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Saturday, June 14th, 2008
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4:16a - K, G and A....the insignificance to it all...and how I ended up cutting again
so what I didnt say in my last post was that I cut again...I hadnt cut in sooo long, like over 2 months. And now I gave that up, bcause I upset myself over something as stupid as G...
I found out yesterday that K did like me at one point. That made me feel so much better. I thought I'd imagined it all, that he just wanted someone to make out with, when we made out, but now I know he used to like me...My friend was like; "don't get ur hopes up right now. I have no idea if he might still like you. And you can't tell anyone!"
But some part of me wants to ignore it, and wants to believe I stand a chance. Finally my friend understands why I've liked him for so long. She talked for a long time with him on wednesday and she found out how cool he is to hang out with. Ive been telling her this for years, she never understood, always thought I was crazy for liking the "ugly" brother, but now she does:)
Everyone reading this, which i guess is no one, but newho. people reading this must really think I'm some kinda freak and dumbfck or sumfin. switching between K, G and A... and complaining abt that ONLY
K and G have been a huge part of my life tho, and I'm guessing not even my closest friends understand my behaviour. whenever K leaves to the states, G comes back into my life and whenever K's around, G tends to disappear...
No one understands what I see in them either. K because he isnt the prettiest guy alive, and G because he's a complete ass most of the time. But still I can't seem to let go of the past.
Or maybe its just because I'm a massochist and I'm always looking for ways to hurt myself.
Y, my exboyfriend tells me he loves me and still I find myself not able to be with him. Like the whole "iloveyou" thing pushed me away even further away from him...
I saw A tonight, after months of not talking or seeing him around. It was weird. He left the club pretty early tho, so I only got to talk to him for 2 min or so. And even that was risky because my exbf's friend was there watching me while I was talking to A.
AHHH looking at this post just makes me realise how insignificant all my problems are and how Im just looking for trouble. Especially when it comes to the male sex...I'm always complaining abt the same guys, about the same things and about how they always fuck me over...I should stop writing and get a life
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