Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in Zech Berrett's Blurty:

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
7:56 pm	Long time no see! But a very bad day!.... Well, today I just got exspelled again from school! I might have to go to Court Continuation. But I am definently going to OP. I can not go back to my school (Silverado). I have to go to another school. Here's what happened today: Yesterday I asked this kid 'Robert' if he could get Lor Tab pills. He said he could. Because he has a lot of pills at his house. Today he came with a muscle relaxer pill. I have had bad experiences with pills in the past, and I have been to the hospital twice. Lor Tab was the only pill I was not a fraid of. I am scared of any other pill. The kid came up to me at lunch and gave me it. I took it, but I decided not to take it. So I gave it to my friend (Corey). He took it and something happened soon afterwards. After lunch he took it. He has my class next period. And in that class... he asked the teacher if he could use the restroom. But never came back. I was really afraid something bad happened. After that period "5th" I went into my 6th period class. Still scared and worried about him. During my class.... a councler came into the room and asked is "Zech Berrett" in this class? Turns out I have to go to the deans office and somehow Corey got caught. So now Im screwed and the kid who gave me it keeps denying it wasn't him. But I said I have proof cause my friends including Corey will be able to reconize him. Well Im upset and depressed. So bye (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
5:15 pm	None Well... today was still a boreing day. Going to school, being bored, stomach hurting, and all that. Not fun. I have a serious problem now, and I think Im dying slowly. On Sunday I lost A LOT of blood! When I say A LOT, I mean A LOT! Lets just say I lost it the wrong way. No cutting nor hurting myself in any way... NOTE: Not pee either. I think you know now what it is. And my stomach still hurts 24/7 and I duno what is wrong with my body. My stomachs been hurting for about 2 months now! Well... I still love and miss Aly. I LOVE YOU ALY! I better go. Bye everyone. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Coheed and Cambria (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 9th, 2003
12:44 am	None Well... today was a fun day! "Holy Sh!t!!... did I just hear Zech say he had fun?? You sure you're okay??" lol, yup! I wasn't actually depressed today^_^v My friend (Allen) and I went downtown on the strip. We met my parents and my aunt and uncle down there with them. And was going to the 8:00pm Pieret show. It was pretty sweet! I remember watching them in my past, but this one is a lot better then the ones they used to. A lot more action, better music, more light effects, a lot of sexy gorgeous young wemen, and better acting! I would say that we drove at least 5 hours today! Just going to places. lol. Nothing really much happened today, but it was fun. Bye. Current Music: Coldplay (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
2:58 pm	Another not so good day...... During the first few periods of my classes... stuff were going okay. Then in my last class... turns out that this kid named Emerson is in the same class as me. Emerson used to be my friend. And one day he came over and I was really tired that day because I had to stay up at 3:30am to get a cat scan or whatever that day. Anywho... I laid on my bed to rest and sleep. And he was in my room with me and laid on my bed and we were listening to my music in the room too. And sooner or later, I obviously fall asleep. When I woke up from my sleep... his hands were down my pants and was really close to... you know where. But I was scared and I didn't react. I should've, but when you are in a situation like that... you kinda freeze up and don't think. You're just scared. So I just remained with my eyes closed and pretended I was still asleep. And I was really upset. But I dont want to sound gay or anything... but it did feel good of course, so I let him keep doing it, and to see how far he will go. Trust me, Im not gay. Not even 1%. But I was scared, upset, and shocked. But it felt good at the same time. Turns out that after awhile he started moving his hand up and down. You know what he was doing. But at that point, I pretended I woke up and he imediantly took his hands out. And he said he had to go. The next day at school... he was also in one of my classes and I told the teacher I can't be in the same class as him. Then I had to explain why and had to tell the police etc that was on campous. Later on, I had to tell the head of the police every single detail. Everything. What time, when, where, etc. But police couldn't arrest him on school property for some reason. But I don't know what they did about him. And now he is in my 6th period class... and I don't want to be in there. But I do not want to tell why to my teacher and go through a lot of shit like that... and not having problems trying to get switched into a different class etc. I have been molested twice in my life... and a lot more shit has happened in my life... and Im hurt and scared. Always in my head too:( But I don't know what to do. My life really sucks! But oh well. And I was suppossed to see my first gf (Aly) yesterday. But guess what? I couldn't see her at the last minute, as every other time. I know its not her fault and she is really busy, but this always happends. And it seems to me like she has more time with her other friends. Im not mad nor trying to afend her in any way. I love her. I would never want to make her upset nor will I hurt her or cause her to suffer in anyway. Im sick of typing... good bye. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Rammstein (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 26th, 2003
8:36 pm	Umm... In the beginning of my day today... I had to wait up to go to stupid church! How gay was that?!? lol. Anyways... I had church for 3 long hours! I was sooooo bored and tired! Anyways... I came home and slept. I was having very weird dreams. Cool... but I was feeling sick in my dream and woke up feeling sick. But I went back to sleep. My dad woke me up and I had to go to 2 peoples house to talk and shit. I was already tired from earlier and from my sleep. And plus I was sooooo bored! Finally got home like 2 hours later. I was watching PUNK'D and it was funny. Hillarey Duff was on this one... and was going to get her Drivers License. The instructor was giving her a really hard time on driving and telling her to do this or don't do that. That type of Stuff. Well... later on he has her stop at a Stop Sign and put it in park. Giving her a lecture and wanted to talk to her and telling her what to do etc. Anywho... the car behinds them honks and is yelling to 'MOVE'! And the instructor tells Hillary to give the guy "The finger" and she was hesitant and didn't want to. She didn't. He also threw a paint can at their car, and theres pain all over the windshield. He did both and pisses the other guy off (All this is fake of course). And you're thinking... I quote "No Shit Zech" "Duh". Anyways... Hillary and the instructor finally take off and parks somewhere. The other guys that were pissed off... comes to their car and one guy chases the Instructor and the other guy is yelling at Hillary "Get out of the @!*#%$! car" etc. She gets scared and gets out. He takes off... while the Instructor see's what happened and runs over to Hillary. Telling her "What the F*** where you thinking"?!? "Why did you let him take the car"?!? And is lectureing stuff like that and blames everything was 'Her fault'. And she was really upset and freaking out, because her purse was in the car and all that shit. Anywho... she finally finds out she got PUNK'D. End. Also... while I was watching 'The Joe Smo Show', my first gf who I havent seen or talked to... called me?!? That came out of know where, lol. Well... I was really surprised and that was like that last thing I would've thought of. I was in shock and excited the same time. I am suppossed to see her tomorrow. But every single time that I call and had plans... something always comes up at the last minute and I can't see her. That most beautiful face:( I guess Im cursed. But I hope I can see her tomorrow. I miss her soooo much, you have no idea. I still love her (just as the same) and I always will. No one will love her and has compassion towards her, as much as I do. Thats just how I am. I will always love someone else more than anyone else would or can. Im just that sensitive and emotional. But its hard on me though and I have hard times every day. Struggeling with such great powerful feelings... and it overwhelms me and its constant inside my head. I cant control it, just grows and grows. And goes over and over in my head. One day its going to be too much and all I want to do... is just kill myself. And my stomach hurts everyday and I suffer from hunger. Like I havent ate for like 2 weeks! It hurts right now and I feel like aIm going to pass out. Everyday I feel like that. I think its because of my medication. It is speeding up my motabelism too fast and is causeing me to suffer like this. And my mom said like a week or so ago that I have lost 10-12 pounds already. And I do not need that. For me... it should be the opposite, lol. Anyways... I finally get to go back to regular school and be in the school district. YAY! Well... I better go, my stomach really really hurts! And I will pass out if I dont eat. So good night. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Coheed and Cambria! (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 25th, 2003
11:04 pm	Today wasn't good: Well... I had nothing to do and so I just laid in my room listening to music. Later on I found out that Liz (My sister) was going to do something with her friends. I asked if I can go. Turns out that I could, and we left around 7:00pm. We met with her friends at her guy friends house. We were to decide what we were going to do when we get there. We pretty much did nothing for an hour there. But after that hour, we decided to go back to my house to get money from my parents. To go to the Haunted House by SunSet Station. We get there... and there is like a 5 hour wait just to get in. We found out that it costs $9.00 a ticket. Well, most of us had no money and I could pay for me and someone else. But we didn't have enough. So we then decided to go back to Liz's guy friends house and think what to do next at there. Well... as when I was backing out of the Sunset Stations parking lot... for some gay ass reason, this guy honks at me. For no reason. My window was rolled down at the time... and I yelled "FUCK YOU." The guy turns around and chases me to a stop light. He pulls up to my side and is yelling at me and bitching about me yelling "Fuck you" and is yelling at me why I said that and that he and his friend wants to pull over and get in a fight and finish things up. Well... the light turned green and they were still yelling at me... trying to make me feel scared and shit. But the cars behind him honked and so we both had to go. It's funny though. It cracks me up that ass holes like them thinks they are all that and that they can scare me. Im not scared. Why would I? I can take them on anyways... and Liz's guy friends (Matt and Josh) were with me... and Josh had brass nuckles in his picket. So I would actually be thrilled to get into a fight and smash the brass nuckles into their faces and shit. And turn their faces inside in. I would have so much addrenaline... I probably wouldn't stop until they were close to being dead... of if Matt or Josh pulled me off of them. I hate when people are like that and they think by yelling at me and shit, that I would get scared and what not. Its pathetic. One day they will regret doing that... and that day will be a gang in a car... and they will shoot the shit out of them. Haha... I can see that now... (On the News) "2 guys were shot by a gang because they were talking shit at the wrong time and the wrong place... and police are still trying to catch the gang members." I would literally crack up if I saw that on the news! Because they deserve it. Anyways... Im driving with the 2 guys and my sister and her other friends are in the other car... and they were trying to ditch us. No one can ditch me while Im driving, lol. Well... later on after that... we end up back again at Liz's friends (Matt's) house. My sister comes in the truck with me, Matt, and Josh. Then she bitches at me saying that I wasn't being careful and other shit. I told her the reason. "I was being careful, but I had to go fast etc to cetch up to you guys, because you guys were trying to ditch us." "And we didn't know where to go, and so we had no choice." Well after that shit... we went to 7-11 to get Slerpee's. We went to the Park after that, and pretty much didn't do anything again. And then I had to take home Matt and Josh to their house. Not knowing where to go... so they gave me directions. I dropped them off... then I had to take Liz's other two friends (Brandy and Brittany) to a Apple Bee's somewhere that I dont know. They gave me directions and got there. And if you know me... I have no sense of direction at all and dont know any streets whatsoever. So after I dropped them off... I get lost trying to get back home. I ended up by a old friends house... but I knew where to go from there. But I was lost for a long time before that and I was getting upset. I come home and my sister says sorry about earlier etc, but I was still already upset and I take things very personal. And its hard for me to forgive about things that really gets me upset etc. And even worse... my mom forgot to give me the seconed dose of my medication... so I was already upset etc and I was upset about my sister and earlier the day. So I did not have a good day. I wish I could've got in that fight, so I can release my stress and anger out on those fucking idiots that were yelling at me. Fuck... Im so in the mood right now! I do have a Body Oponnet Bag... but thats not enough. And besides... its not real and I can release all my anger and stress on it. I need my paintball gun to shoot myself in the leg. I've done it before... and I like the pain. It doesn't really bother me... and it relieves the anger and stress and makes me feel better. Plus it gives me addrelaline. I also have cut deep cuts into my legs that needed stitches... but didn't get any. I feel better after I do it and it releases all that stress thats in me and gives me a rush of addenaline. But I stop doing that. At least right now I do. I kinda regret it... cause I have huge purple scars on my legs. You should see them... its insane! lol. Anyways... I think I have written enough today... and I should go to bed now. Its late. Good night. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Coldplay (Comment on this)
1:50 pm	None Well... I finally got out of OP on Friday! Im so glad, I couldn't stand any longer going there. I can go to my regular school now also. But I have to get randomly drug tests etc. That part sucks. I still think of Aly (my first gf), and Alex (my other gf that was after Aly). They are both on my mind constantly and I really miss them a lot! It really makes me upset and sad that I lost them, and they both promised me that they wouldn't leave me. Alex even told me that I was her angel. Because of all the things etc I said to her. I am very upset at Alex because she promised me that she wont leave me for a long time and that she didn't want to loose me either. At first, she told me that she doesn't trust anyone except her best friend Leslie. And she said that her last relationship she had with another guy... he left her and caused her great pain. She was scared that I would do the same and she was hurt. I told her I wouldn't do such a thing and I promised I'll never leave you and that I'll always love you. Sooner or later, she did trust me and called me "Im her angel." Well guess what? I remained loyal to her and to my words and promises. I do NOT cheat on young women. I remain loyal to ALL, its them who turns their backs on me and causes me great pain. Im not a cry baby, but I cried like hell after I lost them. I guess they were just playing with my mind and the words that she said to me and about me... were fake. They have no clue that NO ONE will ever love them as much as me and NO ONE will ever surpass my feelings that I have for them. It's a shame that they lost me... they will regret it sooner or later, and they will beg to come back to me... and that they are so sorry about everything etc. And they will find out that there is no way back, and they will just cry and cry. Just like I did when I lost them. I always remain loyal and faithful to my feelings towards them and all my promises etc. It's always them that break the promises and dont stay loyal to their words. They have no idea how much pain they caused me to have... and its because of people like this... makes my life shit. They had no idea how important they were to me in my life. I can not stop thinking about them and I miss all those times that we had a lot of fun etc. It's driving me INSANE! I can't do anything about it and it just repeats and repeats over and over in my head everyday and when they hurt me etc! Alex can atleast call me and say that shes sorry and explain why etc. Since that last night I was with her and it happened... she hasn't called or anything for like almost 2 months now! If she doesn't love me anymore etc, she should at least give me back the picture I did originaly for Aly. Why should I let her keep a good picture to her when she has no feelings for me etc anymore? Doesn't make any sense. I would probably give it back to Aly at least. Because she has been talking to me and chatting with me, and still wants to be friends. I think. At least Aly has 'some' feelings for me. Therefore... Aly deserves it more. I both love them equal and I do NOT love on better than the other. But I do miss Aly a little more and she was with me longer anyways. But I trust no one now and its a shame that I feel this way... but its because of them that I do. I still love both and always will! NO ONE will EVER love them as much as I do! NO MATTER how hard they try! Its a fact and a promise! I just want to be in their arms 24/7 and cry in their lap. All I want to do is cuddle 24/7. All I want to do is be by their side 24/7. All I want to do is just be with them forever! One day they will realize that no one loves them as much as I do. And they'll think... "Zech was right and I caused him too much suffering." "I lost the most special person who truely did love me the most, and I made a big mistake." And they will just cry and cry making puddles in their rooms and think... "Im sorry Zech, I caused you too much pain. And there isn't any reason why I should live." I can say A LOT more things but I dont want to keep on typing a very long journal. But I can say this... My emotions and sensitivity is WAY BEYOUND of what Im expressing, and there's A LOT more to it then that! Anyways... Im sick of typing and Im bored. Bye. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Coheed and Cambria (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
7:52 pm	Okay this is getting on my nerves... For some reason, most of every time I post a new journal... it will post it twice and its really getting on my nerves. Oh well. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: YellowCard (Comment on this)
7:34 pm	Another boreing day... Today was another boreing day. Same as almost every other day. I wasn't feeling that good today and I was bored, so I laid in my bed and listened to Coheed and Cambria. Woke up like an hour later and had a migrain! I still have one and I am not feeling good and depressed. I was so bored today that I watched Operah with my mom. It was pretty interesting though this time. It was 'The most talented kids in America'. I have to say... It was very interesting and amazing! It had this girl who is only 9 yrs old and paints just like a professional! There is this 3 yrs old little girl who can memerize everything she reads and can say a lot of things that other people can't. It's bizzare. Seriously, watching these kids are freaking me out. Especially the girl who was 9 and painted just as good as a professional. Because I love art myself (Kinda obvious in my last post) and when I saw her work... it made me very very jelous and surprised that a 9 year old can posses such talent and paint exacly like a professional painter would! Its unbelievable! Anyways... Im going to go now and take Asprin for my headache. Good night all! (Comment on this)
7:34 pm	Another boreing day... Today was another boreing day. Same as almost every other day. I wasn't feeling that good today and I was bored, so I laid in my bed and listened to Coheed and Cambria. Woke up like an hour later and had a migrain! I still have one and I am not feeling good and depressed. I was so bored today that I watched Operah with my mom. It was pretty interesting though this time. It was 'The most talented kids in America'. I have to say... It was very interesting and amazing! It had this girl who is only 9 yrs old and paints just like a professional! There is this 3 yrs old little girl who can memerize everything she reads and can say a lot of things that other people can't. It's bizzare. Seriously, watching these kids are freaking me out. Especially the girl who was 9 and painted just as good as a professional. Because I love art myself (Kinda obvious in my last post) and when I saw her work... it made me very very jelous and surprised that a 9 year old can posses such talent and paint exacly like a professional painter would! Its unbelievable! Anyways... Im going to go now and take Asprin for my headache. Good night all! (Comment on this)
Monday, October 20th, 2003
8:53 pm	Added pix... But I was afraid this would happen. The pix is too damn small. I cant make it any bigger then that. You should see it up close, its pretty good! Anyways... I still think Blurty Staff should let us have at least 100k so people can actually see pix! Good night. (Comment on this)
8:20 pm	Umm... Today was another boreing day as usual. I had to wake up at 6:20am to go to the bus for school. Going to OP is getting boreing. Even though it is easier to get better grades and what not. I have to go for 9 weeks. But this Friday is my last day! Yea! Anywho... I get home around 1:50pm and I go on the comp to surf and chat. Our comp is very slow and retarted. It took me an hour to just stay online without dissconecting. It dissconects for no reason at all a lot of times... and one day my dad will see this comp in a million of peices in his office. And he'll need to buy a new one! Im drawing another picture. In pencil though. I'll try and put it up on here if it will show okay. Because the pix have to be only 40k or less just to be on here! Jesus! I think it should be at least 100k so people can actually see the pix! Anyway... Im going to go now. Nothing more to say in this boreing day. Good night all. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: YellowCard (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 19th, 2003
10:06 pm	Alright.... Today was another boreing day. I woke up and had to go to church. I am still depressed about a lot of things that I love and I wont be able to have it back. Relationships (hint hint). Anyway... I'll write more next time. Im tired and cant think of what to put down... so good night. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Coheed and Cambria (Comment on this)
10:00 pm	Alright.... Today was another boreing day. I woke up and had to go to church. I am still depressed about a lot of things that I love and I wont be able to have it back. Relationships (hint hint). Anyway... I'll write more next time. Im tired and cant think of what to put down... so good night. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Coheed and Cambria (Comment on this)