Dean's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | my fake plastic love ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[10 Feb 2009|09:47am]
[ music | the moon up, like a ball and chain ]

new blog, if anyone cares:

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[14 Nov 2008|12:59am]
[ music | i'll make you a believer ]

too much too young.

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[29 Jul 2008|12:38pm]
[ music | like a prayer ]

hm )

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[25 Jul 2008|08:18pm]
[ music | do you know how i i feel...about you ]

oh )

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[05 Jul 2008|07:44pm]
[ music | frank zappa ]

im baaaaaaack.. )

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[04 May 2008|07:30pm]
[ music | ill drink from your drain ]

school is theee worst.

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[30 Apr 2008|08:49pm]
[ music | ive seen enough to eye you, but seen too much to try you ]

everything has been nice lately, but my thoughts have been so negative. not in a way like, that i think my life is bad or people are bad, but in a way that life in general is bad. and not bad, either. i don't know how to explain it. i just get random flashes of grim realizations, like that every second of life is just a memory. what is that to me? i can recall probably 50% of events that have happened to me. what use are these moments if i cant use them now? there is no physical presence of memory, and this is a sad thought because without a physical presence, something seems very thin and unreal. today corey and i were talking about the downfall of musical media, how it went from the record, which was a physical, durable, singular work of art which was meant to be listened to all in a row and required effort to be listened to. because the effort was put in to play and listen to this particular record, chances are that it is going to actually be listened to. then came the tape, which was almost the same idea, but more accessible. then the mp3, the most worthless media. buying a song off itunes is like borrowing it. what if your computer breaks? you have no actual physical presence of this song. it is something you buy that does not actually exist. it is a file on your computer. additionally, it is completely accessible at all times, making it lose a lot of value. and having 7,000 songs on hand mixes them all together. at an art gallery, pieces are separated in order for them to stand out, but mixed together, they all look the same. this is why people get sick of their music these days, it is because they have forgotten the individuality of a record, or a song. that is why a record is so special, hearing all the songs before your favorite song and anticipating it. it is so different. convenience has ripped everything to shreds. i am going to start making things harder for myself so that they have more meaning and i appreciate them more.

anyways, thats just what i was thinking about today. its probably pretty flawed and you could probably argue it, but its just what i was thinking about.

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[20 Apr 2008|08:56pm]
[ music | girl, you'll be a woman soon ]

hm. this weekend was really uneventful. imean, not really, me and corey did stuff, but i didn't even talk to anyone else. i feel bad, i just leave my phone at home and fall asleep in coreys bed every friday and saturday night. i should probably make more of an effort to hang out with people. i jsut dont ever feel like it. im always just so tired lately and its like being with corey is enough for me, all i ever feel like doing is watching movies on his futon in his boxers. its the boyfriend disease. god. i guess it happens to everyone. and i guess i should get a little bit used to it, we are going to be moving in the fall and spending a lot of time together. i don't know, i'm not making any sense. i've also been really emotional lately and freaking out for no reason. it's really gay and i don't know what to do about it. it's really annoying. anyways i guess i am supposed to talk about my weekend. on friday i really just spent from 12 pm until 2 am at coreys. ridiculous. then on saturday we met up at like 2 pm and went to my little brothers piano recital but we were kind of fucked up and got lost and missed his performance. then we went to utc to go ice skating but there was a hockey game so we went shopping a little bit then went home and rented the dreamers and watched that at his house, it was really good, then we fell asleep and then i went home at like 2 am again. then today i went to potato shack with hannah then we made fudge and played yoshis story, diddy kong racing, and mario kart for hours and hours. then i went home and got all emotional because corey said he was going to come over and then decided not to. because i really didn't spend enough time with him this weekend or anything. god i am so weird. anyways i am probably failing school and i still havent started my senior project and i absolutely hate yoga and gosh i guess everythings going a little bit bad right now. weird.

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[03 Apr 2008|07:57pm]
[ mood | boring ]

ughhh.. )

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[03 Apr 2008|03:08pm]
do you believe in rock n roll, can music save your mortal soul? )
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[29 Mar 2008|11:46pm]
[ music | mercy ]

my family went camping in joshua tree this weekend so i had the house to myself ,they were supposed to come back sunday but they came back tonight instead which is whatever. last night i was at my house with like corey and hannah and tom and natalie and we were going to go do something then the people we were going to go hang out with was like can we just come over htere and i felt stupid saying no so i said they could and then so there were 10 of us all of a sudden and then emily called and i wasnt going to be like no you cant come over because she was with dookie and all his friends were at my house and im freinds with her so i told them they could come over then jordan like begged me to let his friend john g come over and i had drank some whtie wine by then so i was like yeah whatever so that kid came over with like sarah sloane and kimmy or whatever and their 3 friends and i was like uggghhhh i didnt want this to happen and then like 3 more groups of like 3 to 5 people came and just like came in and by that point i was like whatever. so then everyone was really drunk and saying weird things to eachother and we sang karoake on my dads machine thing and made beautiful fridge poetry out of those letter things and me and corey and chase and drunk hannah sat in my room and everyone thought we were doing meth for some reason and it was like the last time i had people over, i sat in my room with corey and when i came out everyone was gone. then i didnt go to bed until 6:30 am and woke up at 9:30 and i went to plaza photo to get my holga camera developed which turned out really cool by the way then i went home and put on take tyhe money and run but fell asleep in the first ten minutes, hannah described this as "i'm so excited to watch--zzzzzz...." and then when i woke up i went to hanneys and we went out and took some more holga pictures of flower faces and little houses and stuff and then went back to her house and ate vegetables lasagna and and then went on the computer forever and then went with her sister sarah to ren daasnes's house which i thought would be okay but then there were a bunch of people there that i hadnt seen in forever and it was really awkward beyond belief and we played mafia and it was really intense and stupid and then we left right after that and me and hannah were like whatever im tired so i just came home. now im going to go to sleep.

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[23 Mar 2008|09:22am]
everyone i know is totally insane.
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[19 Mar 2008|09:49pm]
[ music | je t'aime the valley OH!! ]

...sorry )

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[17 Mar 2008|07:32pm]
[ music | i need to sleep, why won't you let me? ]

life has been pretty good. i always said the only thing i need to be happy is a boyfriend, and now that i finally have one, i don't have to update my blurty anymore because i have nothing to complain about. i mean, sometimes im sort of tired, my classes are really annoying, but really nothing's wrong. i have tons of wonderful friends and a wonderful boyfriend and i've been really getting back into fashion and have been having so so much fun with it, i'm already into college, all i do is like drive around, hang out at coreys, hang out at hannahs, go thrift store shopping. i've also become very mature lately i think, i've started to be able to go places by myself, stopped caring about what people at my school think of me, stopped trying to be nice to people who aren't nice to me, and stopped wanting to party and get drunk with stupid beezies and skaters all the tiime. not like natalie and them, but like those dumb big parties that you wait around for and call someone to get directions and it gets rolled in like five seconds. i still like going to little parties at like carolyns or chelseas with like 20 friends there and we all sleep there and its fun and we dont have to listen to rap or watch dumb bitches grinding in their tiny dresses.. well sometimes rachel but thats just funny and cute. i dont know, i guess if i could say one thing, its that life has seemed a little pattern-y lately, which sometimes stresses me out but that's something that i, as a human being, have to get used to, because it is inevitable and will always always happen. tomorrow i am going to the black moth super rainbow concert, participating in a charles manson tailgate party, then sleeping in the hotel that is popular with crack addicts and apparently smells like pee. chase and corey have really weird standards for fun.

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[04 Mar 2008|10:14pm]
who cares )
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[03 Mar 2008|11:58pm]
[ mood | weird ]

she wore blue velvet )

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[03 Mar 2008|07:50pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | you just keep me hanging on ]

hey babe, take a walk on the wild side )

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[13 Feb 2008|05:29pm]
gimme shelter )
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[07 Feb 2008|08:11pm]
[ mood | butterflies ]
[ music | she said she'd always been a dancer ]

some peoples minds are really warped, this is something i have come to realize, lately ive been trying to spend time with people who dont have warped minds, its nice, and im so used to it that when i hear news about or talk to these warped-minded people, im incredibly surprised at their antics. also im in hands down the best relationship of my life, it actually probably has a future, talk of apartments in san francisco waking up next to eachother with our furniture combined and all our cool pictures on the walls making breakfast listening to the beatles staying up all night watching movies going for walks on the bridge taking bart to el cerrito whenever i want god i could just burst into happy tears at any second it sounds like everything i could ever want in the entire world. im so excited for my life, im just craving the future, even just tomorrow sounds so fucking good to me. i really havent been this happy in so long, its like this deep, new happiness that is on a different plane than my previous happiness. it feels so safe yet new and i feel so special lately to have all these things in my life, such good old freinds and new friends, heartothearts with erin and jenny, kahlua and snuggling with hannah, picnic in glen park wiht corey and austin with oh's, hillcrest with carlie new clothes, sushi with my mom talking like adults, sleepy with natalie singing dusty springfield and talking all bubbly about boys, getting out of school at 11:25 am, really loving the beatles all over again, my brother visited from kentucky, winter formal tomorrow with bff kyle smith, santa barbara with corey to visit chase, spring break plans road trip to tahoe oregon and seattle, plans to roller rink with jeffrey that im super excited about, maybe learning to like bikeriding soon, gosh i could just go on really i could! sorry to be so positive i would probbaly be annoyed but hey whatever man i cant keep it in im just really into life right now.

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[03 Feb 2008|03:16pm]
[ music | 'cathy, i'm lost' i said, though i knew she was sleeping ]

strange times. so many people around me all the time, still feeling like i haven't seen anyone in ages. my parents went to lake tahoe for the weekend, which was nice. on thursday, cory and i went grocery shopping and got all my favorite food like golden grahams and toll house cookie dough, it was nice, we pretended we were married. we ate cereal and spiderman macaroni for dinner and fell asleep watching arrested development. then on friday, i went to tarren johnson's 20s-themed birthday, which was really fun and classy. we all dressed up very fancy and drank champagne and danced to old music, i even smoked a cigarette with a cigarette holder. then, all the classiness and fun was shattered on the drive home when i got pulled over on the freeway for hannah throwing her cigarette out the window. i had to get out of the car and stand on the side of the freeway in high heels and get breathalized after drinking a glass of champagne, my heart was about to explode, somehow i blew zeros. probably the most nervous i have ever been. i got my second court date for driving with people in the car, which is absolutely horrible but nowhere near a DUI, i'm really thanking my lucky stars, or whatever. anyways, although i was very shooken up(shaken?), i still had people over, which snowballed a little more than i planned, and a good portion of the senior class suddenly was playing beer pong in my backyard while i sat on the couch and tried to think of ways to get them to leave. they did after a few hours, and then there were only 20 or so people, which was much nicer. i went into my room for a little with some fiends , i mean friends, and then when i came out most everyone was gone. then it was me, hannah, kyle, jenny, natalie, jordan, erin, baby niko, and drew dog. apparently niko had been "sizzurped" (covered in syrup) by drew, so when drew ptfo'd, niko poured srirache hot sauce on his head. it was an ordeal, and niko's pants kept falling down. anyways, between that time and morning, niko apparently stole $70 from hannah, which is really stupid. also i stayed up a good portion of the night debating with cory about whether or not to do my oceanside art banner which was due at 7 the next morning, which mostly consisted of "i can't! i have to." "just do it then." "i can't! i really should. my head hurts." "take advil." "natalie and jordan are in the room it's in." "oh. then don't do it." "i have to! i can't." and then i just didn't do it, and i felt bad, but i really couldn't bring myself to. anyways, the next day i made cinnamon muffins and cory and i sat in my room all day listening to simon and garfunkel and i was such a downer, i didn't want to do anything, and then he went home around 5 and i went to noodles with natalie. then we went to my house and hannah, tom, jenny, erin, and cory came over and we played operation and apples to apples, then watched muzzy. then natalie picked up jordan and he immediately fell asleep in my bed. he and nat slept over along with erin, who i shared my parent's bed with, it was very romantic. then today i cleaned the house a lot, and everyone's busy or something, so i'm just sort of sitting here. i'm really bad at doing things by myself!

additionally, i changed my schedule so that i have 1st period weight training, 2nd period statistics, 3rd period senior projects (which only meets mondays), 4th period free. therefore, tues-friday, i get out of school at 11:25. HA.

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