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mood |
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agrivated and a bit depressed |
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music |
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memorywrenchingmix |
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im so frustrated. GUH! what the fuck. im trying to work on photshop to figure out how i want my chest piece colored n shit, and im too fucking stupid to figure it out. ive been sitting here for almost 3 hours trying to do something most people could do in a matter of minutes. fuckin A!
so scottie dee is getting his arm worked on, and im sitting here wishing it were me. fucker. im glad that hes getting to get some work done on it tho. i know he's wanted to; as well as chris. but hopefully chris will help me out, and fit me in 2night. if not, its only my fault. so..
so spent made me a christmas mix. he said "this is an appropriate gift." i think its alright, but apparently its not. a lot of people find it inappropriate. idk. its a cd. its not like heres some underwear, or something like that. idk. i just feel like for the most part, he's been pretty damn respectable towards scott and i. he's grown a good amount since we split. there have been times, where your thinking "what the fuck spent? GO!" but honestly, hes been pretty good.
chris just helped me a bit w. the photoshop, but im still having trouble. o well... i guess im moving now.
fuckin skanky lacy keeps coming into the shop. i know she knows about spenc and i, and i think thats why she's showing up all the time. fuckin bitch. where did you go b4 now? not here, thats for sure. haha she came in here and got here nasty hood pierced. HAHAH i heard its a bubblegum 'gina. (looks like its been chewed up and spit back out.) HAHAHA ho's always have the nastiest vag's. cunts.
i kinda wanna do suicide girls now. i have this sudden urge to take nudie photos and post them up on the internet for all to see. who gives a shit about what people think? i think it would be fun, but i know scott wouldn't like that. plus, chris would be the only one i trusted to do my phots. if i were single, i would have done it already, but i have a lot of respect for scott. i don't want him to be uncomfortable. and that would do it.
i miss everyone. i miss judith like crazy. i haven't had coffee and cigarettes w. her in so long. and to think, we were doing it everyday. it was nice. i miss her. i miss withowis like fucking crazy. ive been thinking so much about her, and the good times we had when she took me in. she was my life saver. i hope she knows that. who knows where i would have been if she hadn't taken me in. not here, i know that for sure.
i feel like such a piece of shit. ive been talking christmas and mad presents almost all year, and heres christmas, and i haven't saved a goddamned penny. selfish fuck i am. i hate it. i want everyone i love to have everythin they want, and i can't give it to them. i think im just going to make it up all year. buy my lovers some good shit thruout the whole year. "oh. you want that? let me get that for you darling." thats going to be me.
im going to drink again 2night. last night, chris scottie and i got a huge thing of gin and a few other bottles. drank a bit, went to the bar, played pool, had a few drinks; came back. drank more. yea. scott and i were pretty tanked. it was fun tho. i wanted to do some art fusion last night. i was in the vibe so badly last night. too bad tho, cause its gone. i suck, so im so intimidated by these talented boys. maybe some other time. but yes. 2night, more gin, and maybe some beers and white russian. pot? o fuck yes. no night is complete w.o a puff puff. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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sick
bouncy
high
gloomy
pissed off
awake
irate
sad
cold
scared