Monday, October 4th, 2004
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6:30 pm - BLOG CLOSED
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Blog Closed due to unforeseen circumstances...
Want to know my new blog addr, let me know...
to the disturbance:
- Do i know u? is there a mistake of wrong identity??
Thanks! Pls Don't Disturb... and GROW UP... it's been over a month... u aren't Dead.. amazing!
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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
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6:55 pm - Been A While
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been staying back in camp recently... or should i say more frequently... though not because of duties but... i just felt like staying back. i come to realise that i really enjoy the company i have @ my office... received news that i am posting out to Armour Brigade... heard its really tough and have to stay in camp... *thats something sad* *something which i don't want to think about* i really cherish the friendship that i already havve @ my present workplace... *sure hopes it goes on after i get posted out and hope that its really a group of frens that i can have forever... :-) *wishful thinking? i really pray not.
*it seems that my journal always talks about sad stuff... or is it jus that there's nothing happy to talk about? *beats me... i really think my life sucks big time. Sigh... i feel worthless... getting more and more stupid day-by-day...
is there anyone out there who can help me?
but that aside... i enjoy playing tennis thou i am nto really fantastic...but still like playing... *gonna get a new pair of tennis shoes soon... *eyed an adidas pair(barricude 3)... hope it doesn't get obselete @ queensway...and stays there long enuff for me to save enuff and buy IT!
thats something i look forward to nowadays...
barely going out... most of the time i would be @ home...doing nothing... *always waiting for my frens to ask me out... but... most of the time... *i am forgottten i guess... but doesn't matter...
i *got used to it*
ian out.
current mood:  cold
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Monday, July 19th, 2004
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6:41 pm - Hmmm...
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Life definitely hasn't been great...
been dreaming alot recently... every minute of sleep i get, i tend to dream... Dream about what u may ask...
endless dreams...of someone who was once close to me.
It's sad things have to be like this. It's worst off when u know what u don't want to know.
what am i saying?
sigh...
forget it..
i will indulge in self-pity for now... hopefully things will get better...
I miss her alright. Nothing much i can do...except pray that everything is fine for her... pray that all is well.
been worried about where i will be posted to again... another phase of my life in NS is going to end and a new beginning is going to start...i wonder when. I Wonder When.
sigh... smiling i may be... deep down who would know how i feel except that someone...only that someone knows how i feel... but... eternal buts...
guess i won't say more...
enough of my rubbish.
current mood:  rejected
current music: gold 90 FM
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Thursday, July 8th, 2004
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9:48 pm - Sense of Uneasiness
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This feeling has been filling me up this week...
i was bothered about something but i didn't know what... till i looked @ the date of the yr... and realise its something... i came to realise that rowena's birthday is coming... though we ain't together anymore... and though we ain't friends anymore... i have moved on... but why this uneasiness? sigh...
currently in a dilemma...whether or not to send a bday card or something...
most prob is write a letter and a card...and send it to her house... and that's it. my mission is accomplished and no more uneasiness...
anyway i have been doing quite a number of duties recently... staying back.... watching soccer... making myself real-tired @ times...
my colleagues always say my vocation "Comd Runner Cum RO Clerk" is equivalent to "Relax Only Clerk"...
which i sometimes must agree...BUT sometimes i MUST Disagree... when i busy no one sees...when i relax...everyone sees....
haha
but i am having a good time in office... nothing bad has happened in office yet. hope i get to stay there for as long as possible... (knowing that i will be posting out...sad)
i am optimistic... i am glad i moved on... i no longer think back of my previous relationship...
hopefully, i am ready to be in another relationship... or @ least get more friends....
and develop a few more close friendships...
:)
thats all Folks.
IAN ------OUT
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Sunday, June 27th, 2004
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2:39 pm - Yesterday
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Dear Journal,
how have u been?
my life have been "as usual"... recently met up with some of my sec. sch mates... had a enjoyable time wif them...
jus yesterday, went to a bday celebration...yes another 21st bday thingy... (wasn't expecting to have a great time) but guess wad? it turns out to be okay... i Think all who saw me... got a bit of a "shock"? yup, Jus a tiny bit thou... They say i not CUTE anymore... i wonder in my mind, "hmmm is that bad? or good?" haha
it's really great to see yr old friends... 4yrs...its been 4yrs... haha roughly.
none of them really change much... ha ha (thats a compliment ok!)
sometimes, i wonder which form should i be? the SEc. Sch IAN? or the Now Ian?
hmmm... i wonder... i use to be happy last time...when i was plump and BIG...
but now... not as happy... maybe grown older...then the worldly stress is coming on me...
ha
Anyway!
its been 3 wks since i went to Church... I feel super bad.. super uneasy... super not me
think i BETTER GO BACK TO Him soon...
hmmm
much has been said.. gues thats All FOLKS
Ian~~~~ OUT!
current mood:  hyper
current music: The Corrs - Borrowed Heaven
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Friday, June 11th, 2004
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8:20 pm - wow how long has it been?!?
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hmmm its been quite some time since i actually updated my blog.
been out of action these days... sick, sleeping early real Early these days...
feeling hasn't been of the best these days... many things happen in office... its a different feeling... not the same old close buddies anymore... i felt the change...but just didn't want to admit it.
sigh... why do all these things have to happen to me...
i guess u leaving me afterall wasn't a right choice as things didn't turn out any better. humans do make mistakes...but i guess what ever has been done is done and have moved on...
what can i say?!? nothing. i can only speak to myself these days... getting crazy.
can anyone bother to help me?
can anyone bother to cheer me up?
can anyone bother @ all about me?
i guess there ain't anyone anymore.
this feeling is terrible. su-ks big time.
current mood: depressed
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Saturday, May 29th, 2004
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8:41 pm - God is amazing
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the more i debate.... the more i feel the need to indulge in your Word.
More to learn.
More to pickup.
sometimes, i think back...look @ my past... i am very grateful to her... for changing me.
some words she say and taught me will always be in my mind... Thank you God for once letting me know her and letting her teach me. What more can i ask for when she left me... guess its all God's will.
i can only seek to Get back on Track wif God...
hope to return to Elim church soon... knowing that she has already found someone she loves. i give her my blessings. i pray that when i face her, i will then find out whether or not i have got over the past.
Though i am @ Adam road Presy Church now... the ppl there r nice, got myself to be re-commited to Boys' Brigade... but sometimes i still feel the emptiness runnig in me.
I get a feeling that i will be judged when if i go back to elim... ppl there might jus ignore me and hate me...despise me.... i got all these fears in me... sigh.
my prayer - (Lord please show me the way... I feel Lost, no sense of belonging @ ARPC....do hope that u can show me the way .....)
listening to the song by hillsong shout your fame....it sounds like shout yr FAITH... i guess my faith level hasn't been really high either...
i haven't been acting myself ever since i lost her. I know i got over her. but somehow i can't seem to be my old-self again. -pray for me for those who know my old-self and me. thanks
current music: Shout your fame....
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4:27 pm - stupid stupid day...
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sigh...
i hate it when i stay @ home n do nothing...
waste of time.....
n my ears get nagged @ all the time..... sometime i really cannot stand all the shit that is happening @ home....
sigh... hate everyone in my family.....
SIGH~ why can't i get to live in a better family.... why mus i stay in a family where everyone likes to argue....and jus pisses me off.... cannot stand it anymore...
think once i finished studying.... i will get my butt out of this home...and move out...
if i get to go overseas for my job.... i guess i would be more than happy to leave!!!!
arghh......
someone jus ask me out if u see my cries.... but i dun want to seem so desperate....hate the stupid feeling of staying @ home...and let my ears and emotions go thru all the stupid suffering...
current mood:  frustrated
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Friday, May 28th, 2004
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11:27 pm - What a day...
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Today was a long n busy busy day..... though it was 1/2 day.
morning was doing all the nonsense work.... wif my upperstudy supposedly teaching me something that he dun even noe? i was listening like a good boy....showing some last respect for him...since he was already going to ORD haha... i am nice eh?
then afternoon about 6 of us left for SUnteC CITY......haha in our ARMY Uniform!!!!!! wahaha..... for wad u may ask... its to attend a EXHIBITION known as PRIDE DAY Exhibit. basically jus some exhibits @ suntec Outside Carrefour about Ways to improve working environment or safety in SAF.
@ the entrance we met up wif some problem....... mE, being the ic(thou i not the highest rank).... forgot to make up an Attendance list..... haha so stupid. i had to go to this shop, beside the Rock Auditorium.... where it lets u develop yr photos and edit it using the computers there.... and I haD TO cheekily ask for a piece of A4 size paper.... and write all our names....... where? IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER....lol so Embaressed..... but thank God.... They allowed us to go into the ROCK AUDIT for the ceremony when i asked and came up wif an excuse that i forgot to bring the typed attendance sheet.....and wrote this.... ahah they accepted it..... and let us in.....
PheW~
after that long prize giving thing during the ceremony...haha i fell asleep... only to wake up to performances by the MUSIC Drama Company of SAF.....
after tat./... my fren drove us all to PEACE centre......we had Mee Goreng @ one of the shops there...similar to FAr East (upper levels).....the food was great pricing was Reasonable.
then..... 3 of us left for Town to do some shopping...
haha imagine 3 guys walking down town.....wif big big bags.....(cos all our uniforms and boots were squeezed inside our haversacks) I know its not really nice to carry big bags......but it came in handy afterall... ended off wif coffee @ star bucks... my treat..... haha
overaLl, a pleasant day for me n company.
Ian, Out
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Wang Li Hong - Wei Yi
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Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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9:30 pm - Quiet Day
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Today was pretty much quiet...
nothing much happen... i felt alone again...
nothing much to write today.
hope things get better soon...
current mood:  contemplative
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Monday, May 24th, 2004
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10:49 pm - Sleeping soon
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Tonight hasn't been as expected...
don't feel very well... my mind also been thinking alot about alot of things...
really got no idea what to do... guess i would just let it be buried in my heart other than bringing up only to find disappointment...
but i thank God that i have truely moved on. :)
day by day, my tolerance level increases...
in 2days time, i will be seeing the Medical Officer... for review of my medical status... most likely i will be upgraded to the Combat-Fit status... meaning i will be posting out ...
Deep inside me i really jus want to stay here.... made alot of good frens here... though they like to tease me but i enjoyed their company... Felt a sense of belonging @ that office other than a few idiots existing there.....haha
Rmr my dream/?? about 1mth aago??
part of it has been fulfilled... i have been accepted to local uni.
the other part of it u may ask? seriously... i doubt it will ever be fulfilled...
(negative? nah... jus think i not good enuff yet)
Good night Ppl...
bringing more thoughts into my sleep again...
ha
current mood:  gloomy
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7:12 pm - While i was bored
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I took this photo using my webcam...
check it out
haha what do u think??
current mood: crazy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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6:28 pm - Complicating...
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Today was quite a bad, boring day for me...
Don't know why...
I seriously think alot about even little little things... get paranoid easily...
but Does that mean i am too over sensitive? or does that mean that i jus care about that subject.
i really can't figure out...
Buddies of mine, taught me to use this line...pickup line... "I trip and fell... that reminded me of you. Because i fell for u..."
we all laughed like crazy ppl... ppl sitting around us @ the canteen look @ us like we r a bunch of idiots... haha
all commented that i should use that.
i felt it was quite stupid... cos things r still very fresh... hopefully ... i won't get to use it one day...
current mood:  indescribable
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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
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9:43 pm - Dinner @ Pasta Cafe
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Pasta Cafe... food is okay... not superb... maybe i too tired after long day...
Overall enjoyed myself.
- I laughed alot
- I smiled alot
- I read alot
- I hicupped here n there
- I did some stupid actions which i normally wouldn't do
- I didn't really talk alot today
all these Above were Done Today.
thats all Folks......
Ian Out...
current mood:  ecstatic
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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
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9:28 pm - running nose... for 2 days...
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Friday, May 21st, 2004
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7:12 pm - Woah Bad omen...
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Sigh, yesterday was a bad day....
everything from morning ......all the way till mid-night ..... was a bad day
many many bad, negative things happen...
1st , i made a fool of myself in front of my "upperstudy" aka senoir... was laughed @ by him... and called about by him like a dog...following the master... damn pissed wif him... I didn't want to pick up an arguement cos, arguing with him makes me dumber... and childish... I Just Can't be Bothered wif him anymore... how i wish HE ORDS IMMEDIATELY!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR.....
then afternoon every task that i was given, there were hiccups... got sort of scolded here n there... sigh How bad my day Can bE??
@ night.... while waiting for a fren to be online to chat wif or call, i was so so tired due to fatigue caused by my duty the night before... Went to lie down on my bed @ 920pm... setting my Ring tones and MSG to the loudest possible thinking that i could wake up if Someone called or sms....IN THE END?!?!?!? i knocked out like how Mike Tyson lost to EVan Holyfield...---complete BlackOut... not even 4sms wif loud tones could wake me up...---sorry to the person whom i din reply... ---my mum heard them....and nvr Wake me up...thats what pisses me off even more....
sigh
bad bad day for thurs...
hope today Friday is not that bad...
hopefully i can reply to u asap....and hear from u soon!!
current mood: contemplative
current music: All heavens Declare!
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Monday, May 17th, 2004
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9:43 pm - nothing much to say...
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a quote from the papers.......
it read "We should be well-rounded... not all-rounded"
i got another quote....haha my invention "we should be God-fearing... not God-dependent".......
does taht make any sense??
as the days go by..... the nearer it gets to my upper study's ord....the more happier i am...
but looking @ the current situation in the office....i personally feel, my superiors will still give me alot of trouble.....been warned last week that if i nvr check my work again... i will be sent in for @least a week(detention barracks)----i am like, sigh...what nonsense...ppl there dun work fairly....all so bias....sigh
basically i got nothing to look forward to, except the laughters and fun i get when talking to my colleagues....ppl whom i feel great to have as frens...Thank God for that...
current mood:  disappointed
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Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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8:22 pm - no Subject
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Watched troy last night @ jurong point...
by right. the show should start @ 920...and plus 2hrs45 min.....it should end b4 12........but heck.....stupid gv.....waste my time........it ended @ 1215..........
no more bus........had to walk home alone.........
grr...... by the time i reach home..... no one online laio....guess all slept earlier than me that night.
hahaz
boring night.....thou the show was okay.
current mood:  blank
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Saturday, May 15th, 2004
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5:14 pm - Running day...
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Today i woke up @ 6am... been quite some months since i woke up so early...
went to Jurong East Entertainment to meet up wif colleagues(frens) to share cab to EAST COAST PARK...destination... BIG Splash--my foot... the carpark near big splash lar...
i jogged for 3km... feel so satisfied..felt i could do better(timing not distance)...haha
by the time the thing ended and wif most of our unit ppl gone...
i was still there wif another good buddy of mine... wasting our time away...cos its so early...only 9am...
we laid on the benches there...till about 940...then i dragged him to the toilet to change...
Time to go home i said... we walked out...so boring...
took a cab...to city hall.....and i took bus 106 to go home...while he waited for 190...
*quite a boring day today...*
i tot i would enjoy this day...but i guess its not my day....
:-(
what to do... God Forbid...haha no point arguing...
now i am @ home... i jus wish my fren's fren's sister could do well for her science paper... little kid...haha may God bless her wif Strength, Knowledge and wisdom...(would that be too overwhelming to a little kid?)
current mood: numb
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Thursday, May 13th, 2004
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8:26 pm - Back From work... Utterly inhuman Act By Iraqi Terrorists.
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Work was as usual...disturbing and busy..and irritating...(stupid upperstudy).....sigh!~
but whats more disturbing is the filming and the Slaughter created by iraqis...
my fren send me the video..
i watch it with amusement @ 1st.. all the talking ....
the american... was not feeling anything @ 1st.. i think he thinks he is going to be relased like the japanese reporters that were kidnapped... but soon... i guess he knows thats the end.. of his journey on earth..
i felt super down... and weird.... why could human beings do such an act. that Act made me want to puke for the 1st time....
sigh God i pray that u will bless that guy... and pray that u will forgive us for our sins.... Thank U God.
current mood: gloomy
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