Brett Hopper's Blurty
 
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Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in Brett Hopper's Blurty:

    Saturday, November 1st, 2003
    4:57 pm
    I Know You Well Enough To Know You Never Loved Me
    I can't imagine all the people that you know and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low and I don't understand all the things you've seen but I'm slipping in between you and your big dreams. it's always you and my big dreams. And you tell me that it's over wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover and your restless, and I'm naked. You've got to get out. You can't stand to see me shaking, no, could you let me go? I didn't think so...

    And you don't want to be here in the future so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past. And you don't want to look much closer 'cause you're afraid to find out all the hope that you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed And it did because of me...

    And then you bring me home, afraid to find out that you're alone, no and I'm sleeping in your living room, but we don't have much room to live..

    And I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar, maybe cross the country become a rockstar. And there was hope in me that I could take you there, but dammit you're so young, but I don't think I care. And if I hurt you then i'm sorry please don't think that this is easy.

    And Konstantine is walking down the stairs doesn't she look good standing in her underwear? And I was thinking, what I was thinking, but we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere. My Konstantine came walking down the stairs and all that I could do was touch her long blond hair and I've been thinking, It hurts me thinking that these nights when we were drinking, No they never got us anywhere, no...

    This is because I can spell konfusion with a "K" and I can like it. It's to dying in anothers arms and why i had to try it. It's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car when the first star you see may not be a star. "I'm not your star". Isn't that what you said? what you thought this song meant.

    And if this is what it takes just to lie in my mistakes and live with what I did to you all the hell I put you through, I always catch the clock it's 11:11 and now you want to talk. It's not hard to dream you'll always be my Konstantine. They'll never hurt you like I do. No, They'll never hurt you like I do No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No

    This is to a girl who got into my head with all these pretty things she did. Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed. It's to a girl who got into my head with all the fucked up things I did. Hey Maybe Baby, You could keep me up in bed.

    My Konstantine. Spin Around me like a Dream, we played out on this movie screen And i said, did you know I missed you?

    Did you know I missed you?
    Did you know I missed you?
    Did you know I missed you?
    Did you know I missed you?
    Did you know I missed you?
    Did you know I missed you?

    I miss you...

    And then you bring me home, and we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no No.And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh I know you miss me in your living room cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room. We don't have much room. I said, does anybody need that room? Because we all need a little more room to live...

    see you at the beach

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: Heaven Only Knows (Remix) - k-os
    Sunday, October 5th, 2003
    10:55 am
    One Great City!.... The Paperbacks and The Weakerthans show
    - If I can make it through this winter, I think I'll be ok -

    So wow, what an amazing show last night at U of M. I had never heard of The Paperbacks before, only through word of mouth. I really like their sound, especially the harmonies between the drummer, guitarist, and lead singer, it was something else

    - The Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyways.. -

    And then the Weakerthans played. It was really cool to hear songs about the city i grew up in and live in, and that there are other people who feel the same way about this city. It was also really cool to hear 1500 people sing the words "I hate Winnipeg". Almost surreal. Made me feel really good.
    I feel like going on a road trip sometime this winter

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: One Great City! - The Weakerthans
    Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
    11:12 pm
    Nerdy
    - It's nerdy, you know? Something you feel inside, but have trouble explaining to the rest of the world..nerdy -

    So we're about a month into school, and I'm starting to question which direction to go in life (again). I still have no clue what i want to do for a career... Luckily, i find this politics stuff at least half interesting (most of the time). yeah, you start thinking about careers, and then about money... how i have none, how the average parking meter makes more in a day than me.... which leads me into thinking...well, how am i ever going to be able to support a girlfriend, or anyone, let alone myself? haha! fuck, girls don't even like me, and here i am thinking about wether or not i can support one...man... I am a piece of work.

    Okay, new topic.
    I absolutely hate it when 2 of my best/closest friends (who are girls) get interested in "boys", i absolutely hate it. First off, let me start by saying that i care a great deal for these two. they are a big part of my life, sort of like my little sisters. Now, I work really hard at trying to be this great guy they can trust, and who can come to with any problem, who they like to hang around. Except, a lot of the time I'm not really sure they like to hang around me or if they feel the same way i feel for them, you know? Then all of a sudden another guy comes a long, sweet talks them a little, and they fall for him. I feel like i'm left in the dust cause now they can't talk or hang out with me as much. and the funny thing is... they want to know what i think of this guy. How are you supposed to feel about a guy who is taking a huge part of your life away from you? I dunno, i guess i wish i knew i was as close to these girls as i think i am, so its not just in my head.
    cause i'm a dreamer, stupid little dreamer

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: nerdy
    Current Music: Nerdy - Poison the Well
    Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
    6:20 pm
    Mapping it all out like a master plan... Something to do with my idle hands
    - there was honor among the thieves, the only truth i could believe -

    Lately i've been thinking that maybe i should just drop everything and everyone and get away somewhere on my own, so i can think clearly for myself, for a change. Then i start to think, will anyone miss me? will they tell me i've changed when i get back? will it be for better? or worse? would i find anyone? (wherever i went) would i love them? would it be like a love for a family member? like so many people tell me how to love them. how come i can't love someone the way i want to? i like a lot of people, but i can never seem to get close to them. Do they not like me? Do i even like who i am? Do the people i hold close to heart, feel the same way i feel for them? what do they think of me? am i cool to them? am i a loser? do they wish i'd leave them alone? i wish someone i knew would tell me exactly who i am, that would make me feel so much better, instead of always second guessing myself

    Man...this licks balls

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Shotgun (new version) - Post Break Tragedy
    Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
    12:12 pm
    Do You See My Star In Your Sky?
    - When my word caves in, I'll find peace within, Hearing your voice again, When song birds sing, when my world caves in, and the lights go dim, hearing your voice again brings comfort to me. -

    Well its been a while since i've last updated this thing... it's because I've been out and about with friends, having a good time actually playing perma-sober. Last night I went to this country western bar that has a no country mondays theme... a cover band played, some good covers, some, so awful..anyways, i wore my new jets jersey and hot water music cap. I got stopped so many times, it was redick! kind of fun too, i also saw a close friend get absolutely shit faced, i felt kind of bad leaving her at another bar because i was supposed to watch over her, but she wanted to stay with her friends, so what could i do, i had a birthday to attend...all in all i had a fun time just talking some of my close friends, good times

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: awake
    Current Music: Slide - Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up The Girl
    Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
    9:57 am
    Hot Water Music: Emo that could kick anyone's ass
    - Don't let me drown, at least not until the workday ends -

    Last night I went to the Hot Water Music/ Bouncing Souls show, part of the Punk-o-Rama tour. It was excellent to say the least. I went to see HWM, one of my favorite bands as of late, and I was not disappointed at all. Chuck Ragan was pretty tame throughout the set, until he belted out the opening lines from the song "remedy", "I need a remedy of diesel and dust, a fix i can taste with the things i can trust" after that he pretty much went nuts. he's cool because he's so burly but gentle, you know he's just waiting to kick someone's ass. As a matter of fact, the whole band is like that, they all look so tough. It's about time they finally got to Winnipeg ... Good show, gooooooooooood show.

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: sleepy
    Current Music: Ghostchant - Poison The Well - You Come Before You
    Friday, August 15th, 2003
    11:58 am
    The days go by...
    - One more sleepless night is left on my chest as the days roll by like a slow painful death -

    The other day I was having this conversation with a close friend about relationships, or in my case, a lack there of. She asked me if I was looking for an actual relationship, or was I just looking to get laid? I told her that I wasn't really "looking" at all, and had given up on the whole idea of companionship, which really isn't true at all.

    When I think of myself being in a relationship I'm looking more towards the idea of something to do on a friday night, someone to hang out with and have a good time with, you know? It should only be fun times.

    It's only when I get hit with my crippling depression every few days that I get incredibly lonely and am just looking for a hug from a girl. I don't think thats too much to ask :)

    But alas, its been three years since my last "relationship", and here I am still chugging along. I thought i should get that off my chest.

    - Do you ever miss her, do you feel the cold wind whisper? is there anything more defining? -
    See You at the beach

    Current Mood: indifferent
    Current Music: The Best Of Me - Starting Line - Say It Like You Mean It
    Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
    5:38 pm
    Your a few years overdue, I spent them waiting here for you...
    - I need a remedy of diesel and dust, something I can taste with a fix I can trust. Another high, more potent than lust. -

    It's cool having a relevant discussion among people you can trust, but not when they're never wrong, and make you feel bad for having your own opinions. There's no point in trying to communicate your ideas to them, it's pointless! These people can be so narrow-minded and it makes hanging around them really really hard because for once your trying to have an intelligent conversation, and your getting shot down simply because your thoughts on the matter don't agree with the idiot in front of you. That's retarded, let me speak my mind! I have my ideas on this subject as well, they may be different from your own, but they are just as valid as yours!
    Anyways, See you at the beach

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: For The Workforce, Drowning - Thursday
    Sunday, August 10th, 2003
    11:59 am
    When watching is all you can do...
    - the world has let me down, is it your just not around? -

    Sobriety is the worst, especially on a night like last night.

    I hate it so much... Everyone around you gets so stupidly drunk that they are actually falling over each other. Talking ridiculously loud to each other when they're 2ft. from each other. Girls flashing every guy cause they think its funny, and then they can't understand why the guys keep grabbing at them, so much so that they get all bruised up.

    Then there's perma-sober over here (me) who gets to sit in the corner all by himself with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Well, people will come over to talk to you but they are never really listening to you, you know? So I end up looking like a loner/loser all night just because I think these people are my friends. And here's the funny part... these drunk idiots get mad when you try to help them puke, or prevent sex that you know the two numb skulls involved are going regret the next morning...shit like that...

    FUCK! why do I even bother anymore? every time it's the same thing... ""no, you should go with them, this time will be different, there will be other people like you there" WRONG! there never is, and it's always the same.

    the worst part is that i have to put on a bullshit smile, and act like this is the greatest thing to happen since fucking sliced bread, then answer the same shitty questions: "are you having a good time?" "are you sure?"

    Once, just once i'd like to have someone that can relate to me at one of these things. "It sucks feeling alone, with everyone around you" Man... that statement has never felt more truthful than right now

    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: Overdue - The Get Up Kids - On A Wire
    Saturday, August 9th, 2003
    3:51 pm
    Stupid little dreamer...
    - You want to know who I really am, yeah... so do I, yeah so do I -

    I feel really run over lately, things that need to be done are really starting to pile up, and school hasn't even started yet, which is kind of discouraging because if i feel this beat up with all the things going on right now, just imagine how i will feel when the new term starts...ridiculous. I hope this rain clears up before nightfall, even though I love the smell of it. True, it is kind of depressing, but its kind of a cool thing to sit outside on a porch, or what have you, and watch the rain fall. Besides, I take depresents on a regular basis.
    See you at the beach

    Current Mood: artistic
    Current Music: A Box Full Of Sharp Objects - The Used - The Used
    Friday, August 8th, 2003
    5:41 pm
    Can't close my eyes, or even look away...
    - It sucks feeling alone, when everyone's around you -

    Spent most of today outside watching a close friend do her thing in a horse show. It's amazing to watch because I know she's most happy when she rides. I can't see horses not in her future somehow...I think the universe would collapse or something...Its really cool to see her working with her horse because she's a totally different person, you can see who she really is. Well, thats what i think anyways.

    - Sacrificed my afflictions for an empty notebook filled with ambitions, I know I've written it out a thousand times, but I never know what to say...when I see that face -

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: Star in Your Sky - Nobody Wins
    Thursday, August 7th, 2003
    4:24 pm
    Reflected water, so calm, so still...
    - So beautiful tonight, dancing above the city light -

    Where did the day go? My eyes are dry and sore, i can barely see the screen in front of me, but thats nothing new...just another casual complaint i suppose. The heat must be getting to me again, then i think "did i take my medication today?" The answer is always yes with breakfast, you took it after breakfast. I think it's funny when you try to remember to do something everyday (or in this case "taking" something), but when you do it enough it becomes habit, and you can't even remember the last time you did it, you just know you did it.. funny how that works.

    Watch Chasing Amy, kevin smith will make a whole lot more sense

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) - Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
    12:26 am
    Sailing with the dust in the shadows...
    - Follow me down this broken path, I don't know where I'm going but at least I'm not alone - Call it closed-mindedness, or lack of interest even, but tonight i feel shut off from the rest of the world. It's cold out now, and everyone has gone to bed. I have to work in the morning so i'll make this short... or not, i havent decided yet. This is a city where who slept with who, drinking like stupid seems to be of more interest than other things that you would think is high up on the list of priorities... Driving around tonight, and looking at all the suped-up civics and filipino chicks made me realize more so than ever how superficial people in this town can be. its rediculous how much money is put into other peoples approval, and for what? a honk here, cat call there?? no thank you... - On this shooting wing of ours, daybreak pushes into nightfall, and with its shooting stars, a gallery of dancing images appears in the black pool of the sky, so high our hopes arise. Climb from shear nothingness acounting for our happiness. First sight, first touch, first kiss, first love are all within a heartbeat. When the night is young it seems to go on forever. the same goes for our youthful truth....a simple planned endevour -

    Current Mood: sleepy
    Current Music: The Wanderers Guild - Armor For Sleep - Dream to Make Believe
    Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
    2:40 pm
    The Begining of the End...
    - Write me a letter and tell me where you are because I've got no clue where to begin... - First impressions are everything, right? Pbbbfff fuck that... welcome to the nether regions of my mind and soul... I'm a first class nerd and your typical all around nice guy wrapped in a tshirt and jeans, but you know what they say... nice guys finish dead last. Keep watching the stars, mars is out there somewhere!

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Way Away - Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
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