|
|
Thursday, October 30th, 2003
|
2:00p - Me: the Object of Divine Creativity
Yesterday was wonderful. I have the greatest friends in the world. Yes. At least five or six times yesterday, groups of people would spontaneously (pre-planned) burst forth into cheerful renditions of 'Happy Birthday', including a full orchestra when I walked into Ensemble practice. :) They made me feel like a million bucks. Yayy for birthdays! Yayy for Rita!
AND NOW--tonight, as a very special and creative treat from a *fantastic* friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous (*cough* *cough*  amidstchaos!)---I am being treated to a salon visit tonight from Henry--the expensive stylist who cuts the hair of many of the top people in our ministry. Yayy for haircuts! I am most certainly due for one, but I don't quite know what I want done and I am trying to dismiss any aprehension and replace it with a cavalier, 'it's-my-special-day-gonna-pamper-myself' attitude. :P Speaking of appearances... I realized that I have never once in my life placed my personal photo on the world wide web. I now have a fairly nice shot of me (it's rare to find one I approve of!) but suddenly I'm not sure if I want people to see it. What will their impression be? Maybe they will wrinkle their nose in disgust (!) at my lack of perfection. Or not. hehe. :P Why do I care? Good point, Rita. :) So anyways, here I am!
This sounds silly, but I'll say it anyway, 'cause I feel like it: I really like being me. Quirks and all. Yes, my car will probably never be clean and I may never learn to cook with confidence, but I love being an individual that God individually loves. The things that make me different are the things that He finds endearing. I love having an individual walk with God! What a revelation--I don't have to be like other Christians, even if they are admirable and godly--my differences, my abilities and inabilities, are all on purpose. No one can love God back the way I can. No one can minister to people the way I can. No one can reflect His character and goodness and love exactly the way I can. I love being me. And I'm proud of what God is doing in my life. I'm proud to be the clay in the hands of such a capable Potter. I can't wait to see what He makes. Isn't it nice that God's not afraid to get His hands muddy? He's more concerned with making me beautiful. I really like that.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: Betty laughing on the phone :) (comment on this)
|
3:59p - led beside the still waters...
Yesterday after work I drove straight to the college and parked my car. Lately I’ve taken the habit of spending the hour before classes begin alone. I don’t even go in the building… not yet. When the weather was nice I would sit outside by the fountain and read my Bible, listening to the distant sounds and the birds call to each other in those rare peaceful moments. Now that it has turned colder I’ve just stayed in my car for a while before going inside. These times were not planned; at least not by me, but now I see how God had intended all along to make them “date” moments, where He and I are alone to fellowship together. I look forward to five o’clock much more now than I ever did before. It’s such a time of rest and reflection, where I can be real with God and let Him fill my heart all over again with His love.
Yesterday I sat in the car for a while, a Darlene Czech song running through my head. I picked up my Bible and began flipping around, trying to decide what I was in the mood for. I didn’t feel like reading the Psalms today, or really anything in the Old Testament. I suddenly had a craving to read the words of my Savior. Those words in red. They are so comforting to me.
This is when I turned to Luke 8. And it was funny, because in my mind I thought, “Luke… chapter eight.” But I had no idea what was in Luke chapter eight. And when I began reading in verse 43, I thought, “oh, no—it’s the story of the woman with the issue of blood. I’ve heard a million messages on this passage.” But even with that attitude, God chose to show me some things I’ve never seen before.
Luke 8. I began reading and visualizing in my mind this crowd of people pressing and calling to Jesus. I imagined the din and the slow movement as Jesus and His disciples attempted to make their way to the place where Jairus’ twelve-year-old daughter lay dying. And I read about the woman who came up behind Jesus and touched the edge of His robe. This caught my attention. The woman came up behind Jesus to touch Him. It doesn’t say that she cried out for His healing, like the Cyrophonecian woman in Matthew 15. And I remembered that a woman with a disease like that would have been unclean according to the Jewish law. What was she doing in the middle of a pressing crowd? And God very gently spoke to my heart. This woman was clean on the outside, but unclean on the inside. No one knew of her disease, or they would never have allowed her such close proximity. I was hit by the impact of that thought—she was the only one who knew she was unclean. She must have seen herself as filthy, yet wore a mask of normalcy to hide behind when around other people. I thought of how she must have felt: repulsive, sordid, filthy. Contemptible. She could not confide in anyone but her doctors, and they were no comfort or help to her, only exhausting what money she had and leaving her to despair of ever being normal.
When Jesus stopped and asked which of them had touched Him, it says this: “And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before Him, she declared unto Him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.” This verse also, the Holy Spirit drew my attention to. When the woman saw she was not hid… But no one knew whom Jesus had meant! No one cried out, “Her! This woman! I saw her receive healing from the Master.” There were only two people in the crowd who knew. And I believe that Jesus looked at her with those eyes so confident and compassionate, and she suddenly understood that her secret shame could no longer be kept concealed. So she came forward and identified herself, trembling and terrified and excited and confused—she had been healed! Her secret was no longer a secret—this man knew! She had seen it in His eyes when He had looked at her but not accused her. What had just happened?
And He said to her, “Daughter,” (He called her daughter.) “Be comforted--your faith has made you whole. Go in peace.”
I sat a while longer just meditating on this. Her faith had made her whole… complete. The word in Greek is “sozo”, meaning “to save.” She had met her Savior and received more than just physical healing from Him. In one minute’s time, this woman had been rescued from a life of guilt and fear as well. And do you know why she received healing? She had faith! She recognized Jesus as the One sent from the Father with power to heal her. All the others in the crowd, those trying desperately to get near the ‘miracle worker’ Jesus… those pressing Him on every side, calling His name, reaching out to Him, begging… none of them had faith. Why was this woman different? I think it was her need. She knew she needed more than physical healing. She knew she was filthy on the inside, although no one else could see it, she could feel it and it disgusted even her. She may not have understood everything about Jesus, but she understood one thing: He was her only hope.
Faith in the character and nature of God to be Who He says He is—this is what activates and releases the power of God in a believers’ life. Without faith, I can pester God all day long to grant my request, but if I am self-centered and self-occupied in my prayers, how can He endue me with power to overcome? How often do we refuse to allow God to be God? We ask Him to perform a task and then primly escort Him to the door. You can’t package God like that. With Him, it’s all or nothing. Everything, or go away sick and self-righteous. And the best part is that all that is needed for your desperate dreams to come true is not a reversal of all your bad habits and poor choices… it’s one touch. One look. One decision.
current mood: amazed
current music: the sunlight is singing (2 comments |comment on this)
|
|
|
|