Christine's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Christine [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

(i love you) [17 Oct 2004|08:55pm] [ mood | bored ] i love you and i'll never let you go. the sky could fall tomorrow, and i'll still love you. you light up my life. please let me stay with you a little longer. you are my sunshine. i can't picture myself without you. i would never be complete. **** since when did my journal become one huge satire???****

(1 return of affection | i love you) [28 Aug 2004|11:26pm] [ mood | curious ] i love you more than the fish craves the water i love you as much as the stars love the sky i need you more than i need to breathe air i need you like men need to die

(i love you) [26 Aug 2004|03:47pm] [ mood | curious ] blah blah blah blah. trying to rekindle an old relationship. i mean REALLY old.. so far it's not looking good. also, by doing this, one of my friends is going to be VERY VERY VERY uspet with me. *sigh* such is life.

(i love you) [04 Aug 2004|12:03am] [ mood | devastated ] forget it. i knew that high school love would only end in disaster. like the stupid thing w/ becca. why can't i just listen to myself once in a while. if i had maybe i wouldn't be in pain right now. but yea..... i need to tell you something. i need you. i need you. i need you. and i can't imagine life without you. please don't leave. <3 ps: by the time my brain realized what had happened, it was too late. it sucks. time just flew right through my finger tips.... and now it's too late.

(i love you) The Way to a Girl's Heart (don't remember where i got this from) [02 Jul 2004|12:27am] [ mood | anxious ] +tell her you think she’s cool +smell her. +talk to her in movie theatres. +pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the river, she’ll scream and fight you but secretly she’ll love it. +steal bracelets for her or buy them if you have any money. +hold her hand and skip... hold her hand and run... +just hold her hand. +pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and tell her you stole them. +spray paint her name with a heart around it on a wall. +tell her she looks pretty. +let her pay for stuff if she wants to. +introduce her to your friends as "the coolest girl i know." +sit in the park and talk to her. +take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. +tell her dirty jokes. +tell her stupid jokes. +talk about politics. +write poems about her and put them in your zine. +don't talk about sex too much, when she wants to do it, you’ll know. +just walk around with her. +throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. +take her to shows of bands she has never heard. +hold her hand in the mosh pit. +teach her how to do the homework +let her fall asleep in your arms. +call her. +call her back if she calls you. +sing to her, no matter how bad you are. +make out in bathrooms. +carve your names into a tree. +get her mad, then kiss her. +go see her band play even if they really suck.. and tell her that they were great. +give her space if she needs it. +stay up with her all night when she's sick. +pick her up from school. +make out in photo booths. +break into abandoned houses and make out. +make up pet names for her, but cool ones not sappy ones. +teach her guitar. +lend her your cds. +lend her your clothes. +write on her. <~ (i hate that) +take care of her when shes drunk. +make her mixtapes. +write her letters. +if she asks you to go to a show with her, go even if it means a 5 hour train trip. +take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. +listen to all the bands she mentions. +don’t tell her that her favorite bands suck. +when she’s sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if she’s not saying anything. +buy her ice cream. +when you find out that she used to be a teenybopper don’t bag her about it. +write songs about her. +change your msn name to something about how cool she is. +dedicate a page of your site to her and write all about her on it. +let her take all the photos of you she wants. +and when you fall in love with her, tell her.

(i love you) [13 Jun 2004|12:32pm] i wish ian would post. or come online. or something. it's like he disappeared off the face of the earth.

(i love you) [09 Jun 2004|06:46pm] thoughts from the southwest: where is bubin?

(i love you) [05 Jun 2004|12:15am] [ mood | bored ] i don't miss him. i miss the daily IM saying "do you wanna cyber?" and me saying no til i'm blue in the face. i wonder what he's up to..? engaging in casual sex with random strangers no doubt (if you think i'm kidding, i assure you i'm not) it's amazing but i don't think i've had a conversation with him in over a year. [and when i say conversation i mean the situation i just stated] too bad i lost the convos when we got our new comp, otherwise i would be reading them, cuz i seriously need a good laugh. heh. it has also come to my attention that jason ambler is STILL blocking me from 2 years ago. i thought he just got a new sn or something but apparently the thought of him being able to IM me was too scarey for him. cuz i swear on my goldfish that i IMed that boy ONCE and somehow it was just too much for him. this is fun, it feels like freshmen year again. i keep thinking to myself, there were so many guys in 9th grade: anthony, jason, derek, [mark maybe], garfield (i never did find out his real name.... well i did but i forgot what it was), danny for a short period, xavier, and Lord only knows who else. But thinking back to 10th grade i only remember 2 people Xavier and Mitch. bah. what ever happened to xavier anyway? oh yea, he seems to be in the "let's be friends" phase. *sigh* also, i think i told myself not to ever go ANYWHERE with that boy on the way to FBA. i don't remember why. but i know i broke that cuz we went to the mall *dies* how dare i? anyway... mitch....... i won't go into that. *sigh* i actually DO feel like posting about that but this probably isn't the time or place for that. i'm going to bed. <33 ps: i wonder if ian still reads this? or jess, or becca, or anyone else for that matter? why does a sane person need 20+ journals? seems like a waste of space to me.... but whatever i <3 them and that's all that matters..

(i love you) [29 May 2004|01:35pm] summer is finally HERE. woopty yoopty doo!!!!! jess's party was awesome. happy sweet 16 jess. now i am trying to figure out when ian's birthday is (was) cuz i know it's in may so i guess that means i missed it. :(

(i love you) survey yo! [23 May 2004|02:11pm] [ mood | excited ] Poll #3189: Open to: all, results viewable to: all what grade will you be in next year View Answers i'm not in highschool yet 0 (0.0%) freshie. i'm cute and cuddly 0 (0.0%) s'more. i think i know everything. 0 (0.0%) junior. i'm almost done, yo! 2 (100.0%) senior. i'm awesome and you WILL repect me! 0 (0.0%) i graduated, fool! 0 (0.0%) i like all of the following: View Answers being a teenager 0 (0.0%) my friends 2 (100.0%) school 0 (0.0%) florida 1 (50.0%) are you in band? View Answers yep 1 (50.0%) nope 0 (0.0%) i play percussion, does that count?? no?... ok then no. 0 (0.0%) i'm a dancer/cheerleader 0 (0.0%) no but i'm in orchestra... (and/or chorus) 1 (50.0%) If you are in band, what's your favorite part of band? View Answers i'm not in band, yo! 1 (50.0%) band camp. definately band camp. 0 (0.0%) marching season... band horns up!!! 1 (50.0%) concert season... i get to sit! 0 (0.0%) band trip. heck yea baby! 0 (0.0%) i'm a gasparilla girl (or boy). too bad we don't do that anymore. 0 (0.0%) playing at graduation *hums pomp and circumstance* 0 (0.0%) Are you an officer (or similar to one)? View Answers what's with all the band questions? i ain't in band, yo! 1 (50.0%) i am/was a drum major! 0 (0.0%) I am/was a section leader 1 (50.0%) I am/was a quarter master 0 (0.0%) I am/was an equipment manager. 0 (0.0%) i'm not anything but i wish that i was!!!!! 1 (50.0%) How cool are woodwind players? (10=really cool, 1=they suck) View Answers Mean: 7.50 Median: 7.5 Std. Dev: 2.50 1 0 (0.0%) 2 0 (0.0%) 3 0 (0.0%) 4 0 (0.0%) 5 1 (50.0%) 6 0 (0.0%) 7 0 (0.0%) 8 0 (0.0%) 9 0 (0.0%) 10 1 (50.0%) How cool are brass players? View Answers Mean: 3.00 Median: 3 Std. Dev: 2.00 1 1 (50.0%) 2 0 (0.0%) 3 0 (0.0%) 4 0 (0.0%) 5 1 (50.0%) 6 0 (0.0%) 7 0 (0.0%) 8 0 (0.0%) 9 0 (0.0%) 10 0 (0.0%) should dancers be considered part of the band? View Answers of course. they work hard too. 1 (50.0%) no way. they don't play any insturments. 1 (50.0%) i'm not sure/ undecided. 0 (0.0%) so exactly how much do you practice this so called insturment of yours? View Answers um.. never? 1 (50.0%) less than one hour a week 2 (100.0%) 1-3 hours a week 0 (0.0%) 3-5 hours a week 0 (0.0%) 5-7 hours a week 0 (0.0%) 7 or more hours a week 0 (0.0%) Essay portion: What does being in band mean to you? View Answers

goodness [02 May 2004|10:17pm] There's nothing here. It's all empty. It kind of reminds me of the formally known portion of time that i call my life. Journal, everyone has lost their minds. I mean it. everyone. i think there are like 2 people who are still sane and that would be kelli and ian... but neither of them are around and i don't know where they are or how to get to them or even if i should. i think there's nothing here for me anymore. Like, when i was writing in this journal, i had some kind of a goal. Though they were stupid, they were nevertheless goals. Derek, Mark, Jason, Anthony. They were all goals. The mitch comes along and i drop everything to be with him... Why do i do stuff like that? now he's gone and there's nothing left here. there are no goals. There are no dreams. the only thing that's here is my mother tell me to go to bed because i'm not doing anything constructive and to do this and that so i look presentable tomorrow. i don't f-ing give a flying monkey. i look like me..... i hate this. i hate feeling this way. feeling like i'm a nobody just because SHE thinks i'm a nobody. i want to be somebody just so i can rub it in her face. but alas, there's nothing here for me to be. nothing left on this earth that i can or want to conquer. nothing of any appeal. i'd live for my friends but it seems they have other things in mind for their life and who am i to interupt? i just wish i had something i could be doing. i live for God. that's why i'm here. that's what ian says, that's what God says, etcetc. i've always thought "ya know, chirstine, the only thing you're here for is to lead other's to Christ" but ya know, in this day in age, you can't do that without "imposing your religion on others" and you have to always be politically correct and if you do it too often you're gunna lose most of your friends... so i mean what do i do now? i don't know how to live this way. i don't know how to always do everything that way. there's nothing here for me anymore. it's stupid. forget it.

goodness [02 May 2004|10:17pm] There's nothing here. It's all empty. It kind of reminds me of the formally known portion of time that i call my life. Journal, everyone has lost their minds. I mean it. everyone. i think there are like 2 people who are still sane and that would be kelli and ian... but neither of them are around and i don't know where they are or how to get to them or even if i should. i think there's nothing here for me anymore. Like, when i was writing in this journal, i had some kind of a goal. Though they were stupid, they were nevertheless goals. Derek, Mark, Jason, Anthony. They were all goals. The mitch comes along and i drop everything to be with him... Why do i do stuff like that? now he's gone and there's nothing left here. there are no goals. There are no dreams. the only thing that's here is my mother tell me to go to bed because i'm not doing anything constructive and to do this and that so i look presentable tomorrow. i don't f-ing give a flying monkey. i look like me..... i hate this. i hate feeling this way. feeling like i'm a nobody just because SHE thinks i'm a nobody. i want to be somebody just so i can rub it in her face. but alas, there's nothing here for me to be. nothing left on this earth that i can or want to conquer. nothing of any appeal. i'd live for my friends but it seems they have other things in mind for their life and who am i to interupt? i just wish i had something i could be doing. i live for God. that's why i'm here. that's what ian says, that's what God says, etcetc. i've always thought "ya know, chirstine, the only thing you're here for is to lead other's to Christ" but ya know, in this day in age, you can't do that without "imposing your religion on others" and you have to always be politically correct and if you do it too often you're gunna lose most of your friends... so i mean what do i do now? i don't know how to live this way. i don't know how to always do everything that way. there's nothing here for me anymore. it's stupid. forget it.

goodness [02 May 2004|10:17pm] There's nothing here. It's all empty. It kind of reminds me of the formally known portion of time that i call my life. Journal, everyone has lost their minds. I mean it. everyone. i think there are like 2 people who are still sane and that would be kelli and ian... but neither of them are around and i don't know where they are or how to get to them or even if i should. i think there's nothing here for me anymore. Like, when i was writing in this journal, i had some kind of a goal. Though they were stupid, they were nevertheless goals. Derek, Mark, Jason, Anthony. They were all goals. The mitch comes along and i drop everything to be with him... Why do i do stuff like that? now he's gone and there's nothing left here. there are no goals. There are no dreams. the only thing that's here is my mother tell me to go to bed because i'm not doing anything constructive and to do this and that so i look presentable tomorrow. i don't f-ing give a flying monkey. i look like me..... i hate this. i hate feeling this way. feeling like i'm a nobody just because SHE thinks i'm a nobody. i want to be somebody just so i can rub it in her face. but alas, there's nothing here for me to be. nothing left on this earth that i can or want to conquer. nothing of any appeal. i'd live for my friends but it seems they have other things in mind for their life and who am i to interupt? i just wish i had something i could be doing. i live for God. that's why i'm here. that's what ian says, that's what God says, etcetc. i've always thought "ya know, chirstine, the only thing you're here for is to lead other's to Christ" but ya know, in this day in age, you can't do that without "imposing your religion on others" and you have to always be politically correct and if you do it too often you're gunna lose most of your friends... so i mean what do i do now? i don't know how to live this way. i don't know how to always do everything that way. there's nothing here for me anymore. it's stupid. forget it.

(1 return of affection | i love you) [14 Apr 2004|04:30pm] i'm such a loser. the band room is destroyed. my mother is taking out her own regrets on me. no one cares. no one is around. everyone wants to tell me that my problems don't mean anything. i agree. they don't mean anything... it's just... i wish someone would care.

(i love you) *sigh* [17 Mar 2004|07:32pm] went to park. i don't like being with them. he's telling me that he LOVES her and they've only known each other for 2 flippin' months. he's 17 how the heck does he know what love is? it told him it's stupid to think that he loves her, yet not know if he wants to marry her someday. omg i laid down on the slide for.. some odd minutes i lost track of time and i was just like "make is stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.." i couldn't take it anymore. i hate this. i want it to stop.

(i love you) meh [13 Mar 2004|07:30pm] haven't been posting in here much lately, eh? i moved to livejournal. add me there if you really feel the need to. i'm slowtospeak Later.

(i love you) [27 Feb 2004|10:18pm] perfect little girl grew up in the perfect world never knew the pain i face in every day that i embrace. stop being so dimayed things don't go your way i promise you'll be ok if you just give it one more day. you don't know what you're doing consequences brewing you're not the only one who's not having any fun. you have the perfect life so get out from that knife your problems are worthless and your life is hopeless.

(1 return of affection | i love you) what drama [26 Feb 2004|08:48pm] i hate you. seriously. so yea, i was cutting myself for a little while, and everyone seemed to get pretty upset with me. and people are asking about my scars and everything which i am trying to keep under my sleeve but meh, i'm an active person. and it's crazy. but yea, my sister was going to tell my mom except i SWORE i was going to stop. i also told basically everyone that knows that i would stop. but am i going to?? probably. i just want to get rid of the drama. meh.... anyway.... i miss mitch but i guess not much can be done about the situation but to move on. either that or bleed to death, which i don't think would be fun. then again, neither is moving on.

(i love you) [25 Feb 2004|06:47pm] Poll #3125: Open to: all, results viewable to: all your age? View Answers 12 and younger 0 (0.0%) 13-16 6 (85.7%) 17-20 0 (0.0%) 21 and older 1 (14.3%) how cool are you? View Answers Mean: 6.38 Median: 6.5 Std. Dev: 3.35 1 1 (12.5%) 2 0 (0.0%) 3 1 (12.5%) 4 1 (12.5%) 5 1 (12.5%) 6 0 (0.0%) 7 0 (0.0%) 8 1 (12.5%) 9 0 (0.0%) 10 3 (37.5%) which is cooler? View Answers llamas :) 4 (50.0%) llamas :) 1 (12.5%) llamas :) 0 (0.0%) llamas :) 1 (12.5%) monkies :( 2 (25.0%) do you LOOOOOVE llamas more than your own mother? View Answers yes, my mother's a fruitcake 0 (0.0%) yes, because llamas are awesomely cool 1 (12.5%) no... cuz i'm a loser like that. 5 (62.5%) yes.. no... maybe.. um, i'm confused 2 (25.0%)

(i love you) [23 Feb 2004|07:18pm] stupid adult. you sit there on your high thrown to good for the likes of me. open you blinded eyes and maybe you will see. don't play dumb. don't blame me. we only repeat what we have seen. stop corrupting my friends! the friends i have grown up with. we used to be so innocent until you filled our heads with your qualities. we are all that you lack!! stop corrupting my generation! with sex, drugs and violence. then turn around and say "what troublemakers!" you sick fool. we do not create these failures. we do not create hate or hurt but we are forced to cope with the misery you made long before we were born. stop currupting my generation! we copy what we think is right. we do what we see you do. don't even try to steriotype me too! i will not be currupted be your flaws. give me back my friends!! you took their innocence! you took their conscience!! how dare you even call yourself a man. you brodcast sex on tv, movies, magazines. physical contact is no little thing, and we are too young to understand. so stop pushing it in our face. stop making us think we are inferior. STOP CORRUPTING MY GENERATION!!!

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