| ehhh |
[10 Jul 2004|09:24pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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is it jealousy; say whatever they can think of to make the other person go to them or is it watching someone's back; telling them whats up ???????
i hate how one person can say something to me that freaks, and fucks with my head so bad.
i've been sittting here for a few min. and i guess all i can say is that i'mma be cool about it i'm not gonna stress or worry just be chill about the whole situation. until i experience the whole thing for myself.
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[10 Jul 2004|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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music |
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outkast |
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so chris has basically told me that he and i cant be friends anymore coz i like his bro. and that what i think i have with his bro is o great but what i should realize is nothing will happen with his bro...blah blah blah...
OKAY FIRST OF ALL what feelings i had for chris went away long time ago and i dunno i guess i never told him they werent there nemore. he never asked. i only want his friendship.....AND as for Kev, well kev in i are friends and we talk all the time and i dont know its just so easy to talk to him. like he knows exactly how im feeling with me really haveing to sssay much. i'm going to durham at the end of the month. i have no fucking clue what shall happen with kevin. i know we are gonna chill which will be aawesome as hell. and i really hope that someting good happens with him. it feels liek it will. if it doesnt then i guess i am just a dumbass for thinking so. but i highly doubt i'll get the feeling of being a dumbasss. so thats the extra good part of this all. plus like kev said we roll the same way....
i told my momma about all this and she says chris is jealous that imma chill with kev so i shouldnt worry about it ....
so i wont. :)
vicci is my # 2 personal shrink hahah only she is online and my @ 1 personal shink sits across the toom from me in a chair writing down things i say...
I LOVE ANNA ... SHE IS HERE WITH ME... hahah i called alex r.
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[09 Jul 2004|04:34pm] |
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mood |
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durunk- gettin tere |
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music |
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snooop dogggggggggg |
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cwalkchampin : cause we roll the same way
we do and i'm glad <3
kev is so great...can't wait till two saturdays frommmmmm now... :)
...i got into laurie's alcohol. thank u to sammy's mommmmmmmmmmmy she left some at my house. but since my mommy isn't drinking it i'm goingggg to instead. ahhhh i can feel it alwrady
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[09 Jul 2004|09:00am] |
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did you know that it is killing me to wait, hurry please!! ! ! !
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| to canada : part two |
[09 Jul 2004|12:08am] |
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how can someone lie about something so fragile?
f r i e n d s h i p
...doesn't seem like you care enough to stand up to him and tell him how much it means to you. or does it? it
m e a n s
something to me, and i have no problem telling him that... tyler, my friendship with your gf
m e a n s
the world to me. but its all good you don't care. if you love her, like really love her why would you tell her not to be my friend if she really wants to. do you still want to? see kate, i don't
r e a l l y
know where we stand. although ty seems to prolly think that we aren't friends anymore. thank you so much for
b r e a k i n g
my heart.( just u telling him a lie that we aren't breaks me into pieces ) i love you. i know you love me too but if you love me wouldn't you have enough balls to tell him that you can't just stop being my
f r i e n d.
i guess you don't.
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| to canada... |
[08 Jul 2004|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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i'm in tears that says enough |
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to my dearest canada. you know i love you with all my heart. i'm in one of those moods where soemthing has pissed me off. since ur at the barn this is my way of tellin u. i know u'll read this.
"tyler doesn't want me to talk to anyone because he went out of town. so don't tell him we talked, if he asks you"... do you fuckin realize what you are saying to me? yeah supposly he was coming around and he didnt care about being round m during the 4th of july. well we both know that story. i don't give a shit whether he likes me or not but listen to your self kate. he tells you that YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOUR FUCKIN BEST FRIEND. even tho WE DO TALK AND LOVE EACH OTHER JUST THE SAME. it FUCKIN KILLS ME that you listen to him like that. "he's over pretective of u"... babe he flips if you talk to anyone lately. he says he has his reasons. .....let me ask u something. have u ever stud up to tyler and told him that you were going to continue to talk to me because WE ARE BEST FRIENDS? or would that coz to much of a problem? i know ur TRYING to make the both of us happy. i'm not trying to make u choose. i wouldn't do that. but think about what he is really asking u to do. and even tho he thinks we dont tlak what happens when he finds out again. i seriously odnt want to experience 4th of july over again. i really don't. i dont know what i'm getting at but i think it fucking sucks that he has that much control over you. i really wish you could see my fuckin face. *tears* and its great cause u know ur moving back to canada and tyler is oging to college so of course u want to spend time with him so i guess i'll see u when ever he is working and ur at the "barn". like when u called me yesterday and u said we'd go to the pool. like u would really tell ty that. whatever im not trying to start stuff with you but maybe u can realize that i love u and care about u and i want u to know im not happy there is something wrong with our friendship if you cant tell him....i dont know call me when you read this.....i love u babe.
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| i read my tarot cards today |
[08 Jul 2004|04:40pm] |
knight of cups-Travel, promotion, sudden changes in conditions, moving forward.
the two of swords-You are feeling as though you are bound to something and want to break free.
judgement(maajor aracana)-Unexpected conditions, something is not working out as you had planned originally. Temporary disappointments. Being Critical or judging conditions to harshly due to fear of being hurt or fear of loss. This criticism makes it difficult to reach goals.
the ten of coins-Somewhere in your life you allowed yourself to be taken for granted or used and in doing so set yourself up for disappointment. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. It would follow then that if you want to be treated better, first honor and respect yourself , treat yourself with the respect that you deserve. When we honor ourselves we draw to us relationships that mirror those qualities of respect. We are able to find and enter into healthier relationships based on mutual understanding, respect, and trust.
knight of coins-Appreciate all the simple blessings of life , they will help you feel balanced in times of struggle.
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| -testing- |
[08 Jul 2004|03:13pm] |
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thank u lindsey for the pictures. i lyke them!!!!!
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| ...AND SOON I SHALL WIN* |
[08 Jul 2004|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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bitch merodith brooke |
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*and no, i'm not trying to close myself off from "everyone".i just want to spend time by myself and think....i really wish they would stop bothering me. i don't have ambition to chill with them i really don't. not at the moment anyway.i love all of them so much but i just have energy to do most things anymore. and it doesn't bother me. i still go out and have a good time. and thye'll never leave my side. its not lyke everyday everynight we all chill, well they do which is fine. i come in go as i please. i'm one for being alone. i love to just chill by myself. i have no problem with that. i know that i'm changng. i'm actually settin ggoals for myself. *go me!!!*
the other night i was talking to kevin online. for part of the time i cryed just a lil bit. most of you prolly know that a few months ago i didn't really give a flying fuck about much of anyone or anything. some ppl in i were in the same boat and thought up of this great idea to skip town. *what was i thinking* i would have fucked up my life so fucking bad. well anyways kevin in i were talking about me coming fro a visit *july 23rd...AND SOON I SHALL WIN...* and i was like just telling him that i'm so glad i didn't go through with that shit and that i would be missing out on something really cool. he said that it would have been a bad decision. it would have been. running won't solve issues that you have. ...anywhore we just kept talking about us hanging out in what not... like it was so nice. *sorry if i am rambling on* but kevin, i don't know there is something about him. like we talk everyday and its like i feel so comfortable telling him anything i feel, think, or do. cause i know he'll always see the best in me. and when i htink about it i think of him as one of my really good friends hahah kev, it is time for you to *feel special*
*he said he feels comfortable too*...haha what absolutly gets me is that he knows my favorite gateorade flavor without me even telling him...weeehhee the blue kind!!! i love that white boy so much!!!
anyways i don't feel good at all my throat and everything else hurts. i'm in so much pain and i don't even know why.... i need something to make me feel better.
katie miller i'm not so mad anymore. your pissed at my mom and i'm semi mad at you. oh well i'll just tell everybody about your hot date with TAYLOR...hahhaha thats what you get for going to the beach when i go to durham. ahhahaha you suck
<3 u...
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| f u c k |
[07 Jul 2004|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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i feel like blah right now
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| durham trip |
[07 Jul 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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"everytime" - b.spears |
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im going to durham on the 23rd of july...weeeehheee. i am excited. i'll get to see kevin. that shall be super cool. BUT i am so mad at katie ahhh like i haven't seen her since last summer and she won't be in town. she is like my bestest friend and i wanna see her!!!!! err and now that she won't be in ghetto d, who am i suppose to get a tattoo with? hmmm oh well, i guess i'll see her another time....
:( kev, i need a happy talk!!!!!
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| errr |
[06 Jul 2004|06:48pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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pink |
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i can't stand it. i've been waiting all damn day to tell him. where oh where cooould my sexy homeslice be?
it's killing me to wait...
hurry, please!!!
its about the d-town trip...
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[06 Jul 2004|03:09pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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pieces -ashlee simpson |
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today has been a long day. i accomplished alot -i guess. i wrote alot today. i do everyday-but today it was more emotional. hmm i wonder if it will ever get me anywhere? prolly not but there is always hope, right?...did two 8 min.taebo tapes today(i'm a workout goddess).
another reason why i am tired is coz it rained today. so oui, i went for a little dance. and oui, it was one of the most peaceful things i could experience. if it rained every single day of my life i think i could be the happiest person alive. n fact i know that i would be the happiest person alive...
"i looked you deep in your eyes and the rain fell gracefully around us"... wrote that today haha im a nerd. but i like it and i wouldn't want to be any other way. what i have realy realized today is that i like me. i like the way i am,i like the things i do,say,write, everything i do i like. and thats all that really matters. so i'mma say this if there is someone out there that doesn't like it well they can go "f" themselves because well i'm happy. hahhaha
thanku...
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| i never title these things lol |
[06 Jul 2004|12:09pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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i want to be in dtown :(
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[06 Jul 2004|06:04am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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"when i close my eye's it you i see"... |
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i'm happy and i guess all i can say is that in time everything shall go the way it is suppose to. i want to be in durham so badly. specially after certain things are said between two people that live so far away...
[kevin, soon i shall win!(dark blue ahhhh crazy).oh bre the pain stoped. thank-god! hehehe]
its like 10 am and my mom called to tell me that they are picking the weekend to come up to d-town!!!!!
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| alot of walking. |
[05 Jul 2004|04:48pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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tonight marcus in i hung out. we def. didn't do what we had set out to do. i really hope we can soon. cause like it would be so fuckin' good.
i'm tired from all the walking. we walked forever and ever. even tho i was hot and my toes hurt i loved every mintue of it hahhahaha.
katie-bitch i can't wait till durham trip. i miss you soo much....yayay im so happy fo u in brad!!!!!!
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[04 Jul 2004|11:38am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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"just singing in the rain" |
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i am so happy... hahah yes kevin, i know i'm a dork. i'm gonna say it now so you can't make fun of me later. hahha
i went dancing in the rain. and it made me happy...
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| what a fuckin night... |
[03 Jul 2004|09:10pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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maryjane - alanis m |
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alot of stuff happened tonight. my night ended on a good note but god was it a hell. i really feel i almost lost her tonight. i love kate with all my heart. again i apologize for things i said to you tonight. i love u darling. i'm so glad that everything is better. i couldn't deal with it being all fucked.
to marcus, thanks for listening to all my issues tonight. i heart you for that. :)
durham trip is coming up...(thankgod). to my katie i love u so much and i can't wait till the bitches are back together again hahah taking over durham, doing things together that we should have already done but can't cause i'm in bumble fuck!!! and to that crazy camel humper(hah thats from back in the day)soon it will finally come true. it'll be awesome. muah to u have fun at the beach. love ya kev.
r.i.p. william m. anderson 62904 bye bye veggie...
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[03 Jul 2004|01:15am] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
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music |
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feel the rush -- diamonds rage haha marcus |
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im realizing that i don't gotta worry cause every little thing gonna be alright...
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[02 Jul 2004|12:56pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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a lonely september by plain white t's
And I didn't mean to give you chills
By the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love
But I did
And you didn't mean to love you back
But I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back
Cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did
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