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Saturday, March 1st, 2008
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4:22p
Yesterday me and my friend went out, and while I was walking into the bar I see M sitting at a table full of ppl (M is the guy's friend I hooked up with) So immediately alarmbells go off in my head. I look around, I see A sitting there as well. U cannot imagine how fast I turned around and walked away. I was all shakey and ready to cry. He was sitting there having the most awesome time with M and all these girls...I shouldve just gone up to M to say hi, cuz Ive known him for a while now, but I was stupid enough to freak out and immediately run for it. I actually looked realy pretty last night, so that wouldve just been a slap in the face for A if he wouldve seen me. "haha so this is what you couldve had, but didnt want, loser!"
My friend told me finally what a friend of us told her abt A. He had a conv. with A the night of the balcony scene, and the only thing she had to say abt it at first was that our friend told her that when he asked A if he would do me, that A said that he wouldnt mind doing me. Now the rest of the conversation came up as well, and I CANNOT believe he didnt tell me any of it. That he just asked me how me and A were doing.
A asked him if I was a slut. Ofcourse my friend said no. After which A said: so I noticed.
I mean how am I supposed to take that? I'm not slutty enough(thank god) or I am a complete slut in A's eyes? it made me so angry. I wish he wouldve just told me this so I'd known what I was getin into when I started liking him.
For the first time in a long while I drank a lot again. I'm surprised I made it home. I'm surprised my mom didnt notice when I got home. And I'm glad I passed out when I got up to my room so I couldn't find my blade.
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