| describe me |
[30 Aug 2003|10:18am] |
i asked people to describe me. only 3 people so far. this is what they said:
( what cam thinks of me )
( liz's answer )
( tom's answer )
that was very amusing. :-D cameron's answer was by far the funniest. oh yeah. and if you didn't already reply to this..please do. :-)
*edit*
how sad. a little 2 year old girl was kidnapped today. at around 1pm. i'm listening to the radio and they interrupted the station. and it's very sad. i wish i wrote down the liscense plate number of the car they said took her. i hope sh'es ok. these things make me sad.
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[30 Aug 2003|09:35pm] |
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i saw jack niven today. damn that boy grew. he moved a town over. he is the same. besides his height and his voice. it's scary, seeing him after all this time. i haven't seen him in about 2 years. it was weird. cameron was there. i've decided. i hatehatehate being around cameron when we're around other people. he acts differently. and it's annoying. i like it when it's just me and him. no rules. he's usually much nicer. when he's around other people. it's like he has an image he has to maintain, and i'm not apart of it. i'm just some stupid girl who happens to be his neighbor so he takes pity on me. or something. it depends on who's there. i just don't like it. i've decided that that's what it is. and i don't think he realizes it. i don't think he realizes how miserable he can make me feel sometimes. he's oblivious. maybe that's my fault. because i don't let him know how i really don't like the way he makes fun of me. even though i know he's just joking around and doesn't mean half the things he says. it just hurts sometimes. his girlfriend is being stupid. cameron plays RPG's or whatever. so his character or whatever kissed another character, and now she's mad at him in real life. WTF? that is so stupid. it's a GAME, a stupid one at that. and she's pissed. i don't understand her. but whatever. i need to see shane. to decide about some things. i don't know how i feel about him right now. because i haven't seen him in so long. i'm not sure if i want to still go out with him or what. it's been a long time. about a month maybe? and i don't know. it's not like there's anybody else. that's totally not the case. it's just that he lives far away, and i can never really see him. and i don't think i know him as well as i should. or that he knows me all that well. i think we rushed into things. i think i made the wrong choice. i think i wanted to go out with him simply for the sake of having a boyfriend. i had been so jealous of strangers walking down the street and holding hands, and i wanted that. i wanted someone who i knew liked me and that i liked him back. i wanted a boyfriend so bad, that i just rushed into it. and now it just seems like a hassle. i don't think i'm a good girlfriend. just because i can never be satisfied with what i have. i don't deserve guys because i use them and then move on. i always change my mind. once i have something, i don't want it anymore. it's fun to play with for a few weeks, but then it's time to move on. and i don't want to do that to shane. i don't want to be childish and just throw away a toy once the new model comes out. i want to be happy with what i have. but i never will be. ever ever. i don't want to go out with anyone anymore. because i'll never be happy with what i have. and it makes me mad at myself when i do this to perfectly nice guys. i feel terrible. and i don't have the heart to do it to shane online. i'm in a very confused state right now. and i don't know what to do. i don't think a guy like shane will come along very often. what if i never meet someone like him again? i don't know what to do. i'm disgusted with myself so much. i just don't want to deal with anything right now. i want a stunt double or something. someone to do something when it's too hard or when i just don't feel like dealing with it. someone who can just pick up where i left off and do the dirty work. and then i could carry on with my life. but it's not that easy. fuck.
*edit* new colors, by the way */edit*
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