Feel like a slut - dont care actually, want more!!!
Current mood: horny.
Current music: meet me in the red room - Amiel.
Shitty moody bloody piss-off mood today!!!
Must be something to do with fuckin PMS cos I am biting everyones head off and being extremely irritating and irritated. And talk about mood swings!!!
I started off in such a deleriously happy mood this morning! I was laughing at everything and being generally nice and loving.
And then the fucking teachers got under my skin calling me Bex (Bex is a fat ugly name) and my friends contradict themselves which just made me more annoyed (saying stuff like 'be more organised Becca' I say 'Yeah, I'll sort out my books' and they reply 'but you Wont Becca, you never do! So why ask me to do something you know I wont do, huh?)
Grrrrness of anger. My psycology friend Rachel told me I need anger management, my mum suggested counsoling for all the panic attacks I keep having. GOD I HATE LONDON SIXTH-FORM! And why do all the rich toffs in buisness suits keep impersonating bloody old cockney? One of them said 'nice jam-jar' as I walked past. Probably thought jam-jar is code for some random thing like ars or tits So I just gestured 'up yours' and said 'I dont own a car, stupid fuckers' .
Any other day and I would have just been nice and gone 'jam-jar means car.................you ponces!'
Current mood: infuriated.
Current music: Local God - Everclear.
So...I now have more than table napkins, printer paper and school books to scribble in - I have a blurty journal! Many random things will be written in this journal, mostly the deranged jottings of storylines and continuations of notes I have already begun. But not only that,I may just write a little of my life here. Like, the past week has been incredible. A great thing happens, because Lyle will illustrate Riahleof, and then the most mind-blowingly shite thing happens when my best friend tells me she is emmigrating to new Zealand. I love New Zealand, but my problem is that she has always been my bestest friend and is probably THE PERFECT friend. And New Zealand is the furthest away from London you could possibly get!!!
I was actually in shock for 20 secs. Everyone who was told started crying etc. because she really is the most unique friend, and I was just standing there feeling totally normal but knowing that I should be upset. I didn't feel numb or absent, I just felt normal when I should have been sad. And I said to her "I must be in shock Meesh" and she was crying and then suddenly, almost as if I had stopped watching everything and become part of it I started to cry so hard it was incredible. Its just I've been friends with her since I was 6 and 10 years of having a best friend and then getting told she is moving away...
but we have 5 months still before she goes, and I will email her and go to visit her when I have enough money (I would ask my parents to give me money, damn the 'freedom' of moving out)
And everything will be fine, besides Russ said he would help think of a good leaving present for her, so everything should be o.k. I hope.
Current mood: indescribable.
Current music: Moulin Rouge soundtrack.