. Ryan, your crazy...I telling my other friend Tara about my teachers NICE BIG ASS. OH YEA! gotta love it! Also how i touched him! yea, i touched him. NO! not the BUTT, oh damn! i wish! i touched his chest. YEA! too badd my regualar teacher is coming back March 10th after having her baby and what now...DAMN, im tired, im done now, im going to bed maybe...Till next time my fellow readers....yea! Go Puerto Rico! | ||||||||
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Blurty for Karen.
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pissed off.
lonely.
blank.
bored.
aggravated.
calm.
tired.
grateful.
annoyed.
crushed.
rejuvenated.
crappy.