Sometimes shit just doesn't work out the way you want it to. You can plan all you want and be extremely excited about what is to come, but it just never works. Nothing happens perfectly. There is bound to be a few glitches in the process somehow. You can either be happy that your plans work out, or you can cry because nothing is working.
Yesterday was a little disappointing. I am the kind of girl who has extremely high expectations. I'll sike myself up for something so much that when it comes, it is never as good as I though it would be. Some people say that I should just live the moment and not plan elaborately of things to come. I cannot help it. I have to have things just the way I want them to. Sometimes, that makes me selfish, but I'm not selfish to the public. I am selfish to myself. I'll put up with shit just to make others happy, I know that lol. So, yes, high expectations have murdered me once again. Explanation? A brief one:
So, yesterday was duh, Halloween. The school day was alright, powderpuff sucked, and came home to having like 20 minutes to get ready. I got everything ready, and all my makeup and shit, and I didn't look as good as I EXPECTED to look, but I liked it.. so I went to work from 330 to 8. I think I scared the shit out of a lot of people, but I wasn't even bagging, I was blocking and returning. I hate that with a passion. On my break I called Billy to work out tonight with him. Plan: to go to Stef's and then go see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I really wanted to go trick or treating, but no one else was going.. and my brother didnt even go so I have no candy. And buying a bag of candy isnt the same!! I felt so disappointed because I didn't want to grow out of trick or treating, it just makes me so sad. So, got off work, bought dinner, ate dinner, picked Billy up later than I wanted it to be (like 9ish), went to Stef's. I thought that like Mike was gonna be there and Billy's kinda shaky with him and blah blah but he wasn't.. so I guess Billy didn't think it was that bad. I went to so I could bond with the friends that I'm losing touch with, but Rach went home cuz she felt sick, so now I was left with a half hour and trying to not make myself feel dumb. I'm so out of the loop that I didn't really know what to say at times but.. yer. So, I washed off my makeup, got dressed into some regular clothes, and me and Billy were off. So, we got there and the guy's like 'thats 18.50' but then billy's like 'what you have to be 18' but he like mumbled it so the guy asked for ID, I had mine but then the guy gave Billy bullshit about how you had to have picture ID with your birhtday and stuff, but he had 2 different things to ID him. So, therefore we coulnd't get in and payed for Scary Movie. We got in there and billy's like Im such a fuckup, Im so pissed off.. etc. We weren't talking at all, I could feel the angered atmosphere. I felt like crying so.. I went to the bathroom and cried. I was mad that we had to see some gay movie instead, but I was mad at how Billy thought it was his fault and I guess him being mad at himself made me cry because it just did. So we left the movie after like 15 minutes because it was really gay, and then Billy called his mom and bitches to her. He can't just bitch to me?? Well, after that we just went home, and I took a really long shower becasue I didn't know what to feel. I left Stef's for no reason at all, and just.. Idon't know. I felt so indifferent, I was so.. disappointed.
High expectations suck my nonexistant balls. Yesterday literally sucked. Like all of it. No candy, no friends, no movie. I hate shit.
Today I am working only till 6 so hopefully you know, my Mall trip will work out the way I want it to. But it probably won't because, I have high ex-pec-ta-tions. Fuck shit.