Ladonna THe Great's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ladonna THe Great's Blurty:

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    Saturday, December 11th, 2004
    10:09 pm
    It has been forever
    This journal is like a lost link in my past. There is so many things that I have not been able to say because I am constantly doing things to improve my educational skills before I go off and hit the Big College Life. Well there is not anything to unusual going on other than I like three guys at this time. I know I am a player LOL. But there is one guy that has feelings for me too but I am scared that he is too shy to ever ask the question(not the big one just to see if I will date him) But either way we will find a way to figure out this one big mess. Andrew a guy that I consider my best guy friend may like me but he is also too shy or either afraid to like me. We are really close and I am thinking that he just wants to be best friends forever but there may be potential for love. The last guy that I like is in 11th grades so he may be too young lol just one year. But his name is Nolan and well he is sweet I barely know him but I have this attraction to him . Not his looks but him as a whole. I did love Chris Williams but he is so cocky that he may never come back down to earth long enough to keep a girlfriend. He is so musical and well I love him still but hey what can you do? Well I am gonna go exams next week need sleep!!!!
    Friday, June 18th, 2004
    9:58 pm
    holla at a playa
    Thursday, March 18th, 2004
    7:20 pm
    OH OH OH
    hey, today was an ok day i guess but hey school what the crap do you expect there? I expect nothing out of school which is kind of sad. I mean i do want to do good but what is so important unless one is happy? Sometimes i ask myself what we are all living for. But then i get the answer... it is so that we can forever be a part of this horrible game called life! I mean yes there are good moments and yes they could out weigh the bad but is that true in anyones' case? I think that is a BIG NO!! We live life to be broken down into peices and soon there will be no more peices to break my down into. I have had enough of this so called happiness we call life. So break me down until there is no more and then ask yourself what you are living for. I go through the day knowing that i hate everything about it and yet i live on. But not for myself, for you. I let myself be led into pain and destruction all because i want and need you. I need you to draw me closer to you and take me in like the smell of the spring flowers. But instead you lay around asking yourself why you are alive and why you matter... I tell you why anyone matters, it is because we mean too much to someone else. So i guess if i dont live for myself i must live for somebody else. But hey then agian what would the world be like without a LADONNA THe GREAT??? I dunno i assume it could be better but i greatly doubt that some would get by. I know one person that eould miss the ladonna quota that she strives so hard to get everyday. And deep down i know that she loves me and that i am what she wants in a friend!! But she is scared to love me when she realizes that i may not love her back... and also she is caught up in her own little world of perfection. And well she has got who she needs to survive but not more than that. Just sometimes i wish maybe she would let it go and be my friend but hey what can i expect from somone like her? But no matter how much she hates me or leads me to believe she does, i will love her. And i do not love her because she is easy to love. I love her because i cant love her.... and i love her because of who she is inside. I mean yes she is pretty and all but i would still be her friend if she was hidious. But everytime i see her i realize that life isnt that bad.... and well she just makes me smile? I guess that is what we all look for in a friend but we never find. I have found it but i have not gained it... and i never will. She cant be my friend so she will never be part of my soul and i will forever be part of hers because she wants to be mine .... i mean it is so obvious. Well anyways another topic. BOYS BOYS BOYS where are you?? Man i need me a man. Not because of pleasure purpose but because i need someone to share my soul with... i need someone to hold me near when i am having a hard time getting by. Just to have him wrap his arms around me and draw me into him as if i was one with him. But i guess i will have to wait to find that. I wish a boy from a band was in love with me.. i mean i find that sooo attractive AHHH fantasies of him playing me to sleep as i lay on his chest all night long. well anyways that is about it for tonight!! TRULY YOURS >>>HOW ABOUT YOU GET TO KNOW ME BETTER!! LOL
    Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
    6:08 pm
    LOVE IS SO CRAZY
    heya life has been so crazy lately and i do not know why. Sometimes i put myself out there to be in pain but i dunno i dont think no one could ever deserve to be in pain? But i dunno my life is so crazy that it just might just be like that for me. I seem to get one heart break after the other. Laura has a new boyfriend well actually he was her old boyfriend that she decided to get back with now. Whatever she is just getting desperate for affection so she goes to the one who will take her back. Laura is my best friend but sometimes i do not get her. I mean she can be so fickle and crazy. Ane well it hurts that she hasnt been talking to me much lately and then she thinks that i am just going to listen to her cry her litttle tears whenever she wants. When she realizes that i am a better friend than she will ever find then maybe she will start understanding that i dont want all this crap. She loves Joel whatever she loved Jared and then one week later she can be ultimatly in love with another guy. Love is crazy but it is not as crazy as laura makes it. She forces her love to be crazy. She needs to grow up a little and try to really understand what love is and stop playing these games she cant win. I am not saying that i can win love because micheal doesnt love me when i have been in love with him forever. But hey what can one do when they are forced to hold back all the love. Well one day it comes out and well when it did i scared him away forever and now i am forced to be alone in this crazy life. But one day i will agian be in love and be happy. Until then CARPE DIEM only one chance for me so i am going to live it up baby

    Current Mood: restless
    Current Music: Kissing you from Romeo and Juliet
    Friday, January 16th, 2004
    2:13 pm
    WOW DREAMS.....
    heya, today was an ok day i guess even though it is not half way over so how can i judge what is not yet finished. School was boring as always and it seems as if when the teachers talk then my brain seems to go into another world. It is as no one is there and i am not in class but in a small room with desks. I dunno that is odd but i just dont understand much about all this MATH and CHEMISTRY.. Sometimes i kind of feel bad because i am so totally bad in class expecially chemistry and well i never truly get punished. And i konw it is that the teachers know that i am putting on a show for others yet they think i am a joke (present my self as a joke) Sometimes i wish i could start all over at salem because then all the teachers wouldnt think i was some joke. I am a smart kid and i do value my education but i DO LOVE TO HAVE FUN. And the main reason i am bad in chemistry is because i feel that i need to hate ms harris but maybe if i just act myself and then maybe people would still like me but i dunno i doubt that!! Life is hard and well as teenager i need to find myself and be me but in school that is hard because you are chosen to be in a certian group and well in order to go outside of that one has to be extreme and well that is what i try to do. but yeah other than that i have nothing else to say.... I love this corrupt world because it makes me see that maybe i am not so bad after all... Well Holla
    Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
    8:56 pm
    WHAT A MESS
    Heya, My day was boring and kind of upsettting!! I mean I feel as if i am a mean person that has no emotions. HOw could one hurt someone who loves them in return without any hesitation?? I guess I am not what I need to be. I will never foget today though because at the same time it was funny. Laura is just so clingy and I am not used to people loving me so much and on top of that someone who wants to be my friend without any strings attached. It is sad but I do not love her as much as she loves me and I doubt that I will ever need her as she needs me. Well at least it seems she needs me to talk to in order to feel happy and I am truly sorry for hurting her today but she needs to know how i feel. I mean and if she can't handle a little pain then she does not need to be part of my life. All I ever do is cause pain... I do not want to hurt her on purpose but I will over and over agian until she leaves me alone to be unhappy. Why won't she let me be. I want to be sad agian without any of her smiles and stories of joy!!! OHH WHAT A MESS I HAVE GOTTEN INTO!!
    Monday, December 29th, 2003
    4:14 pm
    WOW IT HAS BEEN FOREVER
    Lets see it has been months since i have written here which is totally sad because i really do not have much to do i am just too lazy to do anything productive. So my life has consisted mainly of stress!!! I have been in a play THE CRUCIBLE!! It was the best play that I have ever experienced but that could be because i was in it. AP english is a little hard. ANd A.W is starting not to bug the crap out of me. Ummm A.C. is having her baby soon and I am so excited because it will be the cutest little baby girl. I am so happy that she is going to have what she wants and will be able to for once expierence pure joy. Laura has been a cool friend but I dunno I am not sure I really love her like she loves me. I mean she really cares about me but I can not seem to make myself love her back. I truly do try my hardest to make her like me but I can not love her. I think that it is the fact that she loves me without me having to try soo hard and well I am so used to never grtting any love without crying many nights. She has been helping cope with all the pain that I have but I wish I could do something for her to make her happy tooo. But I guess if she got her little drummer boy she would be happy but I can't help her in that situation. WEll I think that is all I have to say for now. I am still waiting for a man to fall into my hands?!? I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE!!!!

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: MY IMMORTAL by evenescence
    Saturday, August 9th, 2003
    9:47 pm
    SO MUCH FUN YEAH RIGHT.......
    Hello there.... My day was the usual boring day with nothing to do. I did go out though and get things to start school back Monday. I can't believe that school is already here!! Sometimes I wonder why the days and time passes us by so quickly?? Maybe it is that we try not to make the best of the time we are given? I have no idea but I do truly wish I held the knowledge to understand all this petty information. Let's see today I got up at 11 and went to buy the stuff for school and well some ankle braces for my ohhhh so poor ankle LOL! I went to eat at this place called Taco Mac and I got some popcorn shrimp?? It was good but my dad did not enjoy his food too well. Yet he never really is happy with anything that he gets! Then I came home and well my dad cut the grass and no one was home to call so I was SOL!!! And then Steph called and told me how much fun she had today. It is great to know that so many people are able to have fun! I can't wait untill I have a car and a man.. Yeah that is going to happen so soon YEAH RIGHT..... I know that I will find a guy one day but what if I never have a good relationship with a guy all my high school day?? I mean I only have 2 years untill I have to go to college..... I am so scared to go to college and I am so scared that I am not going to be able to handle the REAL WORLD. But I want to go to American Idol but I do not know when the day is to go?? I wish I had someone to support me in the talent I have and LOVE but no one really cares that I LOVE to sing and that music is all I live for? Oh my gosh and my stumic hurts so bad and I found out my mom had Crones disease when she was living?? I hope that I never am faced with all the things she was faced with. Maybe God will bless me with good health. Umm let's see oh yeah I sent an E-mail to A.C. the other day and well I am so tired of telling her things and telling her that I Love her and yet she can't even think about saying it back? I am tired of looking for a role model and then when I find one I like they decide they no longer want me to be part of their life! I know that she is going to have a little baby soon and then there will definatly be no place for me in her life... Why do I look up to people that can't be there for me or are destined to hurt my poor wounded soul.... FORGET LOVE that is what I want to do but I am scared that if I do that I will go down the wrong path agian and well I can't take that agian.. wel i guess I will go and end this sob story haha Well Holla at me and I love all yall people. Livin off the Animal Crackers Forever..

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: U got it BAD (usher)man do I got it bad
    Thursday, August 7th, 2003
    1:33 pm
    OUCH!!!!
    Yeah on Monday I hurt my ankle at volleyball practice. I jumped up to get the ball and I fell bac down on the side of my ankle. I fell to the ground and started to yell because that hurt like a MO FO!! And then the coach was like I think you need to try to walk on it so I did and it hurt soo bad. But that night my dad came home and took me to the Hospital. They said it was sprained and they were going to put a cast but then they took x-rays and they just put a splint on it. It was huge and swollen and now it is turning purple. But I am able to wadle around on it. It does hurt still but I do not want to be out of Volleyball for long because it is what keps me happy. And well I don't want to get lazy and stop exersizing. I dunno if I spelt that right but who cares. I am so bored and tonight I have to go to open house and pass out stupid schedules for the stupid kids at school. But I guess I will have something to do and well I will see my friends there. I guess I better go because there is no more to write about today. I am sure that open house will be interesting and I will have something to write about that. Well Holla' at me people!?! I love yall! Livin off the Animal Crackers 4 eva!!
    Monday, August 4th, 2003
    12:47 pm
    WHAT THE CRAP
    My day has been so boring. I mean I tried to sleep late but all these folks kept calling. I sware if one more telemarketer calls me I will go CRAZY on them. Anyway some odd woman called and asked for Ladonna's mom or dad??? I wonder what the crap I did now. I seem to screw up enough. I mean lately I have been thinking of why people get mad and why my heroes don't give a crap about me. It is all my fault for being so IMMATURE and annoying. I mean if I wouldn't have done all that crap last year then I would still be close to my hero. And well maybe I learned from it but I wish I got to go back to the way it used to be!! But I guess I'd screw up agian and lose all my love agian. I know GOd has a plan for everyone's life but if this is mine I don't want to be alive. I mean it seems nothing good can happen to me. And well if it does it is not too long before it gets taken away. I guess one day I will get to keep things and then I will be happy. But I don't know if I will ever be happy agian knowing that I lost all that I had. I mean I had something that is hard to find. Or maybe all this time I thought I had something that really wasn't there. Well I guess I will go for now. Holla' at me later. I love yall people. Livin off da animal crackers.

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: He had it coming----from Chicago
    Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
    10:33 pm
    WHAT A WEEKEND
    Man was my weekend packed. On Thursday my cousin came over and then the next day we went to the Georgia Mall. It was so fun and well there were TONS of HOT guys up there. Umm yea I think my best friend is mad at me for not calling her on thursday. I didn't know I was suppose to but I hate when she gets mad at me because she never tells me. I just hate when folks get mad at me period. I mean I try so hard to be so nice and I don't even tell people what I truly feel and it always seems someone gets mad. But why do I need to worry about this??Anyways I got 4 shirts for Aeropostle and a hoodie there and 2 purses there. One of my purses is soo cute. And then I went to Delia's and bought these cute brown pants. The ones I got were 38 dollars and man did my dad have a cow. Then I went to find some blue jeans with a pocket because STEPH wanted me to stay away from no pockets. SO instead I found some black pants and no pocket jeans. Then I went and got 2 dress shirts at RAVE for my black and brown pants. And well the brown shirts does not match the brown pants!!! Stupid GIRL... Then we left. I also got some more pants and yes i found some with pockets on the back YEAH!! Then Today I went to odd shps to finish up the school clothes. I ended up spending 350 for all my clothes. I wish I had more because I NEED some MORE clothes. I WISH I had like 15 outfits. But no that will never happen to me. That is all the Fun things that happened there was alot more going on but i do not want to bore myself through that agian!! Well I guess I am done and I will Holla' at ya. Love yall people. Livin off the Animal Crackers 4 eva!?!

    Current Music: BABY CUZ I'm
    10:33 pm
    WHAT A WEEKEND
    Man was my weekend packed. On Thursday my cousin came over and then the next day we went to the Georgia Mall. It was so fun and well there were TONS of HOT guys up there. Umm yea I think my best friend is mad at me for not calling her on thursday. I didn't know I was suppose to but I hate when she gets mad at me because she never tells me. I just hate when folks get mad at me period. I mean I try so hard to be so nice and I don't even tell people what I truly feel and it always seems someone gets mad. But why do I need to worry about this??Anyways I got 4 shirts for Aeropostle and a hoodie there and 2 purses there. One of my purses is soo cute. And then I went to Delia's and bought these cute brown pants. The ones I got were 38 dollars and man did my dad have a cow. Then I went to find some blue jeans with a pocket because STEPH wanted me to stay away from no pockets. SO instead I found some black pants and no pocket jeans. Then I went and got 2 dress shirts at RAVE for my black and brown pants. And well the brown shirts does not match the brown pants!!! Stupid GIRL... Then we left. I also got some more pants and yes i found some with pockets on the back YEAH!! Then Today I went to odd shps to finish up the school clothes. I ended up spending 350 for all my clothes. I wish I had more because I NEED some MORE clothes. I WISH I had like 15 outfits. But no that will never happen to me. That is all the Fun things that happened there was alot more going on but i do not want to bore myself through that agian!! Well I guess I am done and I will Holla' at ya. Love yall people. Livin off the Animal Crackers 4 eva!?!

    Current Music: BABY CUZ I'M A THUG
    Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
    9:41 pm
    UMM GREAT WORKOUT
    Today was an odd but fun day. I had to get up at 7:00am this morning which is unusual for a summer day. And well I went to get Steph and well she wasn't up so I had to wait. Man I hate waiting on folks!! Anyway we went to jennifer todd's house to go swimming. And well before we went we drank like 2 huge glasses of chocolate milk!! And then we watched Final Destination (i never saw the first one untill after I saw the 2nd one) And then we went to the pool. Jenn's dad droe us there and we had to ride the bikes back. MAN I HATE BIKES. Mine was so sucky and the brakes didn't work. So when I went down a hill it was hold on tight and plan to never stop(untill you hit something)WEll I got sick on the way back and well I had to walk the bike most of the way because it was a crappy bike!! And then when we got back we watched this odd movie and ate these cheese things... And well I went to volleyball and it was soooooo HOT in the gym. I went swimming HAHA..in my sweat(EWW) And it was a crappy practice because no one was focused. And it was so sad today when ROB was like yea I am sweating because I am old and FAT.... That is so sad to degrade yourself like that. She laughed though because she knows that I degrade myself all the time. I got a lot of my serves over today which is a good thing. I just wish I could make Varsity so that I do not have to worry about people asking why I am still on JV. I wil paly either way but I will be a happy camper if I can play Varsity. I dunno about all this Volleyball crap. I am beginninng to feel maybe it is a waste of time. I am not that good and well it will never do anything for me in the long run. But I do enjot it so I guess I will continue to paly untill I am kicked off or start to suck so bad that they make fun of me. Right now they all think I am fun so I am ok..... Well I gotta go and well I am so tired already. And if I drink anymore milk I am going to be sick. HOlla' at me! I love all yall folks. A.C. I hope ur baby is a healthy and happy child forever!! I LOVE YOU AND WELL THANKS FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE STRUGGLE BABE!!
    Monday, July 28th, 2003
    9:39 pm
    WHAT A FAST DAY
    Yea today was so boring. But lucky me it wentby soo fast. I got up at 1:00 and well I had to got to volleyball at 4:00... SO I watched THE HOURS untill it was time to go. That movie is odd but very interesting. I don't know if I'd watch it more than once. But umm Nicloe Kidman is on it and well she is my favorite actress. I have to but the Moulin Rouge CD because I LOVED that movie sooooo much. Anyway I heard that Chestnut is getting married, but I may have overheard wrong. I mean I do make a lot out of nothing. I hope that she does because then she will be happy!! I just never thought she was the married type of woman??? But even if she gets married she will always be my first HERO and well she is a cool chica. My life is full of dumb little life changes. One day I will never change and my life will be GREAT. Well I guess I will go because I am so bored and well nothing happened today that I need to type about. Well I love all yall Holla' at me! Livin off the Animal Crackers!!
    P.S. CALM DOWN ON THE COKE !!!

    Current Mood: chipper
    Current Music: Girls Just wanna HAVE FUN
    Sunday, July 27th, 2003
    10:12 pm
    OOHH SOO BORED
    I am so bored that I am going to write agian. I know that I just wrote a little note but what the heck. I will just write all night long. JK Umm I am so ready for a boyfriend now. OK I am so tired of being bored and sitting here waiting for the right guy to come along. What if he never comes along. What if I never get married?? That is my worse fear. THe fear that one day I will be without someone to hold me. All alone in this God forsaken world. We need someone to come and save us!! Maybe GOD could come and help us down here on earth. I need someone to help guide me through these trail years. SO where is my hero?When will I be in LOVE??I guess I will have to wait untill that destined day.... Well HOlla at yall I gotta get some beauty sleep or I may not be as cute in the morning.. HAHA JK HOLLA'

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: Black or White --Micheal Jackson
    9:50 pm
    WHAT A BORING DAY
    Let's see what did I do today???(YAWN) How about NOTHING!! I got up went to church and then I had to go to my Grandma's house. I mean I do not like going over there and hearing pepole complain about how messed up their life is. Yea my grandma is getting old and well I kind of feel bad for her because everyone treats her crappy. But I mean she is getting hard to deal with. I guess that is what comes with old age. I drove home and well I stopped and got these CREST WHITE STRIPS. And well they are so hard to keep in your mouth. BUt anyway I also went to get some school things because we all know that is so soon. Well I guess I will Holla at yall people later. DOn't forget to keep livin off the Animal Crackers. LOVE LOVE

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: God send me an angel
    Saturday, July 26th, 2003
    9:03 pm
    NO CLOTHES
    Yes today I went to the mall and I got no clothes. Umm yes i had plenty of money but i seemed to walk out of every store empty handed!?! I was so worried about finding some oants I didn't even get a chance to see all the cute shirts and skirts. Why does my BUTT have to be so FREAKIN BIG?? I mean everything would go up all the way untill I got to my ghetto rump!!! Ohh guys I know you love what I got behind me but yall don't understand all the frustration it brings. Yea I am proud of my butt but I don't want it anymore. I am tired of never being able to find cute pants. DAMN butt!! Well I gotta go 4 now because I gotta get up in the AM and do this dance thing for my church. HOLLA' Livin off the animal crackers 4 eva. Luvs ya people..... got my eye on you K. B.(holla at me)
    Thursday, July 24th, 2003
    12:48 pm
    BACK FROM THE UGA
    Hello I am back from Volleyball Camp at UGA. That was a very fun time. We had a shaving cream fight and we even got our coaches!! I am glad that I am able to be a part of such a fun team. Well anyways there was this hot guy down there that talked to me and he even helped me get my chicken out of the little pan. I felt so dumb that I couldn't get it by myself but hey he touched me. WEll that is really all I have to say right now because I just woke up and well I am so bored. Maybe I will clean my house??? It needs a good cleaning....Love Love Love
    Thursday, July 17th, 2003
    9:59 pm
    A test of FATE
    umm today I almost was involved in a crash. See this guy Kase(well i like him a lot) was driving me and my friend home and well this dumb old paper guy didn't signal right. And well we almost hit the side of his car and I so badly wanted to grab Kase's arm and get comfort out of that but I did not do that because I am scared for him to know that I like him. He really is a GReat guy and well I would so date him if he asked. WEll I gotta go because if i do not go study i will fail the driving test tomorrow(yea right) Love Ladonna THe Great
    9:59 pm
    A test of FATE
    umm today I almost was involved in a crash. See this guy Kase(well i like him a lot) was driving me and my friend home and well this dumb old paper guy didn't signal right. And well we almost hit the side of his car and I so badly wanted to grab Kase's arm and get comfort out of that but I did not do that because I am scared for him to know that I like him. He really is a GReat guy and well I would so date him if he asked. WEll I gotta go because if i do not go study i will fail the driving test tomorrow(yea right) Love Ladonna THe Great
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