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Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
10:47 pm
I've decided to make a new user name...to have an all new journal...because I've changed...I've learned a lot in the past few days and I'm actually learning a lot about myself...so yeah new username here I come!!!lol...in my new journal I'll definitely mention Will here and there,but it won't be sad things :o)...YaYs!!!

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Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
2:03 pm - lalalala...I decided to take a quiz....
Well I decided to take a quiz cause I just got back from getting the pop and talking with some people and I still have 10 minutes left so I'm going to post the results of my quiz and just sit here and talk with a few people until the bell rings...cause next class is Seminar and then it's A.S.S. and then I'm going to be doing my plans...well I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!





Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype
at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]


current mood: bored
current music: None

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1:41 pm - lalala..I'm at school right now and I'm hella thirsty and hella bored..great combo if you ask me :o)
Well I'm at school right now and so far I've had a decent day.Are school is actually coming along great,lol...but it's hella cold in some areas...you know we still only have like half a building,but I so got lost in the new hall way,I just wasn't use to it,but now I am...so it's all good.Right now I'm in my 7th hour,and it's hella boring...I'm suppose to be working on a webpage but as you can tell I'm not really doing that.It'll be something that I'll put off doing until the last minute,kinda like everything else.That's actually just how I really am,I put everything off until the last minute...like if I need something from the store,I'll go and get it 5 minutes before the store closes and sometimes I don't make it,but I blame it on the store(s).Well anywho,I think that you get the point and all.I'm really thirsty and I'm actually hella tired,but I have to stay for A.S.S.,hopefully it'll pass by fast but I highly doubt that...but I'm happy to be in school for today at least...lol...not so sure about tomorrow...but yeah,I've been talking with some friends of mine and most of 'em told me the same thing that Greg told me...Yeah I thought about Will today...but like not in a sad way,yeah and I talked with this girl about him her name is Racheal and she can 100%ly relate to mine and Wills situation,because she herself is going through the same thing...so much love to her.Well I really don't know what to write in here,I still have a half an hour in this class...Hrm well anyways,I watched Fear Factor last night and it wasn't the best episode,but it was pretty cool and I liked the second stunt the most...but I'll write about it later on tonight...if I have time that is.I think that A.S.S.,I'm going to go out to eat,stop off at a friends house,and go somewhere and just hang out...and this weekend there's this kick ass party happening,and I might go...all depends on how I'm feeling on that day..after all Saturday will be 8 weeks since I've talked with the man that I love...well I think that it's easier to say 2 months than 8 weeks....but yeah 8 weeks,2 months same damn thing.That's like hella hard for me,so I might not go to the party,but knowing my friends they'll drag me to it and make me have like the best time ever...but yeah,okay I'm like hella thirsty...so I think that I'm going to go get a pop from the pop machines and then I think that I'm going to run the halls going from classroom to classroom to just visit people...besides we have like an hour left of school...yep one more hour and school is over with...but see that'll make it two hours for me,because I have to stay for A.S.S. and A.S.S. is an hour long...oh the joys of staying after school...Well off to get something to drink I go...I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!!

current mood: bored
current music: None

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Monday, April 7th, 2003
5:46 pm - ::Burps:: *Looks around* Who did that??lol,I know I'm an idiot,but you can't help but to luv me :o)
Well at least today was an easy going day.I haven't shed one tear,so to me that's like being on cloud nine.I have thought about Will a lot today though,I just really don't get a lot of things.But today I talked with Greg and he looked me right in the eye and he was like "Tammy,you're a special girl with a heart of gold,there's lots of guys that want to be with you,don't waste your sweetness on someone of whom doesn't deserve it" I was totally floored when he told me that,Greg is definitely a sweet guy and he's such a great friend,have I ever mentioned that I'm sooooo lucky to have him as a friend?Well I am.Yeah he always has a way of cheering me up,it put a smile on my face all day.I guess that I'll just have my days,I'll have my moments...I'm sure without a doubt in my mind that I'll cry again and than the next minute I'll be smiling and laughing...oh my moods will just be changing,they'll come and they'll go.Some days will be harder than other days,but I know that my friends will be there for me when I need them.Gawd what would I do or what would others do without their friends?I swear if it wasn't for my friends and family..I wouldn't even be here today...but yeah.I'm just going to take one day at a time and deal with the different emotions that I'm feeling,one at a time.I'm in love with him and a part of me definitely always will be...but like Greg told me...just because I love him doesn't mean I can't love anyone else.Right now,I still have a lot of hope and faith in him...I have hope and faith that he'll come back to me...and I guess what I'm afraid of is that once I lose that hope and faith,he'll come back into my life and tell me that he loves me,and the feelings will just come flooding back and after that the same shit will just go down again...and I don't want that to happen.My mom told me to hold on for as long as I can,hold that hope and faith for as long as I can,deal with the pain as long as I can,allow my heart to take as much as it can...and the day that I can't hold on any longer...cry a little,smile and let go.It actually seems really easy when she says it,but the reality of the truth is...it's not so easy...but the message was,do what you can do,do your best so you'll have no regrets and in the end if your best isn't good enough,and you just can't do it anymore...cry a little because in a way you've lost a part of you,but smile knowing that you tried your best,and that you didn't fail because he who tries never ever fails...or at least that's the message that I picked up from what my mom was telling me.I've actually decided not to pay him a visit or to write him a letter in the mail and to just not call him,write him/text him anymore...because I actually don't want to come off as being a 'stalker'...If he wants to talk,he knows how to find me...I'm definitely not going to hold my breath on hearing from him,because well lets face it...I'd be dead by now if I did...but the only way that I would ever write him a letter is if and when I do get over him...and it's not really a sense of being desperate or trying to make him jealous...I'd more so be doing it for myself...for my well being and not for his.And I'm actually hoping that my mom won't call him again,I know that she feels the need to and that she wants to because each day she sees pain flicker in my eyes...each day I see something or hear something or remember something that reminds me of him,and that just makes it all the more worse for me...but I'm hoping that when I ask my mom not to call him anymore,that she'll respect that decision of mine...but time will only tell.But off of the subject...Today is the last day of Spring Break...this spring break honestly sucked ass this year,and it went by hella fast...and for once I'm actually not bumming about going back to school tomorrow,because I haven't seen a few friends of mine in what seems like forever,and a part of our school is suppose to be finished...you know it's kinda like the first day of school,you're excited to see your friends after a long period of time,and then like after the first week it's like okay school sucks,I can't believe that I was excited...but school is like heaven to me,school is where I can actually keep my mind off of Will...you know??And I think it has a lot to do with just being around friends,and with actually being in a happy and talkative environment...but anyways...Fear Factor is on tonight...YaY...and it's not going to be a re-run which is all good...lol...and it's suppose to be a good one too,yeah their going drag racing and shit...lol...but we shall see...I'll post about it,if it's a cool one...Well I think that I'm going to go take a hot shower...so I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: peaceful
current music: Stuck---Stacie Orrico

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Sunday, April 6th, 2003
8:48 am - Fuckin A
Well yesterday was the offical 7 weeks that I've talked with the man that I'm so completely head over heels in love with.I decided that I was going to try and call him once more,and I called at exactly 2:00 p.m. and he answered the phone,and I could tell it was him by the sound of his voice and he said "Yeah" and that's all it took for the tears to start forming from my eyes...I mean I was like a fucking gushing water foutain,and I hung up on him...I was crying so hard that I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him.Then at 5:00 p.m. my mom woke up from her nap and she called him,but by that time Will was sleeping...and his Grandma I think it was...took the message with my name and my phone number...and I was like "Mom,he's not going to call me back...he had my phone number before and he never called me" and my mom was like "He may not call you back,but at least he'll know that you're trying to get ahold of him" ...which is true,but what fucking difference does it make when he doesn't fucking care two shits about me??And you know something??I was right,he never called me back..I don't even know why I bother anymore...maybe because I'm hoping that he'll come to his senses and realize that he does love me,and that he does care for me,and that he does want to be with me...but that's never going to happen...it's just fucking wishful thinking...I'm just simply wishing on someone elses fucking star...Gawd...I just can't even think clearly right now...I need to go...I'll write more latas kays!Bye!

current mood: depressed
current music: None

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Friday, April 4th, 2003
6:12 pm - Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...Love fucking hurts...
Today it's just been a huge ass emotional rollercoaster for me...I thought tomorrow would be the day to be on an emotional rollercoaster,but it seems that today is the day.I've done nothing but cry all day,I broke down in front of my mom and in front of Greg and just all of my other friends...I just can't handle this shit anymore,I miss him and I love him and I want to be with him...and him ignoring me the way that he is,it just fucking hurts beyond belief and today it has finally taken it's tole on me..I've had enough and I just can't handle it anymore...I've tried calling him,but he's obviously avoiding my phone calls...because one minute I'll call and the line will be easy and the next time that I call it'll just ring and ring and ring...he's avoiding my phone calls...Well I've tried writing him e-mails,but have failed to do so since they keep on coming back to me,and I've tried to text him and I get nothing in return and I've tried to call him and there's no response what so ever...so there's only two things left to do and that's to either one write him a letter in the mail and just hope and pray that he reads it or two go and visit his ass...Gawd,I'm so fucking sick of crying...Love fucking hurts...Grrrsss...I'm going to get going,I just need to get away...I'll update later...maybe...latas!

current mood: infuriated
current music: I'm feeling so many fucking things right now!Grrr.fuck guys!

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9:23 am - lalalala...no title again...lmao
Welp it's 9:23 and I still have had no sleep...I talked with Josh until the early hours of the morning..lol..Yes like always :o)...but it's all good,he was telling me about the new relationship that he's in and other things...I'm really happy for him,and I'm happy for his girlfriend too,because she seriously has found a great and decent guy...and lets be honest,there's not to many of 'em left these days...but yeah I talked with Josh until like 2:45 I do believe,yeah he had to go...and well I've been talking on this damn thing since then...with friends,and I'm talking with a few new people also...but I honestly miss talking with Will...nothing can ever compare talking with him,and to realize that I'll probably never talk with him again,that still fucking hurts beyond belief...Did you know that it'll honestly be 7 weeks tomorrow since I've talked with him and on Sunday it'll be six weeks since he's called me...unbelieveable isn't it.Yeah I know that my days don't match with what I've mentioned here...but we actually exchanged a few words like a hella long time ago and I counted that as having a conversation even though I was mostly talking with myself...but it'll actually be 7 weeks tomorrow since I've talked with the man that I love...totally heart breaking and earth shattering all over again...it may not seem that long to others,but to me it's like a whole life time in a half...but I can't continue wasting my life away over Will...yeah it's true that he was my life,that I considered him to be...but well he's gone and I have realized that now I just have to accept it.But I think that I'm going to get going for now...I'm not going to sleep,because I can't sleep...but I'm suppose to meet Greg and some others for breakfast and then we're going to play some basketball so I'll write more latas kays!!!Bye!

current mood: awake
current music: None

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12:45 am - MmM...shopping and PiE...MmM...lol
Well I took a drive around and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going,and when I noticed where I was...I was in fuggin Gaylord...so I went shopping...lmao...and I just went to like West Branch too and Houghton Lake...hell man I figured if I started shopping,why not go all over the place and shop?lol so that's what I did and I didn't get home until well after 10:00 p.m. yeah I shopped for like a really long time...lol...but it was a blast,I so had fun....and after I got home...I watched that thing on t.v. about Lisa Marie Prestily...or how ever you spell her name...lol...yeah it was pretty interesting,and I left before it was over,because I went to burger king and I got a pie,yep burger king has someeeeeeeeeeee goodddddddddddd assssssssssssssssss piesssssssssss...lol...yummy...but I couldn't keep it down,so that was a total fuggin' bummer...lmao...and then I came home and I called a friend of mine...and we talked for like 5 minutes,cause she had to go...yeah her mom was calling her,it sounded like her mom was bitching up a storm though...and then well here I am...lol...and yessssssssssss I'm talking with Josh...Gawd much love for him,and I so need sleep...I'm so bumming right now,because I haven't had any sleep what so ever in what seems like forever...but hey I'm not going to complain...well I'm not going to complain anymore I should say...lmao...well I'm going to get going so I can finish talking with Josh...but I'll write more latas kays!!!Bye!

current mood: ditzy
current music: None

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Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
4:30 pm - Hrm...This is how my day went so far..lol..I sound like a programmed robot or something...lmfao
Well I've actually had no sleep at all today.I talked with Josh until 4:30 in the morning,and before I realized it...it was like 5:00 in the morning,so I just decided to stay up,because well that's what time I usually get up in the morning anyways...so I took a shower and I cleaned up the mess that my mom left last night...lol...I swear to gawd I live with a pig...lmao...and at 6:30 a friend of mine called me,and we talked for 2 hours on the phone..lol..oh and we basically talked about nothing at all either...and after that I just wrote a short poem,and then I watched Judge Joe Brown...lol...much love for that dude :o)...he's hella funny...and after that,I went for a long walk,because I had a lot of things running through my head and talking a walk helps me clear my head of the thoughts that I'm thinking...and then I went over to Gregs house and we just talked and chilled and I watched him and his brother play video games...yep,I just watched...cause like I mentioned before I can't play video games worth a shit,I can't even play a racing game...yeah I go off the track and everything,I spend more times banging into the walls then I do on the road,and then when I finally get going I always go the wrong way and then I start swerving and I crash into the walls...lol...damn I'm so glad that I don't drive like that in real life...I'd be in an accident all day...And after I got home from Gregs it was about 3:30...yeah I was there for a long time...but yeah after I got home I got on here and I checked my mail and I had tons of mail,and oh yeah I got to writing that e-mail to...so it's all good and I talked with Josh for a few,yeah he was on...and then my stupid computer was being completely asinine and it froze up on me,and it's never done that to me before...but yeah by the time I got back on,Josh was gone...he thought that I was mad at him and shit,so I had to explain to him that I wasn't...yeah I think I left him like 6 offline messages...lol...what can I say...I write a lot...and after I left those messages,I just hopped into the shower...and then I got back on here and I talked with a friend of mine who needed advice,yeah...and well here I am...I don't really know,what I'm going to do for the rest of the day...but I'm kinda bummed and scared because my moms friend of which is like a second mom to me may have cancer...and I don't know what I'm going to do,if she does have cancer...and oh yeah,I don't know if I ever mentioned it in here,but me and the rest of my family members thought that my dad had cancer and I just found out not to long ago that he doesn't have cancer,so I'm really happy about that...but yeah...Well I think that I'm going to get off here and go take a drive or something,I may go see my moms friend and see how she's holding up and shit...but I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: awake
current music: None

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8:30 am - Hrm...no good subject line today..lol...yeah it's like every day...I know!
Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

current mood: full
current music: None

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12:50 am - lalala--Oh I was late picking up my little spud--oh what a great subject line...lol
Well I never got to write the e-mail nor did I have any time to take any quizzes--why?Because Josh messaged me so yeah I talked with him from 4:30 to 7:30...I know,I know,I know...I was late picking up my little spud!I just wasn't paying attention to the clock at all,I was so wrapped up in talking with Josh...Yeah,we were talking about a lot of things,some of things were rather interesting too...but yeah so I left here at 7:30 right on the dot because I was already ready and everything,and I picked up my little spud and we went to Mickey D's and then we headed off to the stores,yeah I came out with like 5 bags full of toys for him...he picked out mostly cars,and I got some pens for my dad...lol,yeah I know that sounds pretty stupid but he can never find a pen anywhere to write down the things that he needs to write down,so I bought him some pens...yeah they were only 15 bucks...and you got like 5 of 'em I think...yeah but their hella good pens and if they ever quit on him I'm going to take 'em back to the store and shove them up some workers ass,oh and I bought my brother a basketball...I didn't know what in the hell he wanted and he told me that he needed a new basketball well he didn't tell me he just sorta mentioned it one day and I remembered it,so yeah I bought him a basketball and after that we went back to Mickey D's and I got my spud another chicken nugget meal and he fell asleep in the car on the way home...awwwww he was so tired he looked so cute sleeping...lol...but yeah after I dropped of the food and gave them the things that I bought them and talked with them for a few and my dad gave me that look,I hate that look...that look where it says "You didn't have to do this"...you know,I just hate that look...and I gave him my little evil daughter look you know...the one that says "Dad shut the hell up,I know I didn't have to do it,but I did it so deal with it and accept the damn gift/food/whatever or I'll make you"...Yep...I talked with them and hung out and what not for an hour and a half...and then I came back to Grayling and I stopped off at Taco Bell to get my mom some tacos only to come to realize that she had Chinese food...YUCK...so I ended up giving the taco bell away...cause I'm really not into taco bell that much and I actually wasn't even hungry,and I did get home a little after 11:00...and I took a long ass shower....and well I thought that I'd get on here to tell you all about my day...Yeah and Josh is on also...I like talking with him,he's my buddy...I can tell him anything,I find that I can open up to him about a lot of things that I can't open up to my other friends about...but I think that we all have at least one good friend like that...where we just feel that we can't keep anything from them,and well Josh is that person to me...but anywho...I think I'm going to get going and talk with Josh for a bit and then I'm going to head off and at least try to sleep for half an hour if that's at all even possible...I'll write more latas kays!!!Bye!

current mood: content
current music: None

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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
4:30 pm - How come I never know what to say,when it comes to the subject box??Go Figure...really odd
Welp,I went shoe shopping...YaYs for me...lol...yep I got four pairs of new shoes,I'd take pictures of them but my stupid camera is being an ass on me and it's choosing to work,and besides I haven't quite figured out how to post pictures on here,how people do it I'll never know...shit I still haven't figured out how to make my blurty look decent,I don't think that I'll ever figure it out either,a total bummer if you ask me,but hey man shit happens and well when life throws you lemons what are you suppose to do??Make some lemonade..lol,yep that's right...ahhh wells,I look at it this way,my blurty was suppose to be this way,in a way it's unique...pretty much everyone starts out this way until they figure out how to make their blurty better and well I don't see myself as one of those people...so I'm sure that I'll sooner or later grow fond of my blurty,just the way it is.Well Josh is on but he's N/A,I kinda think that I pissed him off some how,I'm not really sure how I did it...but then again I'm not sure of a lot of things these days,and well I've been having that affect on people lately,of making them pissed off at me for no reason at all...but it's all good I suppose...doesn't really hurt my feelings any,if someone wants to be pissed off at me let 'em be pissed off at me if it makes them feel better.Well I'm suppose to go and pick up my brother at 7:00...so that means that we'll go to Mickey D's first and get him some chicken nuggets and then it's off to the stores until probably 9:30...yep he wants a few toys and some shit,so I'll get 'em for him...anything for my lil spud/buddy...and then I'll probably take him back to Mickey D's and get him another happy meal,chicken nuggets of course and then I'll probably pick something up for my brother and my dad and when I get back in Grayling...I'll stop off at this Mickey D's and get my mom something to eat or something...although she'll probably want Taco Bell so yeah I'll probably stop there,oh and in case you were wondering...I'm taking my brother shopping in Ho Town Lake...which is about half an hour away from Grayling...but my brother lives in Roscommon which is 15 miles away from Grayling...it's about a 10-15 minute drive...unless of course I'm angry and I get there rather fast...but yeah,I figure I'll be home around 11:00 tonight,yep cause if I stop off at my dads it'll take him forever to shut up,yep he's like me he's a talker mmmkay??Yeah that's what I thought...ohhhh and I don't feel that well either,and I haven't eaten anything either,haven't felt good in a while and I'm not going to the hospital because I fuggin' hate the hospital...I hate the smell of hospitals the smell of hospitals actually makes me throw up,and I hate doctors with a passion...so nope...I think I'll just put up with my sore stomach until I can't walk anymore,because the pain will be so great...yeah I don't go to the hospital unless I'm forced to go,or unless there's no other choice which would mean me being forced to go...Gawd,I wonder how the rest of my spring break will go...and I actually wonder what Wills doing and who he's with or if he's okay...Okay,I need to stop torturing myself...it's going to be a hella long road to get over him,and it's hella fucking hard not to call him and shit,I don't no how many times I've tried to call him,but just hung up the phone before I pressed the last digit of his phone number...but I know that I can do it,with my friends being by myside...but I know that they can't help me all the way,that they can only help me so much and then I have to help myself the rest of the way,and I guess that's what I fear the most,that I just won't be capable of digging myself out of the hole the rest of the way...oh but enough of this humbo jumbo...I just need to clear my mind of this shit,because it's not helping me either...and this sappy ass love shit that I've been downloading hasn't been helping me either,ugh I hate what love does to me...it brings the softer side of me out,and barely anyone gets to see that side,but they've been seeing it a lot lately,and I'm sure they'll never forget it...So you think the whole "Bitch" avatar fits me??lol...I think it does...but anywho...I have an e-mail that I need to write and I think that I'll take some quizzes and hopefully by that time Josh will be off of the N/A shit and hopefully he'll talk with me,if not it's cool cause it sure in the hell isn't the end of the world and I may even post some poetry on here...not mine of course,cause that's actually just for me and I really don't even know who reads this or if anyone reads this for that matter...so in a way if no one reads this,then it'd just be a waste of my time to post my own poetry on here,because no one would leave me any opinions about it,if they didn't read this of course...but I actually don't think that anyone does read this...but anywho...I'm going to go write the e-mail,but I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: good
current music: I can't make you love me---Bonnie Raitt

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9:26 am - lalalalala...three days once again inside of a tiny nutshell...wahoo gotta luv life man...YEAH!!!!!!
Okay well on Monday night Greg came over and we sat down to watch Fear Factor and it was a re-run and I only know this,because I've watched every single show since it came on and well it's never had the same six people on it before,so yep it was a re-run but it was the show with the hissing cockroaches...but I'm not going to tell you what they had to do,if you want to find that out you'll have to leave me a message or e-mail me or something...cause it's just for me to know and for you to find out...and well me and Greg we did talk and we talked about a lot of things...and we got everything straightened out,he's like on probation with me right now...he'll be on that list for a while,because I haven't exactly forgiven him and shit,but I will in due time...because what he did was forgiveable it wasn't no where near as bad as what Eric did to me...and me and Greg even talked about Will,yeah Wills' been on my mind a lot lately,it's like no matter how hard I try to escape the thoughts and feelings,it just doesn't work...I find myself thinking about him more and more and loving him more and more,but as each day passes,I actually find myself coming rather upset with him and I don't really like that.I mean yeah,I have a damn good reason to be upset with him,but yet it feels really wrong and rotten that I'm upset him with...I do love him and I'm still in love with him,but I often find myself swearing up and down that I hate him,and I'm not a person of whom uses the word hate very often just because it's a very strong word and it holds a lot of power to it and it shouldn't be used unless someone truly knows for sure that they mean it...but I can't help but hate him just a little bit...but Greg made me see that sometimes we can love someone with everything that we are and everything that we have and it just isn't going to make one bit of difference...I mean he was just saying a lot of things to me,and for the first time in a very long time,I felt close to Greg and I felt like he truly understood me and that he truly cared for me...it was really great...and I came to realize that even though I love Will and even though I'm in love with him,I have no choice but to let him go...sometimes in life we can love someone so much and we can want to be with them so much,but we know that we must let them go because it's the right thing to do,and in the long run we'll one day benefit from it...I know my day will come,it just seems distant right now...but Greg made me see all of these things...so much love to him...and Greg actually talked with me til the early hours of the morning,so I just told him to spend the night...Then on Tuesday my mom came out and saw me and Greg sitting on my bed talking,and she's like "Awww look at the two love birds" and I was like "Mom,I'm prego...that's why Greg came over and that's why we've been up all night talking,he's the father and well we were trying to figure out what to do,but we need your advice,plz help us mom"....LMFAO...OMG you should have seen her face....lmao...oh it was the best April Fools joke that I've ever done...good thing I can make myself cry huh?lol...oh you should have been there..lol oh better yet,I should have taken a picture...it was such a kodak moment...lmao...and well me and Greg just hung out for the whole day after that...yeah we're becoming rather close and his girlfriend well I should say ex-girlfriend is mad jealous...lmao...nothing to be jealous of..me and Greg are just friends nothing more and nothing less...and besides he's like a brother to me,being interested in him in that way would be like fuckin incest..it's just not my cup of tea...but no offense to him,he really is a great guy and I'm sure that he'll find someone very soon...even if I have to help him find her...lol...yep I'm like the little match maker out of all my friends...oh and Josh left me an offline message and told me that they had trouble with the power and shit,ahhh wells...oh and I found out that Josh is coming home to,yep...if anyone wants to know why then contact me...but yeah,I'm soooooooo happy that he's coming home,it's been forever since I've seen his ass...I'm going to give him like a big ol' hug when I see him...lol...so he best be prepared...well anyways that's how my Monday and Tuesday went...oh and Tuesday night an ex-bf of mine walked back into my life,it totally fucking shocked me,I mean I thought the dude was seriously dead,I mean he walked off the face of this earth a year and 79 days...and then all of a sudden he just now comes back...hrm I wonder what he wants,I know damn well he wants something...that's how he's always been...I'll find out in due time what he wants...doesn't mean I'm going to give it to him though...I mean if he needs cash,yeah I'll give it to him,but if it's anything else oh gawd no...yuck...anyways...It's like 9:30 right now,and I have no idea what I'm going to do today...I think that I'm going to shopping,I haven't gone shopping in a while...and well what girl doesn't get cheered up by a shopping spree??lol...okay probably most girls don't...but hey I have a shoe collection that has been neglected for a while and it needs new friends so I'll just go shopping and pick up some new shoes or something...and then I'm suppose to go pick up my little brother tonight,cause he wants to go to some store and my dad doesn't want to take him,so I was like fuck it man I'll take my little spud,I have no problem taking my little spud places...yep and he called me and he's like "Tammy,will you take me to ronald donalds too" and I was like "Yes spud I'll take you to McDonalds to get chicken nuggets"...lol,see I even know what he orders too...yep,we're definately close...he may just be six years old,but we understand each other...lol...after all I am a kid at heart :o)....Welp...my life hasn't been that interesting in the last couple of days,although I can't really remember the first time that my life was interesting...I don't think that it's ever been interesting...but yeah...oh and I got rid of my head cold too,yeah I got a little sleep and it did the trick...but I have a sore throat...my mom said that it's because I've been sucking to much dick,but she honestly just doesn't know how clueless she is...lol...cause I haven't sucked any dick in a while...hrm...bummer,but well the love of my life is no where around...I bet that he's grown fond of his left hand...lmfao...anywhos...I'm out...I'll write more laters kays!!!Bye!

current mood: calm
current music: You don't miss the water(Til the well runs dry)Craig David

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Monday, March 31st, 2003
7:30 pm - Ugh...I'm coming down with a cold...YaY for me...
Well last night I didn't make it home,as you can probably already tell...yeah I helped my dad move until 11:00 p.m. and by that time I was like a zombie walking...so I just passed out in the chair,and I woke up at 6:00 this morning and I cleaned the house a lil' bit and I took a shower and all that good stuff and then I went out for breakfast and picked up something for my dad and my brother and I went back there and they were both still sleeping...so I put there food in the oven...and I watched a few movies and my dad finally woke up at 11:30 a.m. and I was like you have breakfast in the oven and he was like "what" and I was like your breakfast is in the oven and he went and he got it and he's like "damn what in the hell do you think you're feeding a damn horse" and I was like dad that's Davids..yours is the other one and he picked up the other one and he's like "okay that's much better"...and then he was like "You didn't have to do this" and I was like "dad just eat the fucking food,cause I'm not going to argue with you about this"...lol...incase you haven't noticed my two words for today are "was like"...yeah so after my dad ate...I did a little more cleaning...and I left about 4:30 and I got home a little after 5:00,because I had to stop off at the store and everything to pick up a few things and when I left my brother was still sleeping...lol...damn I would sooooooooo love to sleep that long...after I got home I put away the food and I took a longgggggggggggg ass shower,cause I was soooooooo sore and I'm still sore actually...and I'm coming down with a massive cold,which isn't cool at all...I hate when I'm sick,I'm like a total baby when I'm sick...lol...I really shouldn't admitt that,but well it's the truth....and after my long shower I took like a 15 minute nap,because I haven't been able to sleep worth a shit for the last few days...and then I watched the simpsons for a few and well here I am...oh and I talked with Josh for a few minutes before he left on me,I guess that he had something to do or some shit like that,I think that he's having trouble with his computer or something...but yeah as you can see my Spring Break isn't turning out to be the best Spring Break...and my days are filled with nothing to interesting...but I am coming down with a cold,not like that's a good thing but hey at least it's something....not the best something,but I'm not going to complain...well I've already complained actually...but I'm done now...so hrm...my head feels like it's a thousand pounds and I can't really think that clearly...and my nose is stuffed but I guess that a stuffed nose is better then a runny nose by farrrrrrr...and my eyes are like getting all puffy and shit...yep I'm getting what they call a head cold,oh don't you know those are the best colds ever...lol...and I can't eat anything either...because if I eat it...back up it comes...yep,I found that out this morning after I ate my breakfast...and I called Greg and I told him that I was sick,since we were suppose to talk and shit and he's like "so you puked up your breakfast huh?" and I was like "Yep" and he was like "It tastes better the second time around"...lol....ugh that was soooooo fuggin' gross to hear that,what a sick fuck...lmao...but yeah...so Greg is suppose to be stopping by here at like 8:00 to talk with me,but we'll be talking after Fear Factor...yep Fear Factors on tonight,and I actually don't know how it's going to be,because I haven't seen any previews for it so far...so we shall see how it goes,if it's a stupid show,I'm not even going to bother posting how it went on here,cause that would just be a waste of time...that would be draining more energy out of my body,that I'll obviously need since I'm sick...Well I was kinda just writing in here to try and waste time to see if Josh was going to come back on,but he obviously isn't...so I think that I'm going to stop writing this and take like half an hour nap...cause sleep is the best medicine for a cold...that and chicken noodle soup...and well I hate chicken so it's looks like sleep is it...so sleep here I come...wahoo...I finally get to sleep...but that doesn't really mean that I'll sleep...I at least hope that I can get some sleep...if not oh well...shit happens...well anywhos...I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: cold
current music: I'm cold and I have a cold..oh a perfect match

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Sunday, March 30th, 2003
4:06 pm - Oh the joys of helping people move...YEEEHAWW...so much damn fun...ride 'em cowboy...lol...moving on
Well yesterday morning my dad called me and told me that he needed help moving ,so I went over there and I helped him...and I ended up staying the night,because I was so fuggin' tired...I couldn't even move...and this morning I woke up at 7:00 to the phone ringing and it was Eric,I have no idea how he knew I was over there,my mom probably told him or something...so I met up with Eric and I told him what I needed to tell him,and he just started his crying shit again and I just had to leave because in all honesty it was tearing me apart inside.After I left Eric...I got another phone call and it was Greg...Greg also needed help moving...so I went over there and I helped Greg move what he needed to move...oh and we were moving the couch and he was like you're such a ho and I was like excuse me and he's like you heard me and I was like why do you say that and he was like just because so I let go of the couch and I shoved it hella hard in his direction and he tipped over and the couch landed on him...I mean I don't mind being called a ho,because it doesn't hurt my feelings any but you better have a damn good reason to call me a fuggin' ho...and I left Gregs house it was about 2:30...and then I went out to eat with a friend of mine,and I came back home to take a shower...and my dad called me at like 3:30 telling me that he needed some more help,so after I get done writing this,that's where I'm going...I'm going to help him move some more...I have no idea when I'll be home or if I'll even be home tonight,cause Greg also called me and told me that he needed to talk with me,and to be quite frank...I really don't know if I want to hear what he has to say...Welp...I need to talk with Josh too...I have some things that I need to tell him,so I'm kinda hoping that I make it home tonight so I can talk with him...Well I need to finish some things up here and stop at the gas station to get some pop and shit..and then it's off to my dads...oh the joys of lifting things..I look at this way...in a way I'm getting stronger and at the same time I'm losing a little weight...yeah I need to get some pounds of me...I gained a few extra pounds this winter..and I don't like it...it's fuggin' evil...EVIL I tell you...lmao...anywhos I'm out....I'll write more latas kays!!!Bye!

current mood: ditzy
current music: None

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Saturday, March 29th, 2003
12:17 am - First full day of FREEDOM---not exactly how I expected it to go though...
Well last night I talked with Josh for like a really long time,and he told me that he still had feelings for me,which shocked me beyond belief and I mean I literally fell off my chair and everything,because I didn't expect to hear that at all.I mean yeah Josh and I obviously dated,but as time went on things just didn't work out and we drifted apart slowly and we lost contact for a while...but the thing is I never lost any feelings for him,I was head over heels in love with him,I considered him to be the "one"...I pictured the American Dream with him,and not being in contact with him,it killed me...and then one day he got a hold of me again out of the blue and we just started talking,and we pretty much picked up where we left off,we were still best friends...but the words and the actions that he chose it showed that he was over me,and that hurt because I was still in love with him,but I would always put a smile on my face and act like everything was okay.I never thought that I would get over him--but I did...because I fell in love with someone else...I fell in love with Will...and Josh knew about me and Will,I mean he's like one of my best friends I tell him everything,and I asked him why he never told me any of this before and he said because he knew that I was involved with someone else.When I first met Will,I'll admitt it I was still semi-in love with Josh and Will knew that,that's why we didn't get into a relationship right off the bat...but as time went on my feelings for Josh started to decrease and my feelings for Will started to get stronger and stronger every single day.I do miss Josh and I still do love him,I really do...but the only thing is that I'm no longer in love with him,and to have him tell me that he still had strong feelings for me...it's WOW--completely mind blowing to me,it's not something I expected him to tell me.And I feel really bad to because he's a great guy and he's been hurt way to many times and he deserves to be happy...and I'm hurting him more in the long run...because I do know how it feels to love someone with everything that you have and everything that you are,and to realize that they don't love you in return.Because that's my situation with Will...but yeah me and Josh talked about things,and we have everything sorted out and I made him realize that in due time his feelings will change for me and that he'll be able to move on,because I was able to move on...but I've been thinking about that all day,it's just really mind blowing.After I talked with Josh,I went for a long drive and I thought about a lot of things--and I've come to the conclusion that if I can get over Josh in due time then I can get over Will...I mean it took me a year and 5 months to get over Josh and there's no doubt in my mind that it'll probably take me much longer to get over Will...but I know that I can do it.They say that in the amount of time that it takes a person to get over someone,just proves how much they truly loved them or were in love with them,in the long run.But enough of that Humbo Jumbo...Today I woke up at 10:00 and I hopped in the shower and did all that good stuff...and then I went and hung out with some friends...yeah we played some basketball...I haven't played basketball in a while,so it was fun...we played for like 2 hours straight...then we switched to football...I got home around 3:30 and I took another shower...and I went for a walk,yeah it was a nice day today and walking some what helps me clear my mind of my thoughts...yeah I constantly have thoughts running through my head...and I just chilled here at the house until like 7:00 and I watched The Simpsons...and then at 7:30...I met up with Eric because he told me that he needed to talk with me about something,so I met him up at B.C. Pizza..and we got some food and he just started talking with me,and he told me that he was sorry for walking out of my life and that he realizes that it was a mistake and that if I give him another chance he'll never do it again...and I got up and I told him I'd think about it and I let...I just left him sitting there crying while eating his pizza.I mean I feel really bad that he was crying,cause I hate seeing people cry...but still maybe he'll know what I went through when he walked out of my life...they say that those who do wrong get the same punishment in return but only much worse...and I just don't know if I can ever trust him again,he lost all my trust and I don't know whether to believe in the tears are real and heart felt or if it's just some kind of fuggin' guilt trip.I'm a person of whom trusts people easily,that's one of my major flaws...and if you lose my trust,your chances of getting it back are very,very,very,very slim...so I don't think that I'm going to give Eric another chance at all...I mean at one point in time he was like a brother to me,I considered him to be my brother,that's just how close we were...but now I view him as a complete stranger that I don't even know.I looked in his eyes when we were eating,and I no longer knew him...thee old Eric is long gone,our old friendship is long gone...we're just completely two strangers of whom happen to have a past together...and that's all it'll ever be...there's no future for us,there's no future of us ever being friends again...my motto in life is to live and let live,forgive and forget but some things are just really unforgivable and this is one of those things...and I'll tell him this tomorrow when I call him...but I'm not going to tell him over the phone,I'll tell him in person...I'm woman enough to do that.But yeah after I left Eric at B.C. Pizza I went to Stevos house and we just hung out and I watched him play some video games...yeah I didn't play only because I suck at 'em...and I stayed there for a while,and I came home took another shower...lol...I smelt like pizza so can you blame me??nah didn't think so..and then I put on my p.j.'s cause I didn't feel like leaving the house again and I watched some t.v. but nothing good was on so I called a friend of mine and talked with her for a few and now here I am and oh I'm talking with Mark also...so yeah,right now I really don't know how my day went...it's hard to tell if it was good or bad cause right now I'm not feeling anything at the moment...it's really odd...I don't even feel awake or tired...I actually feel like I'm in a dream,like I'm dreaming or something...I know I'm an odd one,but that's alright!But I'm going to finish talking with Mark and then I'm going to most likely head off to bed or something that or go outside and sit on the porch...oh and I'm building another webpage too...I figure if I can't make my blurty cool looking,then I'll have to settle for making another webpage...gawd I have to many of 'em...lol...but hey what's one more??lol...Well I'll write more latas kays!Bye! Oh and I took some quizzes last night here's the results....



What kind of bagel are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel








Find out if you are gay, bi, or str8.





you're a red rose.


what color rose are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



You're a Tragic Romantic. Don't worry; Be
happy. Like it's really that easy, right?
Grieving takes time, no matter what you're
getting over. Don't dwell so much on what has
happened and go into the future without
expectations. Healing will come.


What Sort of Romantic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am Ophelia, from Shakespeare's
Hamlet's:
Ophelia-
Polonius's daughter, a beautiful young woman with
whom Hamlet has been in love. Ophelia is a
sweet and innocent young girl, who obeys her
father and her brother, Laertes. Dependent on
men to tell her how to behave, she gives in to
Polonius's schemes to spy on Hamlet. Even in
her lapse into madness and death, she remains
maidenly, singing songs about flowers and
finally drowning in the river amid the flower
garlands she had gathered.


* Which Tragic Shakespearean Heroin are You? *
brought to you by Quizilla



discover your inner candy heart @ stvlive.com




find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com


current mood: blank
current music: None

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Friday, March 28th, 2003
1:19 am - SPRING BREAK IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!WAHOO!!!!!YEEEHAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Well I went out to eat this morning with my friend and her boyfriend,and damnnnnnnnnn are they pigs...lmao...I didn't get anything except for some chocolate milk...yeah I actually wasn't that hungry,not as hungry as I thought I was.And after we got done eating,we hit the road...and YES!!We paid for the food...lmao...some people don't,but yeah and I stopped off at Speedway and got like 15 bottles of mountain dew and I got a honey bun,yep because I felt like having a honey bun,I don't know why,it just sounded really good at the time.And we got to school 10 minutes early,which royally sucked so we just sat in the car and talked and played some music and talked with some other students of whom were also out in the parking lot having like gab sessions galore and shit.And well I went to class and I swear to gawd,I almost dropped all the pops right then and there because there was only FIVE fuggin' people there man...just five fuggin people!!!!So I gave everyone an extra pop...and I still had 5 left...and we were all sick of drinking pop so I went to the office and just gave 'em to the office aides and such...yep...and I gave my honey bun away to Mr.Bass...I just wasn't hungry at all...yuckies...wtf is wrong with me???lol...Today in school was like a total blow off day,because it was the last day of school before spring break so our teachers gave us like no work and shit...it was all good...lol...Yeah,and hardly anyone was there too...Oh and today I had a friend of mine come up to me and she was like Brandon and Rodney left to go get drunk...and we were walking down the hall and I wasn't paying attention and I was like so Brandon and Rodney left...and I looked up and there was fuggin' Brandon starring right at me smiling his goofy ass smile...lol...and then I was like "Did I say that loud"...Yep,so he heard me...I could care less...it was just really funny to see the look on his face.Today passed by really fast,so it was all good...but A.S.S. passed by really slow,because it's an hour and well an hour was left until we were FREE so yeah it seemed like forever...but we were let out 10 minutes early,so it was all good...After that I dropped the movies that I rented back off at BlockBuster and a friend of mine---Sally was working so I talked with her for like a good 15 minutes or so...and then I left and went to the park and hung out with some friends and we played some football...Yes...today was suchhhhhhhh a good day,and you're probably wondering why I've been putting lol a lot,well it's because I'm talking with Josh as I'm writing this,yeah I've been talking with him for like 3 hours now...it's all good...much love for him...:o)...sigh...I really do miss him,and I miss how things use to be with him...I mean right now we're very close,but we're just not as close as we use to be and we probably never will be exactly that close again,but I think that we'll get closer then we are now...in due time...see when I'm talking with Josh,everything seems fine even when it's not,that's just how good of friends we truly are...But yeah school was good...and my day was good...AND SPRING BREAK IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!!!WAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWWWWWW...Well I'm going to finish talking with Josh...I'll write more latas kays!!!Bye!

current mood: crazy
current music: None

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Thursday, March 27th, 2003
6:05 am - A friend of mine called and wants to go out to breakfast...so breakfast here I come!!!lmao
Well a friend of mine called me at 5:30,because she again needed a ride and this time she asked me to go pick her up and to go pick up her boyfriend of whom lives near Ho Town Lake a.k.a Houghton Lake...so I'm going to go pick up her and her boyfriend and then we're all going to go out to eat and shit,and then head off to school.Yesterday me and my other friend were half an hour early for school so we went to eat at Big Boys and shit and we got to school on time,so hopefully this time around we're not going to be early for school and hopefully we won't be late either,due to the fact that I'm on the contact list,and I still have to stop off at the gas station and shit and get a pop for everyone...I hope that their all fond of mountain dews...lmao...well I do need to get going,because I'm like 5 minutes behind this morning...but I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: bouncy
current music: None

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5:05 am - Last day of school,before SPRING BREAK---YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWW...YaY... :o)...lol...WAHOOOOOOOO
Well today is thursday...which means it's the last day until SPRING BREAK...I still have no idea,what I'm going to do for this spring break...I'll probably just go down to my aunts house,or I may just stay home and catch up on my sleep...I don't know,I'll figure it out though.I'm just kind of sick of going on vacations and shit...I mean,we always go to the same places,year after year and it just gets to you after a while.Today is a green day,so it should pass by pretty damn fast,or at least that's what I'm hoping.I totally forgot to do last nights dishes...so there still in the sink,but lucky for me,my mom didn't cook anything last night,I guess neither one of us was that hungry,cause I just ate a yogurt last night...but man am I slacking off or what??It's probably just because I'm so happy that there's not going to be school for 10 days...but I'll do the dishes when I get home from A.S.S. today...and then,I have no idea on what I'm going to do.Hopefully today is going to be a good day,I mean I know that it's going to pass by fast,but just because it passes by fast--doesn't mean that it's going to be a good day.Oh,I know that I have to go to the store A.S.S.,because I need to get some pop,yep we ran out last night...which btw is fine...and I'm sooooooooooo dying for a coke,it's been forever since I've had one,but that's alright--cause I can fight off the urges to have one.And besides even if I did get a coke,I don't think that I'd be able to drink it,cause it was Wills' favorite pop,and if I did drink it without thinking about it,I would regret doing so and there'd be nothing that I wouldn't do to get it back up,and I really don't want to do that,so I must fight off my urges until I get over him,and then I'll be able to have coke again.If today is a bad day,I'm going to get myself through today,by telling myself that this is the last day of school for a while--and hopefully that'll work.I think that I'm going to stop off at the store and get a pop for everyone in my class-yep that's just how generous I am today...and besides there's not that many people in my class--there's only like 10 students in my class including myself and 11 including my teacher...but two of them are on vacation already.Oh and you know how our school is under construction??Well Mr.Bass which is my teacher for 1st hour...well he always gets the shitty end of the deal when it comes to class rooms...and well we have like a closet type thing for a room,with only one door and well no windows...but after spring break,he'll have a different room,with two windows...!How about that man...but I'm not going to believe it until I see it,because well our school is lame and it's under construction and the construction works are totally slacking off,and I'll just be surprised on if it's done or not.I mean like take for instance on the fact that our new lunch room was suppose to be done like a month and a half ago,and it's yet to be complete and their telling all of us students that it's not going to be done until next year,so I guess like on the first day of school next year we'll be able to eat in our new lunch room,but I'll believe it when I see it...so we shall see--next year...lmao...well hrm,what to write about now?I don't really know...so I'm going to end this,and I'm going to go do some things,and hope that the telephone doesn't ring...and if I have time,I'll write some more,but I probably won't...so I'll write more latas kays!!Bye!

current mood: cheerful
current music: None

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5:00 am - This is how my day went on Wednesday.....---I was in BITCH land BIG time....lol
Well you know how in every school there's a geek,that everyone picks on??Well our geek in the school that everyone picks on is B.J. Smith...yep I know what the initials spell..but he's short,skinny and he wears glasses and he's constantly reading...well in 5th hour today,which is my strength class...there were these two guys that we're picking on them and one of them I considered to be a friend,well anyways there were these two girls that were throwing a tennis ball around and catching it...and well one girl threw it to far and it hit the guys,so B.J. went go get it for them,and they thought that he threw it at them so they threw it in the other direction and B.J. was like "I didn't throw it" and the two guys were like "Yeah right,I seen you" and so they threw a basketball at B.J. and B.J. threw it back,and they kept throwing balls at B.J. and by this time I was already pissed off,so I stood up and I got in there faces as they were getting ready to throw the ball and I was like "You throw the ball again,and your ass is mine" and the fucker threw it at B.J. again,so I swung and I punched the asshole right in the face.And I was like "Wtf do you think your doing?Why in the hell are you picking on B.J.??Is it because he's smaller then you?Is it because he's not 'cool'?Is it because he's a geek and because he reads?Or is it because he's just plain out more intelligent then the both of you put together?" and there like "Yep" and I was like "Does it make you feel more like a man,to hit/pick on someone smaller then you" and their like "Yep" and I was like "Well I don't know who in the fuck you're trying to impress,but you're definately not impressing my ass,and by the looks of it,you're not impressing anyone else other then yourselfs so congrats on that,you've impressed each other,what a huge ass accomplishment,you should feel so proud of yourselfs" I mean,I just went all out...you should of seen their faces drop...and the one guy that I considered to be a friend was like "I'm sorry Tammy,you know I love you" and I was like dude,I punched you once and I'll punch you again...leave me the hell alone if you know what's good for you...lol...it was good...I fucking hate people that pick on smaller people,because it makes them feel good.So yeah,you can say that I was in bitch mood from 5th hour on out...I just hate people like that,and I don't use the word hate very often...it's just that immature cruel ass people need to grow the fuck up.I mean it's alright to be immature once in a while,but it's uncalled for to be cruel while you're doing it.Yeah,and I seen my ex-crush like 6467940874096786096 times too...lmao...and again he walked by and looked and me and smiled and I turned around...cause I will admiit he does have a nice ass...and when I turned around he was looking...Did you know that by looking at a guys ass,you can tell if he's capable of going all night or not??lmao...yep,I figured that out a longgggggggggggggggggggggg time ago...but yeah,that's how my day went yesterday.And A.S.S. went by sooooooooooo slow,I mean everytime that I looked at my watch,it was only 5 minutes later,and I thought that I was going to go insane and just like start pulling out my hair or something.And A.S.S. my friend came over,and we just watched the movies here,cause I didn't feel like going anywhere...I mean why should the people that he lives with put up with my bitchyness....but yeah we hung out from 4:00 until 9:00 and then he left and I went to Mickey D's to get myself a yogurt...and last night,I came up with the conclusion that I'm going to give up on meat again...yeah,I just eke...dead animals...just something about it...yucks...I gave up meat once for like 2 years and I'll do it again....yuckies...but yeah that's how my day went...pretty bad if you ask me...but I'm no longer in my bitchy mood...so that's good.

current mood: bitchy
current music: I put bitchy,because I was in my bitchy mode yesterday...YaY

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