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[10 Dec 2003|10:37pm] [ mood | confused ] Today is a second chance at freedom. Today is a new beginning. Today is the day that Billy received his.. license. At first, I thought 'wow. I have been waiting a year and a couple months for this moment to come. Finally, it is here, but whyy am I not as happy as I should be?' First of all, Billy was acting incredibly weird when I came over to bring him his cake. He was unusually hyper (understandable, I guess) but his mood bothered me so much. Just something I cannot explain. I also think that the word license means distance. He will go out after school and on weekends, without me, more so than before. I know that I am more busy than he is, and so I feel like he and I will grow apart. I don't know why this is disappointing me when, certainly, I haven't been disappointed by it at all before. I'm growing needy in a sense and I can't take that. I always want to call him, I always want to know his whereabouts. I guess I just feel that I need and want and deserve things from him. I take him for granted too when I shouldn't. I know that I am NOT the perfect girlfriend. I'm not the perfect friend, I'm not the perfect daughter or student or person. I need a cigarette. Funny.. I don't smoke. This mood is probably caused by this dull aura of winter. And another thing, but I cannot degrade myself by actually admitting that this thing is something I care about. How can I? How can I care about this thing, this person? Or, better yet, these people? Everytime I think about it, I want to throw something. I want to get it off my mind. I try so hard, I won't give. I haven't for a long period of time, but I know that sooner or later it will be here. I'm only as strong as I want to be. Please, please let me be strong for so much longer. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[10 Dec 2003|12:00am] I'm dumb. I have to update, I have a lot to say, I have a lot of shit to whine about, and since Billy hates me to whine to him and everyone lovvees when I whine, I must resort to this here journal. I will, someday, update. TOmorrow perhaps. Tomorrow. I made a cake. It's lopsided, and I put the wrong side down.. so it's really the wrong way for half of it. I don't know, a cake is a cake! 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[28 Nov 2003|11:11pm] [ mood | awwww ] Before I go to bed and indulge in some music, I thought I would step forth and type with my little fingers on this here website. I have not any knowledge or intelligence to share or anything. Just some scattered thoughts. I need some change. I was thinking about change. There is the superficial change I need, such as some new clothes and such, some new bands or songs to listen to because I am so attatched to my Cds that I have left little room for an open mind. And then there is the true change. The inner change and the surrounding change. What moment do I want to be in right now? I want to be outside during the first light and fluffy snowfall of the season, bundled up in a sweater and a scarf, twirling around and looking up into the sky. Everything is placid and still, and it is in this moment that everything feels perfect. Such a perfect moment that you would cry because it is so beautiful. And then you turn around and find that your soulmate is right there. And then you kiss in the flurries, and it's that movie kiss, where the camera circles them. Aw.. the holiday spirit. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Gobble gobble [27 Nov 2003|09:21pm] [ mood | full ] Thanksgiving!!!!!! Personally, I am not a big fan of actual turkey, so I wasted my appetite on all the delicious side dishes. Damn it was good stuffing. And the apple pie was banging. MASH POTATERS! I also had to give in my Christmas list to my family today. I had not even begun to think of specific things. I just knew what I wanted from each store, so I just wrote down what stores I like. I'm not really that picky. My aunt was there and o-m-g i got the financial talk and shit and she is just a friggin annoyance. I was so nice though that I thought my teeth were going to fall out from smiling so much. Share some money with me, than maybe I will produce a real smile. I had wine.. it made it better hehe. Just kidding, it wasn't even that much wine. Alright let me write down things that I want to buy for myself or for christmas so I dont forget what i wanted. Sneakers, those brown boot/sneaker things, new sweatshirt, pocketbook, wallet, cough car cough, jeans, digital camera. There we go. I am definitely buying myself new sneakers, a wallet, and I guess a camera.. after I get my car which could be a few months but I am not really in rush for the camera. Just the sneakers real bad. Yah. Let's hope this weekend brings fun. Heyy let's make a countdown shall we? ~10 days until Nutcracker.. hopefully ~13 days until Billy gets his license wooo ~28 days until Christmas ~6 months and some weeks until prom... alright, that I am just kidding by.. we don't really need to worry about that now hehe or do we.. Peace.. "in the ghettooooo" 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Spill your GUTS [23 Nov 2003|07:48pm] [ mood | cranky ] Let's give a round of applause for old game shows and digital 800 channel cable. I hate weekends. I never thought I would actually allow myself to say this but I do. I hate weekdays, I hate weekends, I hate days, I also hate ends.. I hate how I work hard in and out of school all week and then my dumbass boyfriend doesn't want to do anything all weekend. How fair is that really? All week he asks me to hang out but on the weekend when 'strange' people want to go out, he doesn't want to go? I told him to go fuck his mom's pork roast. Not that his mom is a bad cook or makes bad roast, but he can just go fuck something that doesn't have feelings. I'm sick again. This sucks. I just want to punch myself and leave my body in the garbage can or something. I'm retiring from eating and stuff too. I love things. WOOOO Thanksgiving bitches. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[16 Nov 2003|09:36pm] [ mood | silly ] [ music | "Ruthless" Something Corporate ] So much has happened since we last met, Journal. Just kidding. This weekend.. hmm what did I entertain myself with. Well, Friday I went to a Junior's Girl Scout meeting because I am helping them with a service project they are doing. That is soo much work. I have to plan the girls' skits and help them make all their props and give them their lines and all that. Of course, I will receive some hours I need for my challenge.. so I can start my Gold Award Project, but I won't be able to do that until probably the spring. It will take me some time to think of my project and plan and get it approved, so I hope I have enough time for everything. So, enough about Girl Scouts. Then I went to Mr. CHS, and that was pretty fun because I had never seen or met any of the kids at CHS, and it was good to hang out with Katie and meet Greg, bc I only sort of half-met him at a softball game last year. I'm so not in the know. Saturday, football game with Bill and mall and driving around with Adam and Billy. We went down Texas Road and scared the shit out of ourselves because it was pitch black, there were no cars, and we kept asking Billy if it was the road with the KKK cuz there were just fields and vast areas of nothing. So yes, that was the entertaining thing of our night because Strathmore was dead. Today, car shopping, Cheesequake with the dog, and Fridays. Fun times. I am in a semi-good mood because I realized that I have no tests or homework to do and.. I am just genuinly happy. So, one day out of the month. That is not a bad ratio at all. So, yet again, I am in search of a new job because if I am getting a car soon, I will need to have a source of payment for it. I have a thousand or so, but I will need way more than that, plus insurance every month. So I am beginning to make a list of places at which to apply. I am so boring. I should be more philosophical, and deep. Someday, when an event triggers my thoughts. PS. I drove alone for the first time this weekend!!!!! And I scared the shit out of Billy, but who cares. It was soo cool. 2 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

I wish I was Harvard [09 Nov 2003|04:20pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | NFL mussssic ] Sometimes it hurts my brain to think too much hehe. Take this weekend. Boston, MA with my family. Hurts my brain already. But throw college and being pressed for time in with the whole trip and you get a wicked mixed salad. Bitter all up in it. I would have loved if Massachusetts wasn't such a confusing state. For being the smartest state in the country, the drivers weren't so bright and neither were any of the people I encountered. Whenever you asked where something was, they didn't know. The streets had no lane dividers it was just a 'guess-where-i-can-make-a-lane' thing. I'm bitter, but everything was really pretty. The houses in the suburbs were nice. It's just the city, the downtown area of Boston that bites. Just like New York, even a little worse. Harvard, Boston University, Emerson, Northeastern, and Boston College. Five colleges in two days. Damn. I am super-student. Harvard was soo nice, but I'm not really into the whole Harvard scene. The whole 40,000 tuition was a little much for me.. but I guess everything is a little much. Boston University was a little more urban but still okay. Emerson is like a cluster of buildings in the middle of downtown Boston and that kind of sucks.. its not a traditional campus. Northeastern is a power school and hardworking, but it's in the middle of the um, ghetto. And Boston College is definitely really pretty. It's that old, Catholic college with big castle buildings and all that good stuff. I don't knw what I want to do when I 'grow-up' in the next.. year or so. I have no clue. I thought I knew what I wanted to be, but I don't. I am so many interests. I don't know whether I want to be successful and be what others want me to be, or be something successful and un-traditional and.. fun. I don't know. So yeahh I am back in business! If i had a business that is.. Okay well I'm sure I can find one. <3 superstudent 2 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[02 Nov 2003|12:18am] [ mood | awake ] I didn't even win the costume contest. It's all because the managers are biased and didn't want to give the winnings to some wimpy seventeen year old who's last day is tomorrow so they were probably just like 'fuck her'. People in the real world are real harsh. Dumb. One year and one month. I'm not sure if I want to kill myself or pat myself on the back.. everything's been okay, but I don't know, I just have the urge for midnight strolls. Die, myself, die. Must find other job this week. Money. Fuck. Mall. Sweaters. Humphrey. Yum. Rrrrr. Must go listen to some depressing music and watch movies alone. wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[01 Nov 2003|09:44am] [ mood | annoyed ] Sometimes shit just doesn't work out the way you want it to. You can plan all you want and be extremely excited about what is to come, but it just never works. Nothing happens perfectly. There is bound to be a few glitches in the process somehow. You can either be happy that your plans work out, or you can cry because nothing is working. Yesterday was a little disappointing. I am the kind of girl who has extremely high expectations. I'll sike myself up for something so much that when it comes, it is never as good as I though it would be. Some people say that I should just live the moment and not plan elaborately of things to come. I cannot help it. I have to have things just the way I want them to. Sometimes, that makes me selfish, but I'm not selfish to the public. I am selfish to myself. I'll put up with shit just to make others happy, I know that lol. So, yes, high expectations have murdered me once again. Explanation? A brief one: So, yesterday was duh, Halloween. The school day was alright, powderpuff sucked, and came home to having like 20 minutes to get ready. I got everything ready, and all my makeup and shit, and I didn't look as good as I EXPECTED to look, but I liked it.. so I went to work from 330 to 8. I think I scared the shit out of a lot of people, but I wasn't even bagging, I was blocking and returning. I hate that with a passion. On my break I called Billy to work out tonight with him. Plan: to go to Stef's and then go see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I really wanted to go trick or treating, but no one else was going.. and my brother didnt even go so I have no candy. And buying a bag of candy isnt the same!! I felt so disappointed because I didn't want to grow out of trick or treating, it just makes me so sad. So, got off work, bought dinner, ate dinner, picked Billy up later than I wanted it to be (like 9ish), went to Stef's. I thought that like Mike was gonna be there and Billy's kinda shaky with him and blah blah but he wasn't.. so I guess Billy didn't think it was that bad. I went to so I could bond with the friends that I'm losing touch with, but Rach went home cuz she felt sick, so now I was left with a half hour and trying to not make myself feel dumb. I'm so out of the loop that I didn't really know what to say at times but.. yer. So, I washed off my makeup, got dressed into some regular clothes, and me and Billy were off. So, we got there and the guy's like 'thats 18.50' but then billy's like 'what you have to be 18' but he like mumbled it so the guy asked for ID, I had mine but then the guy gave Billy bullshit about how you had to have picture ID with your birhtday and stuff, but he had 2 different things to ID him. So, therefore we coulnd't get in and payed for Scary Movie. We got in there and billy's like Im such a fuckup, Im so pissed off.. etc. We weren't talking at all, I could feel the angered atmosphere. I felt like crying so.. I went to the bathroom and cried. I was mad that we had to see some gay movie instead, but I was mad at how Billy thought it was his fault and I guess him being mad at himself made me cry because it just did. So we left the movie after like 15 minutes because it was really gay, and then Billy called his mom and bitches to her. He can't just bitch to me?? Well, after that we just went home, and I took a really long shower becasue I didn't know what to feel. I left Stef's for no reason at all, and just.. Idon't know. I felt so indifferent, I was so.. disappointed. High expectations suck my nonexistant balls. Yesterday literally sucked. Like all of it. No candy, no friends, no movie. I hate shit. Today I am working only till 6 so hopefully you know, my Mall trip will work out the way I want it to. But it probably won't because, I have high ex-pec-ta-tions. Fuck shit. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[27 Oct 2003|04:05pm] [ mood | crappy ] Monday. Boy, today felt like a Monday indeed. Nothing good at all happened today. Well, we got cupcakes in Spanish but that's all. Funny how food is my source of comfort for the day. I need a life. Badly. If someone knows where I can buy one at a discounted price, please call me. But only on clearance, because lives are expensive and I do not have that much money, especially since I will be quitting my job. Why? Because my mom is quitting for me. Yeah. Niceee. Alright, next weekend, I HAVE to do some special things because for the past 3 weekends in a row, I just sat at home. So, since it is Halloween (though I have work till 8 on Friday.. hmm.. sucks for me but yeahh anways)it will be nice to go out and junk. And Saturday woo work till 6, PARTY TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN!!!!! Maybe not party, but you get that idea. So maybe I will get some socialbility (um.. weird word) and get some smile time. Yer. Sometimes, I think I am a selfish bitch. Take for instance, this afternoon. I told Billy to call me around 3, because I would be bored. So I am waiting, and waiting so at 330 I called him, no answer, and kept doing that until he called me like a half hour later. I didn't yell at him or anything, I just said hey whats up, where were you blah blah. Then he told me why he didn't call me. He went to relax and saw that he had a text message, but it wasnt from me it was from Adam, and Adam's back int he hospital so Billy called him and then I felt really guilty about annoying him with the calls and Billy told me not to be cuz thats dumb. But I felt really bad. I don't know, something to share. Maybe something to share later. Maybe. wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[25 Oct 2003|09:50pm] [ mood | blank ] Trying to play the guitar makes me sad because trying is the key word. Everything makes me sad, sometimes. Work is ending on November 8th because my mom just loves to make my life sad. God, that is so sad. Sitting here is making me sad. Thinking errr lol. I hate thinking. I was going to clean my room but that is so boring. I was going to wash clothes but that is so boring. I was going to go get a brownie but i ate them all. That's sad. I have a lazy eye in my school picture. Everyone else's is so pretty but I just look like a retarted 12 year old with lopsided boobs. I haven't changed much have I? Everyone look sso old in their picture. I don't. I don't feel any different with a license. I haven't gone anywhere by myself. I haven't gone to an R-rated movie. I haven't done anything. I'm boring. This is dumb. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[16 Oct 2003|11:16pm] Sometimes, I feel like I want to throw up my insides and die. I've been sitting here for almost an hour.. just sitting here with that line written, watching as people sign on and off my buddy list-observing. And observing the RedSox-Yank game. Fucking game. I hate how I am easily drawn into it. This weekend will either be great, or blow. I hope it sways toward the being great side. <3 no one 2 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

One, two.. sixteen, seventeen. [16 Oct 2003|05:05pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | yer none ] I like counting. Seventeen. The number of years I will be on Saturday. Wow. Damn. That's just so exciting that I can hardly contain myself. Not like I've received any cards in the mail yet or anything, or felt really, really excited. License Monday, but no car. PSATs Saturday, 8 AM. No ice cream cake. Nothing. Oh well, it's alright. I don't have to turn seventeen anyway. I'll just stay 16 forever. I really want to get a haircut. But getting up before the sun rises on Saturday probably wouldn't be the best thing for me. Although I want to look good. But at 8 in the morning? Helllllll no hehe. PSATs. Werd. I have a feeling that even if I haven't taken a class yet, I'm going to do alright. At least that is what I tell myself. Did I leave my calculator in my locker? Shit. That sucks. Let's pray the school will be open on Saturday. Yeah. Let's pray. I wanted to write some meaningful lyrics or something, but I'm just too damn lazy. Guess I'll be going now... 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[12 Oct 2003|12:58am] Oh. Jeez. Where do I not begin. Nothing real exciting. Work from 130-9, umm went to ice cream palace with billy at like 10ish, got hit on by ryan and rob which was really.. weird and i thouggth they were hinting about something else but i think they were just kidding, went to billys and had a tallk-out, and came home and just sat on my ass. I fucking hate nights.. excuse me, weekends like this. I can't do that. Like, I understand I have work but I'm not an isolated object. I hate myself. Why can't I just grow up a little. Compromise a little. Not fight. This guy at work Laude likes me. He's a cool kidd. He's like cute in a.. Puerto Rico way haha. He's definitely nice and frickin funny. Makes work fun. Idk, then there's this kid Mark. He's ghetto fab. Just kidding. I don't know, the people at work make work fun. If it wasn't for some of the people who I talk to, then work would be nada. God, all I want is for my birthday on Saturday to be perfect. Alright, so I know I will never be getting a car or lots of money for my birthday, so I can forget those high expectations. I mean, I'm off from work, so I can do anything I want after the PSATS, which probably ends at 11. I'll probably go pumpkin picking, than maybe go to lunch or something, and then I sooooo wanna go to Great Adventure!!! Yay fright fest! Which I was hoping to go on Friday, but Im not really allowed to go out before psats, besides i have work soo yeahh. I love Fright Fest, and Nitro is the best ride in the whole universe. I just hope that everyone feels the same and wants to go to great adventure cuz i know they are all going tomorrow but yeahh I have work from 1-9 again soo true gangster. And for my birthday, I at least want that jacket from American Eagle. If I get that, I will be the happiest girl in the world. And If I get to go to the mall, I will be the happiest girl in the world. And cake. And ice cream. Woo. 3 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

I wanna dig into that bowl, and i dont mean cereal.. [09 Oct 2003|12:20am] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | SaVeS tHe DaY mix ] Bongggg.. anywho.. haha. Just a little late night humor. Tonight, as I am now finished with my English essay (actually, finished at 11 thank you very much), I think I will write a list of all my mistakes I have ever made, or that I can remember. That way, I can see how much of an asshole I am/was, etc! Wow, I am way too enthusiastic. But I will write my mistakes in my real journal, as in paper and pen. Billy would never enter in the Marines. I'd hate to say that my own boyfriend is a pussy, but I'm not sure he'd go through with it. His mom would NeveR let him go, but I guess his dad would. Eh.. whatever, all I am worried about is this Friday and these abominable tests we have. Ahhhhh teachers suck. I think Marcus and I need to work out our differences, because I will not be able to hold myself back anyymore helll no. I will fucking fire up a storm and throw it at him. I don't hate him. I don't even dislike him, as a person. I Just hate how he is so boastful and arrogant, and just.. ergggg. I wanna say somethin soooo bad but I don't want my family to read it or anythin if they come across it. THis could mean tricky waters, and another opening into my web full of mistakes. Moretomorrow.. cuz if that happens, it would happen tomorrow. Though I'm not sure if that person came to school today.. I didn't see him, but I saw his brother.. okaynevermind.. TOmorrow is going to be 76!! Wooo! Alright must get sleep. 6 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Blah [02 Oct 2003|09:13pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | how bout no ] Yuck. What a long week. What a long life. How many years will it be? Seventeen? Jeez, that's long. In the 1600s, they only lived to be like 30. Nice. Acoustic night was.. a little more than disappointing. So I wasn't completely unhappy with it. Number One, it was completely gay how they were like "throw your drinks away, get your IDs" that was very dumb. Yes OMG I SPIKED MY COFFEEEE WOO!! IM COOL. Yeah, sure ya did. Second, the setup was unfamiliar. Since it wasn't on the hill, it felt weird because when you laid down, you couldn't really.. see? Becasue they changed it, it felt really weird. It was too close to the entrance, and we couldnt see who was playing and all that other shiznit. Plus, there was a billion teachers there, and it just felt all.. wrong. Everything was out of place, including myself. I felt really out of place there. I don't know why. I felt like I didn't belong. I mean I was talking and blah blah blah but something felt weird. My body was there, but I wasn't. I felt like I was watching myself, and the whole night was just wierd. Lately, I really don't know what's up. I try to please everyone around me and I end up trying so hard. I can't do it. I feel so distanced.. I don't anything anymore. I can't write anymore. 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Dumb dumb dumb [28 Sep 2003|10:59am] [ mood | disappointed ] I am a high-expectations girl. That's who I am. I think I should stop having those because I am only let down. Yesterday wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I mean, one year is a big thing. It was fun but not as fun. I guess if I didn't have work so long we could done more things but no. And I guess Billy didn't really think of a year as really exciting, it was just another thing. Peace. wasted words on lower cases and capitals

[25 Sep 2003|07:58pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | fooootball ] Welcome biznitches. I'm sick. I feel disguisting. Yuckers.. Calc. Ew. I took this test before.. woo rach for posting this one lol. And I got a bad, bad bad score: -Bad- You're the exact opposite of what any guy wants or needs, unless he happens to need a quick lay. You're cruel. You toy with people. You're probably a bitch, and i don't think i'd like you if i met you. Oh go screw a random male already. What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla I suck ass. I'm horrible. Oh well.. I get what I deserve someday. I really hope that fight in lunch starts. Kim would fuck Ciara up so bad, so bad. And I definitely think that carter is still hittin courtney because he's always in our lunch. Makes for something to look at.. I mean, no I don't look over at that table. What am I thinking? God. Shut up. Woo tomorrow is band tshirt day, tbs here I come. I didnt want to wear that tomorrow but whatever i can wear it. Aight and acoustic nite is coming up, and I need mall. Badly. I hope that I have work only for like 4 hours on Sunday. That would kick my ass so hard. And something for Saturday night. Even if me and Billy are a lil shaky right now, Saturday night is still going to rock. Hard. Me and the fam were at Wendy's tonight and my mom was like 'she spits, she burps, shes a man' about me, and my dads like 'does that make billy gay' and i said 'yeahh either that or he's a homophobe'. And then my dad proceeded to say that hes going to tell him about it before i go out with him on saturday.. yer. I think Billy would get a kick out of that. My straightener broke what the fuck. Biznitches. Peacing. Now. out like Billy when hes throwing dog buiscuits at sjv football team, liz 1 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

Home on a Saturday night.. [24 Sep 2003|10:32pm] [ mood | ditzy ] [ music | "Vandal" Saves the Day ] is definitely NOT what I am going to do. Wow, I am so bored and soo tired and starting to get sick. This sucks. I have 2 tests tomorrow, I have something due in Spanish that I did not do, and.. something else but I forget. I feel like such a slug, and I am going to have to change that. Anyway, back to the stuff I like to talk about when nothing interesting is going on at the moment. Woo Saturday is... 9*27*03, one year woo. I'm scared-one year is a big commitment, and the longer I stay in relationships, the longer I realize that I am not a commitment chica. Yeah, it's great to say you have aboyfriend and act like bff's and kiss and hug and all that shiznit, but after a while, you start to feel tied down and um, bored. YOu do the same thing week after week, say the same shit on the phone day after day. Feeeeels like marriage- fighting all the day and no sex. Haha I made a funny. Welll, Saturday he is helping his sister move into her apartment thingy and Im working, and then.. dinnnnnner yay! I've never been out to dinner before, this is so awesome. I'm gonna dress up and be all pretty and.. he pays because thats my present. I can't complain. I mean, I could be a bitchy shallow girlfriend and ask for diamonds and gold and all the jewelry in the world, but I can't ask for that. That's not really what I want, even though my wrists and neck speak differently. And flowers, aw. I always get flowers, whatever. With this roll around of a year, I have been thinking. The pro's and con's of Billy and my relationship. And the pros and cons of all the other people that I talk to. I think I'm going to start that soon, while watching Brand New on Jimmy Kimmel wooo. Because.. I need to know what to do with myself. I need to see if its worth hanging onto for. I knpow that nothing real will happen with the other ones, so I shouldn't set myself up for that, but I think I already have in a subconscious way. I like get all.. weird when I see them, or I don't know. I don't know anything. Ah.. must go. Im still kinda disappointed that I cant go to the football game. Even my brother is going. Billy and Adam are going to buy shit tomorrow for the game.. dont ask me what, I have nooo clue. Well peace, i am out. 2 | wasted words on lower cases and capitals

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready [21 Sep 2003|10:11am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | "Firefly" Saves the Day ] Sometimes, I don't like things. Sometimes things suck, and then sometimes things are great. You know? So here's the low down: Let's see what did I do this weekend? Friday- no school woo, work, come home, dinner at the diner, and then cruise around with adam and billy.. it gave me my fun for the day. They went to the racetrack without me boo, but they said I could go next time. Saturday-sleep, work, dinner, movies.. i don't recommend SWAT unless you are a hardcore cops fan. I was all up for Cold Creek Manor.. next week then.. and today you ask? lunch, work, and calc homework. And, oh yes. Getting fired. Haha. Well, we'll see what happens. If I do or have to quit, than I will cry for-ev-er. Someone said something last night that made me think. Ian said "where have you been for the past.. forever" and to that i said "working, being a butthead". Well, where have I been? I feel like i just sunk into a really big hole and I don't want to come out. Once you sink, it's hard to rise back up. Ya know? I'm just so into the work, and school, that I'm just stressing over it. There's so many things coming up that I want to do, but I can't or am not. Like the SJV game on Friday. Who plays a game at 3 in the afternoon? Well, for jewish holidays.. but still, make it thursday night or something. I really wanted to go to that game too. And matt's show that night, but I can't. And my anniversary is on Saturday, but I can't do anything after eight.. so we are catching a later dinner. I told Billy not to get me anything big, cuz I hate how people have to waste money on gifts and then you have to buy them gifts.. so I said nothing at all. But I know he knows that I mean I still want something. Duh. That would be sad if I didn't get anything lol. What should I get him? Hm.. Hey let's type all my stuff that's happening in October.. to make it exciting: -acoustic night the 1st -amanda's bday the 6th -days off from school like the 17th -my bday woo! -PSAT (blah blah) -license the 20th -Halloween party at Bayshore woo -Halloweeeen! October definitely looks frickin exciting. I'm awaiting it anxiously. Jeez.. come october!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wasted words on lower cases and capitals

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