chronically insane's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2006-08-28 22:56

why are you doing this to me? you broke my heart and shattered my world,
then you pull this kind of shit. tell me you miss me then just dont talk to me
at all? what kind of games are you trying to play with me! don't you realize how
much you've fucked me over already? i'm not a ragdoll you can just throw on the
ground and leave until you get bored again. your taking advantage of me, you
know you control everything i do. you know i would do anything for you. so why
are you trying to hurt me?

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Date:2006-08-16 22:16

your bone like fingers snape around my neck,
make it hard to breathe, but you wont kill me.
you'll hold me here until im a mental wreck.
i cant move, i cant leave, im stuck
just you and me, im trapped here beside you,
this will be the end of me, im shit out of luck.
your eyes are wide and your hands cold,
i can see that your tired, you wont last to long
so young on the outside, but so old
you have no reason to be mad,
why dont you let go, leave me alone
nothing is ever this bad.

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Date:2006-08-07 07:55

she walks to the end and looks over the edge
her heart is racing, but she isnt scared
she knows what shes doing, shes planned it all out
shes going to let go, shes going stop the pain
she sits down with her legs over the edge,
and sings her favorite lullaby.
she closes her eyes and feels the breeze,
drying the tears on her face.
she reaches into her pocket, and pulls out some paper
messy words and tear stains, its barely visible
"you were my rock, my shoulder to lean on.
you are my life, i am nothing without you.
im so scared you'll leave me, and i guess
i was right. without you i am dead,
nothing but a shell"
she folds the paper, and places it in her lap.
getting to her feet, she takes a long breathe.
she unfolds the paper, and leans over the edge.
shes falling, and she just cant let go.
her body is smashed, and so is her heart.
beside her lies a paper, with her blood and her tears.

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Date:2006-08-07 07:44

hes pushing her under, drowning her
his hand is covering her face, shes swallowing water
she grabs his arm, and it is cold
from the blood pumping from his ice cold heart.
she touches his face, and feels tears.
he didnt want to hurt her, but it had to come to this
she puts her hand on his heart, and feels nothing
its killed him inside, and hes gone for good.
she holds his hand, and feels him squeeze,
to let her know, its okay to let go.

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Date:2006-08-07 07:38

his grip is tightening,
now shes screaming.
she is slowly fading,
and she looks into his eyes,
hoping to see a glimmer,
of the man she loves.
the love is replaced,
now there is hatred.
she struggles to hold on,
she struggles to live,
but his hands are tightening,
squeezing the life out of her,
and she cant feel anything,
but the loss of his love.

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Date:2006-08-07 07:35

i decided that this was the end,
you were to far gone, to hurt to mend.
you said i lied, you said i didnt care
but you know this love, was to hard to bear.
i couldnt commit myself, to loving you
and being happy, is something im not used to.
its not my fault, you cant blame me,
i loved you, and thats how it will always be.
i couldnt trust you, no matter how much i cried,
i couldnt tell you, and inside i slowly died.
i wanted so hard, to let myself go,
to feel your love, that i will never know
i lost my chance, i waited to long,
and only know do i know, how i was so wrong.

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Date:2006-08-07 07:35

these walls surround me, and lock me in,
where i am tormented, by my every sin.

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Date:2006-07-08 02:19

maybe, baby, we could rewind
maybe, baby, we could turn back time
put it in reverse, call it clockwork
put it in reverse, simple clockwork
i'll love you and you'll love me
live a lie, pretending to be happy
together we will stay, forever bound
together we will stay, until buried under ground
it was never supposed to end, but we broke and didnt bend,
excuses say we drifted away but there is no way,
there was to much to say, to much love in the air,
it was more then you could bare, this is where we ended up
clenched teeth and glares, you know deep down it isnt true,
i will always love you, and you will always love me,
theres nothing you can do.

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Date:2006-06-19 01:17

i take this bottle hand in hand,
and i get taken to a land,
where nobody yells and nobody screams,
no more night mares, just pleasent dreams.
i am happy for once, carrying a smile,
this is happy, if only for awhile.

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Date:2006-05-28 15:22
Subject:--books to read

Prozac nation : young and depressed in America Show details
by Wurtzel, Elizabeth
Houghton Mifflin, 1994
Call #: W971P

Bitch : in praise of difficult women Show details
by Wurtzel, Elizabeth.
Doubleday, 1998.
Call #: 305.42

More, now, again : a memoir of addiction Show details
by Wurtzel, Elizabeth.
Simon & Schuster, 2002.
Call #: 616.864

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Date:2006-05-28 15:17

no slouching, sit up straight.
hurry dear, we will be late.
put on your velvet dress,
comb your hair, its such a mess.
smile dear, you must look pretty.
make sure you are polite and witty.
you have standards to hold,
a life to be controlled.
dont touch those swings,
come play with the kings.
oh stop pretending your a rockstar,
what a stupid dream, how bizarre.
you were meant to go to school,
you were meant to rule.
not to play in the sand,
not to hold some boys hand.
your not like the other little girls,
now come on dear, put on your sequins and pearls.

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Date:2006-05-28 15:11

Oh my god Betsy, look at her rump.
It is so humungo! *honk*
She looks a tid-bit about one of those
snap die burlhenze.
But you dont understand,
who the heckida likes those snap dies!? *honk*
They only speak to that hooka on account of terms
she looks a tid-bit about a hooka-skank, mmgay?
I mean her rump, its just so very humungo! *honk*
I just dont believe its so.. erww!
Its like a Moon-Eh! Moon-Ah!
Like O-M-G: grody!
Watch ( with instense despair in your eyes... )
She's just so JEWISH.

[Sir Bust-A-Move]
I like large feet, and I willna die!
You other mothers cant oblige!
When a homie trots in
with a tiny-winy sock,
and your wearing just a smock,
you get BOUNCED,
wanna pull out your nail clippers,
cause you realized those shoes were stuffed.
Below in the socks shes sporting,
Im stuck and I cant stop sorting ..socks..
Oh infant, I wanna touch your feet,
your parents I willna meet!
My outdoor gang tried to warn me,
but with those large feets of yours,
make me so horny for yooooou.
And theres nothing you can dooooooooooooo!
Oh Rumpelstilskin
what would you say if I invited you over for Din-Din.
Well abuse MEH!
Abuse MEH!
For your just a silly poopay, poopay!
I watched them cleansing,
I have new fencing.J
Shes perspiration,
got it going more then I realized.
Im sick of books,
saying small feet are good looks.
Take the simpleton Jewish man,
and question him that,
her feet are PHAT.
So Chums! (Heckida Heckida yes!)
Chums! (Heckida Heckida yes!)
Have your homebeefs got the feet? (Heck yes!)
Politely imply you begofem to
Groove it! (Move it!)
Groove it! (Move it!)
Groom that appropriate rump!
Infants got HUMPS!

[BC facial expressions accompanied by Highland Dancer]
Infants got HUMPS!

[Sir Bust-A-Move]

..during the middla of this song we switched to feet, for they support large rumps..

-Kristy Fielding & Carly Harstad

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Date:2006-05-24 11:46

the pain overcomes my senses, blinding me, numbing my touch,
nothing but the taste of salt and blood, nothing but the sound of tears.
eyes so swollen, i can barely lift them, mascara leaving behind a messy
reminder, this is my life. horror and pain, tears and blood. its become
to much, to fast, overwhelming me. put an end to this horror, put an
end to this life. take the pain away, dont let it come back. im reaching out
for a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, somebody to save me.

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Date:2006-05-22 13:32

maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
well in November he like fell in love with me, and I dunno.. I really. really, really, liked him, but i was so scared to mess it up, i didnt let anything happen.. and i just kept hurting him over and over again.. and i dunno.. i love him.. but i couldnt bare to go out with him, and then ahve everything get messed up, and i was just being so selfish because i didnt want to get hurt, meanwhile i was
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
hurting him so bad.. and over and over again.. and we always got into fights over stupid things that i would do, and then we wouldnt tlak for a few weeks.. then we would talk every night for another few weeks.. get in a fight again.. and it just repeated like that. well in january i liked one of his friends, and that was a disaster, thats a whole nother story itself, anyways, and then when i told
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
mack i liked steven, mack told me he didnt like me anyways and he already had a gf, and i dont know why but i just freaked out on him, cause id unno.. i guess i just thought like he was lying to me the whole time about liking me, and i just lost it, and told him tof ucking die, that i hated his guts, etc.. and then a month went by and we started talking again, and i finally told him i loved him
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
the entire time, and then he told me he had gotten over me.. i was soo hurt. and then also, earlier, when we first started liking each other, he did shrooms a lot, and he promised me he would enver do shrooms or smoke pot, and he told me he would never break that promise, and then awhile ago after ignoring me for three weeks, he phoned me and told em about doing shrooms the night before, just out
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
of the blue, and i just started bawling, and i told him how much i hated him for hurting me like that, and that i was soo mad, and he asked why i talked to him then, and i told him because i care to much, and its not that kind of mad, and eh just doesnt understand at all, and then he knows how much i like him, and he was still ignoring me, then on msn he started asking me what he should do about
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
these girls he lk=ikes, and i swear hes doing it on purpose, he knows i love him, and he knows how bad it hurts, and he doesnt understand at all how i feel. and ive been so fucking depressed about him.. i cant stop thinking about him, and i cry myself to sleep every night thinking about him, and everytime i see his name I start to cry, and its everywhere.. even in school i see it, and I have to
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
leave the classroom so nobody sees, and i havent even been able to eat im so depressed, or sleep, because i stay awake thining about him all the fucking time
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
and i cant even think about any other guys because im so depressed over him
maybe, baby, we could rewind? CHARSTAD. says:
and its so hard to think that for the past 7 months ive been so in love with him.. and now he wont even talk to em.

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Date:2006-05-09 09:21

Paranormal activity, ghosts, ghouls, spirits, whatever people want to call them, there is something out there. Having many "ghostly" experiences myself, I know that it is not my eyes playing tricks on me. When a white streak crosses my path in the dark, it is not my imagination running wild.
Ghost stories have been around for thousands of years. First Nations used to welcome their spirirts, even made dances especially to summon them from another world. Gods were a huge part of the Roman Greek history, nearly every story having to do with the Gods. The oldest religions have writings in their sacred texts, of people fighting demons or the souls of dead people.
It is only the past hundred years or so that ghosts have made it to the media. People claiming to be able to see these spirits. This art is known as "Spiritism". There are many fakes claiming to be able to see the ghosts, every now and then a fake will be caught and charged with fraud, but what about the people who actually can feel another presence in the room....when they are alone. Because of a few people faking there way through a job, must all Ghost Hunters be stereotyped as phonies?
It takes a special person to encounter a ghost. They do not just pop out and say "Boo", there is a reason they have chosen that person. Maybe they remind them of a past life, a wife or husband, a daughter or son. Or maybe they just want to remind you what tortured them until they died, or even how they died. Not wanting to let go, and unable to forgive.
My personal belief is that ghosts stay and show themselves to humans for one reason. They are unhappy. Most ghost stories that surround these odd occurences have some sad story, for example someone was murdered in the house, and the spirit still lives there. Needing to be set free of their past, but unable to find someone to help. It is an endless search to find that one person, to help them get out of our world and into their own.
We are living in an age of "Seeing is Believing". Not everything can be explained by science, however. No matter how many times Scientists scoff at the idea of ghosts, people still claim to see them. There is no explanation, other then they are the souls of someone who has died, and is reaching out for help. No science, no math, just a simple explanation. One of lifes greatest mysteries, that I hope will never be solved.

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Date:2006-05-04 23:02

the shattered pieces fall to the ground,
dreams, hopes, and memories,
never to be found.
she grabs the shards, they cut her skin
blood falls to the ground,
each drop representing a sin.
she weeps and crys,
the tears fall to the ground,
each tear representing the lies.
she moans and screams,
a silent plea,
each representing her fallen dreams.
she trips and falls, hits the ground
there she lies, surrounded by the torment,
there she will die, forever bound.
hands tied, above her head
the glass, cutting holes in her skin
recalling the life, she never led.

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Date:2006-05-04 00:20

looking through a tinted window,
looking at the life i once lived.
feel myself letting go,
blinded by this new life.
black clouds swirling across my eyes,
vision streaked and blurred.
each pixel of black, caused by one of your lies,
causing a blindness, that ill never survive
groping my way through the darkness,
grabbing ragged rocks and rusty nails.
my sense of feeling becoming less and less,
numbed by the pain and distress.
a feeling of lonesome creeps over my soul,
eating away all emotion,
leaving behind nothing but a black hole.
the window cracks, and shatters
the memories fade, and become un known

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Date:2006-04-26 15:41

can't you see beyond the mask?
train your eye, use your mind
its just a simple task.
see the little girl, lying there
shuddering with each sob,
hold her, do you dare?
will you grab her, will you hurt her,
or will you have respect,
act sweet, not bitter.
there is no guarantee, she will respond
you have to try, take your time
wait for her to open her eyes, look beyond
take her hand, and hold it tight
listen, dont lecture
chase the darkness, turn on the light.

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Date:2006-04-21 23:15

im so sick,
so sick of this shit,
always on the verge of tears,
living in my worst fears.
do you know why?
please tell me you do.
i dont understand,
why am i this way?
so distant.. so angry..
i want to change, i do
but how? ive tried
it doesnt work
im hurting, im hurting so bad
can you make it go away?
please.. make it go away.
turn the lights on,
fight the darkness.
turn the noise down,
open my eyes.
heal the wounds...
save me, one last time.

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Date:2006-04-12 20:46

i tend to lose a lot of people that are close to me.
know why? because im a bitch.
i know am, everyone does. but i dont change.
i cant change. i dont want to change.
theres nothing you can do, to make me change.
so if your my friend, just be prepared.
i'll probably snap at you, or say something
unintentionally mean. i tend to do that.
i dont see the good things in my life,
and i get worse after i chase them away.
which makes me into an even bigger bitch,
until eventually, theres nobody left.
so if your my friend...
please dont leave.
i love you.

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