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jessica - allman brothers |
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this is the worst year ever, like literally. i'm not even joking.
First of all, crew completely sucks. i hate louis and he should be fired, he's an asshole and he completely hates me and i never ever get to row, and it's not even like i'm doing anything at all i just sit in the launch all practice and im not even allowed to talk, and it's not even like i get to row sometimes or like other people ever sit in the launch becuase everyone else gets to row except for me, i'm always the last person he puts in a boat and i'm always always the only one on the launch and it's been like this for 2 weeks without a reason. he hasn't even said anything to me about it yet, hes just given us the lineups and told me i was on the launch.
Second of all, this year is so much harder than last year and i was totally unprepared for it, and now i've got so much work and i'm failing almost all of my classes and there's absolutly nothing i can do about it because most of my teachers dont come before school and i've only got four opens and after school i've got to attend a practice inwhich i sit on a launch and do nothing.
Third of all, everything is so messed up because i never see any of my regular friends anymore and now i'm just like basic friends with people, but not really like good friends like i wouldn't call any of them up on the weekends and ask them to do stuff or anything, and i never really get to see anyone really so i'm basically by myself here becuase i can feel everyone else drifting.
Fourth of all, aside from having the worst possible birthday ever, the only present i got that i liked was this pearl and gold bracelt from my dad that i loved, except 4 days after my birthday it fell off and i don't konw where it went and so after looking everywhere for a week i told my dad, except now i can't get a new one because aside from the fact that it was really expensive, it was 'one of a kind', aka they dont make any more, so it's not even possible to buy another one anywhere and i dont think they have anything else like it.
Fifth of all, i think i've been off my medication for too long, no joke, and i've been having a lot of mood swings lately and i've just been in like this constant bad mood all the time and i'm always pissed off or just really mad at people or crying or something and it's just really aggrivating and fusterating, and i'm not even seeing my therapist anymore and of course i'm not going to TELL my mom that i need to see her because then i'd have to tell my mom why and both my mom and i know that i can't talk to my therapist (or my mom) for that matter because its just something that i mentally or physically cannot do, i don't even know why but i can't do it.
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high