9:24PM - *shakes head* what the FUCK was I thinking?
Oh my Lord. Please, someone needs to just stab me. Seriously. It was a weird, bad, bad night.
"I don't believe in sure things, there's pain in what the truth brings."-NFG
Some of it was funny. Some of it sucked. Fuck my life man. Seriously, I suck at life.
Random quotes from last night:
"I keep drinking this and it just keeps tasting worse and worse...I don't think it's supposed to happen like that."me
"Sarah, come here...I'm FUCKED UP!"Jamie
"95% of guys masterbate and only 6% of men need extra large condoms." Cosmo
"Please just finish power hour with me. Someone...Please?" Jamie
"Is this your beer? Do you want more?"Bizzer
"I just can't deal with all the head, guys."me
And then the badness began to happen. There is a knock on the door. Some boys from upstairs came down to drink with us. It was alright for a while until there weren't enough chairs for our drinking game. I had to sit on this boy's lap. That mixed with the drinking lead to us sitting on the futon trying to get The Goonies to play. At that point Jamie begins to be kissed by the other boy. Needless to say we started kissing and then ended up leaving Jamie's room and going back to his room. I'm sorry, but if you have a tiny penis you need to give a girl some warning or something.....and if you do have a tiny penis please learn how to use it. Size doesn't have to matter. You know how when you don't want to see someone you start running into them everywhere? I fear that that's gonna start happening with this boy. And I just don't know if I can look him in the eye and not start lauging when I talk to him. Especially if he's all like "how you doin?" if you know what I mean.
*sigh*
Depressing. Fuckin depressing. I really can't deal with this anymore. I just wanna kill myself. Someday I will find out why I do stupid things and then I will stop doing them. I hope anyway.
I want to just run away.
Far away. And NEVER come back. And NEVER look back. And just stop fuckin caring about the bullshit I can't change and I can't control.
I think I just need to grow the FUCK up.
Man, kill me now.
karma: 'kar-muh (n.) The accumulation of energies due to one's actions or beliefs in both this life and previous incarnations, which directly affects one's existence in both this life and future lives.
I fear I have some bad, bad, bad karma.
"I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes, tell me everything is wonderful now..... I don't wanna hear you say that I will understand someday."-Everclear
Plus Bizzer apparently left us last night and went and stood on a bridge. Contemplating jumping off it. And now she is hardly talking to me and she said she wants to be left alone. I can't deal with this shit too. I love her to death, but I really can't deal with the drama. I hate drama. I feel bad for her, but I just don't really know what to do to help her. And it's not like she wants to even talk about it. I just don't know what to do about it really.
I'm so pissed off. I can't even deal with life right now.
I'm gonna go and try to figure out what to do about my life. Maybe I can figure something out. If I can't, then I might kill myself. Okay, bye.
pissed off