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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
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5:13p - Alamitos...I am going to miss!
:: crys :: I am going to miss Alamitos! I am going to miss Miss Wallace, Miss Lam, Mr. Fahey, Mr. Padget, Mrs. Mattingly, and even Mr. Ash. Alamitos feels so safe compared to Rancho! I can't stop crying! GOSH! I am trying to talk to Mr. Fahey, but he's not answering me!!! GOSH! He got off! He probably doesn't like me anymore!
Anywho, I just came back from Alamitos! I AM SO TIRED!!! I practically fixed Miss Wallace's whole room! I made copies for her and cut stuff up. AND I ALL I GOT WAS A HUG!!! JOKING! A hug from her is worth it! I am going to miss her so much!!! I also helped Miss Lam and she drove me home. Miss Lam is sooo cool. I love talking to her. To me it's easier to talk to her, more than it is to talk to Miss Wallace. I think I am just worried what Miss Wallace would think. I know Miss Lam wouldn't really care, she would be like that's cool and Miss Lam doesn't seem that busy, Miss Wallace seems sooooo busy! While I was hole punching papers for Miss Lam Mr. Ash came in and said 'Why isn't she gatting paid for this, we should all pitch in!' I was like 'YEAH'. they are so cool! :: crys :: I am really going to miss them! Mrs. Olsen said 'we should have had Miss Wallace fail her so she would stay' I was like 'I would have stayed!' I am really really really really really going to miss ALL of them! I feel like I have a special connection with all of them, but I doubt that they feel the same way. I really hope that they do though. I feel like I am leaving a place I call home! I want to tell the teacher's how I feel, but it's so hard. As Issy is telling me:
Issy: yeah i know
Me: lol its sad though
Issy: i hate it when u know people go away reasons that you love
Me: one of the teachers was like we should have failed so she could have stayed
Me: yeah!
Issy: like you get older and go to different schools, you move because of job or school and you leave people ou love
Issy: hehehehee lol
Issy: you
Issy: yeah its really sad
Issy: thats how i feel about my aunt in the bay area.i miss her terribly =(
Me: yeah :: crys :: so sad!
Issy: yeah it is!
Me: yes! very!
Issy: sometimes i wonder if my aunt totally forgot about me
Issy: and like doesnt love me like she did before..and it hurts because i still love her the same..shes like a mom to me!
Me: lol same here
Issy: yeah.. sometimes she acts like she doesnt and it freaking hurts
Issy: but i act that too.. grrgh
Issy: yeah its soo hard!
Me: yeah same here!
Issy: but sometimes she acts like she loves me the same..sometimes it doesnt
Me: yeah
Issy: i want to say to her like. be more open and say.. "u know auntie..this is how i feel..ever since i moved..blah blah " and tell her how i feel
Me: yeah i want to tell miss wallace that too!
Me: but its hard
Issy: but im afraid she wont even know what im talking about or i might scare her with my emotions that she doesnt have lol
Issy: yeah i know!!!!!
Me: yeah! same here
Issy: man it soo freaking hard i hate it
Issy: yeah i dont like the feeling that i might love a person more and they dont even love me as much
Me: me too!
Issy: yeah !!!!
Me: yeah!! lol
Issy: yeah like i want them to like/love me equally
Me: yeah!!!
Issy: yeah.. grrgh its so hard
Me: i know!!
Issy: i want to say to my aunt like "auntie.. you know.i don't feel totally honest with you and i dont feel totally open to you"
Issy: but its hard
Me: very hard!
Issy: im afraid she might hurt my feelings
Me: yeah same here!
Issy: errgh i dont know..sometimes its hard just to take risks
Me: yeah!
Issy: yeah!!!!
Issy: im glad you know how i feel
Issy: cuz i dont think ive ever really said something like this to someone lol
Me: it's good! I feel the same way! toatlly!
Issy: cooool =)
Me: yeah!
Issy: yeah one time when i just moved here.. i was like "auntie.. im sorry i didnt call you and .. i feel like i've done something wrong to you but i dont know what.. but inside it is telling me that" because i act wierd around her because i havent seen her in a long time and she was like a mom to me that i seen everdyday
Me: oh yeah thats hard to tell someone something like that
Issy: and shes like " ok.." because she knows that i have done something wrong and she feels it and she said sorry too! shes like "im sorry that i havent called you either..its just that im not really good at talking on the phone with people "and she said it's hard for her to talk about her feelings and stuff how she feels over the phone. and shes like " so everthing is ok between us now. we're freinds again?"
Me: wow! i would have been like feeling bad because you know its weird! but yeah
Issy: yeah i know!!!
Issy: it was very wierd!!! lol
Me: yeha i bet
Issy: i even told her.."its hard for me to say this" lol
Issy: but i did
Me: lol It's so hard for me to talk to miss wallace!
Issy: yeah!!! everytime i see my aunt..i feel some sort of sadness.. even though i miss her
Issy: and i really love her inside..she helped me so much..but i just feel sad errgh.. its frustrating
Issy: i only see my aunt sometimes since she lives in the bay area =(
Me: yeah i know!
Issy: god its soo hard
Me: very!!
Issy: sometimes i think i love her more than my mom
Issy: but i think i love them equally
Me: yeha i know how you feel!
Issy: or in different ways lol
Issy: hehehe
Me: yeah i feel that about miss wallace
Issy: yeah =)
Issy: :::sigh::
Me: i know!
I am depressed now! I am going to walk to my bed and sleep and hope for the best for tomorrow. I now think of Moulin Rouge and that song...COME WHAT MAY! I will add something. COME WHAT MAY...I WILL SURVIVE! :: laughs :: Good day Mates. This lonely loser will now retire. Till next time. BUH-BYE!
current mood:  sad
current music: Think Twice - Ev3 6 (comment on this)
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9:17p - Before I return to school!
i will miss th internet and Blurty, but I doubt I won't not go online. But if something happens and I can't go I want to have last words! :: laughs :: I am going to miss you!
PAST
first grade teacher's name: Ms. Johnson.
last word you said: OKAY.
last song you sang: Think Twice - Eve 6.
PRESENT
what's in your cd player: Eve 6.
what color socks are you wearing: Blue.
what's under your bed: Stuff.
what time did you wake up today: 8:45am.
FUTURE
where do you want to go?: New York City
what is your career going to be: Become an Actress or Producer. Or Psychologist.
where are you going to live?: New York City.
how many kids do you want?: One Girl and One Boy.
CURRENT
current hair: It's Up.
current clothes: Alamitos Survivor Shirt and Jeans.
current annoyance: School.
current smell: Marc Jacobs Perfume.
current longing: My Old School and The Internet. *sigh*
current desktop picture: Famke Janssen.
current favorite artist: Eve 6 and Michelle Branch.
current book: Hope Was Here.
current worry: High School.
current time-wasting wish: The Internet.
current hate: School.
current favorite article of clothing: I LOVE NY Shirt.
favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex:Hands, Shoulders, and Eyes.
do you believe in an afterlife?:Not Really.
one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Thank God, I Haven't Lost Anyone I Really Love.
a line from the last thing you wrote to someone: Don't Delelte My Journal From Stellal!
current mood:  gloomy
current music: Eve - 6 (comment on this)
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