Iblis' Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Iblis

[ website | A ESPIRAL NO CUBO ]
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HAH! [16 Apr 2005|06:32pm]
I'm writing here again because I don't want people to see it, much less comment on it. Why? Because they'd say I'm useless, which I am, for wasting my time writing in blogs and being overall so listless. The fact is, my internship's still on hold, and so is my life. Its just like Kafka's The Process or something like that. I'm dealing with no tiny thingie here, but with a full-blown bureaucracy. Much like going everyday to the bank - and two banks - only so I could transfer my money to myself, from one account to the other. I spent a week in the whole process because there was a single bit of data that wasn't quite right, so bank B wouldn't accept money from bank A. I had to switch the damn thing on bank B to receive it, but where's my money? It was lost in the electronic realm. So I had to go to bank A to trace it, but bank A knew nothing about it. Bank B said, "Money? What money?" and bank A wouldn't give me back even the price of the whole transaction. Fortunately, after a few days, bank B received the money. But then I had to go to bank A to tell it everything was fine under the sun. Augh!
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BLOG [20 Feb 2005|02:11pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Maybe I should create another LJ account, after all. I don't like the mood icons of Blurty. Mood icons are very important bc they're so damn cute you can't help but trying them all. So, I'd say that the variety of mood icons can predict the rise & fall of blogs. Ultimately, they're what makes you stay. This & the ability to override the styles of your blog. In this aspect, however, Blurty's still better than LJ. Mood icons are decisive though. If they had weather & music icons, it'd be better still. So, I'm thinking about a new LJ account. Is there another journal-like hp that provides more mood icons than LJ? Let's see.

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FOOD [20 Feb 2005|01:06pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I went out to buy food. Then I got to the subway & looked at the clock out of habit. I almost screamed. I'd forgotten completely that the ungodly summer time had ended. So I had to wait 2h for the food to be ready - I wanted to eat Japanese food at the Liberdade fair - and almost went out of my mind. I kept strolling up & down the place, for the stores were all closed, & there were lots of people & I had little money with me. I spent it all. I was supposed to buy some propolis pills, besides food, but ended up buying 2 magazines instead. I'd buy more magazines & new files, but fortunately I was bankrupt. I almost gave up on food to buy other things. It was too hot. Too crowded. Too bright. The good thing's that I bought delicious hot food & got to read some Bellow in the subway. I'm falling for his style again, after some boring chapts. Well, I'm learning why this book got him the Pulitzer.

Yesterday I slept about nine hours or more. I'm still sleepy. Damn.

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WRITING [19 Feb 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Whistle ]

In fact, I'm posting here bc I don't want to overload my blog at LJ during my writing spell, otherwise people'll start complaining about it. I don't want to be a nuisance - not right now - & besides, I can't keep my fingers from the keyboard. If I leave the keyboard, I'll start writing somewhere else, or reading, for that matter. I'm reading a lot of books at once, which is good to counter boredom, but is bad bc it's an extra strain. I feel like I'm racing against myself for some prize that I'll win anyway. & I don't even know what the prize is, what complicates things further. So profound, isn't it? Right... I've decided to write a story but it had hardly begun & I was already digressing; I kicked the protagonist to the sidelines & the plot began to coil against itself in disgust. And so did I.

I must go out tomorrow for food's sake. I think I'll hunt somewhere in this building. With a butcher's knife. Or a wallet, so I can, you know, buy food. I NEED FOOD! & Sleep. But first of all, books.

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PERSONALITY [19 Feb 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I was browsing the net for MBTI tests & somehow, got to this:

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Aloofness, odd communication, isolation; Ego-boundary problems, "ego-diffusion," merging phenomena and other severe distortions of the self, mirroring, narcissistic disturbances, faulty sense of identity; difficulty sensing what other people are all about or else at knowing how to best respond when their perceptions of interpersonal situations happen to be accurate; marked peculiarities of speech, dress, and habit; sensitivity to criticism, avoidance of intimacy; insensitivity to the feelings of spouse, oversensitivity to spouse's behavior; extreme loneliness and need for human relatedness, inability to "connect" meaningfully and pleasurably with other people.

Odd speech: vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped speech; idiosyncratic phrasing, unusual use of words, overly concrete or abstract responses to questions; odd, eccentric, or peculiar mannerisms or dress; excessive social anxiety associated with paranoid fears about the motivations of others, rather than with negative judgments about themselves; difficulty responding to interpersonal cuing and expressing a full range of affects; difficulty in developing rapport or engaging in casual and meaningful conversations; an inappropriate, stiff, or constricted manner.

High Neuroticism
Chronic negative affects, including anxiety, fearfulness, tension, irritability, anger, dejection, hopelessness, guilt, shame; difficulty in inhibiting impulses: for example, to eat, drink, or spend money; irrational beliefs: for example, unrealistic expectations, perfectionistic demands on self, unwarranted pessimism; unfounded somatic concerns; helplessness and dependence on others for emotional support and decision making.

Low Extraversion
Social isolation, interpersonal detachment, and lack of support networks; flattened affect; lack of joy and zest for life; reluctance to assert self or assume leadership roles, even when qualified; social inhibition and shyness.

High Openness
Preoccupation with fantasy and daydreaming; lack of practicality; eccentric thinking (e.g., belief in ghosts, reincarnation, UFOs); diffuse identity and changing goals: for example, joining religious cult; susceptibility to nightmares and states of altered consciousness; social rebelliousness and nonconformity that can interfere with social or vocational advancement.

Low Agreeableness
Cynicism and paranoid thinking; inability to trust even friends or family; quarrelsomeness; too ready to pick fights; exploitive and manipulative; lying; rude and inconsiderate manner alienates friends, limits social support; lack of respect for social conventions can lead to troubles with the law; inflated and grandiose sense of self; arrogance.

High Conscientiousness
Overachievement: workaholic absorption in job or cause to the exclusion of family, social, and personal interests; compulsiveness, including excessive cleanliness, tidiness, and attention to detail; rigid self-discipline and an inability to set tasks aside and relax; lack of spontaneity; overscrupulousness in moral behavior.


Gee, I'm not like that at all! Indeed, if I were to be saner than I already am, I'd be insane. So much for being normal. These tests are so overrated...

And please remember:

Ego Alpha et Omega, primus et novissimus, principium et finis.

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POEM [19 Feb 2005|10:09am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | birds ]

Fear No More the Heat o' the Sun

Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art done, and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' the great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke;
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The Sceptre, Learning, Physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash,
Nor the'all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan:
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have,
And renowned by thy grave!

William Shakespeare

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THE JOY IN SUFFERING [18 Feb 2005|10:57am]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | LACRIMOSA - The Phantom of the Opera ]

It's through suffering that we learn. It's the pain that makes us wiser. Do we have to pass through suffering to be mature? Even though most deny it, I think we actively look for suffering. When we're not suffering & everything seems to be well, we are thrown back to those days when we thought ourselves even happier & then everything pales in comparison. It's the bittersweet feeling of melancholy that we strive for. No one is ever satisfied with his/her life. It's not happiness we want. Happiness isn't life. It doesn't show that we're alive. It's pain that makes everything real. So a bit of pain's always necessary for one not to lose one's sense of self. It's pain that makes us endure happiness, and not otherwise. Ying-yang & all that crap. So don't count on "& they lived happily forever". & if they did, you can bet that they suffered. Per crucem ad lucem. The eye in the middle of the storm. I'm ranting again.^^

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DIARY [18 Feb 2005|09:01am]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | RASEN - Janne da Arc ]

I said I was in a blog frenzy... But it seems it's just an obsession for writing diaries. I began writing one yesterday, in the old way: paper & pen. I've always had diaries, though I tend to rip them to pieces afterwards. But I intend to leave that unharmed. Well, good intentions have killed before. It's amazing how we like writing rants & the like. However, even diaries are not sacred anymore: look at the blogs, for instance. Or the reason diaries were sacred had to do with who read it? Were we just looking for someone who understands us, someone across the globe, someone we don't know? Just a matter of making ourselves heard, really. Who knows?

It could be the summer. Summer makes us do crazy things: sleep too much, talk too much, spend too much, write too much, read too much, go out too much... & then insomnias that come out of the blue, unexpected anger, the refusal to go out, the apathy to do anything that matters. I hate summer. I'm looking forward to the autumn, the cold and sweet autumn. I'm staring out of the window & I see only a blinding light. If autumn was here, this light could even be charming, turned into something softer, cooler... A kind of overshadowed light, if that's possible. Fall has an almost mystic charm, as if the air electrified with sudden sparks. Speaking of which, yesterday there was a hell of a thunderstorm. The skies were set ablaze for half an hour. Very beautiful indeed. Disasters are.

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RUNAWAY [17 Feb 2005|04:03pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | FUGUES - Bach ]

Just running away from my other blogs. For some time, I fancied starting another LiveJournal account, but I'd rather write on both at the same time. Besides, I felt like it. So now it is.

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