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|Friday, August 18th, 2006|
|in spring lake, circa a year later
i met a strange boy tonite. well you couldnt really tell if he was strange or not because he was pretty intoxicated. well i was interested by him because he reminded me of someone from my past. but anyway its really funny when you meet someone randomly with members of their family, the drunken bad-influence uncle "j", and the expected sisters. well when he first talked to me it seemed like he was mister gots it goin on with all his confidence but once i sat at the table the only one talking to me was uncle j. not a word until everyone conspicuously left the table and then i figured i would go as well, but of course its all awwww your leaving?! well you havent talked to me this whole time soooooo i was planning on it, yea. people are funny. but it fulfilled something in me ya know? attention? i think of getting/giving attention slightly different now. its tainted. it couldnt have been the attention. but that was forever ago. but tonite, i guess it was a good end. met some people ill never meet again. and got locked out of the room which caused my mom to let me in just as he was motioning me to come back. ill never know what it is he had to say. but would it really matter? Current Mood: pensiveCurrent Music: bright eyes....what else.
|Thursday, September 22nd, 2005|
|2 days into 20 and 2 days til i leave
so im twenty. woo hoo. im not really too thrilled about it. i just hafta get used to it i guess.
but the good news is im out of america in 2 days and on a plane to london where i will reside for the next three months. crazy. and amazing.
tonight was my last night at the dancing goat and nick gave a huge farewell to me which was so awesome of him! once i was dont with my two songs vincent yelled play another one! and apparently he cleared it with nick and i got to play one more. i played one that i played the first night i was at the dancing goat. full circle.
i really met some amazing people at that place and i really hope that theyre still around upon my return. they think that i will forget them when i leave, but i wont.
so on the equanox i will be doing a bunch of, what else, errands, and racking my brain and closet for last minute things to take over. and of course i will balancing an egg at 6.23pm. and saying prayers for the universe and nature at exactly 8. (for anyone who wants to do the same, at exactly 8pm a lot of people are going to be centering theyre positive energy and good karma towards the universe and i think it would be great if something beautiful could come out of it. especially right now with the hurricanes and all the destruction that has been occuring.)
well cheerio! the next time i post i will be breathing new air. Current Mood: nostalgicCurrent Music: bright eyes - song to pass the time
|Saturday, September 17th, 2005|
|a song to pass the time
well im finally done with work. ive been busy trying to get everything together for this adventure that im about to have. in one week i will be sitting on a plane to london, not to return for another 3 months. im soaking up all i love around here so i can keep saturated while im away, but like everyone keeps telling me, once im there im not gunna miss anything. well see. i really cant wait to get over there tho! and i cant wait to see rachel! i miss her so much i cant even take it. imagine someone that is literally attatched to your hip for an entire year and then being separated for four months straight! its awful! but alas, i will be reunited with my girl soon. =D
my new favourite place is the dancing goat. i love it there. the people i have met there are just incredible. filled with life and happiness. i hope they are still around when i get back because i def will miss them.
my mommys birthday is 2morw! i want to make it extra special for her, but she invited some family over to say gbye to me before i leave and for MY birthday. im like mom! its your day its not about me! but shes like noooo bla bla bla i dont care about my birthday. but i feel bad anyway. chloe is dancing at the first fb game which im glad im home for, and im gunna video tape and what not. hopefully i wont run into too many people from high school. then sunday instead of visiting my muhlys one more time which i realllly wanted to do.. im visiting nana before i go away. i guess its good to see her before i leave.. i just already miss my friends so much =( but 2morw night there will be a jam at the goat so im really looking forward to that!
thats pretty much my life thus far. not very exciting, but what are ya gunna do!
i miss people.
ps. i got an early bday present today!! an ipod!!! Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: randomly rooney
|Sunday, August 21st, 2005|
i still feel like im 17, but my little sister just turned 17.... so wrong.
anyway im in hoboken today babysitting on a saturday! but its ok because ill be home tonite and me and sam are having a jam session that has been LONG overdue! last night i saw this guy kyle play jazz guitar like nobodys business at the dancing goat. honestly i think i could listen to him play all day, its so beautiful. and he played autumn leaves.. my favorite!
today i requested a song on wsou and was disappointed to find out that they dont play bright eyes?!?!?!?! who does that! BUT he played a side project which was equally satisfying and made my day. it was weird because he was like a bright eyes fan just called.. and it was like.. me...strange.
we went out for chloes birthday at this place called colors which was really nice and my dad came with us, and mom and dad saw 3 friends from high school there which was pretty cool. it sucked that i had to work on chloes bday tho. but anyway i noticed something that really irked me. ive been out to dinner with just my sister and my mom so many times and we NEVER were treated as royally as when my dad is there. it just pisses me off, just because theres a man at the table they are at your every beg and call. when women go out they are never treated like that. and if anyone ever opens their mouths about it, theyre a BITCH or a FEMINIST. we make up MORE than half of the population in this world and we are still treated like a minority! and what makes it even better is that my dad didnt even pay! my MOM did but they thank my dad, and mr visco this and that. ugh! i mean i love my dad but its just NOT FAIR that my mom has to just deal with that crap. ugh whatever. it just makes me shake my head that nothings changed in all this time.
but anyway. it ends up im prally working for the majority of september which kinda sucks. i wasnt even planning on working at all in sept. but i guess i could use the money so how do i not take the work?
peace. Current Mood: goodCurrent Music: bright eyes- when the curious girl realizes shes under glass
|Saturday, August 13th, 2005|
|some new inspiration?
i wrote this a few days ago
the lighting is dim.
the setting is small.
a bright star shone from the back of a coffeehouse.
your aura caught my eye.
but just one...
caught me off guard
but then the other saw it too,
and i had no other choice but to
for i do not know you,
nor you me.
in fact i probably havent even come into view.
i hope to.
pieces of gold sparkle and fall from your dancing body
moving effortlessly through the blue air.
your hands embracing the color.
designing the sound
that melts upon my ears.
and as i breathe in the final note
i see you smile.
and the sun shines on you.
you cant escape its glow.
and for a moment i cant decipher if its the bass that i feel
or my heart thats beating faster.
will you come closer?
because its too cold in the corner
and your eyes can warm the room. Current Mood: anxiousCurrent Music: bright eyes - a spindle, a darkness, a fever, and a neclace
|Thursday, August 4th, 2005|
|happy birthday jeff if your reading this.
so on my way to work today i heard a lot of good music. and if your still listening to kroq... change the channel to wsou PLEASE because its amazing. but anyway, i finally get into hoboken and of course theres a hold up crossing the bridge... but as make my illegal right turn i hear a familiar beginning to a song... nooo.. could it be? my FAVORITE operation ivy song! o man i flipped out it made me soooo happy. i was stopped forever in traffic and i didnt even care! i live for moments like those.
tonite im leaving work early and coming home to sing at the dancing goat and so are my friends and my new friend andy is too! so if you live near south orange come! yay! cant wait.
but then back to work 2morw... but then DYNAMICS TIME @ BRUNO'S! cant cant cant wait!
They call it a scene I call it disaster
Down here the kids grow up faster
Scared they're scared to the bone
Like a pack of wolves they don't run alone
One on one they won't look you in the eye
But when the pack's together there's a battle cry
I saw it fifteen on one
When the crowd dispersed the kid was done
No (no more!)
No (bad town!)
No more bad town
Yeah down there you gotta have a label
Just like a cattle in a stable
Knee jerk reaction I call it violence
Why speak out when you could be silenced
Down there on the dance floor
Too much violence I dont want more
Down there out on the street
I can see the air I can see the heat
yes. Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: operation ivy - bad town
|Thursday, July 28th, 2005|
|where is july?
so its already the.. 27th? how did that happen?!
its sooooo hot out today. me and shaffina just got back from taking the triplets to the park and went in the sprinklers. but it was so unbearably hot that we didnt stay as long as usu. im so tired i can barely type! the other night my cousin mike took me to this hoboken festival which was pretty cool. he got me a few beers and then we talked to all his friends that were cops! haha. all his friends were huge tho! it was really funny, some guy called his arms guns.
the triplets are asleep and hopefully they will stay asleep till 3!
divorce court calls!
peace Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: msi
|Saturday, July 23rd, 2005|
sooooo.. I BOOKED MY FLIGHT YESTERDAY!
departing from america sept 23rd
arriving in london sept 24th!!!!
wont be back til december! and CANT WAIT.
altho id be lying if i said i wasnt a wee bit nervous about living there after all this shit is going down over there. me and rachel and kristen are ALL on the same flight and im SOOO HAPPY that we are. i just cant cant wait to be breathing some new air and meeting NEW PEOPLE. i dunno life here has just been so bland lately. and im really suffering from a lack of alcohol!! =( and i KNOW rachel feels me on that one!
yea thats pretty much it. im enjoying my weekend. i saw life aquatic today and really didnt like it at ALL. i seriously was about to shut it off, and i NEVER do that. honestly it was directed by wes anderson, same guy who did rushmore and royal tenenbaums, and i LOVEEEEE the royal tenenbaums... but this one just didnt do it for me. i feel like it was a rough draft of something with a lot of potential, but the good parts were few and far between. another bad movie i just recently saw: SPANGLISH!!! cmon adam sandler... what are you doing?! that was a disappointment.
i guess when you see a LOT of good movies in a row your bound to creep up on a few bad ones.
willy wonka = amazing.
ok i really dont think i have much more to say. except that i FINALLY played guitar today and a few days ago for the first time in a while because of a lack of inspiration, and i have 2 new unfinished songs. which is unlike me because usu i like to finish them right away, but i guess its a good sign considering im coming out of a dry spell in writing.
ok gnite world, or whoever is reading this.
if anyone is reading this. Current Mood: blankCurrent Music: first day of my life - BRIGHT EYES
|Wednesday, July 20th, 2005|
wet... hot... american summer!
man. i cant believe how fast this summer is going by. honestly... me lex sam and cait were trying to make plans tonite and were never ALL free... barely at least. and its just so weird.. next summer is our LAST summer before all of us go into our own separate thing, whether it be grad school, getting real jobs, or auditioning our (my) ass off. plus all of us may not even be home next summer. this is crazy. its too sad and too soon. =(
i still dont really believe im going to london in 2 short months. its nuts. i cant believe theres a world of people i havent even met yet and they will be all i know in 2 months. amazing. im in need of some new faces. i think everyone at muhlenberg feels the same. ha.
i need someone to record me. wills in indiana and never coming back! =( but i dont blame him.
on that note, and since i have to be up at eight 2morw, i must leave you know.
im gunna go fondle some sweaters....
i mean, fondue cheddar..... =/
Current Mood: neutral
Current Music: saves the day
|Thursday, July 14th, 2005|
|i am the walrus, deal with it!
yesterday was the most fun ive had in a looong time. me and chloe had such a good day.
first we (I) begged my mom if we could go down the shore just for the day and we did. its my plan to be down the shore at least once a week for the rest of the summer, because i work so much i feel like on my time off i should be enjoying the sun and the beach. so thats my plan.. well see if i can keep up with it.
but anyway we got to the beach around 11 and it was kinda overcast, but i didnt really care. of course my mom dissed the song i used in my dance piece on the way there saying that it was stupid and "what could possibly be the meaning behind this song" and it really made me mad. just because she has no idea how much energy i put into that piece and how long it took me to pick out the perfect song that would fit what i wanted to express. the song i used was at the bottom of everything by bright eyes and it was perfect... and it just really made me upset and hurt, but she didnt even care... so that put me in somewhat of a bad mood, and i had to pull myself out of it like usual. whatver..
ANYWAY... the beach was awesome and the sun eventually came out and me and chloe actually went into the ocean because it was surprisingly warm! =) i just love the beach. one day im gunna live there.
after the beach we went home and i met up with caitlin and alyssa at my house and we drove into hoboken, took the path to the trade center, and met up with alexis who had been there all day already. by the time we got there we thought we missed the beatles cover band we were going there to see, but we went to see if it was still on and they played for another 40 minutes! it was amazing. there were SOO many beatleheads there old and young. the band was called the fab faux, and they actually played the GOOD beatles songs, not jsut the singles they released that are on the beatles "one" cd. so yea they played i am the walrus and i freaked out cuz thats my favorite beatles song of all time. they played oh darling! all you need is love, the night before, and a bunch of others, and as we left! they played everybodys got something to hide except for me and my mokey!!!!!!! i freaked out! it was amazing!!!!!!!!!!! =)))))) they were awesome.
so there were these little girls there with theyre mom, prally around 10 and we were next to them, and of course we were dancing the whole time, and by the end of the show the girls got up and were dancing like us, i thought that was hysterical.
it was just so great! prally the best beatles cover band ive seen, except they didnt dress up like them, but its all about the music right?!! yup. amazing.
but i still wish i could go to a REAL beatles concert!!!! =(((
peace love and wal..ri? Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: misery by the beatles
|Saturday, July 2nd, 2005|
|where am i?
ive been working in hoboken ever since i got home from school and its been crazy. but i saw some good movies. struggles with the madre never end and never will. but i love my cat. and SUKI! anyway.
i have nothing to say.
but rachel totally just called me from philly where ziggy was singing get up stand up and it was awesome.
yes! Current Mood: pensiveCurrent Music: bright eyes - waste of paint
|Thursday, May 12th, 2005|
|how did i get to the end of sophomore year?
so its been a really long time since my last journal entry. so much has happened the past few months, it was just all too much to swallow at once, let alone sit down to write about it. so while i still have a few more sips of coffee left in my cup, i guess ill catch up.
so march 15th i was in the middle of classes and i saw two missed calls from my dad so i went to the vending machines and listened to them. i thought it was weird that he was calling me in the first place especially before noon a tuesday. so i listen to the message, and he says that my moms in the hospital, she had a heart attack. now.. my moms the healthiest person i know, but apparently her main artery was clogged and she totally blacked out. She was home alone when it happened and she called 911 herself. thank god they got there quickly, but she doesnt remember anything after walking out our front door.
when she got to the hospital she completely shut down and they had to shock her to get her back, and she did. They were giving her cpr for 10 minutes before she came back. even though2 months have gone by it still shocks me that all of this happened. If my mom had waited any longer to call, cuz yes, she called work first, or if she hadnt have been in the er when she blacked out, who knows what would have happened. They said she could have had severe brain damage or paralysis.
its just all so sereal. I cannot describe the feeling i got when i look at the strongest person that i know in the entire world lying in s hospital bed with a tube down her throat totally unconscious and unaware or anything. It is something that i hope i never have to go through again. it just wakes you up to so many things. everytime i see my mom now i think to myself, she might not have been here right now. its just so freaking scary.
i had to take over for the next week, took a week off from school which of course screwed me over in the end, but you gotta step up to the challenge. I had to be the mom for my sister, driving her to rehearsals and went to all of her performances of her play. The look on my moms face when she realized that she wouldnt be able to see her play was just so sad. we didnt care if she saw it or not, but it was so important to her. moms care so much for their children its ridiculous. they will do anything to make their child happy and feel loved.
My moms pretty much back to normal now, although sometimes she says the wrong words and little things like that, shes back to her old self. i dont know if id even be alive right now if she wasnt.
coming back to school from that was just really really difficult because i just didnt really care about anything that had to do with school. the thing that kept me going was the fact that my mom wanted me to go back to school and take care of everything. i was pretty much behind for the rest of the semester, i never quite caught up. even when i thought i was caught up, id realize that there was something id forgotten. so thats what the rest of this semester has been like. nuts.
right before the student dance concert i injured my knee. it was during a sunday night dress rehearsal and i dont even know what happened, but apparently i tore my meniscus. it hurt a lot to dance on it, and i mad to modify a lot of movements in the pieces i was in, but i was able to make it through the 6 shows i was in. it still kind of hurts and i keep forgetting to call to schedule an MRI... its on my list...
i choreographed for the informal dance concert which ended up being so amazing. i got really scared at one point, afraid i wouldnt be able to finish it the way i wanted, but it ended up being amazing. my dancers were so cooperative with extra rehearsals and in the crazy way i ran them. i used the song at the bottom of everything by bright eyes mixed in with the end of the light in the glass by coheed and cambria. it was such an amazing experience for me and i hope that my dancers and the audience got what i wanted them to get out of it. my friend dan came up to me after seeing it about 3 times and he figured out what it was about and it seriously made me so happy. ive always heard people say, if you can touch one person in the audience then youve accomplished your goal, and i never really understood it until that moment.
me and rach went to the dtd formal which was soooo much fun. honestly it was more fun than ive had in a while. it was awesome. me and adam drank so much red wine!!! it was a good time tho. i love the delt boys, theyre awesome. (and their songs are AMAZING.)
the dynamics concert was amazing. it still hasnt hit me that melissa zach and leah arent going to be here next year. it reeeeally hasnt. the concert was amazing except for the fact that my mic wasnt on for my song... of course ya know? but everyone i talked to said that they could hear me just fine. owell. what can you do right?
i did my final scene for acting from the skriker by caryl churchill and me and ashley were so nervous because it was something so totally different from anything anyone else has done, but francine LOVED it. she said after our scene that that is the reason why she teaches... me and ashley really didnt know how to react to that, and the class didnt really know how to react to our scene either. it was just such a great experience. i loveeeeee this play.
so i finished up my last final and my last few odds and ends today, and im looking back trying to see what happened. the last few months have just been a complete blur. i really really couldnt tell you where it all went. so yea. goodbye sophomore year, i guess. goodbye half of college.
what the fuck... Current Mood: thirstyCurrent Music: simon and garfunkle - cecilia
|Monday, March 7th, 2005|
i look forward to coming home. but then what. god why am i so bored with life! ughhhhhhh i dont even know why im in such a bad mood right now. usually the human mind finds comfort in actually KNOWING whats making them upset or angry or frustrated or whatever... but i have not a clue. how did i get here.
Current Mood: miserable
Current Music: i dont know.
|Thursday, March 3rd, 2005|
the sun is so bright sometimes. and i love when it is. i just want to sit in the sun all day. just let it sink in. absorb it. its like a good thing... when you have it you want it everywhere.. all the time. its like the beatles song, here there and everytwhere. "i want her everywhere, and if shes beside me i know i need never care. but to love her is to need her everywhere." its like you cant have it unless its all. and then once the sun goes away... everythings darker then it ever was before. literally. try it.
theres just so much lacking in life to me now. its weird. when i look back on like middle school its like UGH i never would go back. BUT. my outlook was so positive. i was so sure of everything. now... im just so disillusioned and i dont even know when it started or what made me realize how life really is. i look at little kids and just yearn for that carefree first look at life again. we will never get it back tho. its useless to even think about it sometimes.
its like this rose that my mom got me for my dance show. it was so gorgeous last week. and now its dead. and although its still beautiful to me in this stage of its life... it can never go back. and thats what upsets me the most. you can say im living in the past.. i wouldnt disagree. i find comfort in what has already occured, things that im sure of. so i took a picture of the rose, and it just spoke to me.
i dunno. theres so much in the air that you just dont see unless you take the time to really examine it.
im late. dammit. Current Mood: pensiveCurrent Music: fiona apple - i know
|Tuesday, March 1st, 2005|
well midterms dont have me too bad this week... last semester was BAD news, but this semesters mostly dance classes... altho i am currently writing a lot of bullshit about my gradual destruction of ballet ...or my accomplishments and headway im making in it... but i think the first suits me better =/ but.. it was fucking CANCELLED today so i was a happy child!!!! =DDDDDD oh ballet, why do you exist. oh yea, cuz your the foundation of dance... wonderful
yea, so why is it snowing? i dont understand. =/
so heres a change in life... band practice BEFORE dynamics??? whats the world coming to?! i like it.
ok back to bullshit and coffee without half and half =(
peasssss dawgs Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: pinback - june
|Saturday, February 26th, 2005|
You are Napoleon Dyanamite and a buttload of gangs
are trying to recruit you. Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you? brought to you by Quizilla
ok, so i slept 13 hours last nite, and im STILL tired...... hmmmm
summer theatre auditions 2morw... wish me luck =/ Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: coheed and cambria
|Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005|
|sick.... as a .... dog....
yea, so im on my fourth day of feeling like a pile, and everyday has some new sort of sickness for me to look forward to... which is so very exciting and fun! ive been in bed all day today, and i finally got up at 4 to go get some nourishment. of course there were NO saltine crackers in the gq today.... when does that ever happen?! oh! when i need them desperately... rite.
but im not too bitter. when i was getting my soup, all of a sudden i hear the most beautiful thing... theyre playing "yesterday" by the beatles in the back of gq.... i think the beatles are one of the only things that could make me happy when im totally miserable. especially when its unexpected. anyway it was happy.
im seeing pirates tonite, and oh, my scene for acting class goes up 2morw.... so rite now im memorizing lines..... i really hope we dont suck =(
peace and love Current Mood: sickCurrent Music: yesterday - the beatles
|Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005|
|hump days over
man it has been so busy. i didnt think i could BE any busier, but apparently its possible, and im still alive and well! i got into two dance pieces in the student dance concert and i am choreographing in the informal =) i havent begun to work with my dancers yet but i have som ideas rolling around in my head. i picked out a few pieces of music that i want to use but ill hafta see if it works.
the faculty dance concert is only a week away!!! i cant believe its here already. its gunna be a loooong week.
so since ive been back, i played an hour long show of my stuff and a two hour long show with my band. my performance was the best i think ive ever had in my life playing my songs. the band perf was ok, we are def capable of better, but whatev.
my scene went yesterday in francine's class and it went really well! i was sooooooo nervous. =/ but she liked it a lot. =)
yea thats pretty much my life in a nutshell.... dance news, music news, acting news....
but i wouldnt have it any other way ;)
...im gunna go find some plays to read.
peace my loves~ Current Mood: refreshedCurrent Music: elliott smith - in the lost and found honky bach
|Saturday, January 15th, 2005|
i really dont feel like going back to school yet =/ whenever im home i feel like i have a million and one errands to run and things to get fixed etc, and the time goes by so fast =( i wanna just chill at home. and im not gunna see cait or lex in suuuuch a long time cuz theyre going on vaca over their break =( sad sad SAD. good news is i get to pick up my guitar 2morw!! and hopefully itll be good as new! i miss her sooo much. then i have a spot in an acoustic show when i go back to school on the 20th =)
you never hang out with nearly as many people as you wanted to once break is over. theres not enough time in life. and it sucks. cuz i usually want to spend half of the time sleeping. =/
talking about sleeping, i took the best nap today and i had this crazy dream, and at the end of it ronald mcdonald was walking by and he was crying and he grew out a beard (and it was red) and i went up to him and said im sorry and gave him a hug, and like we understood each other. CRAZY. it was a very satisfying nap tho.
so i went to the orthodontist today and the girl that was working on my back retainer thingy fucking burned my lip off!!!! it hurts =( "my lips hurt real bad" -napoleon
so yea, im meeting my dad eeeearly 2morw morning so i better get to beddy. then garden state mall take 2... the other day it was way too foggy which was sad, but 2morw it WILL be nice out!
ok, peace. Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: elliott smith - i better be quiet now
|Thursday, January 13th, 2005|
|lemme check... yup... still love being home.
okay so this is the second nite that i have only been able to watch the first half of eternal sunshine and that makes me angry!!!!!!!!!!!! =( and sad. because its so ridiculously amazing. whatever, ill just buy it.
im dumb and i left my real journal at home the week while i was at school so i wrote everything in my acting notebook for the week and now i am taping it in my real journal... but the pages dont match up so i hafta cut everything and grrr its taking forever.
today i got a lot accomplished =) i got passport pics taken, dropped my guitar off at guitar center to be repaired (and yes, i miss her already), got my passport renewed, and got some new dance leotards. i did all of that before 3pm! i was very proud. and 2morw im waking up early to take me chloe and caitlin to hollister in the garden state mall yayyy. and hopefully get a new coat too.
so i guess as far as new years resolutions go... mine is to try and be with ppl as much as possible and to try not to get myself inside my head and thinking. even though when im in those predicaments i tend to write some good shit, it also tends to make me feel like complete shit... which isnt so great. so even tho its like not deep at all, im gunna try and not be introverted. if that makes any sense. even tho itll prally just all pour out sometime in the near future, whatever, i guess ill just hafta take it one day at a time. so yea, i guess thats my new years resolution of sorts...
and i think thats all i have in my head that i want to write about in here. ...back to taping my journal together =/
peace and love Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: elliott smith - clementine