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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
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9:43a - frustration
temptation is only a replacement to the current
I wish i didn't know myself so well
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9:44a - who and what and why
what makes you love someone? How can people be together for so long and still be happy with each other. Every human being has a bit of abuser in them, and I'm sure ever couple ever has been into the same hardcore character clashes that break my relationships up. How can you make someone who won't see look at you. Can you really change someone? And what if they change themselves? How do you respond to someone you love when they tell you your not worth anything as a person? When he tells you you aren't seeing his side and don't care about it? The thing is, in reality, you know exactly what he wants and want to give it to him, if only he'd love you the same. How do you tell him the reason you don't want him, is because he doesn't want you? I cannot explain to him why I push him away early in the morning and late at night. He won't understand that I want him to wake up beside me, not inside me...I hate knowing that unless he's pitchin a tent he doesn't want to touch me. No, it's not true all the time, just often. He thinks I'm selfish and that I don't care because I won't do things for him. Example:brought him two dish rags with the intention to help dry him off in the tub, because the towels were all the way downstairs and in the car. Yes I'm lazy, but I thought it would be a little romantic to help. I feel he doesn't care when he gets embarrassed about not having money at the checkout and storms off to the car, leaving me behind, like a disobedient child. Any other one would have been gone when he agreed to my being a slut (another fight, another entry), but alas, I cannot. Sometimes I feel like I hate him, but I can't bring myself to get myself away from him, because most times I love him.
But now, comes temptation...
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