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Cheesecake Fiend

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My first real entry...and it's whiny! [28 Nov 2003|02:38pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Puffy[amiyumi]- Boogie Woogie no. 5 ]

Eh, it's me again, I'm back to can tell that whenever I go to writing in this thing I feel very weary, in a massive bout of ennui or just looking to pass the time without going insane from feeling so solitary. I need to stop being so choosy. I need to be a healthy person with a "normal" number of friends... Every weekend this month has been a trial. Nothing exciting ever happens anymore. In fact, sometimes I'd rather be at school the whole week. School gives me people to talk to, things to do and accomplish...when I'm at home on the weekends I have nothing to enjoy but myself. I moved into this neighborhood in's November but I still don't know anybody who lives here. There's noone here my age who's like me...and noone even of my age. The closest friend lives half a mile away down a hard path of 2 foot snow. I have no siblings. My dog lays around all day. My parent's idea of being productive is watching TV or having a "drinky-poo" followed by dancing in the living room. I guess I'm doomed to being bored here forever. My friends are all outgoing people who have scores of other friends besides me, thus I'm easily forgotten. They always have better things to do...better people to see. Why do I always have to be alone? Why don't I have fun anymore? My only companions at the moment are the walls of my room and my keyboard and some people online who I'd rather avoid. That's my problem...I avoid people rather than trying to get close to them because I'm afraid that they'll just mock me or dislike me for my minor faults. Wait...I'm not literally "scared," I just don't want to have to deal with people hating me later because of something really minor. I wish I could be more outgoing and nice...not someone who scares away people with their overbearingness. Dammit...why do I have to pity myself? I haven't felt this way for a long time but I guess I can never escape being socially inadequate. Why is it so hard for me to meet new people? Maybe I'm just associating with the wrong kind of people. My friends aren't the remember-your-birthday wrap-up-your-locker-with-love type of people...and I've always wanted someone to at least acknowledge my birthday or secretly plan...or get my something I've secretly wanted >_>...ah, no biggie...that's wanting too much. I covet too much. Selfish, selfish, selfish. I'll end this before I aggravate myself.

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[14 Apr 2003|08:32pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | the Doors-The House of the Rising Sun ]'s my first Blurty entry and...what can I say...this is an LJ ripoff! A kind of bland one, mind you, but I do like the layout. Now what to say...what to, it slipped my mind. Off I go!

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