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[26 Nov 2003|08:44pm] im bored. someone im me. ocoralxfango : Ahh Pssh..

[18 Nov 2003|07:37pm] You are i am a revenant (sing sing death house) You Love Brody too : Ahh Pssh..

[16 Nov 2003|12:43pm] [ mood | depressed ] okay....i'm really getting sick of everyone and their mother ignoring me. i know that sounds so ignorant, but that's all that happens. i will talk, and people will either talk right over me or ignore me. im really the kind of person that love to express their feelings if they are strong. and i do that. and im sick of getting ignored for it, or told i'm wrong. what you feel CANT be wrong. you KNOW what you feel. i really love kirsten, i do. but i'm SO sick of it. i am. it makes me so exhausted and depressed. and it makes me feel so horrible about mylself. it really does... i hate to say this, but i have three big gashes on my stomach....from myself. and i HATE admitting that im weak. because that what cutting is to me . and i am. i'm so weak, eomtionally, physically and mentally. jsut because of all this stress. over kirsten and jason. and everything. argh. i dont cut to die, when i get that bad, i just take pills. alot of them. i did that twice this summer. or i get so stoned that i cant remember my name. and thats how i cope. and it's horrible. because that's what im so pissed at jason for. but pot and heroine are two totally different things. but i cut to relieve stress, since no one is around for me to talk to. or no one listens. argh. whatever. i SO wanna go home. or i wanna call kir, cuz that makes me feel a wee bit better....most of the time. but i feel horrid and it sucks : Ahh Pssh..

[16 Nov 2003|12:19pm] [ mood | crappy ] okay yeah..... we stayed up till 6.... well everyone else did. andi stayed up longer. and i cried myself to sleep. because i miss jason. and i feel like i have no friends. but yeah. this was short. i have nothing else to say. : Ahh Pssh..

[14 Nov 2003|11:49pm] [ mood | depressed ] okay yeah. i'm fucking screwed. and i thought about it today, and i really have NOTHING at all in my life to live for. No one loves me. The one person i do love doesnt like me at all. she can't even call me when i say i need her. i just feel like alot of shit right now. and it really sucks. i just feel like i wanna cry and not stop and then sleep and not wake up. and my friend told me today that i do this for attention, but if i wanted attention, i would get attention. i just wanna be left alone to die now. argh. and i had such a good night. katie and shannon make me feel better all of the time. "i asketh you to removeth your headeth from my boobeth." haha. they're great. i hope tomorrow makes me feel better. well, no, i KNOW tomorrow will make me feel better. i just wanna talk to kir and ask her a few things. but yeah..... i really just wanna ask kir that if things go the way she wants with steve, if she'll never speak to me again. because, well, steve doesnt like me. and if he told her not to ever talk to me again, she might. if just to please the boy of my dreams. which would mean the girl of my dreams would be gone to me. i'd probably just die and be done with it. i dunno. . . i sound so fucking pathetic. and yeah, i dont know why steve hates me so much. it kinda makes me feel shitty. i never did anything to the boy. im not gonna say that im not jealous of him, but i never hated him. but i've been very polite to him when he's answered kir's phone and i think that might've surprised him a little. or maybe it was the fact i sound overly cheerful and i really shouldnt because i feel like i wanna die. ahh pssh. i miss jase. and i need him. but i cant talk to him. i cant trust him anymore. he broke a promise to me. i'm gonna either go try to sleep, which wont happen, i havent had more than 2 hours a night for three weeks.so i'll probably end up playing xbox. the span of my non-existant social life, waiting for someone to actually call my phone....and me ot texting them first. or calling them first. argh. at school on monday, im requesting hugs. so anyone who wants to offer them, im accepting. : 2 buh duh. - Ahh Pssh..

[13 Nov 2003|08:40pm] [ mood | annoyed ] ah. me and jason are no longer speaking. and i freaked out on liz. this was only like....5 minutes ago. and i regret it. but jason: you are the most ignorant piece of trash i know. you get stoned when you know that you are fucking stronger than that. all you have to do is fucking talk to liz. the girl loves you more than anything. i hate the way that girls make you vulnerable. but i like liz, buddy. and im not turned against you. im not on her side. im not on anyones side. i love ya both. but you're acting l ike a complete fucking retard and i hate you right now. i dont know when/ if i wanna speak to you again. you fucking suck, jason michael. you suck a whole lot. and other then jase. i'm so stressed. well not really. only over like...2 tthings. well. im not angry at anyone. so that's a first. im just SO worried about my report card, and kirsten. but we wont get into that. she doesnt trust me, even though she says she does, she doesnt. argh. i really just wanna become a nun and be done with it. : Ahh Pssh..

[11 Nov 2003|02:15pm] [ mood | aggravated ] ahh pssh. im bored. no one's on. and im sad. if you really want to know why. which none of you will. comment. : 3 buh duh. - Ahh Pssh..

[10 Nov 2003|08:02pm] [ mood | bouncy ] anyways. so i finally came out to kir about how i felt about her. and what she said this time, well, it made me a little bit hopeful... "my hopes are so high. your kiss might kill me. so why dont you kiss me. so i die happy." but anyways. i called liz today on my way home. and well, she told me something the would make jase sad. but it's their business. but um.... it was to distract me from peeing myself. but FUCKING LIZ HAS ADD! AND WOULD LIKE...STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE!! =P i love the girl though. that's true friendship when someone will take your mind off your bladder. i feel super good right now. cuz i saw kir's boobs....(or atleast what she has) purple looks amazing on you. =P of course, to me anything would. but yea. im getting grades soon. AHH PSSSH. all teachers: you can kiss my rosy white ass. : Ahh Pssh..

[06 Nov 2003|07:26pm] [ mood | crappy ] ahh pssh. ever had one of those days where everything is just falling and falling apart? well here's mine. and now to add to my stress ( my level's probably 3240723845 by now ), kirsten said something in her journal that made me worry about her. ahh pssh. another SLEEPLESS fucking night in buffalo. that makes what.....2 weeks? woo! record! maybe that's why i've been so irritable lately. and emo. : Ahh Pssh..

this morning [06 Nov 2003|06:47pm] 7:34 ahh pssh. i hada rough night last night. to add to my panic attack thingy, kir told me that she wasnt in love with me, but she loved me. even though i kinda knew it already, it was still a big hard cold slap in the face. i don’t care man. i love her and i can’t help that. she told me how she’s in love with steve and she can’t help that. and i KNOW how she feels. i know more then i wanna. and something that’s worrying me....what if I’m just like nicole to her? i mean....i’m not. but what if she thinks that. there’s more than obsession and even though i really don’t want there to be anything, there is. and as i’ve said before, i can’t help that. i’ve been working on trying not to love her. but like....i can’t. ahh pssh. i have shane, right? that’s all i can get.... i took the stress survey that i got in health before i left, and my level was 270. overstressed level was 150. does that tell you something? i have to go. i have to take my pills and steal jason’s sweatshirt. ohh....and i also was looking at one of the pamphlets from health. and what if you have 6 out of 7 of the signs of depression? should you seek help? : Ahh Pssh..

[05 Nov 2003|04:25pm] [ mood | accomplished ] Name: like.....real name? Lindsey...=/ Do you like it?: No. Nicknames: Morgan, Morgasm, Morgz, Slut.....+23804728365 Screen names: ocoralxfango, iohmisery Birthday: August 29 Sign: Virgo Location: Buffalo, NY School: Leonardo daVinci High School of Excellence Status: Dating on one half.....wanting on the other. Crush: 6 letter word. ends in n Virgin?: ahh pssh. Natural hair color: dirty blonde Current hair color: red Eye color: blue Height: 5'1” Birthplace: Manchester, England Shoe size: 5 Bra size: ahh pssh. barely a b i think. [ family ] Parents: ahh pssh. im an orphan. ( not really, but shhh. ) Siblings: ahh mmm.....jason is my brotha. Live with: some people that kidnapped me. Favorite relative: ahh pssh. i dont have any. [ favorites ] Number: 7 Color: pink or black Day: friday Month: june-august. sherkston time Song: as of now, “dismantle me”- the distillers Food: zesty butter popcorn Band: the distillers, rancid, afi, alkaline trio & brand new Season: summer Sport: football, but the real one, not the pansy american one. Class: ahh pssh. english. or us history, cuz there’s a hot girl. Teacher: miss A Drink: coke Veggie: Garlic green beans TV Show: General Hospital Radio Station: 103.3 Store: Hot Topic, if i must. Word: “ahh pssh.” Animal: Duckies. Flower: black roses. State: Florida [ this or that ] Me/You: You Coke/pepsi: coke Day/night: night Aol/aim: AIM Cd/cassette: CD Dvd/vhs: DVD Jeans/khakis: Jeans Car/truck: Car Tall/short: tall Lunch/dinner: lunch NSYNC/BSB: BSB Britney/Christina: PINK, FUCKERS! Gap/Old Navy: eww. neither! Lipstick/Lipgloss: lipgloss Silver/Gold: silver Alcohol/Weed: ahh pssh. Weed. [ i miss dave and trish! ] [ love and relationships ] Do you have a bf/gf?: boyfriend, yes. girlfriend, no. Do you have a crush?: ahh. pssh. we’ve gone over this! How long have you liked him/her?: since....she wanted jase Why do you like this person?: i dunno. you tell me. i cant figure it out anymore If you're single... why are you single?: im not. If you're not single... give details...: shane. 9.30.03 How long was your longest relationship?: 9 months How long was your shortest relationship?: 2 days Who was your first love?: ahh pssh.....do we HAVE to? Matt Sheehan. What do you miss about them?: his smile. and he was so sweet. [ the past ] What is the one thing you would change about your past?: getting my heart broken. x45630745 What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: ahh pssh. shoplifting? Last thing you heard: my dog yapping. Last thing you saw: general hospital? Last thing you said: ahh pssh. Who is the last person you saw?: devin Who is the last person you kissed?: um.....jason? Who is the last person you hugged?: dayna Who is the last person you fought with?: ahh pssh. jason. Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: my mom What is the last TV show you saw?: oprah What is the last song you heard?: distillers- die on a rope What are you wearing?: jeans, black and purple afi shirt and sammi’s billabong hoodie. What are you doing?: this survey shit. Who are you talking to?: ahh. pssh. i have no friends. What song are you listening to?: dad makin dinner....? Where are you?: the dining room Who are you with?: zowie! Are you online?: um....yea. How are you feeling?: depressed. what else is new? Are you in a chatroom?: nahhh. [ future ] What day is it tomorrow?: thursday. What are you going to do after this?: eat. Who are you going to talk to?: mom, dad, zowie and belle. Where are you going to go?: the park probably. How old will you be when you graduate?: 17 What do you wanna be?: an english major. that’s all i know. What is one of your dreams?: not to die alone. Where will you be in 25 years?: at this rate......dead. [ have you ever ] Drank?: yes Smoked?: yes Had sex?: ahh pssh. no...im just not a virgin cuz ....well. i’ve had sex. Stolen?: yes Done anything illegal?: yes Wanted to die?: right now in fact. Hit someone?: probably [ other ] Do you write in cursive or print?: cursive Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty What is your sexual preference?: bisexual What piercings do you have?: ears and my nipple, bitch. Do you drive?: occasionally. not legally though. Do you have glasses or braces?: glasses, contacts and retainer Did you like this survey?: -sarcastically orgasms- [ physical appearance ] What do you most like about your body?: i have nice hands? And least: my face. is so. ugly! How many fillings do you have?: 2 Do you think you're good looking?: ahh pssh. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: nope. and if they do they’re lying. Do you look like any celebrities?: ahh pssh. i wish. [ fashion ] Do you wear a watch?: yesum. it’s pink! How many coats and jackets do you own?: like...3 Favorite pants/skirt color?: black if it’s not jeans. most expensive item of clothing?: my manchester united jacket. 350 pounds in london Most treasured?: ahh pssh. my yellow pajama pants with the whole in the crotch or my lucky boxers that are acutally jasons but they’re too small cuz they were his when he was 12 and now he has a big penis. What kind of shoes do you wear?: converse or vans Describe your style in one word: not stylish? : Ahh Pssh..

[05 Nov 2003|04:04pm] [ mood | complacent ] ahh pssh. i feel like i can't breathe. i think im having another one of those anxiety attacks. what do i do? what are you supposed to do when it feels like your whole world is surreal and closing in on you. and you're losing everything that once mattered. and you realize that no one really loved you and it seems like no one ever will. and your moods just bounce around and you worry yourself so much that you throw up x15 in the school boys bathroom. i don't know what's happening, but i hate the way i feel right now. im terrified of what's becoming of me. : Ahh Pssh..

[05 Nov 2003|02:01pm] [ mood | stressed ] 2 new icons. love them. im sick. someone call me tonight at 9 and make me feel better? ahh pssh. jason skipped school again!!!!! i cant take this whole school thing anymore. how many people would hate me if i either a.) dropped out or b.) died of blood loss [ by my own doing, may i add? ] ahh pssh. no one wants me anymore. even the kinda cute girl in my us history class has to rub it in that she has someone....and well.... i dont. pssh. i really miss one person in particular. and i know that this person doesnt even like me, let alone love me anymore. i'm nothing. GOD. i sound like such a pansy. i hate being depressed! : Ahh Pssh..

yesterday. [05 Nov 2003|01:59pm] [ mood | sick ] 10-04 10:38 well, as of now.... I just finished watching the Power Rangers Turbo Movie. Ahh Pssh. How gay was that? My eye has finally gone down. ( Which reminds me, I gotta take a pill ). I actually slept more than 3 hours last night. The stress is finally not weighing me down so much. Although I get sad thinking I have to go to school again tomorrow. I watched Chicago last night. For like the 384678342 time. I was only trying to keep myself busy until Kirsten called. WHICH SHE NEVER DID! =P Oh well. It’s all good. I’m in a fairly good mood anyways. I don’t miss school at all. It seems like I’ve been out for like weeks... But yeah. Jason and Liz had another blow out. I definitely think Jase is right, I’m on Liz’s side. Jason’s making all kinds of stupid mistakes. He had heroine, again, last night. I made him flush it with me watching. He’s so super depressed, I feel bad for the kid. But I know that he scared the shit outta poor Liz. But he’s fine now, dear, just like I promised he would be. My eyes itch now. But I can’t itch them for fear of spreading the infection. AHHHHHHH. I’m like dying of boredom here. I think I’m off to play X-Box. This definitely won’t be posted till later cuz well.....no one’s home....and I can’t get the password to sign on. So yeah... 1:36 Ahh Pssh. I’ve really noticed I say that too much. Well not so much say, I type it too much. I say Ah Buh Duh too much. It works well in my household though. They’re all lunatics that suggest stupidities adn they always need to be corrected with an Ah Buh Duh. I’m about to go shower. Cuz for some strangely unknown reason, I smell. I’ve been playing X-Box for like 2 hours. That could be it. Ahh Pssh. I took new pictures last night. I used my light up Ice-y cube. And it’s blue. And I’m all blue in the picture. It’s pretty cool. Cuz you can’t see me Quasimodo-ism in it. And I have some picture of my puppy being a porn star. I think I creeped Kir out last night. I was like “ that’s the next big thing, ‘Puppy Porn Star”.” and I started singing. It was so weird. But I was in such a good mood last night. I wish my minutes were free right now. Cuz I want someone to talk to. But they’re not So I have to wait until 9 to call anyone. Who wants to be called?? Ahh Pssh. No one. That’s what I thought. Do you feel the love here? No?? Well....me either. =/ Okay. Shower time for Morgan. 2:36 okay. morgan is now a showered and clean little girl. i even got pics of jase! not very good ones, but hey. he had to run out to somewhere. ahh pssh. i dunno where he went. but im alone. =( and i have 20 minutes to play sim theme park! woo! laters fools. : Ahh Pssh..

[03 Nov 2003|08:31pm] happy birthday, kir. i love you. =/ : 2 buh duh. - Ahh Pssh..

[02 Nov 2003|08:21pm] [ mood | depressed ] dude..... i was just reading old entries in jase's journal. and i read a comment from kir. and it was when she loved him and it just hit me. she must've never loved me. because she's never ever said anything like she did there to me. ever. and it makes me even more depressed. because everything in me loves her. (even though i'm trying not to. ) and if she never loved me, i'd really like to know. because i know she doesnt love me anymore. and im trying not to love her. : Ahh Pssh..

[02 Nov 2003|05:56pm] [ mood | lonely ] ahh pssh. someone call me? 716-572-1735. i'm feeling super lonely... : Ahh Pssh..

[01 Nov 2003|09:37pm] [ mood | crappy ] ahh pssh. i definitely had fun on halloween. we drank, smoked and then made a pact by cutting our selves. it was pretty fucked cool. and i kissed some random girl. because i'm depressed of another random girl. i havent slept since thursday the 25th. and i know it's because of her. like, i dont wanna say it. because then i feel bad. but it is. no offense, 'random girl.' and like, i just called her phone. and steve said she's busy. which he's probably fucking with my head again. but i dont wanna call her house. cuz then i feel even stupider if she really is with steve. i'll just call her tomorrow. because if i ever waited for HER to call ME. i'd be waiting forever. and i dont have forever. dude, and when i talked to her on halloween. it was all cool. she assumed my friends hate her. ( which most of them do. ) i can't help that, i only tell them the truth. i dont hate her. but lately she REALLY seems to hate me. ahh. i hate stressing over her. now im all concious that im being like 'obsessive.' maybe i am. maybe i should stop. maybe i've tried! ahhh. pssh. i wanna talk to her though. like TALK TALK. im quitting this whole online thing. so if you're my friend. from out of state. you better get my cell number. or give me your number. COMMENT! ANYONE! I NEED FRIENDS. : Ahh Pssh..

[31 Oct 2003|10:36am] inner rock star: Your mama must have worried about you. The rock star part of you is all Courtney Love. As a true bad girl, you've managed to stretch the rebellion of high school into your adult life and career. Your and Courtney's success stems from a passion for shocking the world with your wild antics. The world is egging you on, and you keep thumbing your nose at it while muscling into the mainstream with overwhelming success. You've really made it, no matter what the naysayers said. Use that inner Courtney, gal. It's all on your terms now. : Ahh Pssh..

[31 Oct 2003|10:28am] My THeme Song: I Will Survive The fiery confidence you normally keep under wraps blazes in your eyes every time your theme song turns on the table. People stand back and wait to be impressed by you—whether leading a project team, or firing up for a girls' night out. You mean business and people look to your leadership because you're so sure of yourself. So whether you're looking fine in the latest styles or throwing a bone to your 70's polyester double-knit blouse, this disco anthem always reminds you that you are true to yourself and are one of the lucky few who recognize that change starts first on the inside. Whether you're in your car, at a party, or on a date, you feel more resilient than John Travolta's acting career when your song comes throbbing through the speakers. Your friends dig you because you've learned to say what's on your mind. Life's too sweet to feel hurt and misunderstood. Yes indeed, with this as your theme song, you don't have to worry about surviving. You're well on your way to succeeding. : Ahh Pssh..

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