Blurty for *0o little cool kitty o0*.

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003

Subject:a peice of heart
Time:1:30 am.
Mood: anxious.
Music:eric.
ugh cant sleep. i'm worried about myself. things i cant talk about. not really to anyone. i dont have a friend liek that. all my friends are guys and my best friend...well hes also my boyfriend so i cant talk to him about some things. it sucks, i need someone to talk to. i've never had anyone to run to for feelings liek this. i want some controll. i feel i have none at the moment. i feel the devil has me by the throat. now i'm not much on religon as far as going to church but i pray everynight ....well talk to him. about whats on my mind. i know that others think i'm a saint because i dont do drugs or smoke, dont usually cus. but still, its those little things like, being mean or not spending enough time with a friend that hurts me too. i dont know why i have such a huge consceince and others dont. i also have the hugest heart. and it gets broken so easily. party because i expect others to have as big a heart as me. i bring ppl soup when they're sick. i bring movies and company to the bored, and i take time to vist the ones i love out of the blue as often as i can. but i never receave any favors back. why not? are my friends sucky?
i dunno.
1 tried to| buy me dinner

Friday, June 27th, 2003

Time:11:35 pm.
Mood: calm.
Music:the cosby show.
so today was good we went to the park and ate kfc. it was unsual but fun. then went skating with the boys. so yeah it was blah.


i have to work a car wash tom. YAy!
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Subject:kool-aid
Time:3:23 am.
Mood: awake.
Music: The Strokes .
ooops i think i'm gonna get my brother in trouble. oh well hes not much into being nice to me. see my dad he hate us dying our hair. its a big no no. and well my brother is. hehe o well.
i dont know if i like my layout, it doesnt match but when have i ever matched. some one once told me i was no marth stewart. they told me that because i never match. like right now i'm wear a peach tee and jeans that have vertical blue stripes. and baby blue shoes, and a neon orange shoe lace. hehe crazy i know. so tell me what you think of my journal. i would like if you did.
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Monday, June 23rd, 2003

Subject:comments from everyone
Time:7:10 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:blindside.
ok so one thing has been on my mind for a while now. which is better or worse? to have sex before your married with someone you will love the rest of your life, or to have sex with the person you married and not really love them?

i have went over it and over it in my mind. is there anyway to win there? imean yeah for most its not a big deal to have sex or not. but what if you dont believe in sex before marriage and you relaly love this person and you had your chance then they die. they what? you loved them and all you have is regret. but what if you did and regreted it?


see my point;sex is risky business. love, hATE its all intertwined throughout life.
3 tried to| buy me dinner

Saturday, June 21st, 2003

Subject:will you wont you....
Time:8:06 pm.
Mood: chipper.
Music:cake.
well i havent updated all week because i've been away a camp for dance. it was hell. i hate working my ass off for our team while the others go off and be lazy. its so rude. here we seniors are trying to keep everyone in a cheerful mood and keep them moving and what do we get? a bunch of fat girls sitting around doing nothing. everynight during camp us seniors went to the gym and worked for 5 more hours getting in about 3 hrs of sleep and you know what the others did? well i know of two that went out partying and i know for sure drinking and maybe some pot. i cant wait till the school starts i'll make sure they get drug tested when they least want it. anyways i just hate them. end of story. no reason i just do.

i got some new pumas today. i love pumas they are so comfortable for ppl with high arches like me. i have a red and blue pair but now i have a baby blue and cream pair. i hopeto collect as many colors possible. i begin work for my dad mon. shouldnt be to badd all i do is file and log things and a few errands. oh and great news i'm going to london for christmas. i have no family up there i'm just going. i'm surprised they would left me go alone. i'll have tons of fun visit all the great monuments and all. i cant wait. sometimes soon i'm going to branson too. a lot of ppl are backing out of it tho and i really hate the person taking us shes a little bitch but i dont care. i'll go if i can. omg these one girls form my school they think they are all cool and stuff and everyone hates them they keep hanging out with my friends and my friends want so bad to kill them and would if they werent always so high. oh well mayeb one day they'll get hit bya bus or something.

OUt.
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Thursday, June 12th, 2003

Subject:THe MEan REds.
Time:8:13 pm.
Music:the hives.
grrr! i coudl scream! i have a horrible case of the "mean reds" and i dont care to be nice about it. i hate everyone right now. i did nothing wrong and yet who gets yelled at? yeah me. i fuck swear, my mother is the stoopidest woman alive. i'm a fucking teenager this is my last summer i will relaly have next year i'll be off at college and working my ass off because they not going to help me. so anyways i'm spending 5 hours a day at cpep so i can get inot a good college. and 12 plus hours dancing my ass off to be good, which i really shouldnt because no one else fucking does and were going to suck ass. because they are abunch of lazy fuckers. and might i add i'm the skinniest if that says anything i'm weighing in at less than a hundred and they have ceculite on there asses and thighs. so back to my point, my mom wont let me hang out with my friends, shes all like ugh no you have to stay home and clean, well tonite i'm gong to kill her. thats bullshit. i'm working my ass of and i desever some fun. whiel shes got three other kids at home getting fat becaue they sit in front of the tube eating twinkies. well hell get their fat ass up to clean house not me. and i called eric to talk because i needed to get rid of some stress, and he always gets mad at me for not caring or listening and the just fucking did it to me and now he wonders why i'm being so mean? what the fuck! i'm sitting there talking about how horrible my day is on the fone and hes like uhh i gotta go, i nedd to drive home. well what about every other day you talk to me whiel your driving. but he was at the skate park so i know he really blew me off for skating. what a shit head. now hes all mad because i'm being mean to him but shit i can. so grrr. i'm going to kill all the stoopid ppl.

maybe i just need to count to ten, but honestly just venting all that really helped. so im not mad anymore.


OOOH i got the COOLest underRoos last night. ok so i live in AR so WAL-Mart is it. anyways i got ones that say rockstar all over them. and they are blue. i love them, they are boy shorts cut. so comfy! and i've lost 8 lbs. making my 10 lbs. shy of 100. yeah do the math. ppl are gonna think i starve myself but i eat all the time. its just that i move around all the time too. i'm never still and dance has made me even more active. but yeah i cant do a double turn for anything today and soem how i'm suppose to try out for all stars,which requires a double turn.


BAH! i hate lazy ppl, they are making us look bad because they wont try things. liek all the girls on our team that said they knew how to do axles cant and i did one the first time i tried yesterday. yeah becaue they are lazy and they suck. HAHA i'm better than them. besides they are skanks. and our sponsor and the captain want to kick them off. they are just wait for them to screw up so they are gone.


i wish i had a hot tub. and i realy hate when parent wont trust you after you screw up. its bull. i lied once about who i spent the night with and now shes "thinking" about lett ing my stay with katie but hell its planned two weeks in advance and that was 4 months ago i did that.

MY BOY FRIEND IS STOOPID, dogs are smarter than him. what the hell am i doing.
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Monday, June 9th, 2003

Time:9:03 pm.
Mood: drained.
Music:phantom planet-lonely day.
so i relaly havent shown my true side here, well first off i've had this journal for a week now. and secondly i havent talked about much other than my boyfriend i've missed so much.so here you go, see another side...



uh dance is going to kill me. if not all the hard work put into it or all the money and time spent. my friends, i know its kinda prepy to me on a team or in a sport in school but i dont give a fuck. i liked to dance when i was younger and so why not try it out for size now? we had practice today. it was hardcore

anyways i cant wait to rock out tom. we havent had a band practice with all of us together in 2 weeks, i'm so feeling it right now. i really want to have another show like vinos. were having a promo at the band house again soon. hopefully this time no drug and parents. we had an incident last time but the parent was oblovious (sp) to the weed a kid was somking out side. anyways today me eric and eric have decided to make a skate video staring us three and of course *the mexican* ooh its gonna kick ass. we bought new skate shoes today it was a whopping 80 bucks but i think they will be worth it. no other place in town to buy them really. and while in one store we found black and pink vans so me, eric and eric decided to but them so that we can all be super sexA.

i stole lacys dog collar today, i miss that puppy so much. i wore it in town,i think i might have scared ppl. mowwhaha.
i scored a 24 on the act for the first time taking it. i guess thats good, surpringly tho, my english was my lowest. not my math.

so yeah i'm off to dinner, HUmmelstein OUt!
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Sunday, June 8th, 2003

Subject:its not easy to like it
Time:11:34 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:dc.
my cupcake came back to me this afternoon. a lot sooner than planned. and so somehow we got on the subject of planning a life... just for fun because we both know the odds and then said something about shellie. i dont car much for shellie being so close to him. i trust them both but i hate that he can tell her things he cant tell me. he can tell her his fantasys. so i finally got him to tell me one. now i'm the kinda person who waits till marriage for sex. hes not. but he will waitfor me. but he tried to explain it to me and i just dont get it. why not wait? i've heard it makes it such much more special. because ppl make mistakes and who knows how many ppl you will have sex with before you find the one. and by then its not as special becasue you had to make it seem special with the others to put your mind at ease. psychologly we need just one person and something special or insecurities occur and then its all down hill. maybe i'm wrong but what if i'm not? what do you think? is there someone out there that sees what i see? why is marriage not a big deal him? he says its just words but i think its so much more....but i dont know what. put my mind at ease, why? does he say this because hes made a mistake already and cant take it back so he says that to not feel so bad for it.

anyways on a lighter note his dream of us together is just like mine. we had the same dream the other night. i know something is here between us. and he todl me whiel away every night at about two he woudl sit out on the ship and look out on the water and would wisper i love you and think of kissing me good night. and thats so funny that i worte that in a previous journal that i felt that. we both had a dream that we woke up next to each other married years from now. we lived in a beach house, our room was white and the floor was cherry just like the furniture. and the wall the bed was against was covered in black and white pictures and we had white sheets and blankets which is funny because thats how i've always wanted a room.




hummelstein OUt!
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Saturday, June 7th, 2003

Subject:one more day going by...
Time:5:34 pm.
for your amusement....


You Are Beauty
You are Beauty.

You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


i think many would agree that this suits me.


You're Tinkerbell!
Tinkerbell


Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
brought to you by Quizilla


this one too!


mysterious
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


umm


Your the Hives! Go and show off by putting it on
your livejournal or wherever.


Which the band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


you're into alternative!
alternative


-- What Type of Rocker Are You? --
brought to you by Quizilla


i'd like to think more indie but hey whatever.
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Subject:jumping saquach in a pudding factory
Time:2:08 am.
yeah so since no one is aware i have another journal besides my deadjournal. i wrote a very similar update as the last one on here. and it was so funny, some tool wrote a comment that said:You are fucking stupid. For some kind of fucked up reason you get off on people feeling sorry for you. GROW UP'

how funny is that? i have no clue where they thought i was "getting off'" on ppl feeling sorry for me sounds like a certain someone i know that is highly jealous of me and stated that to me once before. but i coudl care less about that. however when i go to a random journal i never leave a comment unless they stated that they would like anyone to leave a comment or asked a question. and even then i often refrain because its hard to make an accurate depiction of a person from one or two entries or even readin their whole journal. i think we are more complex than that.

dance team is going pretty good besides the point we are severly unorganized and half our ppl never show up to practice. i get to be in the front the whole time in the day we learned today. and the kitty thats teaching us the dance was telling us about camp since this is the first year for our school to have a dance team. and i really dread it, sounds so stoopid and fake. i really love dance but i hate authority, and one of the things we have to do are called "drill downs" which is like military drills. which is stoopid. we are comming to learn dance not to be in rotc. we cant look at the ppl, we cant smile and blah blah blah. i know i'm going to bust out laughing during it and get out. i could care less if i get a ribbon or not. but of course we have to stay on the sponsors' good sides so we have to brown nose and all that fun stuff.

haha there was the little kid that was in the parking-lot today who climbed out the sun roof and on top of the jeep. must have been about 2 and we was as cute as a button, he waved as me and said "good bye lady" it was cute.

i hate scary movies. i was never allowed to watch them really till now so when i see them they freak me out horribly, like wrong turn. and of course after the movie stidman was " i'm glad i dont live near the woods. i feel sorry of ppl that do. i live in the woods. i will never verture into them again. well now very soon anyways. although for our summer movie, we might do parody of it. i wish i woudl have helped bry with ghetto godfather now. i would have liked to be in that movie.

hummelstein out!
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Monday, June 2nd, 2003

Time:11:51 pm.
oh i miss my cupcake, hes in the bahamas right now. i wish i could be too. ever miss someone, and you know they miss you too, and every once in a while you can feel them missing you, saying in their mind, i love you and cant wait to get back and see you? i felt that last night, i know its silly. but i think we can, not so much esp but a mutual feeling, talk to each other. but i hope hes having fun, i hope he gets a tan, hes a little "glow in the dark" but hey hes irish. me i'm brown without a tan well more olive. he looks twice as white next to me. its funny that i miss him, sometimes i really want to be without him, i want to have a choice i want to flirt, but then i realize how this town is full of jerks and hes so sweet to me, hes the best there is for me at this moment. so why not hang on to him?
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Subject:day one....
Time:4:56 pm.
Mood: creative.
Music:olp.
these journals seem a little more complicated to handle than my dead journal, oh well i want this one to write anything i want and not have my friends see it. this will be for my true feelings.
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Blurty for *0o little cool kitty o0*.

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You're looking at the latest 12 entries.