Tani/Hoshi's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tani/Hoshi's Blurty:

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    Thursday, March 18th, 2004
    2:54 pm
    ok new news
    Yeah...i haven't updated here for a while cause i dont go here anymore...i go to live journal and maybe you all could visit me if you knew how! HA! anywho...me and stephen...we we haven't talked in a while and plainly enough, i dotn think he wants to talk to me...but i can't really blame him...i've been quite an ass to him lately and well of course the last time i saw him or talked to him or had any contact with him what soever was sunday and yeah...well i dont know...maybe things between us will end...i think we could keep it going but his will may not be equivilant to that and i dont wanna put him through any more hell that he's already been through...*thinks of memories...kinda the bad ones but still...* I can't believe i though i should have gotten married to him! We haven't even been together for more than a month to 5 weeks! well i wouldn't really count this week becuase well, we aren't talking which means that either we're arguing or we aren't together anymore! I'd like to prefer one over the other but meh!...

    ne ways..yeah so won't be updating here anymore...i'll be checkig to see though if there are any comments though...ok...well i g2g...got to finish this menu crappy thing for Funk...eep! it's sucks! ok byes!

    Josie...P.s.: FAREWELL!!!!
    Monday, March 15th, 2004
    3:02 pm
    Yeah im back...told you i would be... but thats besides the point...

    ANYWAYS!! back to talking about my stalker...!! I've had a huge crush on him ALL YEAR!! it's great i know but still...he has a girlfriend though...sadly...*cries* i wish i could see him right now but well i'll have to wait for another 26 min becuase i'll be seein him deffinetly after school! Depending if I can stay after school, then im gonna have to get a ride home...and being so...im gonna ask shane and if he can take me home...then im gonna ask my mom and if i cant well then im riding the bus home! I hate the fucking bus but i have to ride it for the next month or 2...heh...yeah...dont ask why...it's embarressing to say... but anywho...he's soooooo drreeeaaammmmyyyy!! *sighs deeply and then falls over and yeah...totally pathetic but still*...i seriously think he likes me but it's not really possible because he has DABA!! < you know i just spelt that wrong but im just gonna leave it that way because it's halarious!! but anywho...he has DANNNNNNNAAA!!! with an N not B! heh^______________^;;;; but anyways... yeah im still madly in love with him...i have been all year... yeah i know it's not right to love one guy and then love the other...but READ THE JOURNAL ENTRY BELOW AND IT EXPLAINS ALOT!! Next time i see shane, im gonna give him a big hug...(of course thats when DABA isn't around! LOOOOLLL!!! thats what her new name is!! DABA!!! it's great!! seriously! but trying to be seriouse! I ....I just...*face gets totally tomatoe red and then suddenly bursts out laughing like ED the hiena off of the lion king* Im srry but thats the funniest thing i've heard in a while...but still...AHHHAHAHAHA!!! SHE SAID PUD!! AND THEN DING!!!! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! I KNOW!!! IM SUCH A LOSER BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT!!...hmm i wonder if matt and justin are staying after school and if im gonna have to break up a fight or something!! WOOT!! VIOLENCE!! IT IS THE ANSWER!! DONT LISTEN TO THOSE PATHETIC EVIL TEACHERS AND PRINCIPLES!! MY LIFE SUCKS AS IT IS!!

    Ohh yeah...i got the highest grade on the benchmark in government again! dang! sometimes having the highest grade is good but it starts to get embarressing! My grade was an 80% and if that was the highest grade in the class!! DAM!! im doing ok! but the rest of the classes grades were either 70's or 60's! and a few 50's i think...eep!! he kept saying...that was a hard test and i thought it was hard to! i thought i was gonna fail it! but i didn't and ended up passing with not only a B but with the highest grade! I feel special! shane makes me feel special...and yeah thats why i can't wait to see him!! OHH OHHH OHHH!!! i found his tickelish spot!! ISN"T THAT GREAT!! while he's here at computer club, if i can stay, i'll be tickeling him while he's sitting there trying to play his game! it's gonna be great! then he'll get annoyed and yell at me and make me cry and then he'll give me a big hug and then i'll be happy again and then ill poke him som'more and and and and and and !! yeah...*pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant* yeah...off finding nemo!!! im the one kid fishy thing who said..."IM OBNOXIOUS!!" but ehh...who really cares!! not me!! I know i am a loser! but still...well anyways...i g2g soon so i'll tty all later!! ByeS!!!

    Current Mood: flirty
    Current Music: none
    1:09 pm
    Is that a car door!!?? Ohh dang! Im in trouble!! Everyone get out now on the double!! Im dead! Im done...thats it for me! Im gonna be picked off my family tree! Once mom finds out bout this party i had...i dont even wanna start thinkin about dad...im husslin around the house tryin to clean up a mess...i sure put my new white nike's to the test! The car door slams, and their walking up the steps, i guess life is good...but 10 seconds left! AARON!!!!!! Grounded!!"----srry i couldn't help myself! Lyrics...but from who? reply if you know!!

    Anywho...this weekend sucked!! i was almost taken over by satan...i took four showers sunday, and im thinking about me and stephen...everytime i see him...i end up crying or we end up having one of those famous little talks--in which i start to cry! how would you feel when you were insulted many many times? HUH!?? This is what he said...
    1) Your immature
    2) I need to grow up
    3) I have anger issues and
    4) I like to hide things from my rents and be decieving

    Yeah uno you were right! I just hope stephen has enough respect and diginity and honor towards a person to keep what happened on sunday a secret! He probably doesn't and will go and tell Eric the youth pastor all about how i was "being taken over by the devil and that i was thinkin of killing myself or something like that" well thats not all true...the devil wouldn't have taken me over because i love god tooooo much!! I am a "almost" jesus freek! (im not quite there yet but i will be when my time comes) i was just scared that i had gotten involved with wicca in the first place! and the fact that i had gotten involved with wicca and then switched to the love of the lord jesus christ and god made this one guy who also practiced it mad...and being so...he told me that either my next love life would fall apart or we would both be badly damaged!! yeah it was coming true at the time and it has...we aren't going to be together anymore...maybe we can stay together until college and maybe even longer...but thats in the future and im not living for the future...im living for now!.....anyways...it's also not true because of the fact that i love jesus and god...i would NEVEEEERRRRR kill myself! plainly i dont have the guts..but not becuase im afraid it would hurt...but becuase i know the consequence of what would happen...i would no longer be with the lord jesus christ! i want to be with him in paradise when i die! not burning the fires of hell! People may have not noticed, but more and more i've been trying to become a better christan...and being so...it's gonna take time and commitment...sunday...i had doubts even after the lord proved to me that he was here beside me at all times...i shouldn't, and i regret that i did that...i should never have doubted the lord and i hopefully never will ever again!! I want to serve the lord and i will...if anyone wants to get in the way...i will push through them!!

    Yesterday...i remembered a prayer...i dont remember what it's called but it just hit me...when i was asking for help from the lord...this is the prayer:

    "I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief. Make me strong in faith. I cannot come to you, O Jesus, unless the power of the Holy Spirit comes upon me. This i want. I cannot come to God the father except through you, O Jesus. This is my desire. I want to believe, to adore, to trust and to love you Lord.
    My God, I believe in you. I would rather die than deny you. Make my faith strong. I beg pardon for those who do not belive. Grant them faith. Amen."

    I had to have said this prayer like 50 times last night! I tried to memorize it again...to make sure that i was getting it right...hey wait...the name of it is...well it's just a prayer asking for help in "growing in your faith". I hope those that want to be with the lord say this prayer. Im going to say it everytime i pray because i want to be with the lord...I love him and my love for him is everlasting...no matter what i say or do! Nothing can take that away! No one can take away my faith because i wont let them! not even the worst of torture could take my faith away from me!

    But now that you obviously know i love my faith and want to become stronger in it and a better christian let's continue on with the story...yeah, about stephen...my father actually likes stephen, and i really likes ashley...but im just gonna have to forget and move on with my life and my future if we can't improve...so what im gonna do is see if me and stephen cant start over...forget everything that happened...we'll assume that we haven't even gone on our first date yet!! but we are together and our rents know about us...and yeah...cept the fact that he's still grounded...but we'll start over and have a mature relationship...seriously...i have to write him a letter and ask him what he thinks...

    Ok next topic...these are going to be my new classes for next year!:
    1) Honors English 10
    2) Health/ Life skills
    3) Honors Geometry
    4) Algebra 2

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: none
    Friday, March 12th, 2004
    3:40 pm
    what a day!
    Ok here are my grades really really quickly!!!

    Math: 94
    government: 95
    word processing: 79
    comptr. app.: 93!!

    Thats seriouse bullshit...word processing...
    but ohh fuck she pisses me off!!

    Yeah im gonna go punk!
    I dont care what peope say about me either!!

    i hope people die!

    Well i g2g

    I get the computer back today!
    well hopefully!

    Thursday, March 11th, 2004
    2:39 pm
    Check mate! Got to go to life 101!

    ha you know what would be really hard for a green party hippie.
    "should i smoke the plant or let it live in its beautiful habitat?"
    so much for preserving nature. :P
    sorry you probably didnt catch that. cause im a loser and im not gay like mark and im not black haired. but i am bespectacled at the moment ahhahah youll never see me in glasses unless..i decide to unveil myself in them. but im kind of blind.

    god its hot in my basement!

    do you want to read my notebooooooooooookkkkk do you wanna know what it says?
    It says all these amazing things. Like how to say the word 'sunglasses' in some weird languages. and OTHER stuff.
    You know, it really sounds like I'm taunting you with this. YOU'LL NEVER READ IT!!

    i do but you dont have a clue ill take advantage while you hang me out to dry but i cant see you every nightttttt for freeeeeeeee i doooooooooooooooooooooooo i dooooooooooooo

    yes. its about a girl. ill tell you some things about recently because it's cool.
    -people make me sad
    i think thats just awesome. you remind me of the song "ramona" by guster alot. if i want to think about mark, i listen to that song.

    i hope the show is good.
    streetlight manifesto.
    Dont ask!
    wow that was fun.
    Gees i feel black!
    thats what i do during math/government/boring subjects. i write the same words over and over until they dont look like words anymore.

    i hate how miserable i make myself!

    I'm really sorry you read all this. But now, because i have nothing important to say, im just going to put a survey here. for your viewing "pleasure"

    1. What size is your bed?
    2. What do you wear to bed?
    3. How many people regularly sleep in your bed?
    4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
    5. If you could wake up next to any famous person who would it be?
    6. What would have happened the night before?
    7. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed?
    8. Who is the next person you would like to have in your bed with you?
    9. What position do you go to sleep in?
    10. What position do you wake up in?
    11. Have you ever woken up in a really weird position?
    12. How many blankets/covers do you have on your bed?
    13. Do you hog the blankets?
    14. Have you ever found your pillows on the other side of the room?
    15. When was the last time you fell out of bed?
    16. Do you have any strange bed habits such as sleep talking etc.?
    17. Do you snore?
    18. Hows about drooling?
    19. How many pillows do you have on your bed?
    20. Do you tend to sleep with a fan?

    The usual...
    Current Bands/Artists:

    This or that...
    Nice smiles or nice eyes?
    Jeans or skirts?
    Boots or sneakers?
    Natural or make-up?
    Restaurants or fast food?
    Italian food or Chinese?
    Dark or light eyes?
    Streaked or dyed hair?
    Vampires or God?
    Shakespeare or Greek mythology?
    Milk shakes or floats?
    Drugs or cigarettes?
    Football or cheerleading?
    Cake or pie?

    Do you want to die?
    Much time do you take to dress up?
    Do you like your life?
    How well do most people know you?
    Common or original is this survey?
    Often do you smile?
    Many times a week do you eat junk food?

    Do you...
    Laugh a lot?
    Like spicy food?
    Prefer bagels over yogurt?
    Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
    Want one?
    Think babies are cute?
    Children in general?
    Believe in fortune cookies?
    Believe in life after death?
    Believe in life after love?
    Believe that anything is possible?
    Believe that everyone has a purpose in life?
    Know what your's is?

    You a girl?
    You a comedian?
    Your friends true friends in your opinion?
    You bored?

    Your heritage
    You usual outfit
    Your perfect day
    Your hair
    Your eyes
    What you'd like to change about yourself
    Your perfect mate (physical features)

    Are your weaknesses?
    Are your fears?
    Does your perfect pizza consist of?
    Is the difference between fate and destiny?
    Is one thing you would like to achieve?

    Do you love the most?
    Would you like to meet that you know online?
    Makes you cry the most?
    Really annoys you?
    Who could you not live without?
    Doesn't like you though you like him/her? .
    Likes you though you hate him/her?

    Hate too much of a strong word?
    Food from other cultures good?
    Your mood calm at the moment?

    im gay.
    no i am not.
    im sad.
    i still have the bracelet you made me lindin.
    i love you all.
    i cant tell you how badly i feel so alone right now.

    halalalalalalallalalalala i must have died alone a long long time ago who knows not me i never lost control your face to face with the man who sold the world. pause for solo haha. who knows not me. wen ever lost control your face to face with the man who sold the world. soloooooooo again.

    i love nirvana.
    Danika thinks im a female kurt cobain.
    ha. she thinks im a drag kurt.
    now im gay and we're even

    and i love you peeepss!!!
    and i wish someone loved me the way i want them too....stephen dont ask questions...it's not good for you!!


    Current Mood: relaxed
    Current Music: it's not time....steven luckor
    Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
    3:28 pm
    Well my next door neighbor commited suicide the other day and i didn't get to go to his funeral today. then i can't see stephen cause i have this stupid 7 hour process called school that i am forced to go through from mon-fri...with the ception of some holidays! and i just found out that i didn't make honor roll becuase of my fucking word prcssing teacher mrs fat ass catrow!! shes a fucking bitch!!!

    yeah get this ...im gonna call stephen and see if he can go running after school but then agian i just remembered that i can't cause he has college tonight!! well i g2g i'll talk to you later ...on friday i get internet back at elast...


    Current Mood: shocked
    Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
    3:12 pm
    This stupid ass computer just erased EVERYTHING I JUST WROTE THAT TOOK ME 20 MIN!!!

    Well i'll summarize!!

    Stephen...if your father doesn't start liking me soon, we're going to have to break up...and not to mention...when im 16 you'll be 20...and when im 18 you'll be 22...that means...that since im gonna be a junior...daddy's little junior high school teen isn't gonna be able to date people at that age so that means that i cant singly date you until im 18 in which we probably wont be together because you know and i know that there are better people out there and i was just saying that your gonna eventually figure this out this summer or next year and everyday you will sit around wondering why in the heck you went out with such stupid little freshmen that frankly wasn't worth getting your butt grounded for for 2 months becuase of her stupid mouth in which it was my fault cause i liekd you in the first place and frankly it's also gods fault becuase had i not met your sister and screwed up my arm and all that stufff then i wouldn't have gone to heathers youth group because i wouldnt have had a need to talk to eric and that would mean that i wouldn't have even met you adn that means we wouldn't have had this huge fucking problem we call a relationship...and youwouldn' t have spent the money in your pocket on a braclet and you and mike and his girlfriend coudl still go to the movies and you and that fat ass christina girl coudl have gone out and loved each other and would have had a better time with her than me and i would be sitting at home probably dreaming of shane and we'd probably be hangin out more and then i would have been happier going to the retreat and AT the retreat because i wouldn't have had to thought of you and your awesome smile and personality...and i would't have had to have gotten myself in a load of bull shit and trouble becuase we are to large in age difference and *pant pant pant pant pant* and dont you think it's bull shit that ....I CAN'T HOLD YOUR HAND AT YOUTH GROUP!!!!!!!!????????/ AND HOW WE CAN'T PUBLISIZE OUR LOVE???!!!! AND HOW YOUR FATHER HAS MADE THIS LIVING HELL??!!! AND HOW WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER SINGLELY FOR ANOTHER 3-4 YEARS BECUASE I CAN'T DATE A 20 YEAR OLD AT 16!!!!! YEAH THIS IS HELL!! WE'LL TALK MORE LATER...AND YOU NEED TO CONSIDER THIS....!!! iF THINGS WITH YOUR FATHER AND RENTS AND SISTER HEATHER DONT IMPROVE WITHIN THE NEXT 3 AND ONLY 3 SUNDAYS THEN WE'RE THROUGHT!! OUR LOVE CANNOT BE BASED OFF THE FUTURE WHEN YOUR GROUNDED FROM SEEIN ME!!! OK MOVING ON!!!

    I want to move and go to goretti because that would mean that i woudn't have to deal with the crap like that above(^) and then i wouldn't have to see or talk to heather because i wouldn't go to the same school as her and our phone # would be different and i could go and hang out and be more involved with my church and eventually everyone will wonder what happened to josie and her family and they wont ever have to know and i'll just never see any of the losers i called my friends and frankly...well i wouldn't have to live the same sucky life that i do...!!! I truley hate this school...i would rather wear uniforms any day!! and not to mention...theres a 7-11 right by the school so when i could drive i coudl go there after schooll.!! and then also i would have 8 classes a year and i could have 45 min classes instead of 90 min classes and then yeah... not to mention that i dont know anyone there cept emily n in that case no one knows my past problems and well...yeah...also my aunt nancy was a teacher there so techincally i could get away with certain things cause she'd be on my side...who knows! if i were to go there maybe she wouldnt retire...heh...yeah i doubt that...but anyways...im gonna talk to my rents about it...well maybe not the moving part just the school part cause i know they ownt move until i graduate and am in college and not to mention they want to go to FL and i would like to go to but i wont be with them when im 26 and yeah...(cause theres 8 years of college before i can become a vet) but the hell with it!! i want to be free from all this pain so im gonna see if i can stay after today...

    well i g2g later!!!

    *stephen if this letter means anything to you you'll figure out some way to contact me...whether it's in person or not!*

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: none
    Monday, March 8th, 2004
    2:31 pm
    Problems *sighs*
    I had a HORRIBLE WEEKEND... well somewhat at least...it was ok while i was gone...and i wish i could go back...and never go home...but i had a huge problem when i was there too..but im not gonna say cause it's innapropriate....embarressing....and alot of other things....

    Well...let's start off with the camp...The church camp that i was forced to go to...it was AWESOME!!! But sshhhhh!! Dont tell anyone...i dont want everybody to think im going soft or anything...^_^; Well, let's see...i met this awesome guy named David but dave for short!! EEK!! His hair was blue like mine...but he's 19...well...actually thats a good thing cause he helped me out...ALOT!! while i was there....it's weird...heh...i tried to talk to him...and i would blush and he would notice and then he would just play around with me cause he knew i liked him...but he wasn't ever mean to me...He especially made me laugh....!! He knew all my tickleish spots and i've never met him before!!! Heh^__^;;; he would always tickle me when i was down and thats what got me to laugh again...specially since i got to be with and around him...and when those guys were being evil...he talked to me and made me feel better...and he would always give me a hug and a piggy back ride! AW!! But he was my height...^__^;;;; Heh...so he kinda struggled and was out of breath before we got to the top of the hill!! AHHHHAAAHAHHAH!!! it was halarious!! He kept tellin me that he was gonna be in the best shape of his life by the time the camp was over!! I just laughed and then i told him my weight...he gave me one of those 0_o;;;; type looks (and yeah it was mean in a good way!!) He was suprised that i only weighed 96 flat! He weighed like 117...and he was skinny just like me...but still...he didn't have a pooch...lol!! I checked!!!!! *LMAO!!!* It was pretty funny stuff...we both got into a mini food fight at lunch!! It was halarious!! But the other people got us to stop...it was all giggles and fun though!! And just to let you all know....HE STARTED IT!!! LOL!! and i returned fire!! IT WAS GREAT!! and of course he intended to be mature and all but he lost control...he says he does frequently!! To bad i wasn't in his group...They called themselves Team Graffitti...i dunno if i spelt that right...heh...

    But anywho...he was considered an "adult" and he was literally there as one of the people who came there as like Karen and Jim and Chris...like...a litteral adult...probably better said...he wasn't "WITH" the group...he was there to teach...yeah..something like that...like a teacher/adult/counselor person thingy mobber....and i hope i see him next retreat...he was awsome!!

    While i was there i met this nice girl Emily...she knows my aunt Nancy really really really well cause she goes to goretti...and being so...she knows almost everything about the blank family!! She knows becky and paxen...she knows nicki and his chinese wife...well she hasn't met her because they are having trouble getting her into america! Yeah not good...no offense to him...but how could anyone like him? He's a CIA undercover agent who works literally in China, being undercover for gathering government information from japan...OY!! i know...im confused myself...but thats besides the point...but still...she's a great person...she's done some of the exact same things i've done to myself...and well she's also done some things i've disagreed with...but i see past that...I hope i get to hang out with her more...she's a jr. though but that doesn't really matter...she doesn't care.

    Then...when i went for a run and totally screwed up my shins and my hips...!! They hurt right now soo bad i have to limp horribly through the hallways...

    Then when i came back on sunday...i had heather and ashely and stephen over and i got to talk to stephen...and i am infuriated with him and his rents...I hate this...but there isn't anything i can do about it...i want to cry...becuase his rents are takin him away from me for another month...yeah...instead of April 1st...i can't date him until he's actually 18 in which i really can't date him...because i of course will still be under 16!! That totally bites i know hey i g2g...later

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: im sneekin--Stretch Arm Strong
    Thursday, March 4th, 2004
    2:06 pm
    ...*sighs* i think he's mad at me...
    *sighs*....I dunno...i think shane is mad at me...but what about...i dont know....He wouldn't talk to me in the hallways...well...^__^;;; heh...probably cause he was with his girlfriend....heh...^__^ but thats besides the point...

    LOL!! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SHIRT JUSTIN HAD ON!!!!!!!!! ahhhhHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! It was such a girlish color!! It was soo halarious!! and heres one of the best parts!! It was soo much smaller in the back than it was in the front so his boxer shorts were showing!!!!!!! LOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! *laughs uncontrollably* but anyways...*thinks of his boxers stickin out and then laughs again!!!* hahahahahaha!!!

    Im longing to see stephen...but more than not i am longing to actually get this stupid re-treat over with...they think i'll make friends and have a jolly old time...heh....their fuckin idiots!! I wanna stay home!! i would rather stay home and sleep in than go to a stupid retreat with a bunch of PPPPRRRREEEEPPPSSS!!!!! >:-( I would rather sit and daydream all day about what fun im going to have on sunday when i get back from the retreat with my love! I can't wait for sunday...it's gonna be soo much fun!! But for now...ERRRRRR!!!!!! The only ...well...not actually....the fact ...well ok ....what i was gonna say is...the only thing that does make me happy right now is getting out of school becuase it's a half day tomorrow...but come to think of it...I dont want to get out of school earlier than i have to!! Frankly i want to stay at school tomorrow all day!! I love my school....i just hate the people in it!! they are just....*gets mad just thinking about it!!* OY! just know i dont like em'. I would rather stay afterschool and go running around or in the school than go home or on this stupid retreat! OY! this isn't gonna be fun because this type of crap is always disclusive! Im not the type of person to go up to someone and be like...*gets all perky* "hi! Im josie...wanna be friends??" I hate that type of crap! I just wanted to be left alone!! But they are gonna try and get me involved in crap and ...*gets nervouse just thinking about the crowds that are gonna be there!* There are supposed to be other churches going there as well and the fact that it's a lake!? I HATE THE WATER!! unless its a clear see through pool...they aren't getting me in or around it!! I wont even go on the docks!! I hate them!! they totally creep me out!!! If they get me in the water...im going under and am not comming back up!! I'd rather kill myself if i had get in that water! I'd knock myself out if i had to! I'd find some type of poisionous snake and get it to bite me...or some type of underwater creature that kills!! I dont care if people would miss me! ERR!! *gets so mad...almost hits computer screen but for the sake of having to owe lots and lots of money for the damage she resists*

    This shit pisses me off!! Seriously!! I dont know about anyone else...but i'm tellin you now...I dont like being told by some stupid young youth minister that i have to pay $60!! which mind you, i could use to buy myself 2 lessons of snowboarding at whitetail or 4 trips to the snowtubing area, in order to be confirmed...and since i dont have any friends that wanted to come with me...or well any friends at all!! I am going to be ALONE!! VERY MUCHLY ALONE!!!!!!!! and frankly, that threatens me and tells me right off the bat that this entire trip is gonna suck!!! Already I miss stephen enough!! And now i cant get on the internet because im in some woodsy outdoor areas doing crap that gives people with lives and friends a good time and just gives the people who dont have lives and friends (better said mwah!!) a crappy ass time and in an everlasting irritated mood!! *growls*

    If i can make it through this weekend being happy AT ALL!! then i'll be seriously stunned, shocked and suprised! and ya know what the worse part is!!! I can't go running!! I wanted to go running at the track to see if i could get to 5 miles but i can't really do that when there isn't a track around and im at a stupid camp! I wish stephen or ashely or SOMEONE could have come along!! But again....again again again again again!!! I was too late!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK AM I ALWAYS LATE@@@@@_________________________________@@@@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!
    I hate this and i have to unfortunalty live my life this horrible way and this type of crap just keeps on comin' along!! Tonights not going to be a good night!! and tomorrows gonna be worse if the teachers decide to give homework!

    BTW stephen...if mike had crashed and died...HE WAS TRYIN TO PROVE A POINT!!!! and besides...his rents would of called you or his g/f would have...and he would have emailed you or something!! i guarentee you, you would know by now if something happened to him! I love you alot...and have you mom call my mom about plans for sunday...dont worry, i'll be coming home by around 1 or 2 o'clock...i know for me it's forever!! I dont know if i can last...specially without my internet!! but im gonna bring the emails you sent me and your 2 pictures...i'll be staring at them all weekend...hey!! maybe i might go into a coma!! LOL!!! then my story could probably come true!! LOOOLLL!!

    I love you soo much....and i'll see you sunday if i live through it! Pray that i can try and have a good time!
    Josie <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    Current Mood: indescribable
    9:40 am
    Stephen...little detail
    hey stephen!!! I hvae some bad news...i mean not relly just for me though...Tomorrow i have to go to a retreat with my church tomorrow and i wont be back until early afternoon on sunday....so technically...it doesn't interfear with our plans or anything...im just gonna be a little tired. I can fall asleep in your arms i guess. But just expect the movie thing to happen around 3 or 4 instead of early afternoon...and yes we can still go running...yeha i m in math class right now and im deffinetly not supposed to be on the internet...if he catches me then i'll get a 1 and a half after school detention!!! EEP!! so i have to be careful! but anywho...

    I love you soo much...you'll be interested to read my journal entry from yesterday...but it's not finished...because im adding to it...later today im gonna post it up again...i fixed it to make it a hell of alot more interesting...heh...^__^;;;;lets just hope that something like that never happens...but still...I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!!! AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!! I'LL BE DYING ALL WEEKEND BECAUSE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!

    Just to let you know...i wouldn't suggest getting the earing anymore....i asked my mom about it and she said my dad wouldn't let you be on the list anymore....so i dont know if you should get it...but if you still want to get it and be off the list...i think we could TRY to get you back on the list but thats gonna be kinda difficult...*_*;; ~_~; i dont know...and i love you hair!! Do you have to get a miliatry cut? What if it turns out looking really bad? *sniffle* all you'll need is the little cut below the eye and then you'll look like you just literally came back from the military! *crys* i dont want you to get hurt! ohh dear...this is gonna be the hardest 7-8 weeks of my life...of course the last 2 weeks will be just dandy for you...while im here alone *becomes lonely and depressed* without you...or your words of encouragement *sobs* !!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHHHHH!!!! *CRYS SO LONG THAT THE NARRATOR QUIT HIS JOB AND THEY HAD TO HIRE A NEW ONE* well i g2g but i'll write more later...like at say...i dunno 2:30 if i can...if not then, then like 3...hmm...i miss you alot!! I'll be thinking of you non-stop while im on this god forsaken trip!!

    Josie <3 <3 <3

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: none
    Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
    2:14 pm
    Well...I at LEAST know something now...
    Ok well found out some bad news and good news...more one than the other but you can decide for yourself...

    Well as it turns out...stephen is really grounded for about a month and a half...he has no phone,no internet, no friends visiting and no movies....until he leaves for like 3 weeks to Coasta Rica...So except for sundays only, i can't really see him for 7 or 8 weeks...0_0!!!!!;;;;;;; *realizes what she just said* OY!! I DONT KNOW IF I CAN LAST THAT LONG *sudden panic rises in her!!!* OMG!! THATS A HELL OF A LOT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED!! I WAS THINKIN 5 WEEKS BUT 7-8!??!!!??!! I'LL DIE BEFORE THEN!!!

    *suddenly breathing becomes extreamly hard and becomes horribly dizzy and passes out. Mr. Funk and several students run over to see if josie is OK. Josie wont wake up when they shake her...so mr. funk called the nurse and the nurse calls 911. The ambulance takes josie to the hospital and josie still wont wake up. Later that night...Josie fell into a deep coma...If she'll ever wake up...not even the doctors know. Stephen gets news of this...goes to the hospital and sits beside josie. He speaks to her...thinking she might wake up...but she doesn't...stephen prays that josie would be alright...but 2 weeks passed and josie hasn't waken up yet. Still stephens prayers continue. (Just some information on stephen...even though he was 3 years older than her...he loved josie like he never had before and so did josie love stephen the same way...they have been going out for a couple of weeks and already they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. So as you can imagine, stephen was taking this pretty hard...but his dreams of her kept him alive and together.)
    One night between those 2 weeks, stephen had a weird dream....................Josie came to him. She was in and elegant party dress that was white and she was happy. She was the most beautiful thing stephen had ever seen. She spoke to him, "Stephen, do not be afraid, fore i will come back...give it time and dont let them give up!" Stephen noticed something. Josie was clenching her chest....stephen asked why she was and she responded "Your hurting...your heart tells me because i have your heart"...and stephen confused acknowledged and then woke up sweating and soaked like he was outside in the rain and breathing hard. His chest also was hurting...where HER heart was. He said to himself..."What was that?? I dont know but what i do know is I can't let them give up!" He promised himself that as he was clenching his chest in pain.
    It became 2 months, 4 months and then 7 months...stephen still hasn't given up hope...but josie's family has. Stephen is at home in the middle of the night and in the dark...he's in the kitchen because he had the same dream again....He suddenly saw outside the window in between his house and his next door neighbors, a white figure... that looked like..."is it possible?" stephen asked to himself..."Josie??!!" He double taked and heard this figure whisper at the top of her lungs, "STEPHEN!" He ran over to the window...and then saw josie heading towards the front of his house. He ran with hope out side his front door. Josie was outside sitting on the porch swing...but it wasn't really josie...it was a white figure of josie.... Stephen stood paralyzed with fear, shock and unsurity of what he was seeing. He couldn't even breath! He was thinking...ghost! His eyes were wide and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move...She wispered again, this time softly, "Stephen, they are going to give up on me. Dont let them give up on me. You must go to the hospital now! Before it's too late. Remember, you have my heart and i have yours...dont let them take away your heart! I love you." She blew a kiss at stephen. He felt the warm touch of her lips on his face but he still couldn't move! "I'll see you soon..." Then josie turned and ran down the stairs, almost as though she was floating and went between the houses. Stephen delayed a few seconds and finally moved to run after her and said "Josie! Wait.....!" but she wasn't there anymore... Stephens eyes, wide with fear and shock at both what he just saw and heard, slowly looked down. He had to stand there for a min to think about what had just happened...then he ran inside and called the hospital...He desperatly asked, "Whats going on with josie? What are they doing with josie?" They respond, "We're so sorry.... but josie.... is being let go..." "NO!! NO!! You cant! You cant!!!". The nurse on the phone tried to calm the him down but Stephen continues to screams, "No you cant give up! Dont let them do anything until i get there!!!" He hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket...he also took the car keys...Now stephen wasn't allowed to drive but he didn't care...he was too in love to have them take away the love of his life! He turned ran outside, turned on the car, and sped all the way to the hospital...which luckly for him wasn't dangerous because it was the middle of the night and no one was out.
    When he got there, he jumped out, leaving the car running. He ran inside, up to josies room and there were a few doctors and nurses along with josie's family standing around her bed. He spooked all of them...and said "You can't give up!! Josie's coming back!! I know she is!!" Josie's mom said, "stephen we'd like to believe you...but she couldn't have possibly told you...she's not going to wake up. So why keep her alive like this...when she can be happy in heaven and paradise?" "Because!! She is happy but she told me!!" he paused "...well she came to me...she told me she was coming back and that I couldn't let you all give up on her!!!" The doctors looked at him like he was a mental case...but stephen kept telling them, "DONT GIVE UP! SHE HAS A LOT TO LIVE FOR AND I LOVE HER!! PLEASE! WAIT A LITTLE BIT LONGER! I KNOW SHES COMING BACK! HAVE FAITH...I DO!!" Josies parents look at each other and say "we'll wait until morning...if's shes not awake by then...*his father cringed and hugged his wife tightly* then we're letting her go..." stephen thanked him so much and the doctors and nurses left the room. Stephen asked for sometime alone with josie. They granted his wish and everyone left the room except josie and stephen. Stephen started to talk to josie. "Come on Josie...you can pull through this...you told me you would." He began to cry. "You dont have much time...please...come back! I need you!" He took her cold lifeless hand and held it tightly and put his head on her bed and cried his heart out. 15 min. passed and stephen, still crying, wispers, "I love you! Nothing will ever change that...i want to spend the rest of my life with you!" He began to cry harder this time...and hung his head low in between his legs. But he was still holding on tightly to her cold hand. Josie's fingers all of a sudden began to move and her first life filled breath was a horrible gasping one. She began to have an asthma attack but josie wasn't getting any air...stephen quickly raises his head at the feeling of josie's first movements. "JOSIE!! JOSIE YOU CAME BACK!!" He without question began to preform CPR on her, trying to give her more air. The nurse came in because the readings on the monitor outside had began to sky rocket preformance!! With her she had an air mask and she pulled it over josies head! Her family had left in hopes to return before morning. So stephen was there with josie by himself! The nurse waited for josie's breathing to calm down and it did. The nurse tried to have stephen leave but josie...still gasping for air said, " No...let him..." josie was trying to breath but wasn't having much luck so when she spoke...her words were after every breath. "let....him....stay..." The nurse not wanting to make her condition worse or put any stress on her let stephen stay. Josie told the nurse to leave...and she did. Stephen rushed over to josie and grabbed her hand and gave a gental squeeze. Josie, with all the strenght in her, returned a small very light squeeze. Stephen began to cry. Josie said, "thank...you...for....not....giving...up....on....--" stephen inturrupted her "HOW COULD I! I LOVE YOU! I--" josie then inturrupted him again...and said..."i heard you...i couldn't see you...or feel you...but...i heard you...." He said, "Josie, you came to me...how...i...dont..." Josie opened her eyes for the first time..."I came...to you...because i knew...you wouldn't...let them...give up....on me...." Stephens eyes widened...he was shocked...but josie smiled....and stephen smiled back..."you better get some rest..." he said. She replied..." i love you too.... and i want....to be with you....for the rest of my life...." Stephen said "Well...when your better...we will be together that long...I love you..." Josie replies back..."Ditto" and stephen begins to laugh really hard.... and so does josie.... He asks one more thing though...he said "...did you feel anything when you were in the coma?" she replied "...my heart was hurting...it was a sharp pain..." stephen was about to reply but josie said, " i know...your heart hurt too....because it's mine and only the true love that we hold in it can bring each other the pain because we couldn't be together...see...i told it too." He dropped his mouth in shock and then smiled..."well be together forever alright..." and to taht day they were...they were together forever...in love as they should be.... But when they both died...the doctors noticed something strange...josies heart had grown 3 years more mature than it should have been and stephens heart was 3 years younger... The doctors never understood what that meant...but josie and stephen did.....

    Current Mood: weird
    Monday, March 1st, 2004
    2:12 pm
    My goodness...i love him soo much...
    Ok ya know what...i am soo lucky to have a guy like stephen...I love him soo much!! Hes an awsome person...he comforts, he cares, he listens, he loves, he knows what to do if you(or in this never ending case, I:-)) am feeling down...he is just about perfect...and i mean that in a sense of, of course he's perfect to me because he's everything i want in a guy, a husband, someone to spend the rest of my life with. I love him soo much and i wont ever stop loving him...a month is nothing come to think of it...as long as i can still see him on sundays...for running and/or youth group.

    Yeah, if i you dont know...his rents found out about "us" and they didn't take it as bad as i thought they would...Frankly i thought they wouldn't let me ever see him again and then his rents would call my rents and then we'd have a huge problems and i wanna kill my father soo bad but i can't because he's my father and i would miss him and yeah but he's such a fucking SNOOP!! He called stephens father the day of the passion movie while i was there AAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD when me and stephen went running yesterday my father was spying on us to make sure that we were going to meet my mom where we said we were...!!! Im soo pissed at him...but i didn't tel him that i knew....it was my mom that told me....I shouldn't have found out from her!! I should have known already that my father wouldnt' trust me to live a life of someone older because he has a problem of letting go because he was so attached to her...BULLSHIT!! I wanna be left alone to be trusted and there isn't any reason why i shouldn't be trusted because it's not like i lied about anything!! My mom knew that me and stephen were dating for a really long time and that just fucking pisses me oFF!!!!!!!

    But there isn't much i can do about it now...

    but anyways as i was saying, Stephens parents found out about us because heather, stephens sister, told on us!! I wanna just scream...im still gonna be her friend and act like im not mad at her but i'll tell you one thing! IM NEVER EVER EVERRRRRR TELLING HER ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!! SHE'S A BLAB!! SHE DIDNT HAVE TO TELL ON ME AND STEPHEN LIKE SHE SAID SHE DID!! NO ONE HAD A GUN TO HER HEAD AND ASKED HER WHAT STEPHEN AND JOSIE AND ASHLEYS PLANS WERE FOR LATER THAT NIGHT!!! ERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! and yeah becuase of that stupid ass stunt she pulled, she got stephen grounded for two month, which to me is 8 weeks of eternity!!!!! (as it is when people are in love!!<3) but still OY!! I can't sit with him at youth group anymore, so much for holding hands!! ~_~| I want to be with him and i want us to love each other...( i hope he does!! Well it's obvious to me that he does...he's just embarressed to say it out loud...like in the public...but i dont really blame him...) *sighs and then yawns*

    He's grounded and it's also partly my fault....frankly though...being with him is ok but only when his rents aren't around...i swear....they scare me!! Im just waiting for the time his mom or dad is going to pull me around a corner and pep talk me about how they dont want me to be with him or how they dont hate me but still dont want me to be with them...I can't look either of them in the eye after what happened....i just feel so nervous around them and i want to be in stephens arms...i was especially yesterday because well 1) I was extreamly cold and i have no idea why...but my body temperature dropped so much and eep i was soo cold it started to hurt!! Then my arthritis decided that it was the best time for it to start to kick in!! but anyways...i was pressing pretty hard against him...i was trying not to be as nervous because he calms me down...but i dont think i was very convincing...so when i shook i just didn't say anything and if he would have asked i would have told him i was just cold...(but frankly it was impossible to be anymore cold than i already was!!!!!*gets shiver down spine*

    Whats worse is...Tomorrow, since public schools dont have school (yeah and on a tuesday...but at least there isnt' any school!! It's better than nothing) stephen still has school because his school is a private school...but anyways to my point...i wanted to go and visit his school but my rents wont have time to take me because my dad i think works and my mom is a chief judge at Paramount elementary...so i just wanted to visit his school to see what it was like...he's been to mine after all and so he knows what my school is like...from the site that was online....its better than my school, smaller, but better...not to mention...both stephen and ashely are there! So, heh...it kinda makes it a WHOLE heck of alot better. HEH...^__^;;; but anyways i wanted to go and the only way that i could is if his *scary, evil music plays* his mom takes me....*scary evil music ends* yeah and then she'd deffinetly want to talk to me...i hope my dad works tomorrow...i dont want to spend time with him because i dont want to talk to him...AT ALL!! he makes me sooo mad to think about....*clenches fists and then continues typing* im not even gonna talk about him anymore...he pisses me off soo much i just hate his actions and his feelings...

    I want to be with stephen...my hot and handsome and great personality stephen...whom i love more than anything else in the world...(exception of the rents and the poodles!! LOL!!! AWW BRIGGS AND ARIEL!!! I MISS YOU SOO MUCH!!!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and of course i miss stephen too...but anyways...i wanted to go but his mom is the only one who could take me to the school and plus if i liked it there or ACCIDENTALLY ran into stephen then i'd want to stay there for a long time!!!! ;-) *winks* and then my mom could let me stay because mrs. frederickson *shivers* works at the school until like 6:00 and that means 2 1/2 hours with stephen and him showing me around and stuff!! =-)))))))))) ;;;;;;;;;----------PPPPPP heh...heh... of course thats if his mom doesn't hate me....*runs and hides behind stephen in fear and then peaks out and he grabs her from behind him and gives her a big hug and starts saying words of encouragement and words that are comforting and promising...* i guess i'll have to go through her and tell her my real feelings but i'll be in the car with her alone...but thats if it's ok with her and my rents if i can go!! but well hey all i g2g the bells gonna ring in like 1 min but i'll talk to you all later or tomorrow or something...hopefully i can go!!

    I LOVE YOU STEPHEN!!!<3 <3 <3
    Friday, February 27th, 2004
    2:04 pm
    Hey i have stuff to tell ya's!!!
    Well ok...first things first....DAM IM SOO FREEKIN SORE!!!!!!!!! Yesterday i went running with my hun and i haven't ran outside like that...in like...forever!! Im lucky he didnt' see my weezing when i got home...eep it was horrible!! But still i had fun with him...we went to my secret spot...well...now it's probably better said...our secret spot...but ohh well...it doesn't matter...i dunno if he'll go there every time he goes running but i do know that jenna and brittany and stephen zerance go there....weird but thats ok...it was a lot of fun though...cause at least i got to relax...and so did he...we found a few things of flowers that we assume went from the cemetary along the creek or well...either that or they were blown off the grave which is pretty morose but still! We snuggled and half the time we were snuggling he wanted to make me die of laughter by tickling me!!! He wonders why i wont let him touch my stomach!! LOL!! Im soo tickelish!! It's unbelieveable!! It's funny to watch me dying as people are tickeling me but still... it's bad when you dont want to laugh...cause after a while...your face gets stuck in a smile and it hurts to try and move it!! LOLL!!!:-P

    Next...my rents decided to let me get my class ring this year instead of later because they dont think i'll lose it....and paige...im not trying to be a smart ass or anything...but if you want us to get your ring replaced...we can because as long as you didn't lose it 3 years ago then it doesn't matter...it's like $90 or something like that....but thats only if you want it...im getting a century ring with a cross and bible on it...my name on it hubs...with I THINK my graduation year...im also getting my initials engraved on the inside...LOL!!! i doubt mom and dad will want to know the price...it's really really expensive!! Ok fine i'll tell you...it's $304.some cents that i cant remember and i dont think mom and dad will want to pay for that...ohh yeah and it's got a garnet stone on it...and it's imperially cut...yeah....it's nice and i have a 1.5 ring size...i know it's small but the others slid off just by scratching an itch or something....

    OHH OHH! I forgot...i actually think my dad i'll let me go tonight with stephen and arron and mike and their girlfriends because his little sis ashley is going...i think we're going to see "against"....i dotn know the name...imm gonna find out...give me like 5 min...*5 min later* AHH!! "against the ropes" it's a movie about this one lady who like is a boxing manager or something like that....unfortunatly...this doesn't seem like a good movie....it's only got a 3 out of 5 star rating...ohh DAM!!! I'll be so pissed off if my father doesn't let me go tonight!!! It's just not fucking fair if he says no!!! Especially since ashley (stephens little sis) is coming along!! I'd hate him more if he said NO!!! IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR WHEN HE DECIDED BULL SHIT LIKE THAT....*GETS SO MAD THAT SHE DIES AND THEN COMES BACK AND IS STILL MAD!* * calms down* ohh man last night i fell asleep on stephen again!! I thought i could stay away but i guess i wasn't all that awake as i thought! The shower definetly relaxed me alot...well...anyways.... I hope my dad let's me go tonight...cause then that would mean that tomorrow i'd see stephen again and then the next day i'd see stephen again...well...hopefully...^_^



    p.s. i love you stephen and i am praying for your niece and you...hope you had a great day...and let's hopefully make it better by going to the movies later....

    P.S.S. Dont hate me if i cant go tonight...but one other thing...mike can't drive me...my rents dont want me with a teen driver...reguardless of how safe of a driver he is...but i'll be thankful if they even let me go....!! and you should be too....im srry if i can't go in advance and i'll be even more srry if i actually cant'....

    I love you!!

    Current Mood: nervous
    Current Music: none
    Thursday, February 26th, 2004
    2:40 pm
    I want stephen to give me a 20 min hug!!!
    Aww man!! i need a hug...from stephen....a 20 min hug!! Not a 10 min hug...a 20 min hug!! And a kiss!! and water in a creek!! that we need to jump in and take pictures of and talk at!! While WE'RE RUNNING!!!!!! yeah i know...i have issues but still...we need to go running before sat or on friday or today or else...im gonna get fat...lol well that was a lie because everyone knows that ic an't get fat...becuase of my matabolism thingy mobber!! Its soo high...IM LIKE A STICK!!!! I CAN'T GET MUSCLES EITHER!! I THINK THEY BURN OFF TOO!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! AT LEAST MY WONDERFUL PERFECT STEPHEN HAS MUSCLES!! HE ALSO HAS SOME AWSOME ARMS AND NICE ABS...(he just doesn't see em' cause he refuses too!!!;-) ) i love him!! I love everything about him and i can't wait for the day we share our first kiss because i wont ever want it to stop!!! but it's soo far away!! *reaches to the day but isn't able to hold it in her grasps* ERRRR!!! I know i know i have to wait....and i will for as long as i can...(which may not be very long...hopefully but well....stephen would want me to wait...and he'd think im a hore or something because i tried to make the moment happen sooner...and we can't have that because i've been there done that and yeah it wasn't everything I thought i was gonna be...come to think of it ...it was worse!! I thought my rep was trashed!! But it got better... I need to find out more and more about him though... I dont know him...well...i mean...you know what i mean...i need to know him more...i dont even know the basics...like what his fav food is...or what he likes to do in his spare time!! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT CLASSES HE HAS NOW!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *RUNS TO STEPHEN FOR AN EMERGENCY TALK* Stephen *pant pant* i think we *pant pant* really need to get out *pant pant* more this is *pant pant* ridicilous!!!! I cant not know everything about you!! (unless its a secret or something!!) I am longing to not only be with you but to be able to answer questions about you that my friends ask and be able to say what it is!! They were even asking me today!! They were like..."josie, whats stephens favorite food?" and "josie, Whats stephens favorite sport? Does he do any sports? What sports is he good at?" AND IM AT A FREEEKIN LOSS!!!! I AM LIKE, " WHAT THE HECK!! IM SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY!! AND I DONT EVEN KNOW THE BASICS!!!" OK THATS IT!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WE CAN DO ON A REGULAR BASIS TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!! SERIOUSLY...IT'S IMPORTANT!!!

    I was wondering what you wanted for your b-day? actually first of all what are you doing for your b-day? cause if you dont have any plans...want some???!!!! LOL!!!

    Another question...you know how you said you liked snowboarding...i wanted to know if you wanted to go sometime?! cause see i want to learn and i think you said you did to but then we never really talked about it again...so i dunno...i was just wondering and it would have to be ok with your rents cause bad things can happend when people go snowboarding...well...to some like the klutzy weird type...heh...or better said......................me^__^;;;;; but still...we could spend a day at whitetail!! (liberty doesn't give lessons anymore) we could go snowtubing...it's not that much...it's like $15-$20 or somethign like that on certain days...im not sure exactly but it was like $15 last i went and that was for like 3 hours...yeah that was with paige and alex and jenna and them...so i dont really remember that much...but i do remember how much fun it was...lol!! You should come along sometime...well better said...we should go "together" sometime!!

    I miss you soo much and i hope you've been praying about whether or not i can go tomorrow...i hope i can...but remember...one of the 2 people have to go....umm...srry i mean to say ashley or heather...i found out that my friend danika doesn't have a guy to go with and i know she wouldn't wanna be around when we were snugglin' so heh...yeah....i dont know what i'll do if it doesn't work...you could *gets devious look on face* ask ashely to just not say anything and she could bring one of her friends and they could do their own thing while we did ours and when you would leave or something we could meet up with them at some set time....hmm....i dont know...it sounds like it would work because as long as she was waiting with you all then my rents wouldnt have a big problem and i could go...but if you dont wanna do it...i understand...it's devious and bad but then again...love has it's devious times too!!

    wow it's 3:10!!!!


    Stephens Josie

    Current Mood: mischievous
    Current Music: None...funks watching me closely today....hmm!!^___^;;;
    Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
    2:20 pm
    Stephen...I got your message!!!
    Hey stephen!! Srry about last night...i fell asleep sitting by the phone...heh...i was on the floor last night...Im suprised i didn't wake up to find myself on the floor but still...hmmm...
    one other thing...im srry if i've seemed like a bitch lately...i dont know whats going on...my attitude is becoming worse and worse each day...i just get so ticked easily...please do me a favor and if i yell at you...forgive me because i dont mean it...it's probably just hormones or something...heh..heh...^__^;;; but still I love you no matter what...
    ok about the movies on Fri...i dont know anything yet but what i do know is that before i do anything my mom wants to give me a four hour lecture on "how-to-act-like-a-lady" on dates...this is gonna take a while...hopefully i can get it in sometime today before i go to sleep! but of course all i can do is just nod and agree unless it comes to me not being with you...so...yeah...i got a lot of sucking up to do...lol!! ~_~;
    I think im in trouble...the guidance counceling office wants me at 3:00 and it's 2:28 right now...so i dunno maybe it's about the schedualing for new classes becuase of stupid mr catletts class...i should be exstatic about it but im not becuase i like the other classes i have now and the fact that i am changing one class means that im gonna have to change the others...which sucks but i'll see what i can do...

    You know how you told me i haven't been happy lately? I started to think about it and came up with the answer to why...(it's a really really good one...get this!!) I miss you too much and the fact that i can't and haven't seen you is causing me distress and is making me go mad!! You know what that means!! We're gonna have to go running more than just sundays...(if you can:-/) i can...my mom thought it was everyday...heh..heh...^__^; but what ever floats your boat is cool with me cause well...i know you cant always get home everyday be4 6 so im not gonna push you to do the impossibe....not to mention you walking!!!!! AHEEEMMM!!!! is dangerous!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!! YOU WALKED HOME FROM SALEM AVENUE!!!???? OY!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!! 6 ISN'T THAT FAR AWAY!! YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!! lol!!! I MAY JUST HAVE TO GIVE YOU LONGER AND BIGGER HUGS WHENEVER I SEE YOU!!!!! *winks* ;-) but anywho...

    I love you soo much and i wont doubt your love for me but we do need to just talk...face to face...not just on the phone...thats why i wanna see if i can't get my rents to say yes to me hangin with you all on fri. so i hope we can work this out...but i dont think we could get by with saying heathers and/or ashelys inside waiting...he would actually have to see them there and he would want to talk to them just to confirm they are who we say they are...yeah...its a bitch but hey if it means being with you...then THEIR COMING ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!! *rasperries* LOL!! ^_^ thats how bad i want to be with you...even if it does mean them coming along...i mean...does your sister have a secret crush or something she wants to come along (i mean ashley not heather cause heather i couldn't see getting a boyfriend no offense to her) because i do want to be with you and with a clear conscience about it...i dont want to have to break the rules to be with you but i will if i have to...<3 i love you soo much...

    I love you and i hope you still love me...(not that i am doubting you or anything^_________^;;;) heh....~_~; anyways, i'll actually be away tonight if i can't get online...i promise!!! I love you and email me again if you have anymore questions!!! Remember dont be shy...it's worse if you never know the truth because your to afraid to ask it....!!^_^

    Love with all yours and my heart,

    Current Mood: loved
    Current Music: im sneekin...Think twice by eve 6 ^_^;;
    Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
    2:03 pm
    Hiya all...whats up? I am really really happy and hyper and yeah...well i always am...but still...there are a few things that ticked me off today....i'll elaborate...

    1) it snowed today and since i can't go snowboarding on it...i dont like it or care for it...but then again it doesn't bug me that much...


    3) I absoultly hate my alg 1 math class...the fact that i have the highest grade in the class...or a 100% for those who dont know...explains a little bit....see being so that i have the highest grade in the class and that i am already finished the ENTIRE UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or 75 pages that he gives us to do over a certain period of time...should tell the teacher that im too advanced to be in that class... with the stupid people...yeah so i EXPLODED in class today!!! OY!!! Everyone was making it a big deal because it was a big deal!!! IM SO SICK!!!!!! AND TIRED!!!! OF BEING THE ONLY ONE IN THE CLASS WHO CAN GET OFF THEIR ASS AND DO THE WORK!! i WOULD HAVE EXPECTED MORE FROM ONE OF THE OTHER GIRLS IN THE CLASS!! I JUMPED UP AND SAID(NO CENSORS EITHER)


    and then i stomped out of the class...hit a locker and ran around the school trying to blow off some steam...heh...and of course becuase i knew the cop would come looking for me...i went to the priciple Mr. Myers and talked to him....he understood my situation and made it really easy for me...so im gonna be switched into a harder class...we just have to work it out with my rents and i have to get a total schedual change!! He made me say i was sorry to the teacher for disturbing his class and the 3 classes all around us...no everyone's being a total bitch about it but...fuck!!! I can't wait to get out of that class...hopefully ill get into one where i dont have to change my entire schedual...hmm...i need to run...and i will today...i dont care what my rents say...i need to run this off and think about my day and my life...it's not as good as i thought....actually it's rather depressing...other than stephen of course...but right now i can't be with him and later today...i dont think he'll get home in time to go running...if i dont get online tonight...then im out running...and im going to the place where no one knows about....(srry stephen...not even you can know) I need to be somewhere i can think...i need to go to the place where i can be hugged and never let go...*chuckles* sounds kinda like stephen...*stops tying and doesnt move but somehow feels the warm embrace of stephen and his relaxing, reminding words of comfort and love...so she closes her eyes and remembers the dark room she was in...and his heart pounds hard for hers*

    Ok!! NEW PLAN!!! maybe i should just run over to stephens at a later time...maybe he could call me or something and i wouldn't have to run over unexpectedly...and maybe we could run today...well...i doubt it...because unless he goes CRAZY!!!!!!!! and WALKS!!!!!!!! HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then he probably wont get home until it's dark out and i can't be out then...hmm...i dunno...he'd have to call before like 4:30 and he'd have to be ready at like 4:50 and then we'd have to meet each other at like 5:00....i wonder...well thats how it would have to be and still...he may not get home in time...so i'll be out probably when he gets home...either that or i'll be on my way home when he comes back...i know i know im not supposed to go running alone...especically at dusk...but if i die, get kidnapped or raped or something...well better said...if anyone TRIES!!!!! to do anything like that to me, i'll kick their fucking ass!! hey...at least it's another way of getting out my anger!! One might ask...well if it's in the snow...why are you going running? well...whether isn't as big of a problem for me...alot of people may freeze their ass' off but it's not that way for me...sure i get cold but after 15 min of running i start to warm back up!!

    I need to control my anger and stamina because it's getting worse and worse...i dunno maybe it's one of those hormonal reactions or something...but what ever it is...its getting worse...and yet my responsibility is getting better.....

    OHH OHH OHHH!!!!!!!!!! Stephen!! I have good news!! My dad is thinking about letting me go to the movies with you all...!!!! but theres one thing...heather, ashely OR my friend danika and shes getting a boyfriend and im gonna see if she wants to hang out with him and us on friday and she could be with her b/f and i could be with mine!! My rents wouldn't be as weird about us going together as long as it was a group thing and if danika or ashely or heather were going...and yeah my dad does have to see them there along with you all!!! LOL!!! but anyways...HEY!! it's a start!! It's better than a straight forward no! still, im gonna try again and this time...and from now on...im gonna be more mature, responsible, and trustworthy with my dad... So...pray!! pray for a miracle that i can go..and that my dad will give us a chance!! (well as long as heather, ashley OR danika are going we should be ok) but still...ohh i hope he'll give me a chance...but we need to have a plan again and this time...i need to know what it is sooner!! AND HOPEFULLY THERE WONT BE ANY BREAKING DOWN THIS TIME!!! LOOOOOLLL!!! IM SRRY ABOUT THAT LAST TIME!! *CRYS HERSELF THEN GETS BETTER IN HOPES THAT THIS TIME SHE WONT GET STEPHEN TO CRY* HEH...HEH...

    ANYWAYS!! MOVING ON!!! well, this has been an interesting day...kinda slow...kinda fa...well i can't really say fast...it's been more slow than fast...but yet a little bit faster than normal...that doesn't make sense does it...*wonders to self and reads over and over and still doesn't understand but then gives up* well...i can't wait till i get home because when i get home...i'll get on the computer really quick...turn on the Yanni, do my homework, then go running...yeah i can get all this done before 4:30...weird i know...

    I dont want to go...because theres still...*looks at computer clock and does the math* 35 min left in the class but then again...im running out of things to talk about and i dont wanna be bored....ohh yeah...my mistake...TOO LATE!!! I hate this class but at least i get to write in my blurty during this time...well...sometimes....but anyways...i'll be running later....if you wanna come!! call my cell...if you dont know my cell...i wouldn't run with you anyways!!! ok ttyl all....
    Buh Bye!!!

    P.S. I love ya stephen and we'll work something out!!
    Josie <3 <3 <3

    Current Mood: hyper
    Current Music: none...funk wont let me listen to music in his class anymore
    Monday, February 23rd, 2004
    3:02 pm
    I hope his heart is only for one...
    Ohh gees, i need to talk to stephen...because im having a trust issue right now...im worried that the heart he gave me is either split for someone else as well as me...or that the heart that he gave me is a fake...i know he loves me and i dont doubt that...never will!! But it's also possible to love someone else too...and thats a bad thing....See, we stoped by his house yesterday becuase this one girl (who drives and is 17 which is his age!!) to get some of her stuff that she must have left over there or something...well...i went upstairs looking for stephen and i found the 2 of them...talking...whispering in the dark....i have doubts that his love is just for me...because of things like...im only 14 and she's 17 and i can't drive and she can...or because she's better than me and i can't fit to her description...im not gonna say anything bad about her because she's a nice girl...she always makes me laugh to and she's fun to hang out with...but the way stephen was talking to her...well....i dunno...it made me feel uncomfortable like they were talking secretly...however...there are 2 other things...1) when i was up there like not more than 5 feet from them...they didn't have a problem with me standing there but then again i couldn't hear what they were saying anyways because they were soo quiet.... 2) when i asked stephen about it when we got to my house...he kept telling me "my mom" and would be pointing to her...but she wasn't even looking at me but then again she was talking to me...am i...a jelouse girlfriend...? I hope not...but then again...i hope his heart can only go to one...i love him and i hope it's me his heart is for...i lvoe him so much and i hope he knows it and wont forget it...im looking forward to seeing him this sat and hopefully sooner if he wants to go running...i am...reguardless of how cold it is...im going and i wish he could come with me...well...technically by him not going...im breaking the rules...cause i can't run without him...but still...i want to be with him and i'll see him sat as long as he tells me the truth about how he feels for that one girl...

    I love you stephen but i need the truth....

    Josie <3 <3

    Current Mood: Wondering....hmm....
    Current Music: yanni..."butterfly Dance"
    Saturday, February 21st, 2004
    3:55 pm
    What a weekend....
    Hey all....thought i'd say hi and whats up...well bad news...i couldn't go with stephen to the movies but i still love him and i hope he loves me still...he told me he does...not directly...he said with his heart...but i dunno if that means love...i wish he would tell me that he loved me but due to past problems, we've both been hurt but it didn't hurt my love for him...my love for him is ever lasting because...HEY!!! WHATS NOT TO LOVE?? tomorrow, i'd like to get a chance to show him how much I love him...even if it's not in words....i hope he knows that i wont give up...and that i will always love him...he's worth a life...my life...i would die for him....he's my flesh and blood now...because he has my heart like no one else has...even my family hasn't ever had my heart!!

    I love him and i hope he knows it....

    P.s. I wont give up stephen....i love you too much...i wont ever let go of you...

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: Tarzan "You'll be in my heart"
    Friday, February 20th, 2004
    2:07 pm
    YAY FRIDAYNESS!! I wanted to go running today and i will if the worst happens...If I can't go to the movies with stephen, aaron, and alex!! But ya know whats totally kool about them? THEY RACE!! THATS SOO MEGA AWSOME!!! i love racing and i think it's the best thing that ever happened...well almost...stephen is the best thing that ever happened!! LOL!! What? Im just stating the obviouse!! but anyways...my mom today is gonna try and convince my dad to let me go...because yesterday and the day before he didn't give her an answer...i really really really really reall hope he lets me off and let's me go just this onces at least because...well i promised stephen that i would give him a 10 min hug...LOL!! and plus, i've been wanting to see "you got served" for a while now but stilll....i really really wanna be with him and hold his hand....but i'll tell you one thing...my mom doesn't have any clue as to how gratful I am for her being on my side on this...with out her...nothing thats happened in the past few days could have and i probably would have confused her and my father into suspecting something really really bad was going on even though there isn't....because love isn't bad....but anyways...

    Im gonna pray right now...(yeah in school) that i can go tonight with stephen and aaron and alex...and their g/f of course....of course they dont get 10 min hugs and they dont get kisses...and well stephen might not either...depends on if he's been a good boy!! hmm....something for you to be thinking about ay stephen!??? but anyways i cant wait to see him whether i see him tonight or sun or next sat!! I cant' wait to see him but in the period of this coming week and weekend i would like to go running with him....permited the weather...(for his sake...i can run in any weather!!:-) ) but still...

    dam my hair is beautiful today...my mom trimmed it today...on the TIPSS!!! AKA THE PLACE WHERE MY BLUE HAIR WAS!! so i asked her this past morning to re-dye my hair higher because there was like to blue left on my hair cept on my bangs and then of course she did and i had to jump in the shower and i blow-dried my hair and then later on it became so soft and pretty...it's awsome!! It's so pretty the way that i can pull it back now...but well...i dunno...sometimes its a pain....

    Anyways...before i go...1) i hate JAVA APPLETS!!! we have to make these stupid madlibs!! IT'S MEGA HARD!!! and it's almost impossible for anyone to learn on the 5th FREEKIN DAY!!!! ERRRR!!! *GROWLS*
    2) i miss stephen and the plan for tonight is appearently meet at the mall at 5:30 and then hang around for awhile...see "you got served" at 7:30 and be home by like 9:30 or something like that...well anyways...i really hope that he'll at least give me this one chance because ...well i dont know...i have been kinda bad though lately...BUT NOT ON PURPOSE THOUGH!!! :*(
    3) i miss stephen
    4) i miss stephen
    5) i still miss stephen
    6) i hate laura
    7) i wanna 10 min hug from stephen right now in case i dont get to go tonight!!
    8) i wanna go running with stephen so we could be alone in my "secret spot!!" ;-)
    and yeah well thats about it...

    Hmm...well hey guys i g2g now but i'll talk to you later....and ohh man...when i have nothing left to write about and it's only 3:15!!! i dont get out of....ohh wait my mistake 3:16...but i dont get out of here until 3:30!! Which then means that i have an unfortunate wait of 2 hrs of tourture of my father either telling me that i cant go and why....(like i've never heard that be4!!) or he'll be telling me how i have to make a choice or something...(he's bound to come up with some lame excuse that the teen cant ever argue with or else!!!!) ohh man i hope i can go tonight!! I know how to act and how not to ...or at least....the way they think im gonna...lol :-P but still i wanna go....but heh...i'll talk to you later...

    C ya!!!!

    Josie <3<3<3 xoxoxo
    Thursday, February 19th, 2004
    2:09 pm
    Stephen!! *looks for stephen but can't see!!*
    Stephen....this entry is to you!! Since i can't send emails from the school...this is close enough!! Get this, I am in both phsical and emotional pain!!! Yeah i will care to explain....

    *trys to come back to normal by looking at stephens picture...and then thinking of the fun that we'll have on Fri. if my dad i'll let me go...* BTW my mom is working on it...she brought it up yesterday night and she told me about what he was saying and she said that he didn't say yes but then again he didn't say no...so really he hasn't said anything....and still even so...i really really hope he says yes!! and i'll tell you one thing you better be praying that he says yes because i can't be the only one@_@;; I really want to go with you all though because i wanna be with you holding your hand...i wish we could be alone though...if we eat though...could you and i have some sit together time? I mean just for a little bit of time because the part of getting to know each other is becoming more and more important because after thinking about it for a really long time...i do realize that there isn't that much that i know about you...i dont know what you wanna be...i dont know anything about your past...i mean gees!! i haven't even been to your house...(that'll change soon...especially if we go running...we can say we're stoping for a drink...well by then actually we'd need a drink...then i could see your fish and other animals...and thats all!! LOL!!) of course then you'd need to see and be at my house...and see my 2 adorable poodles and well yeah i only have those 2 as pets but aww!! THEIR SOO CUTE!!! *gets big eyes* I love them soo much!!! and i love you to sweetie!! Well anyways... like i said...there isn't that much that i know about you and i wanna get to know you more without being disturbed...UNLESS!!! *gets devious look on face...* UNLESS!! mike and aaron know things about you ....like your embarressing moments...hmm!!*thinks to self* well anyways...I g2g sweetie cause it's 3:27 and the bell to get out of this hell hole is at 3:30...

    I'll be online later tonight!! Email me if i dont get on when you do... Love ya!!!
    Josie <3 <3

    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: Rinbu Revolution...revolutionary Utena
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