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[20 May 2008|02:40am] x_too_kute_x wow its been sort of a while..sorry lol..sooo today i wok up at 2, cleaned, then got dressed wen to chilis with wally till like 6 30 came home changed, my aunt neve called so i didnt go joggin gotday :/ feels wierd. so then stacie & sara came over we went to wallys bball game, then to buffalos with denisse, we met lore there. lol it was fun :] spurs won..idc who won, just as long as the lakers winnn! :D then i went to alyssas with nicole and mel.chilled for a while now im home, im reallly sleepy. gota go !@`

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[14 May 2008|11:31pm] iensjj [ mood | aggravated ] So a month has passed since I last posted. I havent cut since the last time I posted, which I should say is a progress...I have been talking to G once in a while now. He always brings up the fact that he moved back to his old house which is about 10min from mine by car. He always says he's gonna call me later when he talks to me, and then never calls again. Then waits for a week or two, and then calls again, saying we should meet, that he'll call me later, and then he never does. Im fine with that. Its fun to see him try, and to know that we have a mutual understanding of not having feelings for one another. My "exboyfriend" was invited to my friends birthdaydinner by her. SERIOUSLY? what is her problem? I go to celebrate her bday, but she turns it into a complete awkward situation. I hadnt seen him since February. Since I messaged him that it wasnt working. And the only thing he did all night was ignore me and hit on my friend's friend who was sitting right across from me (so was he) so basically I had a great night. Then he decides at 4 oclock in the morning that he does need to tell me something so he messages me this whoooole story about how he wants to be with me and how he cant stop himself from kissing me when Im around and holding me etc. Those things always come at the wrong moment. I meet a new nice guy. Then the next day my exboyfriend shows up telling me he misses me. why do these things all come at the same time....whenever I feel lonely and need someone there, there's noone, and then when I rather am left alone, or just want one person to be there for me, 2 show up.... Exams are almost over :) im really happy. 3 more to go. Only physics left. After that I'm done with school I'll just have to graduate! so greatttt I hate school right now. But ye.... !@`

i wil i will i will [14 May 2008|01:55am] x_too_kute_x today was busssy and fun! i went to city of mcalle nto sign up for food handlers whiiich i have at freaking 9am 2mrw! [today]...then i went to see my gms<3 then i went to rony tomas LOL..with nin and ate then i went to my minas high school & piked up the check for my rent..aww i love herrr! then i came home and changed made plans to watch the game with everyone at joeys later and i left omy aunts and we took off bike riding to maderos bike trail! badddasss. it was fun the after i went to joeys & everyone was here..no one was really watchign the game lol..then we all left to dennys to eat. :] and now im home..trying to go to sleep. and i will go to sleep..soon! :] !@`

[13 May 2008|02:32pm] x_too_kute_x [ mood | cheerful ] GOD IS ALWAYS FAIITHFUL <3 :D GOOD MORNING.AFTERNOON. todays gona be a greatttttt day. :] I LOVE MY LIFE..& im thankful for everything and everyone in it. i know nothings gonna happen today that God and I wont handle together :] see usoon. !@`

[13 May 2008|12:31am] x_too_kute_x it just occured to me..he used to call me PRINCESS...when did that stop? obviouly long ago enough for me to forget. :[ !@`

this too shall pass [12 May 2008|11:20pm] x_too_kute_x [ mood | blah ] Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares. -1 Peter 5:7 ...soo i went to bed at 5:30am in my parents room when my dad left..liek always. i cried last night i just couldnt take the frustration. im tryin to do it all right..and i cant catch a break. im trying to be happy but everythings making me sad. but im not a quitter. this too shall pass...:sigh: i just dont kno when. today was a good day..lots of annoying things happened but it was a good day. i went all over mcallen for my stupid tabc thing and whatever didnt get ANYWHERE..anyays then my landlord called me bout rent. :/ then my mina called said shed lend it to me..which im soo thanfkul for. then my aunt called & we went to go walk/run at 7. that was the best part of the day. :] it felt good. were picking up endurance..were going biking 2mrw! cant wait!..i wanna see my grams 2mrw too. imissher. then i came home and made my tea sat outside with my rents for a bit. relaxed..my dad elft to go walk and i lied down..i guess u can say i fell asleep for a little less than an hour, although its a really UNRESTED sleep..i always wake up like depressed tired bored..boo. so yah thats how i feel right now. im gonna try showering. ..i miss him. ill admitt it. idk why tho. i keep praying to show me the way with that part of my life and its like i an go all day without thinking bout him but sometimes it just hits me..latley its hit me kinda harder and more frequently..im not too sure what that means. im so lost. like with everything. it always makes me feel like crying..but i always hold it in....:sigh: idk. but im gonna get off. !@`

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mothers dayy [12 May 2008|01:04am] x_too_kute_x [ mood | sleepy ] ok so i ended up staying awake till 5 this morning && going with my dad to my gmas, all my aunts were there with my uncle too, and these guys cmae to sing or her like to wake her up out of bed. lol its super cute..she was all out of it. :] then we stayed there eating till like 7am & i was talking to all my family about everything going on...ok so apparently everyone in my family has gone thru what im going thru..so its like hereditary &&& i have the best family in the world. there so optimistic..i love em :] thats where i got it from for sure. its weird cause there sooo strong i like nevvver knew any of them had problems! .it was nice to know im not alone. lol..so the ni cmae home & finally fell asleep till like 1...i woke up really tired & still out of it but i got dressed & went to my aunts house for lunch. awww that was funn :] it took me a good 2 hours to wake up, lol i was like all zombie..lol then i was there having girl talk with my aunts & cousins :] then i came home & of course everyone knocked out for the afternoon nap :/ boo..no naps for me..i cleaned my undescribably hoooorifyingly dirty room. gorss for real...lol & then my car..& then my aunt called to go walk with her..our usual. well weve started running..sort of. lol but we tlak to much. aww she was telling me how her & my uncle met. ommmggosh. ok sooo basically all day ive been reminded & poked and probed for the story of whats his face. ...it kind of made me sad. ..its not a sad feelign i feel its more like i let myself down. liek failure. like i couldnt make the relationship last so im a failure. everyone in my family thats married or will be married all met as kids..seriously! 14-15 is the avg age & everyones still happily married. :] cute huh?...cept for me. i lost it. ..hmm anyways well my aunts not married anymore but its cause my uncle died two yrs ago fo cnacer :[ but htere story is sooooo romantic!! they eloped!!! :D haha...awww i want a love story like that. or liek my parents, they were best frineds in 7th grade but for my dad it was love at first sight :] & my mom was accidently missplaced in the wrong class and at the desk right in front of my dad. HOW WEIRD HUH? ...crazy..my story was cute..and fate-ish like..but oh well. lol anyways soooo after all that i drove her home & i put gas LOl cause calm dwn my car was about to stop! then i went to heb to buy my tea & then i came home played with tobbby and jammed out with my brother in THE SAUNA..lol ohhhhh guess what? i made a song :]..so hes gonna make the music for me & were gonna record & put it up. lol im excited. well he had made me a song a while back but i didnt to make the lyrics..but idk were trying to see if these one will go with it. CALM DWN I MADE UP THE CUTEST MOST OMGOSH QUOTE EVER IN MY SONG! ITS PROBABLY GONNA BE MADE INTO LIKE QUOTES ON PPLS MYSPACES..HAHA SERRIOUSLY!! ITS SOOO CUTE...I DONT MIND THO CAUSE IK NO I MADE IT UP & THATS ALL THAT MATTERS! :] anywass so the ni drank my tea & tried knocking out..i attempt to start at least 6 dreams, LOl but i kept sort of waking up but with my eyes still closed? i didnt wanna get frustrated so i got up about 30 min of trying & started reading this book ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ME my dad bought me allllllllllllllllllong time ago. idk why but i just found it. its good :[...but somehow whenver i read inspirational things it makes me a little ansty..rather than gives me peace. its like all too much or something..idk. anywass i stopped reading and decided to go agisnt the fact that the comp is a STIMULATING object & get online. lol. :]...anyways i shuld drift off soon. see u 2mrw...God willing. !@`

[11 May 2008|08:42pm] xyour_suicidex GUYS, SOLVE MY WORD PROBLEMS STEP BY STEP SO I CAN PLAGERIZE YOUR WORK FOR MY ALGEBRA PROJECT, PLZ. :D i dont know how to solve my own word problems. ( HERE. ) !@`

go to sleeeepp. [11 May 2008|03:59am] x_too_kute_x [ mood | tired ] "love will keep us together...STOP CAUSE I REALLY LOVE U..STOP IVE BEEN THINKING OF YOU...:D FOREEEVER!" haha..[its an oldies insdier with karla] grr okay so last night i didnt go to bed till like 4:30ish woke up at 5:30 al ldispriented then fell bak asleep at 7:00 woke up at freaking 12:30. :/ ugh so ya didnt get much rest but thought about it & was liek forget it im over it, im thankful for the rest i got! so ya while iwas up all yesterday mronign i made a list of things theat help me sleep, things that keep me awake & what i need to try. CALM DWN ok sooooo its all in myh ead..basically. its sooo stupid, liek if u read my life ull be liek OK ADRI UR NOT GONNA DIE! lol...ugggggh. idk what the hells wrong with mebut i feel liek if i go to bed im not gonna wake up for some reason?! liek its beyoooooooond ridiculious it sounds stupid, even i think its dumb, but its real to me, when im lying down fallign asleep, its liek BAM i wake myself up to know im stil lalive! LOL...its funny but its not its annoying..idk man idk!! like its just ugh. whatever theres other reasons but its all mostly like based aroudn that..i just start thinking to much. ugh. so anyways i made the list which is good cause from what ive read u need to kno WHY ucant sleep, thats a biiiig help in being able to get over insomnia. blah ok newys point is, all day i was online doign my stupid tabc thing for work, cause ya i stilll have not worked! lol then i called work wen i got it & hes liek ITS TOO LATE TO COME IN, CALL ME TOM WE CAN DISCUSS IT IM REALYL BUSY. liek um ok. honestly liek i do not care anymore if i get fired. there sooo ugh. whatever. anyways so the ni decided to just take life one day at a freakign time. the way i used too!!! before...i DONT EVEN KNOW BEFOR WHAT!! thats just it thats whats soo damn annoying! like where the hell did my strength go and my not giving a shit bout nethign and just LOVING LIFE nad being so FREAKING OPTIMISTIC BOUT EVERYTHING?! like im still all those dont get me wrong like the majority of the time, id say a good 85% of the time i am. i try reallly hard to just put everyhtign past me, and just smile and be ahppy but i guess im annoyed at the rest of the 15%. its like GRR GO AWAY! ugh ok im annoyed right now but earlier today iwas actually incredibly happy and calm!! ..ok so then i got dressed got in my car and went to buy my moms gift then i piked up subway cus everyone to busy to eat with me! THATS ANOTHER THING IM ALWAYS ALONE WEN I FEEL LIEK SHIT! like wen im all WHOO ALL HAPPY like all of a sudden everyoens free andwere hanging out but WHEN IM ALL LIEK FUK THE WORLD I HATE EVERYTHIGN IM SO DEPRESSED..everyones liek at work and shit! like okkk i call my aunt! LOl literally i call my aunt cause im all loner & shes real badasss & incredibly optimistic so we go workout. so anyways i picked up subway came home and started watchign princess diaries which is beyond funny for real..well i ahad the giggles so ya and i was sooo incredibly tired i wanted to just NAP! but all the articles say NOT to nap during the day..so i didnt, ended up at karlas. calm dwn on the way over there they were giving badass oldies on 107.9. HAHA iwas danving awayyyy like and some guy had liek roleld dwn his window and was watchign me like laffing & i was liek WHOOOO haha..idc!! :D he was like laffing with me not at me..for realll!! like u culd tell. haha aywass so then em & karla take off to the guys house early cause iw anted to come home early & AT LEAST TRY to get some kind of sleep cycle. so we i was there at the party for like 2 hours , calm dwn it was getting packed..but i decided to come home at 12:30! CALLLLM DWNNN! i walked in & my parents were up & i was like ITS SAT. AND ITS 12:30...IM USALLY GOING OUT AT THIS TIME OR GETTING DRESSED..NOT COMING HOME :D..i was all happy. lol.. so i come home like take a hot bath, freaking make my bed all cozy, my dad makes my tea. WHICH IS NOT THE TEA I USUALLY DRINK ITS THE TEA FROM FREAKING 2 SUMEMRS AGO THAT JUST REMINDS ME OF THAT SUMMER AND WHATEVER..BTU HES LIEK noo its the same thing its better, its realyl calming..OK NO ITS NOT! IM ALL WIDE AWAKE..LIKE I DRANK THE WHOEL THING I MOVED FROM MY ROOM TO MY BROTHERS, BAK TO MY ROOM..TURNED OFF THE LGIHTS, TURNED THE LIGHTS BAK ON, WOKE UP TOBY...UGH.im voer it. idc nemore about sleeping i just ugh. if i cant get a sleep cycle by the time school starts this sumemr i need to drop my mornign class. theres just no way i can do it!....idk what to do anymore. like i got curad de susto from my grandma already cause i thought maybe it was form my accident and the trip to the hospital, and it worked for like the first week, i was fallign asleep...but its like it comes and goes, like two weeks ago i was falling [just heard my dads alram..great another night of fallign asleep with my mom!] asleep by like 1:30 every night for like 3 nights!..annnd if i drink i knokco ut! BUUUUUT i do not like to drink and i WILL NOT drink to fall asleep. it shortens ur life, annnd alll the tips on sleeping day not to do it! :sigh: ok i need a freaking massage! i need ...a massage. thats what i need right now, im gonna just stay awake and not go into work i DO NOT care, like ive told him time and time a...OK WHY AM I TLAKING BOUT 2MRW!! ...no more 2mrws. right now im annoyed but im gonna get over it & wrap my mosm gift & drink some water and try fallign asleep again..if not then ill just wait one mroe hour till five go to my gramsa [apparently here going at five o celbrate mothers day? wierd i kno but whatever..im gonna be up] and ask my aunt for a massage. :D...there thats wat im doing. i do not care bout 2mrw..even tho its already 2mrw. i need to take each day as it comes ALL THE TIME..not half of the time or 85% of the time. ALL THE TIME. !@`

SWEET. [10 May 2008|02:06pm] x_too_kute_x [ mood | bored ] went to suite last night :D it was fun. soo weird i was wearing turquoise then i went to karlas with toot & she didnt kno what to wear but i thought a turquoise shirt she had was cute so she wore it, k then we get to the club & lore & nini get there and there both in turquise!!! clm dwn! LOl weirddd. but no one had a camera. boo. yup so before suite i was sick alllllllllll day. :/ sucked so much! anywas g2g im taking my tabc right now online so i can get bak to work!!!...if i stil leven have a job. :/ well see how it goes !@`

Hello All.. [08 May 2008|06:26pm] squirliebanana Haven't been on here in forever and of course, so much has happened. (not really...but still) I work as a pharmacy technician at a very large pharmacutical distribution center to nursing homes, assisted living homes, and respite homes. (<--- for you knifeman). My mind is curiously blank and somehow I cannot start to write. Maybe next time... Everything is kind of on a rocky ground right now. !@`

shopping! :] [08 May 2008|02:52pm] x_too_kute_x [ mood | hungry ] OpEn Ur -EyEs- LiVe Ur [[D.r.E.a.M.s.]] & AlWaYs -R E M E M B E R- Nothing is E-v-e-R As BAD As it SeEmS so im super hungry right now but idk what to eat & i do not wanna buy anything..calm dwn i STILL have not paid my rent :/ LOL i can only imagine what my landlord is doign right now! lol shes probably changing the locks on the door at the apt and everything! LOL..oh well i took all my stuf out anyway! no but hopefully i have it by sat. night im sure i will, so ill just drop it off in the rent box liek at midnight or somethign wen i get outta work, LOL..ima have to go in and talk to her eventually to tell her im not gonan stay right..but still i rather have paid the money! LOL..so anywayys yesterday was a BUSY day for me! LOL i woke up, got dressed went al lthe way to my moms work to pick up a check for STC then i drove to STC & got an emergency loan for the summer, then i met up with the girls and then after liekdrivingi n circles we FINALLY decided on where to eat. LOL we were tlaking bout all the little psycho things weve done with ex bfs. LMAO of course mine were all OVER THE TOP, haha denisse was laffing cause me & lore have some stalking stories man, haha ;D ...gosh i was soo freaking dumb, lol im a retard! anywayss then i realized it was 3:20 & i was supposed to meet my mina at my house to go shopping at 3:30 so i dropped the girls off & came home, only to remeber i had left my house key inside cus i forgot to put it bak on my key chain. grrrr i was outside in my car forever..but oh well i just sat in my car and stared at all the things i miss everyday, like i kno it sounds all cheesy lol but natures soo crazy. its beautiful, ...so then my mina finally shows up & we go shopppinggggg :D yay she bought me lots of shirts & a stragithner and flip flops. everythign super cute! she wants to go again next week cus we didnt have time to get my perfume. aw then we took pictures in the photo booth LOL there so cute! haha ill probalby scan it & put it up on myspace. then we went to olive garden!! :D fun fun...so then i cmae home & karlz had called that she wanted to go play biongo again with her mom and norms if i wanted to go but i was all tired so i didnt go & i feel asleep! lol for like 30 min or something btu toby was right next to me so i couldnt liek fall fall alseep cus hes so small im afraid ill move and hell fall off the bed or ill squash or something so i wokeup put him in his cage & tried going bak to bed but i culdnt then karlz called again to go eat iwth her but i wasnt hungry i still went tho, lOl calm dwn by the time we found the taqueria we had cruised all freaking 23rd hahah :D ...blah then i came home tried goign to bed & never could soooo i got all fustrated & annoyed & finallllly wen my mo mwas leaving for work i knocked out in her room. i dont remember how i got to her room but i guess. then i wokeup at 1 && cleaned my room :D hung up all my new clothes !! im excited! and i have sucky work lol...at 5. den wants to go to pure tonight but ehh..idk if im be up for it. k well im gonan eat cus im freaking hungry. laters. !@`

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