Almost Forgot...   
06:22pm 08/09/2004
  Oh, and I lasted two weeks before I started smoking again but me and Dani are determined to stop on New Year, as a Resolution sort of thing. I find its easier when done with a friend :)  
06:04pm 08/09/2004
mood: bored
music: Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home
I, like, *totally* forgot that I even had an online journal!
Well, I'm now in six-form (just college but at school) and its as hard as hell. I've never really been *into* coursework but this time I thought I could make a fresh start, y'know? However, as I gaze wistfully at my current timetable my heart seems to fill with an overwhelming dread. I knew I should've gone to a *real* college.
In other news, my family see me as the person that doesn't *really* need to know anything about what the hell's going on around here. But that's okay because I don't *really* want to know what's going on in their pathetic little existence. Bah!
Dan and I seem to be getting on rather well. Its been about six months now and I know that if i did lose him I'd take it pretty hard. I think that's mainly because we're such good friends as well as "partners". He's invited me round his house again this saturday, the only trouble is that i probably wont be able to enjoy it with all that bloody work on my hands!
Just a *small* note: I got crazy drunk again last week in a graveyard... sorry *the* graveyard with Brett, Elisha and Dani seeing as Dan was on a family thing and Vez was pretending that she was busy and i don't know where everyone else was... Anywho, thankfully no one argued but, seeing as we only had cider, vodka and coke (the fizzy kind:p) we had to mix and u know what that means. Cider has never agreed with me but the drink tasted like ginger ale so we glugged it down. Me and Dani would've ended up asleep in the graveyard if brett hadn't come back to help get *me* home. Brett was so lovely and Dani was so helpful, but I've done that for them on countless occasions so i guess we all have to pay it forward eventually. So, I sicked up all the bad stuff and the next morning me and dani watched Will and Grace *all* day :)

p.s my brother's going back to bristol soon :( while my other brother is going on a fishing trip... w00t ¬.¬ and my parents will be jetsetting of to portugal for their Silver Wedding :D

Ta, Ta
Sleepover Revelation   
10:53pm 21/06/2004
mood: determined
music: Evanescece - Lies
Okay, so Saturday night me, Dani, Brett and Verity were sposed to stop over Kc's for the night (that's the horny one ladies and gents, unfortunately no longer available:p). Verity didn't show because she was too busy skanking all her bezzies to be with her psycho boyfriend who is obsessed with showing off his muscles and has been warned by the police on several occasions for him to stop harrassing his co-workers at Sainsbury's. He's ugly too. So i'm angry at her but that doesn't matter because now that school's over i really don't care.
Anyway, Verity didn't come so me and the others met up with Kc at six (Dani and Brett were late btw) in the alley and preceded to Gunfa's (the local off-license) to purchase a few quarter bottles of Vodka and about five larger bottles of alka-pops and twenty fags. We then trudged over to Kc's and set up camp in the front room.
At around eightish Kc opened her large bottle of Reef and drank it, claiming straight after that she was already feeling rather drunk. I quickly followed suit having already consumed my own alcohol at home and had a fag. Brett had a Vodka and Diet Coke while me and Dani both mixed the alka-pops with two shots of V for each glass. After this Dani preceded to inform us that she was infertile due to an operation she had had a few years previous. Being drunk Kc offered to be the surrogacy mother while i offered money for certain treatments. Brett didn't say anything, perhaps a wise choice now because i don't believe one bit of it. Firstly, she should have told me ages ago and didn't. Strange? Perhaps. Secondly, after much conversation on the subject she claimed that she wasn't actually sure on the facts until the next time she had a check-up... Maybe i should point out now that Dani has a history of lying.
Anyway, after this i removed my earrings and lay down facing the wall for a while, chewing slowly on bread. There was pizza in the mix and i had some but not much. I'm feeling a bit off at this point so i do what anyone does in a situation when they are a bit too pissed; I don't move. Dani and Brett thereupon wrongfully assume that i am asleep while Kc knows full well that i'm resting because i also happen to be talking at the same time...? Anyway, Dani, being a stoopid pisshead, thinks it wise to leap on me and shake my head around in her hands. I rebuke her, hissing dire warnings aloud until she backs off. Brett thereupon claims that he has "Never Heard Me Speak Like That". I don't really care...
So, after a while and with two pieces of bread resting soundly in my stomach i jump back into the action, focussing all my charms on the host because she looks thoroughly miserable. It works, to some extent, and things go back to a happy note. Dani complains about me whispering about her to Kc though she is in fact flattering herself because i was not (what i was whispering about however is a tad too personal to mention and it wouldn't be fair on Kc). This sets us back a tad but i make another wisecrack and all is well... And then Brett asks for a cigarette...
All hell breaks loose! Dani gives me the "No Way Am I Giving Anyone A Fag" look while i stare frantically into space (Me and Dani tend to share our fags though i buy most of them so officialy the decision falls up me but unofficially i'm not even an item). It is clear that no fag will be awarded to the boy from Dani while i, as always, really don't care what happens to a bit of paper filled with tobacco, i'm already pissed. For the sake of diplomacy i look between them both then at Kc who is frowning frequently now and shrug claiming that it is Danielle's choice. Brett now knows the score, its all over for him and he storms over to the other end of the room and lies there.
Anxiously, i make jokes and ppl laugh, all except Brett and it appears that the three girls could get on just fine without him. But, alas, that is not enough for Dani, she has to look like the goodguy so she can have the upper hand on later scenarios. She approaches Brett, claiming to Kc and I that she is going to talk to him for a bit, not realising that both Kc and I could see the fag that she was carrying as a peace offering. I chat to Kc for a while about channel five documentaries and Dani returns, grabbing a drink and handing it to Brett who has followed her obediantly. I make a seemingly innocent remark about how Dani is a turn-coat and has been turned to the dark side. She growls, puffing out her chest in defiance and it all kicks off... again. Kc tells Dani that she saw the fag and enquires as to why she hid it, nobody cares in the long run. Dani get angry and storms off but comes back in due time.
Things are fine for a while then Dani heads into the porch, claiming that she must converse with her father on her mobile. The remaining chat for a while and Brett livens up, saying that he's been through this before and that theres no point to argue. We rejoice. And then my boyfriend calls, pissed with his mate Gazzer, and we exchange in friendly drunken banter. He asks if i love him i reply with yes and vice versa. Then Dani returns, seemingly furious as Kc will later proclaim, and sits against the wall. She thereupon catches a vague interest in my phonecall and asks who it is. i answer, not thinking much of it, an then she asks if she may talk to them. This does no concern me just as yet as Dani used to date my Bf years ago and they are now good friends. She laughs, a lot, though i know the sound well and it is very, very flirtation. I wonder if i should get my phone back and ask. It takes a while but i do. Kc gives me the "Omg what is she doing?" look when Dani asks for it again. The same thing happens and i ask for it back. This time i return empty-handed and precede to storm from the room, though not too loud and acting as though i need the toilet. Kc, being a highly emphatic individual follows me out and asks if i am ok. Everyone is slightly suspicious of Dani now, even Brett, but i am not worried of my bf's loyalty though Dani has claimed on several very honest occasions that she would date Dan (my bf) again if she had hte chance, which i find a bit sad bcuz she's my best mate??
Anywho, i go to the toilet and Dani follows, still on the phone and Kc mentions that i should have my fone back. I return from the toilet and Dani tosses me the fone and storms off. Me and Kc go into the kitchen and Dan's fone fails. We then return to the living room to find Dani looking sullen and Brett smiling ignorantly. I cheer up. And then there is another call and i answer to find its Dan again. I chat for a while and then Dani's seizes possesion of the phone again. After a while of talking to little miss thang, Dan hangs up. I am slightly relieved and precede to turn my fone off. All goes well after that...
And THEN we go to sleep, or at least pretend to. Kc is knackered and goes to bed first while me and Brett talk heatedly about how stoopid some noobs who show up on chat. There was a lot of laughing and all though i feel bad for all the arguments i cheer up. And then, out of nowhere, Dani pulls my hair. She then laughs at my anger and claims in a slurring voice that she wants to sleep. I say okay but Brett and I continue to talk. Someone kicks me and i shove them back. i glance round to find Dani spreadeagled on the floor laughing drunkenly. Its quite funny at first, she kicks i shove and ppl laugh. Then brett starting jeering as a joke and Dani got a little for determined. Something told me this wasn't about the sleeping arrangements anymore but i fight back, gently because i'm don't make a habit out of beating on my friends. After a while i get bored and tell Dani that i want to sleep now just as she did. all i quiet and then a foot finds its way into my throat. I choke but recover. Brett is jokingly holding a bottle over my head. I grab it and threaten him jokingly, he then laughs and i turn on dani claiming that you shouldn't kick ppl in the throat and dead legging her with the glass. I precede to but the bottle down after a few digs in defence of Dani's scratching motions (remember that this is all in good fun, i wasn't going to glass my best mate in the face) but then Dani leaps up and scratches at me harder, hurling abuse. I retort angrily, claiming that she shouldn't kick ppl in the throat. We tussle for a bit and i shove her over, hoping against hope that she'll sit back up and laugh, she doesn't. Instead she sits up and fights back, though to no avail because she's unusually small for her age, and then Kc's mother charges in. I can vaguely hear Kc crying in the hall as her mother leaves, slamming the door behind her. At this point my breathing is unnaturally rapid, i rarely panic but i felt like shit for doing this to her. Without another glance at Dani or brett i wisely stand up and go to Kc's bed where i spent the rest of the morning (yes, morning *yawn*).
After a while of panting i calm down and sit up, Dani is asleep but Brett is restless and sits up also. I talk to him quietly about my thoughts on the situation. He crawls closer and we talk more. I claim that I can never trust Dani again and he claims that she looked as though she had cracked. In some ways i wonder now if the fight was more based around the phone call... But, anyway, me and brett talked then all morning about a Darren Brown show he'd seen and Misery, which i'd seen two days previous. We tried to escape the house and the situation together, we failed. We then slept for about an hour as our plans of escaping were ruined by the fact that the doors and windows were locked. When we woke up the door was open though we didn't go, we couldn't now.
We didn't say goodbye to Kc, it didn't seem right to say anything. And we, Dani, Brett and I, walked slowly home with our belongings. Dani stated that she couldn't care less about Kc crying and i replied with "It just goes to show how much you pay attention". It doesn't seem like much now but it did then, but not to the right person, just to me. Dani either didn't notice my tone or didn't want to. We didn't mention the incident, i had a feeling that she was pretending that she was too drunk to remember but i'll never forget it. After the phone call incident and every argument that she'd started with her greed over cigarettes i wondered how could i be so, following the cliche, blind? I can never trust her again but i'll talk to her and she had better not forget it. I didn't hug her when we parted, though i didn't hug brett either and he deserved it, as did Kc, but i hope it stang.
I have decided now that i am going to quit smoking, if not for my lower risk of cancer then for myself. I know my boyfriend wants me to stop and i will, but not for him, i have to know i can do this. And if it seperates me and Dani as different ppl then so be it, i don't want to feel unclean anymore, i don't want to associate with someone so corrupt. I don't want to be like her...
Thanks for reading if you did, it was very long i know, and Come On England!!!
p.s. I have spoken to Kc and apologised, she is still my friend and for that i am grateful i really like her, she's honest and thoughtful. I would also like to note that neither Brett nor Dani have had the consideration to do the same...
Err... hello?   
09:51pm 15/06/2004
mood: loved
music: Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy
Today was, reasonably fun. I mean no one died or anything interesting like that but i DID learn the value of a dollar... hold on, no i didn't, i've never even seen a dollar in my life, what the hell is going on?!?! There must be something that sets this day apart from the rest...
Well, my BF told me he loved me anyway ^_^
Drunk... again   
07:30pm 04/12/2003
mood: drunk
music: All I Really Want by Alanis Morisette
Today was kinda fun. Of course, i went to school, and of course, it sucked but in a good way. Two of my mates were off sick (one visiting the dentist, the other claiming to have a broken ankle) so I only had Kc (Looks eighteen and is extremely horny, please, marry her) to keep me company, her and a quarter bottle of Vodka (yay for Russia!). My teacher's obviously a rather niave character, alarmingly enough he was under the impression that i am naturally goofy and stupid (though i probably am). Otherwise, the majority of the world's population was thoroughly aware of my intoxication and probably wanted in on the fun.
Anything else? Probably, though my life story doesn't seem so appropriate anymore... or interesting... (I know there's something else i should mention but i can't for the life of me remember what it was...)
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Re: Piss up   
03:04pm 25/10/2003
mood: thirsty
music: Limp Bizkit, Behind Blue Eyes
The other night, during a small celebrational gathering, i got drunk. Woohoo i hear you a hollering? Not necessarily, now my funds are all spent and my head hurts like hell, i'm also missing a tooth but that could mean anything. As i recall i had purchased a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka (37.5%) and allowed me and several others to end up legless and lying in someone's drive. The night consisted of many, many shots, three packs of fags, two bottles of coke, ten packs of crisps, a snogging frenzy, and one pair of torn jeans (45 pound from GAP). And whom do you supposed paid for it all? Yes, the brownhaired doormat posting this message. Of course, it wasn't ALL bad... in fact, the more i think about it, the better it sounds... so i will take back my early comment and say "Woohoo". After all, isn't that exactly what the occasion deserves? Now... if only i could remember what we were celebrating...
*Movie Magic*   
05:16pm 16/10/2003
  Today we started our "Big Media Project", or the music video we a required to do for the curriculum. I play the leading lady, which sucks because most of the acting in the videa is walking up and down along a corridor and looking scared. The scared part i can do, i'm generally scared all the time, but the walking tends to wear on you after the thirteenth attempt. At least now i know that, whatever career i choose in the future, it wont be acting. Also, though i was already aware of it, i realized that my mother is a bitch. The only thing in the world that she likes is a small anklebiting dog name Willow. She dropped a hole bottle of aftershave on my knee and actually blamed ME for not putting it back "properly". I'd been searching for a microphone in my dad's cupboard, how foolish of me to think that placing the bottle soundly on a flat wooden surface would cause it to inexorably fall from its perch onto my knee!  
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03:55pm 14/10/2003
mood: drained
music: Sugarbabes, hole in the head
I was ill to day. I had like this major migraine that majorly sucked, it even stopped me doing art, the easiest lesson their is! I'm supposed to be working right now but i can't really be bothered to be honest. The Revolutions trailer looks dead good, i'll be watching that as soon as its out, though i'll probably have to watch it twice (once when sober and once when not-so-sober). I took a few quizzes during my time off and discovered that my inner child is sixteen years old, i'm a chainsaw murderer, and that i'd go to jail for drugs (thankfully, this isn't the case).
The LOTR regmoot (meeting for regular ppl found in the lord of the rings yahoo chatroom) sounds fun but i doubt i'll be able to go, would i even fit in? I'm like way younger than the other regs in chat and i'm not sure i even have the money.
Other than that i have very little else to say except that clouds are really, really cool. In fact, one day i may even make an entire post and devote it to clouds and how fundementally cool they are. For one, they can fly, which is cool in its self. And another thing is that they are really, really white, in fact, i can't think of any other thing in nature that has been so white... Can you?
Namarie :)
Hi, My name is Iggy and I swat flies...   
09:53pm 13/10/2003
mood: exhausted
music: Rob Zombie, Reload
Cool, an online journal. Well first of all i guess i should say hi but i have needs that i must adress or else the point of an online journal might well be lost amongst the propaganda. A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous (though i can't imagine anyone who reads this actually knows him) gave me quite a scare on saturday night. We were all drunk and watching Independance Day (why? Who knows?) when he suddeny decides to say, out of the blue, I'm gay.
This didn't actually surprise me at all, most of the time he acted gay anyway and everyone believed him to be homosexual in the first place. But its all very weird that after fifteen years of knowing this guy, one of my closest friends, he finally decides to come out of the closet. I'm not a homophobe, i have other gay friends and i have no problem with that but there were other certain things that he said that disturbed me. Well, i'm not going to go into that right now, its a bit depressing actually to think about, besides, he was drunk. A friend reckoned that he was just "testing the waters" to see how we would react to this. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as he had expected it to be...
Namarie, thanks for reading.