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persevere [12 Jun 2007|11:12am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Kelly Clarkson - Never Again ] well well it has been quite sometime since my last update and i don't know where i even begin so much has changed in my life so i guess i'll just start... i have a wonderful boyfriend in my life who i love to pieces. he has been in my life for over a year and a half. he is my best friend and one of the best things that has ever happened to me. this one is a keeper and i finally know what it feels like to be in love. all these years i've been searching for somethings, that i kept mistaking for something else. we met when i used to work at wawa. basically my 20th birthday started me off to a great future. i am so excited for what's to come. one of the best things that i love about him is his son vincent. i have been in the picture since the mother was 2months pregnant. i was there the day he was born. i just love him and having him around makes me realize just howmuch i want kids. i am in nursing school which is hard and stressful and takes a lot out of me. i have alittle less than a year to go andi couldnt be more excited. however,i am so nervous about having to do this on my own someday. i love being at the hospital and i love how i feel when i help people. just 1O more months to go. i feel that i am extremy different than the person that i was two years and some months ago. i can't remember every little thing that happened to me over the past years so i'll educate you on now. one of my longest friends found out that her mother has brain cancer, and me being the horrible friend that i am have yet to say anything to her. i want to call her and tell her i love her but i dont knowhow to do that. we've been so distant over the past few years that i don't even know how to begin to confront her about it. i would love to see her,but i just feel like a fool and a horrible person if i we're to say something to her. i think it's just too painful bcuz i know what it feels like to lose someone so close to me, i just don't know if i can revisit that place again, but i know that i need to do it for her. on another sad note, danielle's grandfather died. it was so sad,but i she knew that it wass coming. i dont know which is worse, knowing that someone is going to die and having to watch, or having someone being taken for you so suddenly.both sucks because you end up losing someone you love dearly either way. it was so hard to go to the viewing/ funeral. i know how danielle must have felt. as soon as i saw him, i started hysterical crying. it just brought back so many memories that i try hard not to think about. i'm still searching for the reasoning behind"everything happens for a reason" a little over a month ago someone who was well known in the neighborhood died. she died after her prom when she was on her way to the mountains. somehow the driver lost control, six people were thrown from the car bcuz none were wearing there seatbelts. she was the only one that died. i didn't now her personally, but from what i hear and read she was an amazing person and i wish that at some point in our life we would have cossed paths, i think that i would have been blessed to know her. everytime im on the computer i check her myspace and i see what people have wrote to her and about her. she was truley an inspiration. i cry when i think about her and when i read those things. it's so weird how someone you didnt even know could impact your life so much. i feel the deepest sympathy for her family and friends, i cant even begin to imagne how they must feel, and to tell you the truth i don't want to feel what they feel. they must be truley strong people. sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

iS THiS TRUE hahaha... [24 Aug 2005|03:21pm] [ mood | curious ] Part Expert Kisser You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable Part Passionate Kisser For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble What Kind of Kisser Are You? sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

AREN'T yOU TiRED OF BEiNG WEAk ? ... [18 Aug 2005|01:44pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Atreyu ] well a lot has happened since the last time i wrote - let's see > first and foremost, i got my liscense today and i am super siked ! - the instructor scared me though and made me think i was gonna fail - and there was also pressure bcuz the two people ahead of me failed - but i did it- GO ME !! > i went to cancun and had a lot of funn with the family - it was a good time - i didn't drink but i still enjoyed the experience and the beauty > i went to the movies to see skeleton key and it was awesome - i really recommend it > i went to warped tour with danielle and meggp - it was amazing - except for the whole mychem fiasco - but i got to see fall out boy and that makes me smile - but i was super bummed that matchbook wasn't there like they were supposed to be - oh well > in other tour news - fall out boy is coming with starting line and me and danielle are going friday to get tix - then mychem is coming but danielle isn;t sure if she wants to go - but i do !! - and the early november is coming - all of them are in october - -ahh it's going to be such a great month ! > next week me, katie, my mom and dad are going to the shore for a couple of days - should be funn ! well i guess my life isn't all that exciting - haha and a lot didn't happen - haha laterr loves <33 <33 iLmo : mOm-mOm and gaRRy michael : rip sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

hOW DiD MARy DiE? - A TiRE HiT HEr iN THE FACe... [26 Jul 2005|04:43pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | Dane Cook ] weekend recap bxtches ! on friday drank drank drank - all night long - haha - went to meghans and had good times as always - beer is always a good time -- anyways it was me her devon chalie eric rusty and a few others - there was some drama through the course of the night - but thats expected when you deal with those people - there was also some unexpected make-outs - hey im not complaining haha - but yeah so me meg and devon just wound up staying up all night and not going to sleep - then in the morning dev left and me meg and ryan went to mcdonalds for breakfast - then i went to danielle's and pretty much just bummed it there all day haha - in my PJs laying down - ordering food and watching miracle - it was actually a good start to the day - and suprisingly i wasn't that tired. then that night me danielle and the rest of my family went to my cousins suprise bday party at a hall so you know what that means -- FREE DRINKS - haha so once again i got crunk with no sleep - the party was actually funn - there's was good tunes and i won some prizes - and there was this kid dthere who was hott and he could dance really good - saturday night there too was drama - but it needed to occur eventhough i feel like an ass now for the way things went down -- ohh well the boy situation is non-exsistent as always - but im really happy with it right now - im feeling pretty good about it - i think i just get lonely and then that plays with my mind and it makes my feel like i want a boyfriend when in reality i know that i don't - ohh well - as for next weekend - danielle and i are hangin out on friday and going to get our warped tour tickets - then saturday is my mom's bday party - so im getting crunk haha ! and thats basically it - one week from this weekend i will be in cancun and i can't wait - party all week long ahaha - well its sweating hott in my comp room so im done here. laterrrr <3 ilmo : mom-mom and garry michael : rip sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

hOMe bOy i came tO party ... [18 Jul 2005|02:31pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | N.O.R.E -- Nothin' ] lets do quick updates... --> my parents left last sunday for vacation - so that was pretty cool --> monday we all drank at my aunts house - didn't get drunk, just a good buzz --> haven't been feeling drinking lately - i think its wearing on me --> i went to south street to FINALLY get the dane cook dvd/cd - he busts my gut!! haha --> went to see charlie and the chocolate factory on friday - it was great - jdepp owns me <3 --> saturday i babysat my cousins and two other kids whose parents jipped me in pay - sucks ! --> sunday chilled at the grandparents, swam, ate -- you know the usual --> parents came back sunday night after many delays due to weather --> i missed them tons and was very happy to have them home --> this week i will be sending out my application for nursing school - good luck to me! --> thats about it i guess - i'll get more in depth later - peace and hair grease <33 / / ( in loving memory of mom-mom -- six months gone too long -- love and miss you always ) \ \ / / ( in loving memory of garry michael werwinski jr -- almost three years -- i miss and love you terribly )\ \ my angels in the sky - you both can and will never be forgotten -- wish you were here sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

[08 Jul 2005|11:26pm] FIRSTS!! First best friend: megg pesyna - yeahh nigga ! First car: 91 beretta haha or however you spell it - yeah its hott haha First kiss: michael hopkins <3 rip First screen name: ftown18 - which is also my current one - loser ! First funeral: jim ewald <3 - my sister's old soccer coach First album: new kids on the block - or the bodyguard soundtrack - not sure First pets: hailey <33 First piercing/tattoo: when i was like 7 in my ears and first tattoo when i was 18 First big trip: wildwood probably - or disney in 2000 LASTS!! Last cigarette: last friday i believe - i know im badd Last car ride: today - my momma and i went to thriftway Last kiss: almost two weeks ago - kenneth Last time u cried: yesterday at the cemetary Last movie watched: rockstar Last food you ate: applebee's - yumm !! Last crush: kenneth i guess ? - but im not sure if you'd call that a crush Last time showered: tonight Last shoes worn: my black saucony's Last sexual temptation: i dunno - perhaps two weeks ago? - i don't really get "tempted" Last item bought: bathing suits - yeahh hott stuff Last annoyance: having absolutley nothing to do on a friday night - how pathetic is that ! Last time wanting to die: i cant recall - probably last week sometime haha Last shirt worn: my "PLAy TO WiN" gatorade high school athlete shirt - yeah i sport that shxt !! Last visited: my g-mom <333 rip sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

dOn't apOLOgize - i hOPe yOu cHOKe and DiE ... [05 Jul 2005|10:38am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Brand New - Seventy Times Seven ] well a lot of stuff has happened lately - in one week i've managed to attain and lose a boyfriend haha !! - details ?- let's see - on monday i was asked how by a boy that i liked - and everything was fine and happy - then on friday he was supposed to come down so he was called - and then he said that he couldn't make phone calls bcuz his phone bill wasn't paid - anyway he didn't wind up coming down bcuz he had to work - so that night i drank and i guess i was feeling the need to talk to him so i texted him - well after a few texts back and forth - i receive a text saying "yo stop callin my man" - and i haven't talked to him since - now we haven't "offically" broken up - but i can safely say that it's over haha ! what a joke that was - a word of advice to all - if you don't get your hopes up then you can't get dissapointed - that's the definition of my existance lately - DiSSAPOiNTMENT !!! - ohh well you can't win them all - i wish i could just dissapear for a while sometimes and then come back to a clean slate and not feel any old feelings that i used to. anyway - what else have i been up to? fRiday - drank, a lot - way too much in fact - but i had soo much funn - getting crunk with friends is always a good time - when the night first started out though i told myself i wasn't going to over do it bcuz i had to be up early the next morning - but i don't listen - bcuz i try to be a tank haha - then i pay for it the nex day . saturday - woke up all early bcuz we were going to live 8 - at first it took a while to round everyone together but by the time we left it was like 12 - i was soo mad bcuz i knew that bon jovi was the second act and i didn't wanna miss them - so as soon as we got there they were just coming on - and what song do you think they opened with - that's right ! "LiViN' ON A PRAYER" - i was soo siked that we got there just in time - overall i really enjoyed myself there - we left after maroon 5 bcuz that's who i mainly wanted to see anyway - but yeah i got some color - then when i got back i ate and then attempted to drink again but i just wasn't feeling it - so it was an early night i suppose sunday - me and meg went swimming at my g-parents house and then she had to go home bcuz ryan was coming back - aww !! - so i went over danielle's bcuz her and jon were having a bbq - it was cool - we just chilled in the yard and all - then danielle was lucky enough to get someone to cover for her - so her dad picked us up and we went down the campground until today - it was a lot of funn - i like it down there - we went to a dance and all - haha me and dan were shaking our groove thangs !! i feel kinda bad bcuz lately i've just been in a real bum mood - i mean i was upset bcuz i wanted to be with someone - and then when it finally happened for me i got negative feedback on it - and then it was all taken away so suddenly without warning or even confirmation - i dont know it just sucks - i mean im happy that other people can find happiness - but i would like to experience my own too - it's just unfortunate - nothing more to say i suppose - well im done being a cry baby - later <3 || in LOViNG memory OF mom-MOM and GARRy michael || <3 sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

survey - ya you know ! [26 Jun 2005|11:30pm] [ mood | hot ] Your. . :x: name: Amanda Marie Bailey :x: height: 5'3 or something like that :x: hair color: blonde :x: siblings: matthew and katelyn :x: eyes: bluee :x: college: i went to ccp but now im enrolling in nursing schools :x: jr.high: bodine - ahh memories - i miss those days :x: elementary: general george a. mccall :x: hometown: fishtownn :x: favorite place: my grandparents house or with friends :x: favorite soda: root beer or creme :x: game system: i dont play any game systems - but my sisters sonic is pretty cool haha :x: favorite food[s]: spaghetti and wendy's chicken nuggs! :x: favorite book: the notebook - yesss i did read it ! :x: favorite pen: the pen my brother got me when he went to new york in like 7th grade ahaha its awesome it has like 20 different colors :x: favorite car: im not into cars - whatever runns :x: favorite animal: i guess dogs? :x: waterbrand: faucet - yeahhh budddy <3 haha or aquafina cuz thats what my momma buys :x: favorite burger place: mcdonalds :x: favorite hobby: being with friends being that im no longer athletic! its sad - slob ! :x: favorite vitamins: flinstones :x: favorite show: friends - real world - roseanne - boy meets world - gilmore girls - etc... :x: favorite news: nbc :x: gold or silver: silver color but gold jewels :x: favorite dog: hailey <3 :x: cell phone co.: cingular i guess :x: favorite shirt: any shirt that looks nice on mee :x: favorite sport: soccer :x: favorite alcohol: yuengling - miller light - or budd :x: favorite computer: danielle's or my g-pops bcuz they're nice and fast. :x: favorite fruit: strawberries. :x: favorite song: "there is " - boxcar racer :x: ketchup or salsa: ketchup - i eat that shxt straight haha :x: favorite milkshake: mine bcuz it brings all the boys to the yard.. :x: steak or lobster: neither :x: favorite color: black :x: favorite weather: like a 60 - 70 degree day - or rainy [ but only if you have someone to kiss <33 ] :x: favorite state: pennsylvania or new jersey i guess Mee . . :x: have a crush on someone: yess - maybe this one will work out nicely :x: wish you could live somewhere else: at times :x: think about suicide: there was a time when i did :x: believe in online dating: not really - its kinda cheesy <3 haha :x: think others find you attractive: i dont know why they would ... :x: want more piercings: yeah i want my nose pierced then i'll be done - haha but im not gonna get it cuz that would be scrappin as hell ! :x: like cleaning: when im in the mood :x: like roller coasters: yeahh eventhough they make me sick now - gosh i hate being an old head :x: write in cursive or print: whatever im in the mood for, but usually print :x: last talked to: meghan :x: last thought of: god i like this boy <3 :x: last showered: this morning :x: last did laundry: like two weeks ago :x: last hugged a tree: i think i actually did this before but i dont remember when :x: last watched anime: cant ever say i have - guess im just too cool :x: last prayed: dont really remember For or against . . :x: long distant relationships: im against them for myself bcuz i would hafta see the person all the time - but hey if you can make it work then go for it <3 :x: killing people: depends on who ur killing - but more than likely against :x: teenage smoking: im personally against smoking - but whatever floats ur boat :x: driving drunk: against - thats just stupid and selfish :x: gay/lesbian relationships: for - my best friend is gay and i love him <3 :x: soap operas: against just bcuz i dont like them Have you ever . . :x: ever cried over a boy: yeah and i made a promise that i was never gonna do that again - and i havent which i am very proud of - they're simply not worth it :x: ever been in a fist fight: nahh not really :x: ever been arrested: almost :x: ever had a friend die: yess unfortunetly <3 garry michael i love you <3 :x: ever dated a cousin: hmm thats incest and just gross even though i have some pretty hott cousins haha :x: ever used a gun: no sirr they scare me. :x: ever frenched kiss: yess and i would highly recommend it - making out is the best <3 - but sometimes pecks are amazing <3 :x: ever finished a puzzle: yupp i used to do all sorts of puzzles all the time :x: ever got surgery: yeahh i had to get my adnoids removed :x: ever got beat up: nahh i'll smack a bxtch haha joke!! :x: ever hated someone: yeah they're are plenty of people that i hate. :x: ever made a huge mistake: yeah i've my a few huge mistakes but atleast i've been able to learn something from them :x: ever jogged a mile: not straight through but im sure in the course of my life i have jogged many miles haha :x: ever played w/ someone’s feelings: not purposely bcuz i know how that feels and im sorry to anyone whoever thought i "played" with them.. :x: ever had feelings for someone young: haha yeahh all the time - pretty much everyone i've ever liked and kissed has been younger with the exception of two people haha thats sad What . . :x: shoes do you wear: whichever ones go with my outfit :x: are you scared of: death in general - war - and being alone :x: do you sleep in: depends on the weather :x: did you eat for lunch: eggs and toast - danielle - jonathon and myself went out to breakfast. :x: is love: unexplainable - i wish i knew Number . . :x: of times you have had your heart broken?: once :x: of hearts I have broken?: i would like to think that im not special enough to break someone's heart - and i dont wanna be :x: of girls I have kissed?: i've pecked like three girls - but i've never made out with a female :x: of guys I have kissed?: thirteen i think :x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: a few - but there's onnly one that i regret rejected - i guess thats what happens when you have a boyfriend though :x: of accidents you been in: none and hopefully it stays that way. :x: of people you lead on?: i dont know - i dont like to think i lead anyone one :x: of people you broke up with?: two Do you think you are . . :x: pretty: nahh :x: funny: yeahh - im not the funniest person - but i have my moments :x: hot: nawww homie :x: friendly: it depends on whose there - but most of the time i am quite friendly :x: ugly: yeahhh budddyyyy :x: loveable: apparently not bcuz no one wants to love me - but im a fun girl <3 haha :x: caring: yeah i always try to be . :x: dorky: always and i love it :x: cocky: yeahh - but more in a bitchy / funny / sarcastic way - haha danielle knows what i mean :x: girly: nahh not really :x: boyish: yeahh i think im some what of a tomboy :x: smart: yeahh i just dont know how to apply myself :x:angel: nahh not even close :x: gangster: hahah you know ! :x: god: nahh not me Favorite. . :x: five letter word: bitch haha its great ! :x: candy: baby bottle pops or watermelon slices :x: cartoon: fairly odd parents :x: cereal: cinnamon toast crunch :x: day of week: the weekend bxtches !! :x: least fave day: none really - its the summer baby ! :x: jello flavor: i dont know - blueberry :x: summer/winter: the winter mann! :x: trampolines or swimming pools: swimming pools deff. Person who last . . :x: slept in your bed: haha danielle and jonathon :x: saw you cry: umm danielle i believe - the notebook mann - it kills us :x: made you cry: the notebook :x: you went to the movies with: danielle - we seen mr. and mrs. smith - it was so good.. :x: yelled at you: probably danielle :x: sent you an email: i dont recieve e-mails from anyone anymore Have you Ever . . :x: said "i love you" and meant it?: yeah but im not sure if i meant it in the sense of being "in love" :x: gone out in public in your pajamas?: of course :x: kept a secret from everyone?: yeahh everyone has atleast one secret :x: cried during a movie?: yeahh the notebook - ahh kill me <33 :x: ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: not owned them personally but yess i did own merchandise :x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: haha not my week but my night :x: been on stage?: yes :x: been to New York?: yeahh TRL bxtches dont hate! and for the lion king :x: been to California?: nahh i would like to though :x: been to Florida?: yupp twice - arent i special haha :x: Hawaii?: nahh but i wanna go :x: China?: nope :x: Canada?: nahh i wanna go there too :x: Europe?: and here :x: what time is it now?: 11: 29 PM :x: apples or bananas?: apples - especially green ones :x: blue or red?: blue :x: walmart or target?: target :x: spring or fall?: fall :x: last time you went out of state/province?: last week - my momma suprised me with a trip to the shore - aww i love her <3 Random Stuff . . :x: criminal record?: nope im clean as a whistle :x: do you speak any other languages?: gangster haha and some spanish.. :x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my bed - my posters - my stereo :x: piercings and where?: 6 in ears and one in tounge :x: worst feeling in the world?: heart break of any kind :x: whom you love: friends and family sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

wANTiNg yOU sOO bAD iS a pROBLem i've had fOR sOO LONg ... [20 Jun 2005|05:05pm] [ mood | flirty ] [ music | Wakefield - C'mon Baby ] yeahh well i;ve been slacking on the updates - last weekend was a big crazy party and tomorrow starts the beginning of a new weekend - hmm i wonder what will happen this time - well here goes last weekend fRiday -- danielle and i got a case of miller light and dressed in our best while sporting our proms dresses - haha well i sported katies bcuz it was beautyful haha and she was there too - but anyways - so yeah it was kinda beat at first then i decided to call my buddyy chris and his boyfriend to come over and join in on the funn - haha they didnt drink much but it was still a good time - we drank and danced and everything - then danielle left me at night - yeah it sucked - ohhh well here goes the memories... yeahhh sooo those pictures are documents of our amazing time on last friday saturday -- i went over meghans house to drink - brought my trusty sidekick - the beer bong !!! hahah all the boys and chicks were amazed at my skill - haha - got drunk and had good times - what more can you ask for ? - then christine and katie called my phone a few times and wanted to go to steve's and we did - wasnt probably the best idea - but hey what ya gonna do - then later that night i got text messages pretty much all night from steve bcuz he found out about me and jack hooking up - and he was more mad at me then him i think - which is cool - but yeah thats pretty much my saturday - i just crashed at meghans then last night [ wednesday ] - me and meghan were haning with chalie when she got a phone call from michelle to come out with her for a little bit bcuz their friend kenny was down from school - so we went there and i didnt wanna go at first but then we were all hanging out and decided to get 4O's - and ofcourse there was drama - there always is - but in spite of the night having some bad moments it was all in all really good - me meghan and the kidd kenny were homeless and had nowhere to go at 2 in the morning so we called up brian and slept there - the best part of the night was making out with a nice young mann - it was good - deffinitley top three - haha - then we crashed at 7 this morning and woke up at 8 - so im running on an hours sleep - funn stuff - well im outtie <33 iLmo - mOm-mOm and gaRRy michaeL sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

[13 Jun 2005|07:35pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | I Can Make a Mess... - The Best Happiness Money Can Buy ] ohkay well there's much to update about - starting last tuesday danielle and i have been running everyday - and it really makes me feel like im doing something with myself - i wanna get in shape and just feel better about myself and my appearance so maybe this will help me - on wednesday i got my hair cut really short - im not sure how i feel about it yet - i mean its the summer and i dont want a massive amount of hair ya know? - ohh well i guess i like it - anyways then on thursday i went to the campground with danielle and her family until saturday morning - it was really fun - it was so peaceful and it was great to get out of fishtown - we went swimming and got super burnt - im like purple haha - its hott let me tell you - so yeah then we came home and i walked danielle over to the hair cuttery to get her hair highlighted - we were there forever - but it was worth it bcuz danielle's hair looks great ! i like it a lot - im jealous - so yeah then on saturday i had my sisters graduation party - at first it was kinda beat bcuz there were soo many people there but then as time went on it was funn - later on in the night my mom told me to go home and get my beer bong haha so i did and we all did them - it was me, katie, christine, my cousin chrissy, my mom , my aunts, and my unlce brian haha it was soo much fun - then meghan called me at like 9 and wanted to know if i was going to her graduation party but i said i couldnt bcuz chrissy was sleeping over - but she said to just bring her - so then we went there and it was soo much funn - there was beer and music so needless to say we danced - haha ohkay i danced - but it was really funn - so then we were walking home and i get a very unexpected phone call from mybff<3 so i went and seen him for a little bit and then we went in at about 2 or so . soo fun night - then sunday was just like any other sunday - at night i didnt go out instead danielle and i just stayed in my house and watched the notebook - aww we love that movie - so much that were watching it again tonight haha and now this movie bring me to my next topic - LOVE! - i was just watching it and i felt so empty bcuz i have a feeling that i will never experience the love that those two had for eachother - i dunno maybe im just thinking too down on myself but i dont see anyone ever loving me or caring for me like that - maybe its cliche, maybe its too much to ask for, and maybe its unrealistic bcuz i want something that is based on a movie - but i just want to feel even half of what they feel and to have someone reciprocate those feelings - i guess im just being silly - but i just want something thats real and i think i deserve it - i mean im not a bad person i guess - oh well - the only boy that i've ever come close to loving doesn't want anything to do with me - eventhough he says he does - those are just words and lies that i know mean nothing - so yeah im done being a sappy bxtch - later and love to my homies <3 - stay white ! <33 [ in loving memory of my mom-mom and garry werwinski ] <33 [ love you forever - can't wait to see you again ] <33 sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

THiS iS THE FiRST DAy OF My LiFE - i SWEAr i WAS BLiND BEFORE i MET yOU... [05 Jun 2005|01:05am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Bright Eyes - First Day Of My Life ] ahh love love love love love - ohkay im done on that note - i just really love that song and its stuck in my head since i just came from danielle's a little bit ago and her and jon were listening to that - they're both happy which is great - bcuz this is the first time that i've seen danielle with a boy that she's in love with and completely head over heels for - the feeling is mutual which is always a nice bonus too ! - but yeah enough about them i dont want them to think im a stalker weirdo or something haha !! a boy came back into my life again - he really makes me question everything that i once thought - when he is gone i claim to be over him and hate him - then when he starts to be present in my life i slowly cave and suddenly those old feelings resurface and its like anything i've said doesnt mean squat ! but like i've always said - i bring this on myself - i can't blame him anymore for doing this to me - although i'd like to try - but he and i are really good friends now - and i'd like to keep it that way - besides i wouldn't try to go down that road with him again bcuz i know exactly how it will end up - but lately we've been talking and spending a lot of time together so its kind of hard to pretend like there's nothing there. but no matter what he will always be that one boy that gets me every time and he will never lose his chance with me - but for now i really don't want anything romantically to do with him bcuz i think that im finally smart enough to realize the person that he is and that person is never going to change - so why waste my time and get hurt... AGAIN !! - oh well im done ranting about that. so yesterday [fRiday] was kevin's graduation party - and despite me thinking it was going to be a total drag - i actually had a lot of fun - but that could also be due to the fact that i had alcohol in my system - that always lightens the mood and makes you have a good time anywhere - so the night pretty much ended up exactly how i said it was going to be - megg and i sitting at a table by ourselves - but we didn't mind one bit bcuz we had free beer haha ! - so towards the end of the night she and i were dancing and it was good times - then afterwards we went to this bar bcuz lauren wanted to go bcuz her b/f was gonna be there - but me and megg just wanted to go home bcuz she had to wake up at 6:30 the next morning - so we start to walk home from like tulip and westmoreland and then eventually we give up on walking and call this kidd eddie to come pick us up - haha that was an aventure let me tell you ! - when he got there it was him, edday , some kidd danny and his bxtch in the car -- then danny and his girl get out so its us four in the car and the boys decide that they want to go to geno's haha! so we go there and then afterwards i hear eddie say that he's going back to jimmy's and i wanted to go with them bcuz i knew people that were going to be there - and i kept getting invited up there but always had no way of getting there - so then megg gets out of the car to go in her house and then the danny kidd starts saying shxt to me like "ohh well i dont know if we can bring more people up there and where will you sleep" and blah blah blah - so that got me really pissed off bcuz i knew the people that lived there for four years! probably even longer then they did - so i was mad and just got out of the car and slept at megg's - so yeahh today [ saturday ] -- i wake up at 6:30 after coming in at 3 which was not funn - then i went home and crashed till about one - i was soo beat - then i woke up and just lounged around and then i came outside and went downstairs and seen that my best friend was out there - so we sat on the step for awhile and chatted and then we walked over the mall and on the way back we watched a fight take place haha - then we just walked around and i came in at about 7 - then me and him were online bored as shxt trying to find something to do - but then the boys called me to see if i was coming out around 9ish - so i went out with them and then danielle called me at 10 so i went and chilled with her and jon - it was fun - goodnight here's a pic of danielle and i for your viewing pleasure you love it you know it <3 - i love you bxtch - my only one - no one gets me like you do ! [ in loving memory of mom-mom and garry ] <333 [ gone but never forgotten ] <333 sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

[02 Jun 2005|12:55am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Fall Out Boy ] ****WOULD YOU RATHER**** 1...pierced nose or tongue? well since i already have my tounge pierced - i guess my nose - which i still want done - but my father says he'll rip it out haha 2...serious or funny? funny deffinitely - i love to laugh - i like its my favorite hobby 3...boxers or briefs? boxers are wayyy hawt mann! 8...flowers or angels? flowers are more romantic but angels are symbolic - but i guess flowers 9...Dumb or Dumber? haha danielle and i are dumb and dumber - we rock, hard! 10...colour or black n white photos? black and white make the pic look ten times better i think 11...lust or love? i wanna be in love - i think it would be spectacular 12...sunrise or sunset? sunset - im not trying to wake up all early to see the sunrise haha - unless your up mad late and you just so happen to see it come up - those days are the best 13...M&Ms or skittles? peanut m&ms are amazing 14...rap or rock? rock out with your cock out niggah!! 15...staying up late or waking up early? staying up late - c'mon man thats the only way to do it 16...TV or radio? i dont listen to the radio - i listen to cd's - so i guess the boob tube! 17...calling it POP or SODA? soda 18...using Xz or Os in Tic-Tac-Toe? i love to be the X haha i dont know why 19...water or alcohol? alcohol is like water to me now - i need it to survive - haha nahh kidden - but seriously, alcohol 20...eating apples or grapes? apples .. especially the green ones - they're so juicy and sour haha 23...being hot or cold? being cold deffinitely - there's nothing sexxxy about being sweaty - atleast when ur cold ur mann can warm you up - but when im hott i dont want nobody touching me haha 24...tall members of opposite sex? yess i deffinitely would prefer a tall man - thats hawt! 25...sun or moon? the moon is nice - deffinitely 26...emeralds or rubies? being irish i think i'd prefer emeralds 27...left or right? right 28...having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? one best friend - i got that jawn covered yO! - haha you know how i roll 29...sun or rain? sun is awesome - but not too hott - but make out sessions in the rain are legend 30...vanilla or chocolate ice-cream? chocolate 31...boys or girls? boys most deff. i cant stand girls 32...green beans or carrots? carrots have my hearts - my favorite vegtable 33...low fat or fat free? low- fat - i need to have some fat - thats what makes it taste so delicious after all ****MISCELLANEOUS**** 34...What is your biggest fear in the world? death [ any form ] -- and war -- not so much being alone anymore -- im getting used to it and to tell you the truth its kind of nice - for the past 2 and a half years i've always had someone - now its nice to have "me" time- hahaa 35...Kids or no kids? i deffinitely want kids in my future - atleast three 36...Cat or dog? dogs - i hate cats - they're evil 37...Half empty or half full? half full - i'd like to think im a positive thinker 39...Hard cover books or soft cover books? hard cover - they dont get ruined as easily 40...newspaper or magizines? magizines - there's more hotties in there 41...Sandals or sneakers? sandals are easier but sneakers are better 42...Wonder or amazement? amazement is nice - but a little wonder makes you think 43...Red car or white car? white - so everyone can write on it when i dont clean it like a dirtball 44...Happy and poor or sad and rich? i'd rather be rich - no one can truly be unhappy if they're rich ahaha 45...Singing or dancing? i'd like to think im better at dancing - but i suuck at both - but i do love to sing - i'll sing anything at anytime 46...Hugging or kissing? kissing is amazing - especially when its with someone you really like - i could kiss for hours 47...Corduroy or plaid? plaid is sexxxy 48...Purple or green? green - eventhough im not really a big fan of either 49...Blondes, brunettes or red heads? blondes ofcourse - we know hot to put it dowwn !! ****TELL US ABOUT YOU**** 50...What time is it now: 12:47 AM 51...Name? Amanda 52...nickname? Manda, Mandy - i dunno i dont really have any 53...Parents name? Donna and Bobby ha! 54...Names of siblings? Matthew and Katelyn 55...age of siblings? 21 and 17... 56...Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? probably like 5 - but i turned 19 haha 57...Date that you regularly blow them out? 10--24 58...Pets? one dogg 59...Height? 5'3 60...Eye colour? blue 61...Hair colour? blondee 62...Piercing(s)? i only have 6 in my ears now :( -- and my tounge ****HAVE YOU EVER**** 63...been toilet papering? nahh cant say i have 64...Where do you want to live? anywhere but here 65...How many kids you want? atleast three 66...What kind of job do you want? apparently a nurse 67..Do you want to get married? im still debating on that - i just dont see how its possible ****WHO**** 68...makes you laugh the most? whoever has anything remotely funny to say - i laught at anything 69...is the shyest? i dunno - no one is really shy 70...is the most outgoing? probably the boys 71...is the most fun to be round? danielle and megg 72...Knows the most about you? danielle and megg 73...Has it easier guys or girls? guys - but i could just be biased **WHICH IS BETTER**** 74...Croutons or bacon bits? i dont know i dont like either 76...Mr Pibb or Dr Pepper? neither 77...Coffee or ice cream? ice cream - come on now 78...Shampoo or conditioner? conditioner it makes your hair super soft 79...Bridges or tunnels? tunnels 80...One pillow or two? 2 81...Adidas or Nike? adidas sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

PiCTURES FADE AWAy BUT MEMORiES FOREVER ... [30 May 2005|10:45pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | New Found Glory - Sonny ] here are some pictures from my wonderful shore trip ... megg and i being incredibly intoxicated and incredibly sexxxy haha the gang minus mikey - megg had her b/f there so kyle was showing me love <3 diamonds are forever - bcuz we are the realest niggas !! haha me and the two hottest homosexuals ever, mikey and kyle !! i love them boys me and kyle has the same shirt 'pimpin aint easy' - that was so not planned haha! we're also showing off our black power ! haha well those are some of the pictures from the shore - as you can see i had a lovely time - hopefully more good times to come haha! sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

i kNOw im On yOUr mind i kNOw we'd hAVE a gOOD tiME . im yOUr FRiEND im FUN and im FiNE ... [30 May 2005|07:10pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha ] haha yeahh that was deffinitely the song of the weekend and this weekend was pretty chill - i can't even remember the last time i spent the whole weekend with danielle - i don't even remember the last time i chilled with her on a weekend - haha so yeah it was good to catch up on some partying together - you know !! fRiday ~ i woke up early and went shopping with my momma - i got a pair of capris, three cute tube tops, and napolean dynamite shirt and jacket, and a new found glory shirt -- but i must say that my best purchase of that day was deffinitely my beer bong <3 i love it haha - so on the way home i called danielle to see if we were still drinking at her house since her parents were gone for the weekend - and she said she didn't know which kind of made my mad - but then she called back and said to go for it - so me and my mom went and picked her up from work at 3 and then my mom took us to get beer - haha then we went back to danielle's and me and her started the party and christened the beer pong - haha i made danielle do a water one first and ofcourse she spilled it all down the front of her - so i made her do another one and she got the hang of it - but just to make sure she made herself a "beer bong trash bag poncho" haha it was great watching her wear that when she did it - i was so proud of her that she beasted up them beers haha - yeah well me and danielle took a trip to my g-parents to try and get a camera but there was no luck so as we were there danielle gets a call from jon and says that he's on his way down - so we like ran to her house - so when he got there we resumed drinking - haha and tell me that we didn't sound like alcoholics when i called my aunt at 7 pm for more beer bcuz danielle and i finished the case haha! - so after that we took another trip to my aunts house and stole her beer -- then we went back and drank and eventually i made my way back outside and to livingston to see the fellas - yeahh that was a good idea amanda ! haha - so afterwards we went back to danielle's and got pizza and i also got a phone call from some friends which was nice - then i crashed at like 12:30 - only to be woken up every hour from danielle taking showers and what not haha - overall it was a great night ! saturday ~ woke up feeling suprisingly good - i wanted danielle to come with me to lauren's birthday party but jon was there so my mom drove jon home and danielle wound up coming with me which i was stoked about - the party was funn - not too many people were there, i was suprised - but yeah so we left there around 6:30 and on the way home i got a call from to go up adam and jimmy's pad haha - but me and danielle didn't really feel like so yeahh - and then danielle and i just went over the mall to get food and a movie - then we went back to her house to watch and eat - then joe knocked at her house which was a nice treat - i havent really talked to him in a while - and then chal and eric knocked which was a bummer bcuz i really didnt feel like dealing with them - but yeah and then john knocked - so danielle's house was bumping with visitors that night haha - then we just crashed sunday ~ woke up and went home for a little bit - talked to megg - she's down the shore soaking up the sun - i need to make another trip down there ASAP haha ! - she misses me terribly and i miss her the same - but yeah then after that i went to my g-parents - just chilled with the family and what not - then i went to danielle's and we took a walk and then we went back to her house and sat on her step and listened to music like the cool kidds - people didn't get it haha - good times though - then we topped the night off with a little jake gyllenhaal and the day after tomorrow - it was actually a pretty good movie - we liked it :) - then i went home and that was my night today ~ haven't done anything really all day - i feel like a bum but oh well - bob just called me though so i'll probably go out with him and bill - and i just talked to kyle and he and i are going to the club on wednesday which im happy about - i miss that boy - i love gay kidds haha - he's awesome - and we're disscussing a trip to the shore too ! so yeahh mann well thats enough about my weekend - lets talk about something of more substance - i really dont like hanging with my friends anymore - i mean i hang with bob and bill during the week but they're not really around on the weekends and neither is danielle - so i guess to avoid staying in on the weekends i go out with them - but the shxt that they do is really getting old - its hard to sit back and watch people do nothing with themselves and destroy their lives with pointless drugs - oh well hopefully i find some more friends soon haha! who knows maybe im just being dramatic - but i am better then sitting on a corner drinking and chilling with people that do drugs - but then again steve says that i've been sucked into the black whole and now im just another fishtown girl - is this my fate ? i don't know yesterday i watched stepmom and it made me think of my mom-mom - like how susan surandon talks about always being there through each new memory and how she'll always be in their hearts - i started to cry - bcuz i know my mom-mom won't be there with me - i mean growing up she was just as much my mom as my own mother - she practically raised my brother and i through our baby years - i don't know - i try not to think of her a lot - i know that sounds horrible - but i can't face it and don't want to - im just not ready to accept the fact that i will never see her again - even the little things that seem so insignificant like getting a call at 7 in the morning from her to wish me a happy birthday - so she could be the first person to say it - or sitting on the couch and her coming over to me with the k-mart ad showing me whats on sale - or on christmas eve helping her open all her gifts that she got from her co-workers - its little things like that you take for granted but miss them terribly when they're gone - i don't know - i didn't mean to get all emo on this update - i just miss her a lot and i can't comprehend when people say "she's in a better place" - what better place ? her place was with her family - this is where she we belongs - we are who she belongs with - she wouldn't have wanted it any other way - i still can't believe she's gone ... i LOVe yOu mOm-mOm and gaRRy - miSS yOu and lOve yOu aLways sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

i want tHE tRUTh fROm yOu - i want tHE tRUTh even iF iT hURTs mEE... [22 May 2005|11:13pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Good Charlotte - The Truth ] the truth - ahh what a funny thing - now that we arent together anymore im not sure what to believe - i mean - i seen the convo - i read it over and over again - it hurt- it hurt really bad i must say - a lot more than it should have - but what am i to do - theres this convo with all signs pointing that it happened - yet he denys - i just dont know what to think of this all - maybe i just need to forget it all and quit dwelling on it and letting it bother me - i mean it did happen almost a year ago - so yeahh - anyway new topic so imagine that you like someone for three years - but you've never been able to tell them bcuz things always got in the way - for example - first it was that i was hooking up with someone - then we stopped talking - then i got a boyfriend - then he hooked up with my friend - then we stopped talking again. yeahh so now that i am free and he is free it just seemed perfect - so to make a long story short - last weekend he told me he liked me - so on friday he called me to see what i was doing and since i wasnt doing anything we hung out and made out - and let me tell you the kiss was deff. worth the wait - it was a lot better than i expected however i was dissapointed with the events that took place afterwards and during whivh i wont say - but besides the actual quality of the kiss, the whole ordeal was quite dissapointing. deff. not the person i thought he was which kinda makes me sad so last night [ saturday ] i went out with meghan, lisa, chal , eric , devon, and brian. at first me meghan and lisa went to brians to play with the baby and all then we decided that it was enough of that and so we decided to go back to meghans and get our drink on - it was funn - certain people were being beggars and i got a kick out of it - it like don't play me and then try to mack out with me - u scrapper !! - but yeah i dont know what else im supposed to put for my night - i talked to [him<3] again - it was nice i guess. oh well thats enough of my saturday haha bcuz me dev and meghan we're deff. all uup till like 6 still drinking haha we're animals - and there was a lot of drama but nothing brought down my night too much - boys can suck it so this morning i wake up at 10 and meghan is telling me that we're going to TGI Fridays so me her and lisa went there and then afterwards we went to south street so i could get the two cutest hats ever!!! haha - im gonna go back down there so i can get some shirts haha its gonna be great - but then after that we went to the beauty supply store and then i went home for a little bit - then i went back out with meghan and lisa and we all just chilled at the step and then me meghan and lisa went to see lisa's boyfriend or whatever - haha funn stuff! then me and meghan just went and chilled with brian devon and eric in brians house - good times - not really - im a little dissapointed that [he<3] didnt call me but oh well thats life i guess - well im out [ reSt in peace ] <3 mOm- mOm <3 and gaRRy <33 [ lOved and miSSed ] sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

[19 May 2005|06:25pm] 1) Using band names/musicans, spell out your name. A-ll American Rejects M-y Chemical Romance A-llister N-ew Found Glory D-ashboard Confessionals A-treyu B- rand New A-shlee Simpson I-ncubus L-inkin Park E-arly November Y-ellowcard 2) Have you ever had a song written about you? nope not to my knowledge but i think that would be so sweet<3 3) What song makes you cry? she will be loved gets me everytime and lean on me 4) What song makes you happy? the story so far 5. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: nothing at the moment 6. WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: cheese and mustard 7. WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: pretty nice out like 7O degrees 8. HOW ARE YOU?: i'm actually pretty good 9. GET MOTION SICKNESS?: yeahh i hate getting older 10. HAVE A BAD HABIT?: bitting my nails 11 GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: yeahh i love them 12. LIKE TO DRIVE?: nahh but driving is neccessary in life 13. SEXUALITY?: straight - i love boys <3 x. CHILDREN?: yeah one day i suppose - if its in the cards for me x. HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE?: yeahh but after four years im finally over him and im so happy about that x. BEEN HURT?: yupp too many times - its like a game to them x. YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW] fallout boy <333 x. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON what color would you be?: black x. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY ?: my friends and family and knowing that they love and care about me x. WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET: haha probably starting line Seven things in your bedroom room: 1. Bed 2. clothes 3. TV 4. stereo 5. mirror 6. shoes 7. and last but not least my "NO ONE iS UGLY AT 2 AM" sticker haha i love it Seven things to do before death: 1. have kids 2. get married 3. get my license 4. be successful 5. make lots of money 6. make out with jordan from NFG haha <3 7. to fall in love<3 Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex: 1. eyes 2. hair 3. clothes esp. party clothes haha danielle knows what i mean 4. sense of humor - i love to laugh 5. nice lips 6. a little chunky but not obese 7. and when they're confident enough in themselves to not get jealous Top seven things you say most: 1. word 2. this bxtch is killen me 3. awesome 4. omg guess what 5. haha 6. smack a bxtch 7. and probably lately [his<3] name Do You: Smoke?: depends on if im drunk and if someone offers me one Do drugs?: no thanks im too cool for that Read the newspaper?: yeahh i read 'dear abby' - 'the public eye' and on fridays i read the sex column haha Pray?: sometimes Have you ever: Gone skinny dipping?: nope never Had a medical emergency?: nahh and im so thankful for that Had surgery?: yeahh Swam in the dark?: yeahh its kinda weird but funn Been to a Bonfire: nope that would be cool though Played strip poker?: nahh Gotten beaten up?: nope i'll smack a bxtch Beaten someone up?: nope never Been on stage?: yeahh in high school Slept outdoors?: nahh but that would also be fun i think Pulled an all nighter?: haha yeahh a few times Made out with a stranger?: define stranger - what if you talked to them for a few hours first ? haha thats so bad Been on radio/tv?: yupp TRL niggas! Been in a mosh-pit?: yeahh Gotten lost in the woods: nahh cant say i have Been in an Undertow: nahh not really Smoked a Cigar: eww grosss! Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yess and i love them dearly esp. my newest ones kyle and mikey Describe your first kiss?: it was during a game of spin the bottle when i was like 10 it wasnt cute and i dont even remember how the kiss was About You Three words that sum you up: funny, friendly , and the nicest bxtch ever!! Wallet: its a black XOXO one - its cute man Coffee: i dont like coffee Shoes: what about my shoes Cologne/Perfume: i dont wear perfume - but i love when boys wear cologne In the last 24 Hours have you....: Cried: nope Bought something: yupp food and a drink Gotten sick: nahh Sang: yeahh im sure ive sang something haha Been kissed: nope but hopefully in the next 24 hours i will be Felt stupid: ohh yess Wanted to tell someone you love them, but didn’t: noo i wanna tell someone that i like them but they know <3 Talked to an ex: nopee Talked to someone you have a crush on: yesss :) - he rocks my world Had a serious talk: yeah i guess you could say something like that Missed someone: terribly Hugged someone: yeahh Would you rather be with friends or on a date: depends on the situation Like being around people: depends on who the people are sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

iF iT wERE up tO mE wE'd have eveRytHiNg we nEED - yOu'D have mE and i'D have yOu... [19 May 2005|01:32am] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | The Starting Line - Stay Where I Can See You ] yeahh so i just got back from a crazy and wild time down the shore with my lady megg - and i know updates are a must so yeahh.. friday O5 - 13 ; i woke up at like 7 bcuz i still had to pack and what not - and i had to get money from my momma - so after that i just chilled and waited for megg to call me bcuz we had to go get alcohol - so after she got a hold of heather we went and got it and wow it cost us $126 - yeah can you say lush haha! so after a little bit we finally get everything we need and we get ready to go down the shore - once we got there we had to make a few pit stops but it was really good to be down there and unpack and all . so we just chilled and started drinking and what not while we unpacked - we didnt wanna drink too much bcuz we didnt what time megg's mom was coming down - but on friday i did my first beer bong [ thanks to megg ] and i must say that it was amazing and i never wanna drink another beer regularly now haha - so after about a few of them we got ready to go drink over ashley's. and on the way there megg got a call from dan so we waited for him then went in ashley's. when we were in there we continued to drink and dan spilled a whole beer bong on me - haha i was soo pissed but it was so funny - so i smelled of beer which is always cute - then dan was hungry [ and sober ] we he drove us all to applebee's - haha eating applebee's drunk is always funn and they played great music - haha and megg spilled her drink which was hilarious. so after that we went back to ashleys and megg sat in dans car with him for a bit so i went up with ashley and called [him<3] so we talked for a bit and then megg wanted to go to her other friend george's house so we went there - and on the way there [he<3] told me to just call him when i got there and when i did we were on the phone till 4:30 in the morning - it was really nice - although i was completely sober by this point - so i lost my guts to profess my love for him haha! - then after that me megg and ashley went home and found out that meggs mom went to philly to pick lauren up haha it was funny bcuz they got in like 5 minutes after us - it was a close call - then anna goes "were you drinking light beer" haha good times - then we crashed . saturday 5 -14 ; we woke up and decided to go to wendy's and that was an avendture bcuz we got locked out of the car haha - so AAA had to come - then afterwards we went to the mall and surf shop so megg and lauren could get shxt - i was like poor at that point haha! - then after that we came home and got ready to go out - we went to the boardwalk first for a little bit - and me and megg got the cutest pictures ever - i love them and i usually dont like pics of myself - so yeahh - then we decided to go back to george's house and on the way there [he<3] called me again and i was super stoked ! - so i told him i'd call him back - then me and megg did like 3 bongs and then i took like 3 shots with lauren and after that i threw up ahaha thats cute! - and then i did more bongs - megg was like "no u just threw up ur not drinking" haha but i did nonetheless! and then i called [him<3] back and he was pretty wasted also - and that night we both told eachother that we liked eachother and wanted to hook up - i was pretty much rocking a cheeser - its sad i know - so we were on the phone till 7:30 that morning off and on - it was amazing - the only bad thing about that night is that i wound up throwing up the majority of the night haha - anyways then me megg laur and ash just crashed at george's house. sunday 5-15 ; we woke up and ashley came and got us bcuz she had to go home at like 5 in the morning - i felt bad for her but oh well - then afterwards we came home and decided to go to the beach for a little bit - it was funn i got burnt - so we were chillen there and meggs friend kyle calls and says that him and his boyfriend mikey are at his house so we leave the beach and go back to the house. haha they are the cutest things ever! so when they got there we went up on the boardwalk and what not then when we came back we watched blue crush - then me megg kyle and mikey went food shopping for dinner for the rest of the week. it was cute ! - then when we got back we started drinking - haha we tried to do power hour and i deff. wasnt having it - i was done after like ten - then dan came over and that was nice for megg - it was kinda sad for me bcuz kyle and mikey had eachother and dan and megg had eachother - and then there was me - but its ohkay i got some kisses from kyle - yeah it was weird - then we decided to go to the beach all wasted - and apparently me and kyle were macking at the beach but i dont remember any of that - ohh well it was funn! - the we came home and went to bed. monday 5-16 ; we woke up kinda late and kyle told us that his friends from home were coming down so me and megg decdided to go to the mall with dan for a little bit - i kinda felt stupid going bcuz i was like the third wheel - but it didnt turn out to be that bad - it just made me want a boyfriend haha - so then when we got back we cooked dinner and tried to drink but no one was really feeling it so we just made it an early and sober night. nothing too special. tuesday 5-17 ; we woke up and decided to get drunk early and go to the beach - so we packed some alcohol and went on our way - it was nice bcuz we were like the only one's there - but then it got really cold so we went home - everyone showered and all and then i started to eat my jello shot bowl haha - then [he<3] called me and i was happy - and we chatted for a little and he said to call him back later - so when i got off the phone megg arrived with the bong bcuz we didnt have it for like 2 days bcuz it was in ashleys car! so after that we bonged and got crunk haha! then i called [him<3] back and he was sleeping - i felt bad so i let him go - anyway we were just chill and what not - haha kyle and me hooked up again - it was kinda funny - then him and mikey got into a fight and mikey deff. called me out for hooking up with his boyfriend more then he did haha! it was great - the megg went to the beach to reflect and talk to the b/f - which she never did bcuz he didnt answer - so eventually she came home. and thats that today 5-18 ; we woke up really late and megg said that we had to leave today bcuz her grandfather died and she had to go to ohio a day earlier - so i woke up the boys and we just cleaned the whole day and then around 4ish me megg and anu started to drive home - we didnt hit too much traffic which is good - then as soon as i came home meghan called me saying how much she missed me and that i needed to come out - so that was pretty nice - so i unpacked and then went out with her chal eric bob bill devon and some kid brian. it was ohkay i guess - oh well . the highlight of my night was when [he<3] called me - we may hang this weekend. pretty sweet! wow im pretty beat though bcuz this entry was way long - so later PROGRESS REPORT : i AM MiSSiNG yOU TO DEATH <33 mOm-mOm and gaRRy michael [ lOVE yOu bOth ] <3 1 bOy cRAZy| sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

im watCHiNg yOu twO fROm tHE cLOSeT wiSHiNg tO bE tHE FRiCTiOn in yOUR jEANs... [13 May 2005|12:02am] [ mood | flirty ] [ music | FallOut Boy - Sugar, We're Goin' Down ] a lot of things have happened lately that made me think twice - although most of the occurances were bad - i think that i finally learned some well needed lessons. first off, i've come to the realization that people aren't who they appear to be. for example, i was hooking up with someone and what not and i thought that this person actually liked me - yeah i know, stupid right? - but anyway - something happened between the two of us a few weekends ago that made me realize that this person is a piece of shxt and i want absolutley nothing to do with him and im so happy that he's out of my life for good. the second person that isnt the person i thought they were was supposedly my good friend - however that person doesnt want anything to do with me when certain people are around - so fxck that !! and thirdly, i hope i am finally over the whole stupid "love" thing - i know now that i shouldnt say that i was in love with him bcuz its cheap - i deserve to experience love with someone who loves me back and he didnt, nor will he ever!! - im not going to give him the privelage anymore of being my first love, i wanna save it for someone who is worthy of it and someone that wont abuse it, but cherish it. i know that sounds corney but ohh well. he makes me sick and i wish that he could see the strength that i have shown. another thing that has happened is my brother went to rehab recently - im so happy that he went bcuz he finally got help for his addictions that he's been dealing with for quite some time now. another reason that im happy that he went was bcuz it made me realize that people that do drugs arent people that i want to associate myself with, or be friends with. i have started to spend less and less time with my old friends and more time just sitten in, being with my family, or hanging out with my girls megg and danielle. i think i finally got a wake up call for some things and i've had some close calls dealing with events that have taken place. hopefully this is the start to the new, old me that i was once. i mean im still going to be the same person, but hopefully my morals and values will be restored. i think that i have a good chance to sail smoothly on the road to recovery lol - but in all honesty, i look at myself and i dont like the person i've become and the things that i've done - thats not me at all and i dont even know who this person is. im thinking that i need stability in my life - and maybe its bcuz im sick of these make out sessions with people that dont mean shxt - i want a boyfriend - or atleast someone that i can talk to and be cool with. ofcourse i wanna take things slow and not rush into a relationship again. but i think a relationship is what i want. and i already know someone who i'd like to be in one with - but im not going to jump the gun on anything bcuz im not even sure if he knows i like him, let alone likes me back. but i think that this person would be good for me. who knows maybe im just rambling and trying to force a relationship on myself bcuz i see how happy danielle and megg are - and i guess i just want to know that feeling and be in love - but i guess there are some things you just cant rush. as for the weekend, i am going down the shore with megg for a whole week - im kind of excited about it - dont get me wrong, im going to love getting out of fishtown, but im also gonna miss my family and danielle haha! but it should be loads of funn - there will be drinking, the beach, boardwalk, games, and clubs. im just hoping that this trip is funn - but i dont doubt that it will be. well im done rambling - this was an extremely long entry. love you all <3 [ <3 ] in lOving memORy OF mOm-mOm and gaRRy micHAEL [ <3 ] sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

surveyyy yESSSSS! [04 May 2005|05:55pm] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | FallOut Boy -- Dance Dance ] "Last" Survey Created by blairie and taken 7853 times on bzoink! Last Cigarette: 2 weekends ago Last Alcoholic Drink: fRiday - yEaHH buDDyy !! Last Car Ride: this afternoon Last Kiss: fRiday <3 Last Good Cry: 2 weekends ago Last Library Book checked out: like 2 months ago - yeahh they're wayyy overdue Last Movie Seen in Theatres: a lot like love on monday Last Book Read: chicken soup for the teenage soul haha Last Movie Rented: closer Last Cuss Word Uttered: bitch Last Beverage Drank: cherry juice Last Food Consumed: chicken and rice Last Crush: ugh lets not go there please Last Phone Call: meghan Last TV Show Watched: something on VH1 Last Time Showered: this morning Last Shoes Worn: my adidas sandles Last CD Played: fallout boy <3 Last Item Bought: fallout boy CD Last Download: i don't download Last Annoyance: being out last nigiht Last Disappointment: saturday - enough said Last Soda Drank: creme Last Thing Written: by hand? - probably my test for bio Last Key Used: my house key Last Word Spoken: her Last Sleep: last night - got my full 12 hours haha Last IM: no one has IM'ed me yet today - now thats sad Last Sexual Fantasy: i don't really have fantasies like that Last Weird Encounter: friday Last Ice Cream Eaten: vanilla fudge Last Time Amused: this morning Last Time Wanting To Die: saturday Last Time In Love: i dont know if its love Last Time Hugged: last night Last Time Scolded: haha saturday morning Last Time Resentful: last night Last Chair Sat In: my computer chair Last Lipstick Used: i dont wear lipstick - i wear lipgloss Last Underwear Worn: striped ones Last Bra Worn: a white one Last Shirt Worn: white tee Last Webpage Visited: myspace Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

hEy lUSh have fUn iTS tHE wEEkEnD... [02 May 2005|12:53pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer ] omg my weekend was pretty crazzy - so here it goes friday - prom fever - so all day i was pretty much doing prom things - danielle did my make up and then i went to my aunts house so she could do my hair. after all that i went home to get dressed and danielle came over - then i went to meghans house with katie, danielle, and chal to keep my company so i didnt feel stupid ! - but that didnt work bcuz when i first got there people were already there and i was so bummed bcuz i felt stupid - and then danielle was like "which one is your date" haha and i was like "i dont know, i dont know what he looks like" - luckily for me though he wasnt there yet so thats good - but i felt so stupid - anyways my date finally came and that was a little awkward but oh well - so then the limo bus came and the rest of the couples arrived so we headed to the prom - lemme tell you - we were the first ones there haha! - ohh well atleast we didnt have to wait in a long ass line or anything for pictures - so then we went in and found some seats and what not - the prom turned out to be pretty fun - it was bad at first bcuz my date and i werent talking - but chris and kevin were there so i was dancing and talking with them - then me meghan and lisa were all dancing - and lisa got me to slow dance with my prom date - haha - so then the prom was over and we all went back to meghans to parttyyyy! - haha at first it was a little slow bcuz people kept leaving then they were coming back and what not - but me and meghan started drinking like as soon as we got there - i had way to much but its all good - so eventually meghan and ryan went to sleep bcuz she was tired and drunk haha - so it was me lisa jimmy petey mark and some other kidd that was all up - and we were playing this drinking came were u had to chug - so after a few of those i needed to throw up - which i did in the bathroom - then i come downstairs and see all this red puke all over the floor and im like "omg who threw up" - then petey was like "look around who do u think threw up" so i look and i see lisa's clothes covered in red haha it was hilarious - so we cleaned it and everything - and i started drinking again - doing shots and what not - so then people left or just went to bed - overall it was a great night - it also helps that i got a kiss from someone <33 - eventhough i'll never see him again . boo that saturday - woke up butt ass early - while still being drunk - haha - then meghan called lisa to tell her that i was going down the shore with them and lisa told meghan some news that i didnt want anyone to find out about but apparently everyone knows now so yeahh . - anyways we went out to breakfast and then i came home and slept from 11 to 3:30 - then meghan called and said she was on her way - i like jumped outta bed bcuz i wasnt dressed or packed yet - so i hurried up and did that - then we headed to the shore - that was the most horrible car ride ever bcuz i felt like i was gonna puke the whole time - so as soon as we get there me and meghan crawl into bed haha - and some how our room was the party room so that got everyone mad - so eventually we ventured out and got something to eat and when we came back thats when all this drama began - i go back into bed and this kid comes into the room and is telling me to get out of HIS bed - and i was like "no this is our room and MY bed so im staying in it" - so eventually he decided to get in the bed with me - which was horrible bcuz he was all on top of me trying to hook up with me - and if he wasnt completely bombed then i probably would have hooked up with him bcuz he was really hott - but i also knew that he only wanted to hook up with me bcuz of the events that happened the night before - so yeahh that sucks - anyway all this unnessicary drama occured between ryan and all of jimmy's friends and some things were said which made meghan want to leave - so after getting there at 6 - we were leaving by 9 - its ohkay though - i mean i would have liked to stay but i completely understand why she would have wanted to leave - so we came home and i crashed into bedd so all in all the weekend was pretty good with the exception of us having to leave and the reasons why we left - people are just so stupid and dontknow when to shut their mouths - but whatever its all over now so laterr <33 rest in peace mom-mom and garry <33 - love you's both more than you know sOme girLs aRe cRAZy

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