[can you really love me? lock me in your heart]'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
[can you really love me? lock me in your heart]

[ website | [livejournal] ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

Game tonite. [26 Sep 2003|04:08pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You ]

[

FOOTBALL GAME @ CUSTER HIGH SCHOOL

]

[starts 430 ends whenever, so check it out. see ya.]
4 comments|post comment

Milwaukee again! [21 Sep 2003|01:16pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Ying Yang Twins - Get Low [Remix] ]

[Oct Fest again tonite, all day, $3 dollar admission and last night was awesome too. i got plastered with a few cops. now THATS awesome. i'll post a picture of me kickin back a few. ha, funny how im 17 and they thought i was 25 and my family just nodded and went along with it. haha]

4 comments|post comment

milwaukee-ans. [20 Sep 2003|05:32pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz f/ Twista - Quit Hatin ]

[october fest at the bavarian inn, all my NAZI friends should show up. ha, but seriously, its awesome, everyone should go.]

6 comments|post comment

im so sick and tired of [14 Sep 2003|02:19am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | The Hours ]

[ mood | sad ]
[ music | The Hours ]

[of myself.]

[you know, watching this movie, the hours, is bad medicine when you are in a mood to not continue with the way your life is going.]

[i talked to nikki tonight, she is amazing, but i came to a realization. no matter what, great things always happen to me, and then they are taken away. its like a shop window where they advertise the best shit ever and by the time you got the money, its not being sold anymore...]

[how many of you out there want to die, but just cannot leave your life behind because you still search for happiness, and in the back of your mind you know you wont find happiness in the darkness either and that you would wade through deep black trenches of hell and the drowning waters of sorrow and grief and the endless collateral damage caused by the bad luck just to get to the next intersection where one path you choose could possibly give you entire happiness? i belong to that world, a world where agony replaces emptiness, and where death replaces loneliness, and its a world i wish no longer to be a part of. either i change, or i die suffocating on my own depression. one way or another i leave myself behind, i am going to die. there will be no 'me' left, there will only be a shell of my former self. a shell which will always remind me and haunt me because it is a shell i will never be able to completely leave behind. goddammit sometimes it really hurts waking up in the morning and having to look at that same tired, ugly fat face and it gets tiresome having to wish the same fucking wish over and over that someday i might to be allowed to live in atleast semi happiness.]

[i told nikki that, whenever good stuff happens, bad shit always follows, and it makes my life and the lives around me miserable.]

[i wonder what she feels about that? i wonder, i mean, ok, aside from arguing parents, she has everything going for her... shes a lucky person. why on earth... how on earth can she care for me? ive racked the endless halls of records in my brain for a reason to a question which i cannot answer. there has to be one, i mean, otherwise why would anyone want to waste their time with someone like me?]

[im so fuckin tired of people getting angry at me for things that they themselves do. so what if i express interest in someone, you're with somebody else! forget me!]

[i am boring]

[i am bored]

[i miss nicole so much. it hurts. i mean, i usually miss her as it is because i love the atmosphere with her, but since my ex dropped by, it aches. it reminded me of how alone i am. ive fallen for her. and i dont think i will ever hit the ground.]

[my lips are so dry and they feel cracked and i dont care i wish they would fall off because they either give me temptations which seem to be belayed all the time and or get me into trouble.]

[my eyes hurt, watching this movie, thinking about things i know i shouldn't, realizing what a failure my life is, and what a failure it will continue to be makes me cry. i cried so hard. im not crying now, not really. its making my throat ache. somebody please, out there... please, i ... dont want to be alone anymore.]

[fuck... and you know whats really fucked up? by morning, i'll feel better, not really, but i'll be stronger, i'll put on a show. i'll gleam that white sparkling smile, i'll squint my eyes when i pretend to laugh, and i'll talk with the heightened sound of happiness which doesnt exist within my body. its great seeing other people's faces when they think im happy. but its hard to accept the stern looks when they find out i'm really not. after all, actors break character once in a while too...]

[well, im off, to cry some more perhaps, watch the hours over again, maybe a little autumn in new york, who knows. continue hating myself in the dark where no one but me can hear the bitter muttering. where no one but me is hurt...]

[i like you nikki. i like you alot. you are amazingly awesome]

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um, fuck. [05 Sep 2003|04:38pm]
[ music | Something Corporate - Konstantine ]

[Sugar0184: whats wrong?
DarkAnglSlayer: i dunno
DarkAnglSlayer: i wanna run away and never come back to my life, but i cant seem to leave me behind... :-(
Sugar0184: awww
Sugar0184: dont say taht
Sugar0184: whats wrong with it?
DarkAnglSlayer: just the me part
DarkAnglSlayer: ha
DarkAnglSlayer: i hate mirrors, they show too much of the truth
Sugar0184: whats wrong with u
DarkAnglSlayer: and so do others faces.. their eyes tell alot
Sugar0184: ????
Sugar0184: what do u mean...what are u getting at
Sugar0184: peoplles reaction to u?
DarkAnglSlayer: ha, im just saying i hate what i look like and i hate that when something good starts to happen people try fiercely to interfere or something because they're jealous 'oo the ugly kid is getting a beautiful girl, that cant be true' etc.. read my blurty
Sugar0184: i did...
Sugar0184: i saw
DarkAnglSlayer: ya
DarkAnglSlayer: but you see, its not just that, its a combination of things, and ugh, sometimes i honestly wanna run away and leave me behind. i'll come back and get me on a day when others forgot who i was/am
Sugar0184: blah no
Sugar0184: fuck other ppl
Sugar0184: they are lame
DarkAnglSlayer: ya i know
DarkAnglSlayer: but im not the type of person who can easily ignore things
DarkAnglSlayer: i may not show it, but once i get home and alone, its all i think about
Sugar0184: yeah
Sugar0184: well
DarkAnglSlayer: i think im just lonely, like, maybe meant to be or so.
Sugar0184: who is trying to stop u from getting with this girl
DarkAnglSlayer: i dunno, and she would tell me if i asked but i know she doesnt want to and so i want to respect her and not ask..
Sugar0184: i see
Sugar0184: that sucks
Sugar0184: geez
DarkAnglSlayer: ya..
DarkAnglSlayer: i hate me.
DarkAnglSlayer: ha
Sugar0184: dont hate u!!!
Sugar0184: looove u
Sugar0184: !!!
Sugar0184:
DarkAnglSlayer: no love no love
Sugar0184: LOVE
Sugar0184: dammit fuckin love
DarkAnglSlayer: cant love, dont even like the word]

[yes, its true, i do hate myself, isnt that strange? ha, i thought you knew. its not that i hate myself because good shit does happen to me, but when it does, and i mean, like the good shit that happens is like finding a penny in the street compared to the bad shit that comes afterward. anyways. so... nikki is sick :( and well i hope she feels better, but ya. i miss her already. ha, i just spoke to her last night, ha. anyways. um, lets see my homecoming is comin up, i dunno if i go. a girl named monique wants to go with me, but i wouldnt mind taking nikki. :) i dun think she'd go with me, ha, we're supposed to do something next saturday, either dancing at a club, street racin or somethin else. i dunno, it will be fun. she has the cutest little voice ever. anyways..]

[well, now im bored. what am i going to doooooo. somebody rescue me, come over or something. ha]

[ http://entertainment.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=538705 ]

[ http://entertainment.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=537775 ]

[ http://texaschainsawmovie.com ]

5 comments|post comment

why are people always tryin to ruin a good thing. [04 Sep 2003|09:12pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | Greenday - Time Of Your Life | Less Than Jake - WereAllDudes ]

[**: awww
**: omg wtf, my friend is really starting to piss me off
DarkAnglSlayer: why?
**: "15 ppl have told me to watch out for him and they say when you first meet him hes realy nice and cool then he starts to change"
DarkAnglSlayer: ?
DarkAnglSlayer: change how
**: *shruggs*
DarkAnglSlayer: erffff!!!!
DarkAnglSlayer: ha
DarkAnglSlayer: ::;shaking head::
**: yup yup
**: wow, small font....but ahh this crap is pissin me off now.....someone's gonna get a butt whoopin
DarkAnglSlayer: me sad..
**: awww, y?:-(
DarkAnglSlayer: because i wanna know who thinks they know me and why they are out to make other people hate me and stuff
DarkAnglSlayer: :-(
**: :-(
**: seems like he's trying to make me dislike u

Auto response from DarkAnglSlayer: [i stepped out so... in the mean time, download: Hatebreed - I Will Be Heard, Radiohead - Sail To The Moon, Liam Lynch - United States Of Whatever, My Chemical Romance - Drowning Lessons, Incubus - Just A Phase, and Glassjaw - Cosmopolitan Bloodloss.]

DarkAnglSlayer: ya
**: all he is doing is making me more and more mad at him
DarkAnglSlayer: ask why he hates me so much or somn? what did i ever do to him
**: ok that's a bunch of bull shit
**: he said the teacher that found the site told him about it
DarkAnglSlayer: if a teacher found a site with a list of people whom i supposedly said should die i would be expelled
DarkAnglSlayer: expelled and arrested
DarkAnglSlayer: unless i could afford jonny cocran
DarkAnglSlayer: which i assure you, is way out of my bduget
**: I know, i believe you
DarkAnglSlayer: thank you]

[arg, i hate some people, especially those from msl. ya, i said it, i hate some of you people out there. i never said i'd kill any of you, i may have threatened you in class to give you an open can of wup-ass but i never told nobody i'd kill em cept for my stepmom.]

[this girl is awesome, yet, some people always gotta fuck with things. i dont even know this dude, yet he's tellin her that he heard from an msl 'teacher' that i made a hitlist online or somn and that blah blah i threatened to kill people and that im some big stoner and that im a racist and etc etc. fuck that shit. people who know me better can verify im none of those. i had some shit between me and tiffany haeberlein last year, i admit it, and it wasnt pretty, and rumors went flying left and right out of it, and well emily and i are all cool again so thats awesome, i dont talk to tiffany, angie, kelly, or any of the people i used to hang out with -except occasionally i get snapped on by carissa, i talk to emily alot, and sean whenever hes not busy, elliott still tries to talk to me and scott will only say hi n stuff when the others arent around him, but whatever, i dont make an effort to talk to them much, mostly because i dont want to start shit up again. whatever, im sick of this shit. people need to grow the fuck up.]

2 comments|post comment

its 4:20 am... [31 Aug 2003|04:22am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | [Don't Ask] How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days ]

[and all i am doing is sitting here. ha, i could sleep, ha, but i dont want to. too much is going on. hmm, so yesterday i flipped out, not so good but i guess im better now. stephanie wants to reconsile and well, i dunno. is that what i want too? i mean, shes great, but... see the thing is, its not her or so, its me, its having a relationship period. i don't know if i want to be attached right now. she asked me for an answer tonight and i couldn't give her one, even though the fact that i don't really want any sort of relationship right now was at the top of my mind. im going to check my email, so bare with me here for a moment.]

[ha ok, then again, reconsiling might not be on the top of her mind because as it looks she is going to date a guy named jeff. hmm. whatever. i dun think it will happen. i mean, between me and her. im not good enough or hmm, how can i put this, im not what people expect. i seem all whatever when you first meet me but in the end im just as thickheaded and argumentative as the rest of my family. i mean, just look at my last post, i just went bizarre, ha.]

[anyways, i think im going to call it quits on any attempt to having a relationship for the next few weeks or maybe even months. i need to get my shit straight, and then i need to sit down and pick who i wanna be. i mean, ha, not like theres a list 'oo which personality am i going to be today?' type of thing, but like, am i going to be happy and cheerful, am i always going to mask my contempt, or am i going to be wild and care free like who i really am, a say-whats-on-your-mind but also be gentle, caring and lookout for other's feelings. being me always gets me into trouble tho.]

[hmm but i care for stephanie and i want to try this again. but first i need to take a good look at the outer me or some psycological bullshit specialness, you know? first i need to make sure 'hey, are you happy, and can you keep it together' and decide if i want to be very serious about it or if its just a fling thing. hmm, i hope she will understand, as she tells me she has very strong feelings for me, but i don't know if i can believe it. i mean, shit my dad tells me he loves me, and i dont believe him, you know, its hard for me to trust when people throw around words so easily these days just to get what they want at the moment.]

[anyways, cocknibblers, im out, watchin the mooovay. so night night.]

[happy birthday to my mom.]

[i lurve everwood.]

[Ephriem
Ephriem: You are the outcast. You walk alone and
you like it that way. You often get really
angry and when you do you have no problem
expressing your anger, even though you
sometimes hurt those you truly love. You care
more then you show and you are very emotional,
though most people wouldn't guess that at first
glance.


Which Everwood character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla]

[Ephram-

You rock. There is just nothing else to say. You
read Yu Yu Hakusho and have a Ranma 1/2 shirt,
have the most amazing hair on TV....and erm,
are an amazing person. You have an amazing wit
and understanding of people, plus you are very
noble. You lack a bit in common sense
sometimes, but you're always calm and
collected, even when you do something stupid.
And you are GOD.


Which Everwood Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla]

[

Take the Which Everwood Character Are You? Quiz.

By: Charlotte]

[ha, two eph's and an amy. wow.]

4 comments|post comment

you cant see how much i hate myself. [30 Aug 2003|03:29am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | Everclear - Unemployed Boyfriend ]

[not only do i hate myself for being a fool, but i hate myself for hating myself because i have been a fool. it doesn't make any sense, i know, because it doesnt make any sense to me either, but thats what is goin around and thats what it says to me. i fuckin fell for it again, fuckin hope, fuckin 'love'. they weren't far off when they said 'ain't life & love a bitch?' because i swear to god that whatever good comes along, theres someone out there who really fuckin hates me and always has to challenge that goodness right off the bat. i mean, whatever. sex destroys, im telling you that right now, dont ever engage in it until you get to know the other person completely because all it is is just a rush of fuckin emotions and once its over, just the way your bodily fluids leave you, so do those fuckin fake emotions which you so believed in. i fuckin held onto mine, i was content, and i was genuwinely happy for the first time in a long time and then BOOM that shit hits the fuckin fan and goes everywhere. now look at me, whats left but some pathetic fuckin sack of shit. what happened to all the 'i love yous' and the 'you're beautifuls' i mean, what did i do to make those go away? i didn't sleep with or date anyone else since fuckin wednessday, and well maybe my mistake was not saying it back but i thought she understood why i couldn't say the words. they fuckin scare me, and call me a pussy if you want, but i dont throw those terms around because the last time i did, my fuckin 'love' died, and the time after that, the other 'love' left me. so excuseeeeeeee me for not wanting to say the words until i fuckin had a chance to get to know you, i mean, whatever, this debate is over, obviously im not good enough, and you felt the need to remove me from your life already as if i didnt fuckin exist so, whatever, fuck this bullshit. im so sick of myself and i dont know if i can live with myself any longer. suicide is not the answer, just a selfish mistake, but so what, maybe its time i started thinking about ME for once, maybe its time to be selfish. goodbye.]

11 comments|post comment

ooness [28 Aug 2003|02:57am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers ]

[oo, with my facination of Lord Of The Rings, The Dark Tower Series, and several fantasy and other stories, i have created a journal for the soul purpose of writing my own story. ha. check it out from time to time. http://www.blurty.com/users/thefailingstar ]

1 comment|post comment

mars and moon meet earth tonight, 12:30. [27 Aug 2003|12:41am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers ]

[ read why you should care. ) ]

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hmm today. [26 Aug 2003|10:23pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers ]

[well, i got up early for once, around 8:30/9, and got dressed and stuff. went outside for a bit, soaked up the cool mornin air. the cats were driving me crazy so i had to get out for a while. i went to walmart, got lord of the rings 2 for 15 bucks... um then when i watched the special features it said that the extended version -just like with the first one- is comin in nov and will contain the deleted scenes and i find that so bogus but whatever. sorry if im a little short with everything, im still a little in a bad mood from some comment-conversation i had with someone. anyways. um, hmm. well, anyways, after i bought the movie -it was 11 by then- i went to blockbuster to check on my application, i wanna work there or best buy but i will be workin at kohls as it seems. anyways, ya and then i stopped by a friend's house for a bit. went home to make some dinner, chris called me up, was coming from the studio and decided to stop by. he had to leave again round 6 to pick up his girl from work. but it was cool, i made 15 dollars, well ya because i made these cds for him before i left for europe and he hadn't picked them up, so instead of 2 bucks a piece, he paid me 5. oo.]

[um, after that, mum came home, ate some fried chicken and taters with me, then i left for a while, took a walk and also stopped by another friend's house. then i came home, popped in lotr2 and got online and now im here. hmm. im so bored, someone should come over. it doesn't matter when, im up till usually 4 am or something. ha. well, i better go, see ya around.]

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i need somn to do. [26 Aug 2003|10:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers ]

[
Which porn will you star in? by Bert
Name
Co-StarBert McCracken
Porn Star NameJessabelle Jiggles
Your RoleLonely Housewife
Title of MovieThe Booby Guard
People Who Watched672,760
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
]

[
What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex by UMAJohnnie
Name
Sexuality
Age
Most Likely to Say"Why no, I'm not Jewish."
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
]

[
If I were a [feminine] gay man... by 38886
Your name
Your Gay Man NameGeorgie
Your Gay Man OccupationFashion Consultant
Your Stereotypical Gay Man TraitCalling everyone "darling"
Your Gay Man Music of ChoiceN*SYNC
Your Gay Man Cause of DeathBlood Loss (from...you know)
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
]

[
Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band NameThe Promise Ring
RoleVocalist
TrademarkMental Problems
Love InterestYour Next-Door Neighbour
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
]

[
what band will you get gang-banged by? by hulahoopwoundss
what band will fuck you (a lot) mewithoutyou-(they aren't really christian. it's a cover. they are whores just like you)
date it will happenNovember 5, 2008
you will meet them ata dark alley
how many STDs you catch4
money you make from the video$1,871,526
name
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
]

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today's headlines. [25 Aug 2003|12:08am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - Fellowship Of The Ring ]

[yestrday was the last of my crummy dayz.]

[well, there will be more in the future and dont worry, you will be sure to hear about them.]

[but i also realized, that there are people out there that i dont even know -and some i do, danielle, you are special!- that want to be there for me and thats a... great feeling.]

[my life at this point is like the scene in american beauty where Angela asks Lester, how he's been. and he replies 'you know, its been a long time since somebody asked me that... i'm great.' thats where my life is at the moment.]

[anyways, one thing that sucked today was i missed my chance to meet with stephanie. oh well, if i woulda told her a lil sooner that she coulda just spent the night she woulda made it, but ya, i didnt, and now that sucks... oh well, we will try again this week, maybe even tomorrow!]

[um, but the lighter news. i was at my grandpa's house today, he's recovering from a freeway/motorcycle accident. but hes doin good. ya, well, my friend kyle and i were there today, and we went swimming. from 1:20 to like 6:00 pm. no brakes -cept the bathroom- then i got out and help my grandma make dinner. after dinner -7:40+ we went back in for another hour. it was great. then i went home. and called stephanie. and she was gonna stop by, but couldnt. :( ]

[well, i'll update more later, seez yaz]

29 comments|post comment

[24 Aug 2003|11:53pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Lord Of The Rings - Fellowship Of The Ring ]

[ this is long, but its cool. so read it. ) ]

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cut and paste from livejournal [24 Aug 2003|11:47pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Autumn In New York ]

[yesterday's news.]

[rg- so you think im too old for you?]

[wr- no, no not at all. i collect antiques, or atleast, aspire to.]

[anyways, my day was well, it had its good times, but im still in a shitty mood from a bunch of other crap. sorry if i've neglected this journal, its just, i wanted to write happy things in this one and keep all the crap in my blurty, but well A) nothing is happy and B) my blurty is down at the moment.]

[how much does it take for someone to hate themselves? i think i've went past that marker three times now... i mean, i feel like everyday that goes by that i hate myself more for what im doing to myself? its not like im suicidal or anything, though i have been there before, but its like... well, look at it this way. im a 'needy' person? i mean, i can't be alone because it drives me nuts. my first true love died 5 years ago in a hospital bed while i was asleep in the waiting room. i never even got to say goodbye, because there wasn't supposed to be a goodbye. doc said she'd be goin home the next day. but things happen. either way, that tore me apart because i never got to tell her how much i loved her...]

[the second time was having to deal with a drawn out struggle between your splitting parents. now this started a year before angel died, and ended two years after. my dad cheated, but would come back and my mom would take him back, and i didnt know at first what was goin on but i covered for him a few times -hell i thought he was out with his friends and he forgot to do somethin at home so of course i covered for him- but either way, when i cracked his passwords on the comp and read his emails and everything else i saw the truth and i took my mom's side. there were heated arguments all the time, and the first time i ever was violent in my life was when my dad grabbed my mom by the shoulder and i socked him in the face.]

[a year before the divorce was final i was so sick of the fighting, so sick of the lies, and broken promises, angel was dead and i was becoming more and more angrier, thinking the whole thing was my fault and stuff, because my dad never took care of me really, it was always my mom and i thought by coming into the marriage i ruined it for him or something. either way, in california, 8th grade, 9 different times, i attempted suicide. once i went brain dead for a minute and a few seconds in the hospital bed because i lost so much blood. from wrist to elbow i cut my arms open. once i tried slitting my throat and i got caught and only put a small scar on it, which well unless you look close, you cant see it. hence me always having facial hair. there were many other things i tried but for some reason something stopped me, either someone found me afterwards or caught me by accident beforehand.]

[well either way, safe to say i became very distant with each coming year. i started to gain weight, rapidly. in 8th grade i was 5'6, and 110 pounds, and by 9th grade i was 5'61/2 and 205 pounds. in one year i almost doubled in size. i gained about 30 more in tenth grade because i had low self esteem and couldnt stop eating and things, i didnt have many friends, and the friends i did have we did simple things like video games, movies at home or at the theater, concerts, and just sitting around. last year, i did the atkins thing, and went from 258 to 197, which was really good, took me 10 weeks. then of course i was goin to germany and didnt want to do atkins there -all the good foreign food i dont get in america, you cant skip out on it- and so when i got back on the 7th i was back at 223. now, since i haven't really done shit about it except i go running sometimes, and play some basketball by myself, i am at 228. i feel fuckin fat, i', only 5'8 now, and so thats real bad, and i fuckin hate the way i look, even if i was back to like 150 or what not, i would still think im ugly because its so buried in my mind. im not shallow myself, i don't go for looks in other people or anything, but its like, i have this thing where i think even if the woman isnt shallow, she still wants a good looking man and i dont fit those qualifications so of course im no good to anyone.]

[one girl, according to a friend of hers, thought i was creepy or something. i'll call her C.D. according to her friend, C.D. thought it was creepy that i walked her home sometime because she was on the same bus route as i was. I guess it was also creepy that i sometimes walked with her to work but whatever, i thought it was all good. i thought we were friends. according to her a few days ago, it sounded more like 'when were we ever friends?' and you can't believe how much it hurt. its not like i demanded to go with her or anything, i always asked, 'hey want me to walk with you or something' and if she said no, then i made sure, and if its still no i said ok and that was the end of it. but whatever, if she hates me or not, thats fine, if we weren't really ever friends, then why am i feeling so left behind or so?]

[anyhow, i'm so tired of myself though. i can bitch endlessly and nothing ever changes... well it does, but not for the better. i keep digging myself into deeper into my own hole and its my fault, and whatever may have affected me in the past there is no point in blaming it and all this post has been is a long babble of how sorry i feel for myself. i dunno what to do. i still give thought to the suicide thing, but its not an option, only a selfish choice. its just, i dont want to be so alone anymore. i just want to feel loved or wanted, like somebody out there wants to be my friend, instead of just being my friend because i have cool stuff and money. you know?]

[i dunno, i just hope there arent too many people out there like me, i hope everyone out there can lead much happier lives.]

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what my heart looks like. [23 Aug 2003|12:47am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Death By Stereo ]

[Info Black
Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla]

4 comments|post comment

ooo. [22 Aug 2003|03:11am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Almost Famous ]

[i have friends here so i can only make a half-assed post.]

[feck you!]

[heyyyyyyyy!]

[this is a house of lies!!!!!!!!!!]

[mom to son: your sister used the 'f' word.]

[i think she said feck.]

[whats the difference?]

[the letter 'u']

[mom gives evil glare]

[hahaha, i love almost famous. everyone needs to watch it and also american beauty and fast times at ridgemont high and jay and silent bob -all the movies from clerks to 'strike back'- and of course half baked, american pie collection, and dazed and confused.]

[if you wish to add other classics to this list, be my guest. haha, ooo i can't wait till kevin smith's new movie comes out! haha. i knew he couldn't leave jay and silent bob behind.]

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favorite scene in almost famous. [21 Aug 2003|02:58am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Stillwater - Feverdog ]

[and my crappy photo taking skills with my lame earthlink camera.]

[ the scene ) ]

[ya, i love this movie. i think it really shows the inside of rock n roll. especially since its based on a true story - cameron crowe's real life as a rolling stone reporter at age 15, except when all this crap happened, he was interviewing Led Zepplin instead of Stillwater.]

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you know whats awesome? [21 Aug 2003|01:29am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Thursday - A Hole In The World ]

[emily imed me and she said hi, and we're talking. thats awesome. ive been such an ass to her. more than an ass. and now after what, almost a year we are talking again. thats a long time.]

[i almost am at tears? i cant believe how much i missed her.]

[also, everyone join: http://www.blurty.com/community/yourheartinhand/ ]

[im so proud to have a journal of my own.]

[anyhow. i haven't eaten since monday and now, its 2:14 am and officially thursday. i wonder if i can hold out not eating till... school starts? ha, maybe my fat ass will lose more weight. gawd im so ugly. the very first picture in the bottom rows there, was taken from this afternoon right, but the ones like where i look semi skinny were from this summer, look how much weight i gained and only in like 3 weeks. fuckin christ. i either need to stick to the atkins diet and stop making exceptions, or fuckin keep on starving myself. whichever works. i cant do both at the same time.]

[any other advice?]

[ best scene in Almost Famous ]

[ an interesting convo ) ]

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ooo pix. [20 Aug 2003|10:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Thursday - Jet Black New Year ]

[i just got my crappy earthlink digicam to work. so ive takin one picture. haha. the rest ive had i just found em on a cd on my desk. whoa. ha]

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[enjoy hahaha.]

[and i know im ugly, you dont have to post a comment saying that. haha.]

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