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Sunday, February 17th, 2008
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11:28a
It's so hard to have to wait another week to find out if he actually wants more of me, or if it was just a one night thing. But its a small chance that I'll even see him on friday. He might not even be hanging out with his friend this weekend, and then that'd mean i wouldnt see him. OR his friend is not hanging out with us this weekend, which is also very likely....ARGH...I hate stuff like this. And I'm too scared to ask for his email from one of his friends because Im afraid to find out what he actually wants. What if all that looking into my eyes, telling me I'm beautiful was just a way to try to get into my pants? Well if it was then that didnt work sucker.
I was supposed to go on a date yesterday with this guy that ive been seeing for a while (ye i know Im a mean btch for hooking up with the other guy)
I told him we shouldnt go, because it wouldnt be fair for him. I told him that it was mean of me to keep him waiting while I knew in my heart that a relationship couldnt have worked out with us anyways. I told him he deserves better than me. Because he really does. He is one of the sweetest guys Ive ever met. We just couldnt talk abt anything more than "how was your day" and "how are you". I always thought it was because of the language barrier, because his english wasnt good enough. But the guy on the balcony, his english was bad as well, but he managed to talk to me. He TRIED. There just wasnt enough of a click. And he was cute, but he was so short and skinny. I mean the guy has to be bigger and taller than me, otherwise i just feel like im crushing someone when I hug them. I needa be able to feel safe in someones arms. I dont know why but i like "filled" guys. Not those skinny guys. Ive only liked two skinny guys in my life. With both of them it didnt work out.
i couldnt wrap my arms completely around the balcony guy, because he was so nice and big. And he was just there holding me, and I felt so extremely safe. And now I feel like a retard for caring so much because i dont even know the guy.
Oh btw SWIMMING CLASS!! It was so awesome. most of the ppl "forgot" their stuff, so they had to go and do regular fitness workouts. So it was just me and these three guys that didnt pay attention to me anyways, so nobody noticed :D YES
Next week we're just gonna have regular workouts again so I wont have the problem for a while at least :) :)
enuf talk for now,
iensjj<3
I just wish I could cut right now, make me feel less of a retard.....
current mood:  confused
current music: Snow patrol (4 comments |comment on this)
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