Blurty for buddy.
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2008 |
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I don't even know where to begin.. So I won't. :) I'm going to sleep and when inspiration strikes I will return. Lol why did I even sign on and write this much. Goodnight! |
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| Friday, April 25th, 2008 |
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I had a great title for this entry this morning when I was getting towels from the cabinet. Coolies. Disclaimer: !!: I am a traditionally optimistic person. I see the beauty in every day life. I have merely grown discontent with my current state of affairs. Is it summer yet... |
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I had a great title for this entry this morning when I was getting towels from the cabinet. Coolies. |
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I had a great title for this entry this morning when I was getting towels from the cabinet. Coolies. |
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| Thursday, April 24th, 2008 |
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I'm starting to- scratch that. Trapped is what I've felt like for some time. The repetitive school-drama-blah isn't exciting.. Same people. Same places. I don't feel that way the minute I leave, like on the NE trip, new york, new orleans. Saturday- orlando. Tuesday- tampa. I just want so much more Its love that's done this to me Now that I experienced that blissful safety I understand How can you ever go back to being independent once you have felt whole in another persons arms? Sometimes I feel so naïve. Actually that's a lie, I only feel naïve after those miraculous incidents where I feel like I grew up a little be- be it over a period of time or what I call a mental growth spurt. Love is so comfortable and safe. My perspective is so different now that I understand that. I would like to silently apoligize for everytime I have chided someone for wanting a significant other to make them happy. Not like now I think everyone should become solely interdependent.. I know now I miss him so much I hate saying him Names are beautiful I want to make people laugh Happy I find safety in the stars and thank them for the incredible things they allow to happen, be it a short time. I feel slightly better after writing on here. Serene Goodnight. P.s. I'm not in love with you, but I do love you. |
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| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 |
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who created the first palpable instrument. did they hear the music of the world and desire an outlet of universal language, therefore creating something that could deliver those beautiful controlled sounds that have been developed into millions of songs and sounds. nothing is like the rush i get when i strum a guitar or depress the keys of a big, beautiful piano the idea of being able to manipulate wires to describe thoughts, feelings, and dreams without any standerdized languages intrigues me. it makes me feel connected to the meaning of life and the universe. does everyone feel that is a guitar a guitar; or a messenger? |
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i want to stop thinking about it. i really do, it makes me unhappy when everything is fine. sure school is busy, but i thrive under pressure. i feel like a burden to myself, and i just want to talk about him. blake blake blake. am i that girl, the one gets hung on something that really wasnt that big of a deal? maybe. growing up is experiencing. whhhaaatteeevver. ill be distracted soon enough. and i wouldnt even dare try and pull something. maybe they really are in love. i can respect that. i really do want him to be happy..i just wish it was with me. WOW CHEESY. who am i when i write in this shit. what can you do? have to be sentimental somewhere. better then outloud. heh but orlando on satuhday. states next week..i want to win so bad i get so competitive sometimes, but never really outwardly. aries alert! i just sighed so i guess i have nothing more to say. there isnt so much to say im ready for love CHANGE OF MOOD! mom just intercomed me upstairs. god i hate that fucking noise, it makes me want to smash the phone through a series of concrete walls everytime it goes off. and its hard enough for me to hold my tongue and not argue when someone is so blatenly stupid, but good lord my self control can only hold out long enough. do we become our parents? i love them but i cant see myself falling into a mold of another human being and watch myself do the stupid things they do sometimes. god damnit.. opposites. total opposites. but hey; it wasnt that bad...i didnt say one word lol thats always better then hearing more bjgvfuylfgvuyjhfgvyl,h |
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2008 |
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| This past weekend I went to new york with my dad to go to the charity event "night of too many stars" hosted by jon stewart. I had the amazing opportunity to meet lorne michaels, robert smigel, jon stewart, matthew broderick, sarah silverman, will forte, andy samberg, akiva!! (Snl writer) and jerry stiller. I can't even remember them all. It was insane, I was so unbelievably overwhelmed and excited. It was such an utterly amazing feeling to be there, in the moment, with all my heros. I mean I think my squealing/hyper ventilating/seizuring may have given it away. But ah. No words. A really freakin weekend with my dad. Going through every detail is exhausting. And so yesterday after the little taste of the jetsetting lifestyle (lol what does that even mean) I had cappies voting. I praaayyyedd for the votes.rumor has it nominations will be announced today. I'm prepared, but a little nervous and scared. Thinking about it make my cheeks feel warm. Ill be devestated if I don't even get nominated but I'm not going to even think about it. Ahh. Overwhelmed, busy busy, a lot to do think about be have etc. Whatevs. Rolling with the punches. No other choice. | ||||
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| This past weekend I went to new york with my dad to go to the charity event "night of too many stars" hosted by jon stewart. I had the amazing opportunity to meet lorne michaels, robert smigel, jon stewart, matthew broderick, sarah silverman, will forte, andy samberg, akiva!! (Snl writer) and jerry stiller. I can't even remember them all. It was insane, I was so unbelievably overwhelmed and excited. It was such an utterly amazing feeling to be there, in the moment, with all my heros. I mean I think my squealing/hyper ventilating/seizuring may have given it away. But ah. No words. A really freakin weekend with my dad. Going through every detail is exhausting. And so yesterday after the little taste of the jetsetting lifestyle (lol what does that even mean) I had cappies voting. I praaayyyedd for the votes.rumor has it nominations will be announced today. I'm prepared, but a little nervous and scared. Thinking about it make my cheeks feel warm. Ill be devestated if I don't even get nominated but I'm not going to even think about it. Ahh. Overwhelmed, busy busy, a lot to do think about be have etc. Whatevs. Rolling with the punches. No other choice. | ||||||
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 |
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| So I went away. I challenged myself, I took a risk. I had a great informative 6 days and made another group of awesome friends. Blake was so perfect. When the stars align for 2 people; what happens can not be duplicated or put back into the mundane world outside of the trip. Terrible grammar- whatever. I will not proof read! So now I'm back home, I left on a high note and I feel a little thrown back to square one. I'm not heartbroken, just a little heart"sore". I don't feel used, I dunno. I think I'm just happy that I finally am comfortable with admitting I will fight for someone. I'm not ashamed, I am willing to put myself in the line of fire and try. I want him, as a sweet, happy little confidant. Lol what does that mean. I don't know. More later :) I'm happy but void. But I like feeling alive | ||||||||
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2008 |
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| I have always been a generally happy, content person, but have recently been so overwhelmingly stressed out that the 2 fronts have met an placed a tidy little hurricane over me. The continued discontent has been quite a kink in the woodwork of my life- but it seems like maybe the eye has approached.. If not the end. To be safe I will assume it is the eye.. If my test went well which I think it did then things are improving. Schools out wednesday, keeping occupied until I escape up to the northeast for a little while. Not scared of going, but deffinatly intrigued. What shall a step outside the box of normalcy bring? Hmm.. heh. We shall see. | ||||||||
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| Monday, March 24th, 2008 |
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Secrets are not healthy, and that is why I was unhappy at a time in my life. The release of reversing my typically introverted tendencies helps take some of the strain off my heart (I said heart instead of brain because a whimsical little rhyme like that would have 'reaked havoc on my point.) Whatevs. So for now a slight, temporary peace has slid over me. Thatll do for a few hours, thatll do. |
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Secrets are not healthy, and that is why I was unhappy at a time in my life. The release of reversing my typically introverted tendencies helps take some of the strain off my heart (I said heart instead of brain because a whimsical little rhyme like that would have 'reaked havoc on my point.) Whatevs. So for now a slight, temporary peace has slid over me. Thatll do for a few hours, thatll do. |
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Of course I would feel perpetually unsatisfied if I am only happy with perfection. But what can I do? expect less from myself? Doing less then perfect isn't the best and therefore it's failure. I am just so tired today that all tasks seem tremendous. Even a full nights sleep can make me rested. What's the dealll. Its just the aries in me. Headstrong and determined. |
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 |
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28 28 28 28 28. why is it that i am suddenly endowed with the infallible ability to improvise beautiful lyrics when i am alone in the confine of my comfy little car? it seems all to cruel and or ironic that i can be blessed with a gift that i cannot ever get to share with anyone else. i sing and i rhyme and pour my heart into a song, and it's almost as if once the lights in the car go on to signify the door opening, the words are washed away by the dim glow. heh. it's like the phrase about having your cake and eating it too..but i hate that because it really dosent make sense. maybe it's more like being stunning but photographing horribly. but thats also not an adequate metaphor because is something as intrinsic as a photo enough to prove you arent pretty? is evidence the only deciding factor? do either of those questions make sense? i have never been able to write in a diary or a journal. and blurtys were "all the rage" ;) back in middle school. but i feel i am shortchanging myself on living and never remembering some of the truly remakrable thoughts that go on in my head. it isnt fair to me, and it isnt fair to my thoughts- some of which that deserve to be heard. i vow to never proof read these entries, spend to much time correcting spelling or grammar, or worrying if someone will ever see them. this is my brain; abridged. and for the time being, i am just fine with that. :) |
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Blurty for buddy.
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okay.
groggy.
anxious.
calm.
contemplative.