well lots has happened.. good.. bad.. but all in all.. i am still single grrrrrrrrr... slept with a few guys.. frank.. ugh no fun..
paul... TOO FRIGGIN HOT IN BEDDDDDDDDD!! best sex in a long time!
and a few others...
lots of traveling for work.. kansas ( i won an award for manager of the year.. yea!) hartford.. atlanta.. lansing.. grand rapids.. tenn.. ohio.. and lots more...!!
i am talking to a few guys right now.. mike.. he is awesome.. older 40 year old.. very sweet!!..
keith he is a fireman in queens good kisser...
john he is very nice a lil geeky..
Current mood: sleepy.
Current music: nina sky spanish song.
ok lets see.. me and brian are still hanging out.. hmm i like him a real lot... he just got home from vegas today and i am talking with him right now.. ok guys
Ok Lets update.... Brian! hmmmmmm! I want him so badly!!!!! we have hung out twice.. the first time lots of sex.. second time (he is great at oral) we didnt have sex because he was too nervous doing it in the car outside.. because we were just tooo horny to get anywhere.. but then i dont hear from him for a week or two..?!?! explain that.. same thing happened last time.. we go out.. go out to dinner.. do stuff for hours.. then we make out or have sex.. and then i dont hear from him for a week or two.. i hate that.. he is so hot and i know he is going through a lot of shit.. but god damn it.. i dont like not hearing from him at all.. it pisses me off... makes me hate men all together!!!! ok i guess thats it for now..
oh and draggie gave me a reading.. all good news.. everything is going to change for me it said... positive stuff going to be happening in my life.. all the bad will turn to good and i will soon find the one man of my dreams.. YEA! hehehe ok i think i need to go back to bed now.. :-P buh byes i sleepies
Current mood: sleepy.
Current music: lullaby and goodnight.
ok since karl and i broke up early may.. kimbers fault i have dated several men... here we go..
Kevin.. enviromental scientist knew him from parsnips from back in the day. slept with him once he is way to big for me.. his dick is huge!..
and from what i hear from kim.. karl wants to get back together.. he realized (a lil late) that he loves me and wants to be with me.. guys are jack asses sometimes dontcha know...
sorry i havent written in quiet sometime.. life has been insane.. grandpa died which has totally devasted me and made me really depressed and such.. and well my ex killed himself.. and la la la.. well I am seeing this guy karl now.. he is amazing in bed.. and again as always i cant figure out how to tell him i want more.. as always i agree to no relationship.. because i dont want one.. but then a few months into it.. I want permant! le sigh.. i just give up i guess.. i really dont know.. and as for john.. phht.. well! there ya go.. i havent talked to him since a few days after valentines day (karl and i hooked back up on feb 15th)
posting it here.. someone let me know if it does..
he is awesome in bed also! meow!!
I hope karl didnt cum in me last nite (I was a lil fucked up) cause i am not on BC and if he does.. he is DEAD!!
i am so lost.. so depressed..
I feel like i have lost everything!
my heart.. my soul.. and the only man i have ever loved in my entire life..
he raised me and my sister.. he was everything to us!!
and to see him how bad he was these last few months killed..
but he kept telling us he was strong..
when did he ever give up he said
and now he is gone!!
and they let him die..
he said he wanted the nose feeding tube.. grandma said no
so when he couldnt feed himself anymore they let him starve..
no moniters no nothing.. she signed hospice! he said he wanted to live.. to fight.. i hate her for this
and i am so angry they are making it like a party!
grandma is glad he is gone.. she even said it.. she couldnt wait.. she bought a new house in florida and a new car.. and is spending money like crazy now that he has passed away.. she is a bitch.. a miserable bitch
i miss him so much.. and all the stuff he said in the hospital when i last saw him keeps haunting me.. because he was fine.. now he is gone.. less then a week! and then i feel bad.. could i have done more.. could i could i could i.. its killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so angry and lost! i dont know what to do! i have never lost anyone like this.. hell i saw my best friend killed before my eyes and didnt take it as hard as this.. this man was my entire universe...
here is the link from the funeral home.. his video thingy..... its so heart breaking
i made a beautiful picture.. i just dont know how to get it on here to show it
ok now i am a blabbering ball of tears.. so i am gonna stop!
Current mood: depressed.
Current music: lou monte's i have an angel in heaven.
ok lets update this thingy heh its been awhile.. lets see.. love work.. love life.. like john way toooo much for words.. and ugh.. hmm yes.. i feel icky today i have a soar throat.. and i drank.. hehe whatelse is new.. michelle still being a bad influence on me.. of course.. and le sigh.. i wish john would commit.. i finally got him to admit we are dating.. thats a step in the right direction... :-D i just like him way to much.. lets see if maybe one day the feeling will be the same.. for now.. gods knows...!! and grandpa is very sick.. the only man i have ever loved and i am lossing him.. he seemed so depressed the other day when i went to go see him in the hospital it tore my heart out.. I hate to see him like that.. and he is such a strong man.. i hope he can beat this.. no no no i KNOW he can! he is strong.. he is my staple in life.. and there are so many things i have promised him.. and he better be around for me to fufill them :( like he was going to walk me down the aisle if and when i got married.. if anything was to happen to him i dont know what I would do.. and and.. my children if i have any will never know how an amazingly great guy grandpa tom is! aand just hundreds of other lil iddy biddy things.. he will not be there for.. it kills me and i am so heart broken and heartsick over it.. :( gods he will never meet the man i am going to marry... he will never give him his blessing.. i will never get his approval on the man... just breaks my heart into so many peices.. and makes me so depressed.. oh well.. next
had to add something else here since well i added it twice... so :-P
Current mood: sad.
Current music: back that ass up!.
ok well I really really like john.. I dont think the feeling is all tha mutual.. i dont get that from him for some reason.. I just might be acting paranoid.. he says he likes me.. he says he likes hanging out with me.. but we dont hang out often.. but he did introduce me to his friends.. which i know is a big thing... sigh i dont know!!!! yes me and mike are over finally.. and i am so happy.. though i feel bad for how it happened i am glad its over.. i was such a wreck though.. i hit a car on the way to go have sex with john.. hehe we went to see elf it was so good...!!!!! I like him a lot.. and i wanna tell him.. but we both agreed no relationship :( what the heck to do :( horrible.. i can go sit in the corner and cry now boo hoo hehehe
Current mood: sad.
Current music: back that ass up!.
me and john finally had sex!!!! october 18-19th for 7 hrs.. hehe absolutly amazing he is the best i have ever had.. we first went to go see bret michaels from poison he looked a lil old.. lol.. and john was all over me..I like him so much.. he kept saying how beautiful i am and such.. and met his friends.. we drove his friends home and he kissed me.. hmmm very good.. first soft then harder.. and fingered me.. i came so fast.. he is amazing.. then we had a lil sex.. and moved out of the car onto the trunk that didnt work so well.. then back in the car.. then onto the hood of the car.. that worked well.. oh he fucks so good..!! then back in the car.. then back on the hood.. he is amazing..!! really is!!! I can not get enough of him!! he is so sweet.. and he is kisses aweome.. MEOW.. finally we had anal sex.. heh cant even tell you how many times i came.. it was too many and none stop..!! he is the best!
Current mood: flirty.
Current music: who cares we finally slept together!.